The Unicorn and the Wasp
Grounds…
The Tardis materialises just inside the grounds of a grand old manor house.
"Oh, smell that air. Grass and lemonade. And a little bit of mint. A hint of mint. Must be the nineteen twenties." The Doctor said.
"You can tell what year it is just by smelling?" Donna asked.
"Oh, yeah."
"Or maybe that big vintage car coming up the drive gave it away."
"Yeah." Rika said, as an open topped tourer turns on the gravel in front of the house and sounds its horn. "Very vintage. You know what, I'm glad you brought us along."
"Same." Keiko said, as two servants come out, the butler and a footman. "What are we gonna do today?"
"The Professor's baggage, Richard. Step lively." Greeves said, as the older driver gets out and removes his goggles. "Good afternoon, Professor Peach."
"Hello, Greeves, old man." Peach said, and the young vicar rides up on his bicycle. "Ah, Reverend."
"Professor Peach. Beautiful day. The Lord's in his heaven, all's right with the world." Golightly said.
"Reverend Golightly. Lady Eddison requests you make yourselves comfortable in your rooms. Cocktails will be served on the lawn from half past four." Greeves said.
"You go on up. I need check something in the library." Peach said.
"Oh?" Golightly asked.
"Alone."
"It's supposed to be a party. All this work will be the death of you."
The Doctor, Donna, Jared, Rika, and Keiko are eavesdropping in the shrubbery.
"Never mind Planet Zog. A party in the nineteen twenties, that's more like it." Donna said.
"The trouble is, we haven't been invited. Oh, I forgot. Yes, we have." The Doctor said.
TARDIS wardrobe…
"What are you gonna wear?" Keiko asked, wearing a red dress.
"I don't know." Rika said, as she is searching through the massive wardrobe. "Maybe something pink. Hey! Can you get me…"
The TARDIS laid down the dress Rika wanted and the brunette put it on.
(Jared's POV)
Grounds...
The Doctor knocks on the Tardis door with me standing next to him.
"We'll be late for cocktails." The Doctor said, and I have my phone out to watch the latest Nintendo Direct. "And put that thing away."
"But Xenoblade Chronicles Definitive Edition…" I said, looking at the Doctor with puppy dog eyes.
"We'll pick it up later. After this party."
"Yay! Thanks, Spaceman."
Donna has changed into a beaded dress suitable for the period, and Rika and Keiko have dresses suitable for the time period too. The Doctor is already The Man in the Brown Suit, and I'm wearing a suit consisting of a bow tie and tweed jacket.
"What do you think? Flapper or slapper?" Donna asked.
"Flapper. You look lovely." The Doctor said.
Lawns…
The young footman starts a record playing while the Indian housekeeper gives orders.
"Look sharp. We have guests." Chandrakala said.
"Good afternoon." The Doctor said.
"Drinks, gentlemen? Ladies?" Davenport asked.
"Sidecar, please." Donna said.
"And a lime and soda, thank you." The Doctor said.
"I want this for my drink. These are the ingredients. English Breakfast Black Tea, milk, a lot of sweeteners, ice, and tapioca balls. Thank you." I said, looking at the man. "And get my girls here some Shirley Temples."
The man then walked away.
"May I announce Lady Clemency Eddison." Greeves said.
Lady Eddison is a petite older woman.
"Lady Eddison." The Doctor said.
"Forgive me, but who exactly might you be, and what are you doing here?" Clemency asked.
"I'm the Doctor. And this is Miss Donna Noble, of the Chiswick Nobles." The Doctor said.
"I'm Jared." I said, looking at Clemency. "And this is Keiko Ayano and Rika Shinozaki, of the Aincrad Castle."
Donna puts on a posh accent and drops a curtsey, "Good afternoon, my lady. Topping day, what? Spiffing. Top hole."
"No, don't do that." Keiko said, sadly. "It doesn't look right."
The Doctor shows the psychic paper to Lady Eddison, "We were thrilled to receive your invitation, my lady. We met at the Ambassador's reception."
"Doctor, how could I forget you? But one must be sure with the Unicorn on the loose." Clemency said.
"A unicorn? Brilliant. Where?" The Doctor asked.
"I don't think she means an actual unicorn." Rika said. "1920s, it has to be a jewel thief. But who would have the name of the Unicorn?"
"Nobody knows who he is. He's just struck again. Snatched Lady Babbington's pearls right from under her nose." Clemency said.
"Funny place to wear pearls." Donna said.
"May I announce Colonel Hugh Curbishley, the Honourable Roger Curbishley." Greeves said, as Roger is pushing his father's wheelchair.
"My husband, and my son." Clemency said.
"Forgive me for not rising. Never been the same ever since that flu epidemic back in eighteen." Curbishley said.
"My word, you are a super lady." Roger said.
"Oh, I like the cut of your jib. Chin, chin." Donna said.
"Hello. I'm the Doctor." The Doctor said.
"How do you do?" Roger asked.
"This place is Asuna's level." Rika said. "These people are made with money."
"We're trying to blend in." Keiko said, sadly.
"We are." I said, looking at Keiko. "Man, I wonder where the appetizers are."
"Hungry? At a time line this?" Rika asked.
"Yup."
"Robina Redmond." Greeves said, as a fashionable young woman is entering the backyard.
"She's the absolute hit of the social scene. A must. Miss Redmond." Clemency said.
"Spiffing to meet you at last, my lady. What super fun." Robina said.
"Reverend Arnold Golightly." Greeves said.
"Ah, Reverend. How are you? I heard about the church last Thursday night. Those ruffians breaking in." Clemency said.
"You apprehended them, I hear." Curbishley said.
"As the Christian Fathers taught me, we must forgive them their trespasses. Quite literally." Golightly said.
"Some of these young boys deserve a decent thrashing." Roger said.
"Couldn't agree more, sir." Davenport said.
"Typical. All the decent men are on the other bus." Donna said.
"Or Time Lords." The Doctor said.
"You said that she would be coming." Rika said, her hand on her hip. "Where is she?"
"Here she is. A lady who needs no introduction." Clemency said.
A thirty-something woman is embarrassed by the applause.
"No, no, please, don't. Thank you, Lady Eddison. Honestly, there's no need." Agatha said, as she approached us. "Agatha Christie."
"What about her?" Rika asked.
"That's me." Agatha said.
"No. You're kidding." Donna said.
"Wait, so you weren't lying when you said that we would meet Agatha Christie." Keiko said, smiling.
"Nope." I said, happily.
"Agatha Christie. I was just talking about you the other day. I said, I bet she's brilliant. I'm the Doctor. This is Donna, Jared, Keiko, and Rika. Oh, I love your stuff. What a mind. You fool me every time. Well, almost every time. Well, once or twice. Well, once. But it was a good once." The Doctor said.
"Why didn't you get Kako or Umika?" Rika asked, looking at me.
"Because they would fangirl." I said, eating some pigs in a blanket. "Yes, I did stock up on these."
"You and food." Keiko said, sadly. "I find it nice how you're always eating."
"I am hungry after all."
"You know, I would love to have a high metabolism like you."
"Silica, you have an amazing singing voice."
"Mrs Christie, I'm so glad you could come. I'm one of your greatest followers. I've read all six of your books. Er, is, er, Mister Christie not joining us?" Clemency asked.
"Is he needed? Can't a woman make her own way in the world?" Agatha asked.
"Don't give my wife ideas." Curbishley said.
"Now Mrs Christie, I have a question. Why a Belgian detective?" Roger asked.
The Doctor borrows the Colonel's newspaper, "Excuse me, Colonel."
"Silica, Lisbeth, ready for Clue?" I asked, smiling.
"Yeah!" Keiko and Rika said, at the same time.
"So, when will it start?" Keiko asked.
"A couple of minutes." I said, happily.
"Let's not be disappointed here." Rika said.
"The date on this newspaper." The Doctor said.
"What about it?" Donna asked.
"It's the day Agatha Christie disappeared."
"You know, I love me a good game of Clue." I said, smiling. "The last time I played it, was maybe at a cruise with family."
"She'd just discovered her husband was having an affair." The Doctor said.
"You'd never think to look at her, smiling away." Donna said.
"Well, she's British." Rika said, smirking. "And she's made of money. Full of it. That's what they do. They carry on."
"Except for this one time. No one knows exactly what happened. She just vanished. Her car will be found tomorrow morning by the side of a lake. Ten days later, Agatha Christie turns up in a hotel in Harrogate. Said she'd lost her memory. She never spoke about the disappearance till the day she died, but whatever it was." The Doctor said.
"It's about to happen." Keiko said, frowning.
"Right here, right now." I said, holding Keiko's hand.
"Professor! The library! Murder! Murder!" Chandrakala said, terrified.
Library...
The Doctor enters, followed by Donna, Keiko, Rika, Agatha, and I. He goes to the body.
"Oh, my goodness." Greeves said.
"Bashed on the head. Blunt instrument. Watch broke as he fell. Time of death was quarter past four." The Doctor said, going through the papers on the desk.
"A bit of pipe. Call me Hercules Poirot, but I reckon that's blunt enough." Donna said.
"Oh, right, this is Clue." Keiko said, when Agatha finds a piece of burnt paper in the grate and puts it in her bag. "Um, is this how it was made?"
"Nothing worth killing for in that lot. Dry as dust." The Doctor said.
"Hold on. The Body In The Library? I mean, Professor Peach, in the library, with the lead piping?" Donna asked.
The other guests force their way in.
"This isn't good, is it?" Keiko asked.
"Nope." I said, leaning against the wall. "And I know what happens throughout the day."
"Will you be able to stop it?"
"Maybe. I am hopeful after all. I still have a bit of it."
"That's good at least."
"Someone should call the police." Agatha said.
���You don't have to. Chief Inspector Smith from Scotland Yard, known as the Doctor. And this is Constable Jared Shay, my partner in crime. Miss Noble, Miss Ayano, and Miss Shinozaki are the plucky young girls who helps us out." The Doctor said, flashing the psychic paper again.
"I say." Clemency said.
"Mrs Christie was right. Go into the sitting room. Jared, Rika, and I will question each of you in turn."
"Come along. Do as the Doctor says. Leave the room undisturbed." Agatha said, leading the others away.
"The plucky young girls who helps us out?" Rika asked, looking at the Doctor.
"Policewomen didn't exist in 1926." I said, laughing a little. "It's kind of a shame really. I don't know if magical girls were around during this time."
"Rika and I will pluck you in a minute." Donna said, angrily.
"Why can't we call the real police?" Keiko asked.
"Well the last thing we want is PC Plod sticking his nose in, especially now I've found this. Morphic residue." The Doctor said, scraping some gunge off the floorboards.
"Morphic? Doesn't sound very 1926." Donna said.
"It's left behind when certain species genetically re-encode."
"The murderer's an alien?"
"Which means one of that lot is an alien in human form."
"Yeah, but think about it. There's a murder, a mystery, and Agatha Christie."
"So what?" I asked. "It happens to us all the time, super temp."
"No, but isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders. Not really. I mean, that's like meeting Charles Dickens and he's surrounded by ghosts at Christmas." Donna said.
"Well." The Doctor said.
"Oh, come on! It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy. Could we? Noddy's not real. Is he? Tell me there's no Noddy." Donna said.
"There's no Noddy." The Doctor said, as we followed him out of the library.
Outside the library…
"Next thing you know, the both of you will be telling me it's like Murder On The Orient Express, and they all did it." Donna said.
"Murder on the Orient Express?" Agatha asked.
"Ooo, yeah. One of your best." Donna said.
"Not yet, Donna." I said, smiling. "Too early. Wrong point."
"Marvellous idea, though." Agatha said.
"Yeah. Tell you what. Copyright Donna Noble, okay?" Donna asked.
"Anyway. Agatha, Jared, Rika, and I will question the suspects. Donna, you and Keiko search the bedrooms. Look for clues." The Doctor said, looking between Donna and Keiko. "Any more residue. You'll need this."
A large magnifying glass.
"Is that for real?" Donna asked.
"Go on. You're ever so plucky." The Doctor said, as Donna takes the magnifying glass and goes upstairs with Keiko. "Right then. Solving a murder mystery with Agatha Christie. Brilliant."
"This is gonna be fun." I said, happily. "And I know who did it."
"How like men to have fun while there's disaster all around them." Agatha said, looking between the Doctor and I.
"Sorry. Yeah." The Doctor said.
"I'll work with the both of you, gladly, but for the sake of justice, not your own amusement." Agatha said.
"Yeah." The Doctor said.
(Open POV)
Sitting room…
The Doctor, Jared, and Rika are conducting individual interviews as Agatha takes notes.
"Now then, Reverend. Where were you at a quarter past four?" The Doctor asked.
"Let me think. Why yes, I remember. I was unpacking in my room." Golightly said.
"It looks like you have no alibi." Rika said, smirking. "Were you alone?"
"With the Lord, one is never truly alone, Doctor?" Golightly asked.
And on to the next suspect.
"So, where were you, Roger?" Jared asked, eating more of the chocolate chip cookies.
"Let me think. I was. Oh, yes. I was taking a constitutional in the fields behind the house. Just taking a stroll, that's all." Roger said.
"Alone?" The Doctor asked.
"Oh, yes, all alone. Totally alone. Absolutely alone. Completely. All of the time." Roger said, and in his memory, he meets Davenport, the pretty young footman, and goes off with him, hand in hand. "I wandered lonely as the proverbial cloud. There was no one else with me. Not at all. Not ever."
Next.
"And where were you?" Rika asked.
"At a quarter past four. Well, I went to the toilet when I arrived, and then er. Oh, yes, I remember. I was preparing myself." Robina said, and she is checking a small revolver she is carrying in her little bag. "Positively buzzing with excitement about the party and the super fun of meeting Lady Eddy."
"We've only got your word for it." The Doctor said.
"That's your problem, not mine."
Then it is the turn of...
"And where were you, sir?" The Doctor asked.
"Quarter past four? Dear me, let me think. Ah, yes, I remember. I was in me study, reading through some military memoirs. Fascinating stuff." Curbishley said, as he is looking at pictures of young ladies dressed only in a string of pearls, actually. "Took me back to my days in the army. Started reminiscing. Mafeking, you know. Terrible war."
"Can-can." Jared said, laughing at what he is laughing. "Even so, it doesn't beat girl bands or idol groups."
"Colonel, snap out of it." Rika said.
"I was in me study…" Curbishley said.
"No, no, no. Right out of it." The Doctor said.
"Oh, sorry. Got a bit carried away there."
Next.
"And where were you at a quarter past four, my lady?" The Doctor asked.
"Now, let me see. Yes, I remember. I was sitting in the Blue Room, taking my afternoon tea." Clemency said, as she remembered draining a hip flask of its contents. "It's a ritual of mine. I needed to gather strength for the duty of hostess. I then proceeded to the lawn where I met you, Doctor, Jared, and I said, who exactly might you be and what are you doing here? And Doctor, you said, I am the Doctor and this is Miss Donna Noble…"
"Yes, yes. You can stop now. We were there for that bit."
"Of course." Clemency said, getting a bit of the hiccups. "Excuse me."
Later, the two detectives are pacing, as Jared is listening to some music with Rika.
"There aren't any alibis." Rika said, as Yuuna Shigemura is playing through the AirPods she is sharing with Jared. "Why are you into J Pop?"
"You Japanese knows where it's at for pop music." Jared said, happily.
"I never knew our music choice is good."
"It is good, Rika. What other songs do you want to listen to?"
"How about music played in the West?"
"Oh, um, I kinda forgot what's popular."
"For such an experienced detective, you missed a big clue." Agatha said.
"What, that bit of paper you nicked out the fire?" The Doctor asked.
"You were looking the other way."
"Yeah, but I saw you reflected in the glass of the bookcase."
"You crafty man. This is all that was left." Agatha said, as the charred fragment says aiden.
"What's that first letter? N or M?"
"Doctor, you really are stupid." Jared said, looking at the Doctor. "It's maiden."
"Maiden! What does that mean?"
"We're still no further forward. Our Nemesis remains at large. Unless Miss Noble and Miss Ayano have found something." Agatha said.
Upstairs corridor...
Donna and Keiko have found a locked door. The butler sneaks up behind them.
"You won't find anything in there." Greeves said.
"Um, why is the door locked?" Keiko asked.
"Lady Eddison commands it to be so."
"And we command it to be otherwise. Scotland Yard. Pip, pip." Donna said, as Greeves unlocks the door. "Why's it locked in the first place?"
"Many years ago, when my father was butler to the family, Lady Eddison returned from India with malaria. She locked herself in this room for six months until she recovered. Since then, the room has remained undisturbed."
Child's bedroom...
The curtains are drawn. A teddy sits at the bottom of the little bed.
"There's nothing in here." Greeves said.
"How long has this room been empty?" Keiko asked.
"Forty years."
"Why would she seal it off? All right, we need to investigate. You just butle off." Donna said, closing the door and starts to look around with Keiko.
"There's a bee." Keiko said, hearing an insect buzzing around. "Where is it?"
"1926, they've still got bees. Oh, what a noise. All right, busy bee, I'll let you out. Hold on, I shall find you with my amazing powers of detection." Donna said, pulling the curtains open to reveal a giant wasp outside.
"What the…" Keiko said, as the giant wasp smashed through the window. "What?!"
"That's impossible." Donna said.
"It is." Keiko said.
Donna and Keiko backs up to the broken window.
"Doctor!" Donna said, holding up the magnifying glass and focuses the bright sunshine onto the insect.
The pain gives Donna and Keiko the chance to run out of the room.
Upstairs corridor…
"Doctor!" Donna said. "Jared!"
"Rika!" Keiko said, and the wasp's sting comes through the wooden door.
The Doctor, Agatha, Jared, and Rika arrive.
"What's wrong?" Rika asked. "Silica, you can tell me."
"It's a giant wasp." Keiko said, sadly.
"What do you mean, a giant wasp?" The Doctor asked.
"She means, a wasp that's giant." Donna said.
"It's only a silly little insect." Agatha said.
"When we say giant, we don't mean big, we mean flipping enormous! Look at its sting." Donna said.
"Let me see." The Doctor said.
Child's bedroom…
"There goes the Wasp." Jared said, looking around. "It flew away. I totally saw that coming. You almost roasted it, super temp."
"But that's fascinating…" Agatha said.
"Don't touch it. Don't touch it. Let me…" The Doctor said, scooping some gunk from the stinger into a test tube with a pencil. "Giant wasp. Well, tons of amorphous insectivorous lifeforms, but none in this galactic vector."
"I think I understood some of those words. Enough to know that you're completely potty." Agatha said.
"Well, it looks like it lost its sting." Rika said, her hand on her hip. "It's defenseless now."
"Oh, a creature this size? Got to be able to grow a new one." The Doctor said.
"Can we return to sanity? There are no such things as giant wasps." Agatha said.
"Exactly. So. The question is, what's it doing here?"
Jared's dream...
"Quite right, too. And I suppose, if it's one last chance to say it, Rose Tyler..." Holo-Doctor said, vanishing along with Holo-Jared.
"Do you believe in destiny?" Pyrrha asked.
"PYRRHAAAAAA!!!!" Ruby said, as the white light envelopes her, spreading out to the Wyvern and Cinder.
"Crap!" Jared said, using the nanotechnology from his super suit to turn the hard copy of Ember Celica into a copy of Elucidator. "You son of a bitch!"
"Get away from her!" Yang said, as mad as Jared.
"No...please..." Blake said, reaching out helplessly, whispering.
Ianto updates the personnel files as Jack packs Owen's personal items. Final logout procedure Dr Owen Harper. Are you sure you want to continue? Yes.
Gwen packs up Toshiko's things. Final logout procedure Toshiko Sato. Are you sure you want to continue? Yes.
"Okay. So, if you're seeing this, I guess it means, I'm, well, dead. Hope it was impressive. Not crossing the road or an incident with a toaster. I just wanted to say, it's okay. It really is. Jack, you saved me. You showed me all the wonders of the universe and all those possibilities, and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you. And Owen, you never knew. I love you. All of you. And I hope I did good." Tosh said, on the monitor.
Message ends.
"Now we carry on." Jack said.
"I don't think I can, not after this." Gwen said.
"You can. We all can. The end is where we start from." Jack said.
"You're my daughter, and we've only just got started. You're going to be great. You're going to be more than great. You're going to be amazing. You hear me? Jenny?" The Doctor asked, and Jenny dies in his arms. "Two hearts. Two hearts. She's like me. If we wait. If we just wait."
Outside the kitchen...
Miss Chandrakala goes outside and along the gravel path to the main part of the house. As she rounds a corner, there is a grating sound. She stops and looks up, and a stone gargoyle falls on her. Her scream is heard indoors. She is still alive when the Doctor, Donna, Agatha, Jared, Rika, and Keiko get to her.
"The poor little child." Chandrakala said, dying.
They hear buzzing.
"There!" The Doctor said, as the wasp has grown a new stinger already. "Come on!"
Staircase…
They run up the stairs.
"Hey, this makes a change. There's a monster, and we're chasing it." Donna said.
"It can't be a monster. It's a trick. They Do It With Mirrors." Agatha said.
Upstairs corridor...
"By all that's holy." Agatha said.
"Oh, but you are wonderful. Now, just stop. Stop there." The Doctor said.
"Wow." Keiko said, as the wasp lunges at them, scarring the wall with its stinger.
"Oi, fly boy." Donna said, holding up the magnifying glass and it retreats.
"Don't let it get away! Quick, before it reverts back to human form. Where are you? Come on. There's nowhere to run. Show yourself!" The Doctor said, and every door opens and someone steps out. "Oh, that's just cheating."
Drawing room…
"Why did that happen?" Rika asked, looking at Jared.
"Like I said, this is Clue." Jared said, still snacking on his chocolate chip cookies.
"Who will die next?" Keiko asked.
"She said, the poor little child. Does that mean anything to anyone?" The Doctor asked.
"No children in this house for years. Highly unlikely there will be." Curbishley said.
"Mrs Christie, you must have twigged something. You've written simply the best detective stories." Clemency said.
"Tell us, what would Poirot do?" Golightly asked.
"Heavens sake. Cards On The Table, woman. You should be helping us." Curbishley said.
"But, I'm merely a writer." Agatha said.
"But surely you can crack it. These events, they're exactly like one of your plots." Robina said.
"That's what I've been saying. Agatha, that's got to mean something." Donna said.
"But what? I've no answers. None. I'm sorry, all of you. I'm truly sorry, but I've failed. If anyone can help us, then it's the Doctor, not me." Agatha said, leaving the room.
"So, what are we gonna do?" Rika asked. "It's not like we can solve this."
Hallway...
"Well, I know the answer to all this." Jared said, still eating the chocolate chip cookies.
"Um, who did it?" Keiko asked.
"The Wasp."
"That doesn't help."
"I know."
"Will you give us any hints?" Rika asked.
"I just did."
"How does that giant wasp help?"
"It does."
"It doesn't." Keiko said, sadly.
"I want this day to speed up." Jared said, finishing up the cookies to eat some pork buns. "What? I'm hungry."
"Pork buns?"
"Yeah."
Sitting room...
The Doctor opens the case. It is full of lock-picking tools, "Ooo. Someone came here tooled up. The sort of stuff a thief would use."
"It looks like the Unicorn is here." Rika said, crossing her arms.
"The Unicorn and the wasp." Jared said, smiling. "That sounds like a book title. I love it."
Greeves enters, "Your drinks, ladies. Gentlemen."
"Very good, Greeves." The Doctor said, and Greeves leaves.
"So, what's the plan?" Rika asked.
"We solve this case." Jared said, sipping on his milk tea. "Man, I haven't had one in a while."
"What flavor did you go with?" Keiko asked.
"But for some reason, this one's behaving like a character in one of your books." The Doctor said.
"Come on, Agatha. What would Miss Marple do? She'd have overheard something vital by now, because the murderer thinks she's just a harmless old lady." Donna said.
"Clever idea. Miss Marple? Who writes those?" Agatha asked.
"Er, copyright Donna Noble. Add it to the list." Donna said.
"Silica, Lisbeth." Jared said, looking at the two SAO survivors. "And Donna, don't add…"
"Okay, we could split the copyright." Donna said.
"Gah! I should have seen this sooner! I've been poisoned!" Jared said, while he nearly doubled in pain. "
"Wait, what do we do?" Keiko asked, looking at Rika.
"How am I supposed to know?" Rika asked.
Agatha sniffs Jared's drink, "Bitter almonds. It's cyanide. Sparkling Cyanide. Mixed with milk, tea, ice, and tapioca balls."
"Girls, bring me to the kitchen. Now!" Jared said, with Keiko and Rika supporting him from falling.
Kitchen...
Jared staggers in and the Doctor grabs Davenport.
"Soda!" The Doctor said, looking at the man.
"I beg your pardon?" Davenport asked.
"He needs soda." Keiko said, frowning.
"Come on, Keiko, help me." Rika said, searching the kitchen for a bottle of Coke to give to Jared.
"I'm an expert in poisons. Doctor, Jared, there's no cure. It's fatal." Agatha said, running towards the Doctor and Jared.
Jared drank the whole bottle of Coke but he threw it up, and his stomach is still hurting, "I can somehow stop it. Rika, peanut butter! It's the protein I need."
"Peanuts?" Rika asked, running towards Jared to take some out of his pocket. "They're honey roasted."
"Thank you." Jared said, filling his mouth with the Planters peanuts.
"I can't understand you. How many words? One. One word. Shake. Milk shake. Milk? Milk? No, not milk? Shake, shake, shake. Cocktail shaker. What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?" Donna asked, as Jared is miming words in front of her, the Doctor, Rika, and Keiko.
"Harvey Wallbanger?" Keiko asked.
"Well, I don't know." Donna said, angrily.
"How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?" Rika asked. "It's two!"
"What do you need, Jared?" Agatha asked.
"Its salt, or sodium chloride. That's what I was miming." Jared said, after he swallowed the honey roasted peanuts. "It was too obvious. Get me something salty!"
"What about this?" Donna asked, running up to Jared with a whole bag of salt.
"What's that?" Jared asked.
"Salt."
"That's too salty." The Doctor said, looking at Donna. "He doesn't need that, Donna."
"Oh, that's too salty." Donna said, running away.
"How about this?" Rika asked, taking out a bag of chips out of Jared's pocket.
"What's that?" Donna asked, looking at what Rika is holding.
"Potato chips."
Jared downs the contents of the bag.
"What is it? What else? It's a song? Mammy? I don't know. Camptown Races?" Donna asked, looking at what Jared is miming.
"Camptown Races?" The Doctor asked.
"Well, all right then, Towering Inferno."
"I need a shock. And Donna, there is no way you're kissing me." Jared said, opening up a portal for Jeanne d'Arc to come through from the ceiling. "Hello, Tart."
"Jared?" Jeanne asked. "Are you okay?"
"I need a shock."
Jeanne grabbed Jared and kisses him long and hard. When she releases him, smoke comes from his mouth, "Was that the reason you got me away from Iroha and Yachiyo?"
"Yeah." Jared said, looking at Tart. "I haven't met you properly yet. Maybe someday. Thanks for the detox. I should do that more often."
Jared opened up another portal for Tart to go back to the time and place he yanked her from.
"Doctor, you and Jared are impossible. Who are the both of you?" Agatha asked.
Dining room...
Night has fallen, and thunder and lightning crash overhead. The hosts and guests are on the soup course. There is a vase of Yellow Irises on the table.
"A terrible day for all of us. The Professor struck down, Miss Chandrakala taken cruelly from us, and yet we still take dinner." The Doctor said.
"We are British, Doctor. What else must we do?" Clemency asked.
"And someone tried to poison me." Jared said, eating more pork buns. "Not happy about that, by the way."
"Any one of you had the chance to put cyanide in his drink. But it rather gave me an idea." The Doctor said.
"And what would that be?" Golightly asked.
"Well, poison. Drink up. I've laced the soup with pepper."
"Ah, I thought it was jolly spicy." Curbishley said.
"But the active ingredient of pepper is piperine, traditionally used as an insecticide. So, anyone got the shivers?" The Doctor asked.
"Talk about scary." Rika said, and on cue, there is a crash of thunder and the windows blow open, extinguishing the candles. "This isn't gonna end well."
"What the deuce is that?" Curbishley asked.
"Listen, listen, listen, listen." The Doctor said, hearing the buzzing.
"It's the Wasp!" Keiko said, shocked.
"No, it can't be." Clemency said, as lightning illuminates the room.
"Show yourself, demon." Agatha said.
"Nobody move. No, don't! Stay where you are." The Doctor said, while the wasp is there. Chaos and panic. "Out, out, out, out, out, out!"
Outside the dining room…
Everyone scatters except the Doctor, Donna, Agatha, Greeves, Jared, Rika, and Keiko.
Jared takes a sword from the panelled wall, "Agatha Christie, you're staying alive. You have a long life ahead of you. You're not leaving"
"Well, we know the butler didn't do it." Donna said.
"Then who did?" Keiko asked.
Dining room…
Actually, it looks like everyone else is still there. The Colonel is on the floor, wheelchair overturned.
"My jewelry. The Firestone, it's gone. Stolen." Clemency said.
"Roger." Davenport said.
Roger has his face in his soup bowl and a large knife in his back.
"My son. My child." Clemency said.
(Jared's POV)
Drawing room…
The Doctor, Agatha, Rika, Keiko, and I are quiet. Donna enters, "That poor footman. Roger's dead and he can't even mourn him. 1926? It's more like the dark ages."
"Did you ask about the necklace?" Rika asked.
"Lady Eddison bought it back from India. It's worth thousands." Donna said.
"In 2009, it's half a billion pounds." I said, typing up the conversion on my watch. "And in 2023, it would be over a billion yen."
"Wow." Keiko said, her eyes widening.
"This thing can sting, it can fly. It could wipe us all out in seconds. Why is it playing this game?" The Doctor asked.
"Every murder is essentially the same. They are committed because somebody wants something." Agatha said.
"What does a Vespiform want?" The Doctor asked.
"Honey." Rika said, smirking.
"Doctor, stop it. The murderer is as human as you or I." Agatha said.
"You're right. Ah, I've been so caught up with giant wasps that I've forgotten. You're the expert." The Doctor said.
"I'm not. I told you. I'm just a purveyor of nonsense."
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because plenty of people write detective stories, but yours are the best. And why? Why are you so good, Agatha Christie? Because you understand. You've lived, you've fought, you've had your heart broken. You know about people. Their passions, their hope, and despair, and anger. All of those tiny, huge things that can turn the most ordinary person into a killer. Just think, Agatha. If anyone can solve this, it's you."
Later, everyone is gathered for the traditional denouement.
"I've called you here on this Endless Night, because we have a murderer in our midst. And when it comes to detection, there's none finer. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Agatha Christie." The Doctor said.
"This is A Crooked House. A house of secrets. To understand the solution, we must examine them all. Starting with you, Miss Redmond." Agatha said.
"But I'm innocent, surely?" Robina asked.
"Nope, you're not innocent." I said, walking around the room. "You've never met these people, and they never met you. The real Robina Redmond never left London. You're impersonating her."
"How silly. What proof do you have?"
"You told us you want to the toilet. Super temp?" I asked, looking at Donna.
"Oh, I know this. If she was really posh, she'd say loo." Donna said.
Agatha picks up the locksmith's case, "Earlier today, Miss Noble and I found this on the lawn, right beneath your bathroom window. You must have heard that Miss Noble and Miss Ayano were searching the bedrooms, so you panicked. You ran upstairs and disposed of the evidence."
"I've never seen that thing before in my life." Robina said.
"What's inside it?" Clemency asked.
"It's a tool kit. Ones people would use for their car." I said, leaning against the wall. "Like Miss Redmond or use, or is your name the Unicorn? Oh, it is, isn't it?"
"You came to this house with one sole intention. To steal the Firestone." Rika said, adding onto my point.
"Oh, all right then. It's a fair cop. Yes, I'm the bleeding Unicorn. Ever so nice to meet you, I don't think. I took my chance in the dark and nabbed it. Go on then, you knobs. Arrest me. Sling me in jail." Robina said, in a cockney accent.
Robina throws the necklace to the Doctor.
"So, is she the murderer?" Keiko asked.
"Don't be so thick. I might be a thief, but, well, I ain't no killer." Robina said.
"Quite. There are darker motives at work. And in examining this household, we come to you, Colonel." Agatha said.
"This is a lot of fun." Keiko said, happily.
"It is." I said, smiling. "I knew you would like this."
"Kako and Umika would too."
"Why didn't you bring them along again?" Rika asked.
"Umika would have ruined the fun for the Doctor. On top of me." I said, sadly.
"Er, actually I had no idea. I was just going to say you're completely innocent." Agatha said.
"Oh. Oh." Curbishley said.
"Sorry."
"Well. Well, shall I sit down then?"
"I think you better had."
"So he's not the murderer." Donna said.
"Indeed, not. To find the truth, let's return to this." Agatha said, looking at the Firestone. "Far more than the Unicorn's object of desire. The Firestone has quite a history. Lady Eddison."
"I've done nothing." Clemency said.
"You brought it back from India, did you not? Before you met the Colonel. You came home with malaria, and confined yourself to this house for six months, in a room that has been kept locked ever since, which I rather think means…"
"Stop, please."
"I'm so sorry. But you had fallen pregnant in India. Unmarried and ashamed, you hurried back to England with your confidante, a young maid later to become housekeeper. Miss Chandrakala."
"This is Clue!" Keiko said, happily.
"With an alien twist." Rika said.
"So, who's the murderer?"
"I don't know. But Jared might be right here."
"And it was no ordinary pregnancy." I said, letting out a sigh.
"How can you know that?" Clemency asked.
"Excuse me Agatha, this is my territory. But when you heard that buzzing sound in the dining room, you said, it can't be. Why did you say that?" The Doctor asked.
"You'd never believe it." Clemency said.
"The Doctor and Jared have opened my mind to believe many things." Agatha said.
"It was forty years ago, in the heat of Delhi, late one night. I was alone, and that's when I saw it. A dazzling light in the sky. The next day, he came to the house. Christopher, the most handsome man I'd ever seen. Our love blazed like a wildfire. I held nothing back. And in return he showed me the incredible truth about himself. He'd made himself human, to learn about us. This was his true shape." Clemency said, thinking about a giant wasp. "I loved him so much, it didn't matter. But he was stolen from me. 1885, the year of the great monsoon. The river Jumna rose up and broke its banks. He was Taken At The Flood. But Christopher left me a parting gift. A jewel like no other. I wore it always. Part of me never forgot. I kept it close, always."
"Just like a man. Flashes his family jewels and you end up with a bun in the oven." Robina said.
"A poor little child. Forty years ago, Miss Chandrakala took that newborn babe to an orphanage. But Professor Peach worked it out. He found the birth certificate." Agatha said.
"Oh, so that's what maiden meant. Maiden name." Keiko said, happily.
"Precisely."
"So she killed him?" Donna asked.
"I did not." Clemency said.
"Miss Chandrakala feared that the Professor had unearthed your secret. She was coming to warn you." Agatha said.
"So she killed her." Donna said.
"I did not." Clemency said.
"Lady Eddison is innocent, super temp. Even so, at this point, Spaceman." I said, walking over to Keiko to grab her hand.
"Thank you. At this point, when we consider the lies and the secrets, and the key to these events, then we have to consider it was you, Donna Noble." The Doctor said, looking at Donna.
"What? Who did I kill?" Donna asked.
"No, but you said it all along. The vital clue. This whole thing is being acted out like a murder mystery, which means it was you, Agatha Christie."
"I beg your pardon, sir?" Agatha asked.
"So she killed them?" Donna asked.
"Nope, but she wrote best selling novels. Books that Kako and Umika read back in Kamihama City in years time. Besides those two in the 21st century, there's one greatest admirer in this time period." I said, pointing my finger at Clemency. "That being Lady Eddison."
"Don't. Leave me alone." Clemency said.
"So she did kill them." Donna said.
"No, she didn't kill them." Rika said, frowning. "What were you doing last Thursday night?"
"I was I was in the library. I was reading my favourite Agatha Christie…" Clemency said.
"The Murder of Roger Ackroyd." I said, smiling. "I should get that on Amazon later."
"...thinking about her plots, and how clever she must be. How is that relevant?"
"Um, did something else happen on Thursday night?" Keiko asked, piecing things together with Rika.
"I'm sorry?" Golightly asked.
"You said on the lawn, this afternoon. Last Thursday night, those boys broke into your church." The Doctor said.
"That's correct. They did. I discovered the two of them. Thieves in the night. I was most perturbed." Golightly said. "But I apprehended them."
"Wait, a man similar to Castiel taking down two strong men?" I asked, squeezing Keiko's hand. "You're in your forties, right? Or, are you exactly forty years old?"
"Oh, my God." Clemency said.
"Lady Eddison, your child, how old would he be now?" The Doctor asked.
"Forty. He's forty." Clemency said.
"Your child's home!" Keiko said, happily.
"Oh, this is poppycock." Golightly said, angrily.
"Oh? You said you were taught by the Christian Fathers, meaning you were raised in an orphanage." The Doctor said.
"My son. Can it be?" Clemency asked.
"You found those thieves, Reverend, and you got angry. A proper, deep anger, for the first time in your life, and it broke the genetic lock. You changed." The Doctor said. "You realised your inheritance. After all these years, you knew who you were. Oh, and then it all kicks off, because this isn't just a jewel. It's a Vespiform telepathic recorder. It's part of you, your brain, your very essence. And when you activated, so did the Firestone. It beamed your full identity directly into your mind. And, at the same time, it absorbed the works of Agatha Christie directly from Lady Eddison. It all became part of you. The mechanics of those novels formed a template in your brain. You've killed, in this pattern, because that's what you think the world is. It turns out, we are in the middle of a murder mystery. One of yours, Dame Agatha."
"Dame?" Agatha asked.
"Oh. Sorry, not yet." The Doctor said.
"Um, wait, does that mean he killed them?" Keiko asked.
"It does look like it." Rika said.
"Well, this has certainly been a most entertaining evening. Really, you can't believe any of this surely, Lady Edizzon." Golightly said.
"Lady who?" The Doctor asked.
"Lady Edizzzzon."
"Little bit of buzzing there, Vicar."
"Don't make me angry."
"Why? What happens? Are you going to turn into a green rage monster that loves smashing stuff?" I asked, laughing a lot. "If so, you could totally beat the God of Thunder!"
"Damn it, you humanzz, worshipping your tribal sky godzz. I am so much more. That night, the universe exploded in my mind. I wanted to take what wazz mine. And you, Agatha Christie, with your railway station bookstall romancezz, what'z to stop me killing you?" Golightly asked.
"Oh, my dear God. My child." Clemency said.
"What'zz to stop me killing you all?"
The Reverend transforms into the wasp.
"Forgive me." Clemency said.
"No, no, Clemency, come back. Keep away. Keep away, my darling." Curbishley said.
"No. No more murder. If my imagination made you kill, then my imagination will find a way to stop you, foul creature." Agatha said, running out of the room with the Firestone.
The Doctor, Donna, Keiko, Rika, and I follow her.
Corridor…
"Oh no, it's chasing us." Keiko said, as she's being dragged by me.
Driveway…
The Doctor, Donna, Keiko, Rika, and I shut the main door. Agatha is driving the car and she hoots the horn. The wasp bursts out through the doors.
"Over here! Come and get me, Reverend." Agatha said.
"Agatha, what are you doing?" Keiko asked.
"If I started this, Miss Ayano, then I must stop it." Agatha said, driving away from us.
Agatha drives off. The wasp hesitates then follows her.
"Come on." The Doctor said.
The Doctor, Donna, Rika, Keiko, and I get into another car and give chase.
Cars…
"It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it's all my fault." Agatha said.
"Jared, didn't the Doctor say that this is the night Agatha Christie loses her memory?" Rika asked, recalling what the Doctor said.
"Time can be rewritten, Lisbeth." I said. "Tonight could be the night Agatha Christie dies. And then history changes."
"But where is she going?" Keiko asked.
Agatha passes a signpost for Silent Pool.
"The lake. She's heading for the lake. What's she doing?" The Doctor asked.
By the lake…
"Here I am, the honey in the trap. Come to me, Vespiform." Agatha said.
"She's controlling it." Donna said.
"Its mind is based on her thought processes. They're linked." The Doctor said.
"Quite so, Doctor. If I die, then this creature might die with me." Agatha said.
"Don't hurt her. You're not meant to be like this. You've got the wrong template in your mind."
"It's not listening to you." Donna said, taking the Firestone from Agatha and throws it into the lake. The wasp follows it. "How do you kill a wasp? Drown it, just like his father."
"Donna, you didn't have to do that." I said, sadly. "It couldn't help itself."
"Neither could I."
"I wish it wasn't so sad." Keiko said, as the water is bubbling purple.
"Death comes as the end, and justice is served." Agatha said.
"Murder at the Vicar's rage. Needs a bit of work." The Doctor said.
"Just one mystery left, Doctor, Jared. Who exactly are the two of you?"
"I'm a fan from the future." I said, and suddenly Agatha doubles over in pain. "I��m from another world, I protect the world from danger."
"Oh, it's the Firestone. It's part of the Vespiform's mind. It's dying and it's connected to Agatha." The Doctor said, as Agatha glows purple for a few moments. "He let her go. Right at the end, the Vespiform chose to save someone's life."
"Is she okay?" Rika asked. "I hope she doesn't die here, or anything."
"Of course. The amnesia. Wiped her mind of everything that happened. The wasp, the murders."
"And us. She'll forget about us." Donna said, smiling.
"Yeah, but we've solved another riddle. The mystery of Agatha Christie. And tomorrow morning, her car gets found by the side of a lake. A few days later, she turns up in hotel at Harrogate with no idea of what just happened." The Doctor said.
Outside the Harrogate Hotel…
Agatha has been delivered there by Tardis.
"No one will ever know what happened." I said, drinking some bubble tea.
"What about the others?" Keiko asked. "Lady Eddison, the Colonel, and all of the staff living there?"
"Shameful story. They'd never talk of it. Too British. While the Unicorn does a bunk back to London town. She can never even say she was there." The Doctor said.
"What happens to Agatha?" Donna asked.
"Oh, great life. Met another man, married again. Saw the world. Wrote and wrote and wrote."
"She never thought her books were any good, though. And she must have spent all those years wondering."
Tardis…
"Nope, I think you compared Agatha Christie to Charles Dickens, Williams Shakespeare, and Vincent Van Gogh." Rika said, her hand on her hip. "It sounds like you were trying to make a comparison."
"I was." I said, smiling. "She never forgot what happened. But she remembered the little details."
"You're right, you two. All the stuff her imagination could use. Like, Miss Marple." The Doctor said.
"I should have made her sign a contract." Donna said.
"And, where is it, where is it, hold on. Here we go." The Doctor said, pulling up a deck plate and gets out an old wooden chest. "C. That is C for Cybermen, C for Carrionites…"
"Oh, memory lane." I said, looking at the green ball and a head of Caesar. "Not so much for Caesar."
"…and Christie, Agatha. Look at that." The Doctor said, taking out a 1957 paperback edition of Death in the Clouds with a wasp on the cover.
"She remembered, how?" Keiko asked.
"Somewhere in the back of her mind, it all lingered. And that's not all. Look at the copyright page." The Doctor said.
"Facsimile edition, published in the year five billion!" Donna said, in awe.
"People never stop reading them. She is the best selling novelist of all time."
"But she never knew."
"Well, no one knows how they're going to be remembered. All we can do is hope for the best. Maybe that's what kept her writing. Same thing keeps me travelling. Onwards?" The Doctor asked, looking at Donna and I.
"Onwards." Donna said.
"These two need to get back home." I said, opening up a portal with my sling ring, that goes to 2025.
"Later, nitwits!" Rika said, walking through the portal.
"Bye." Keiko said, following Rika through the portal.
I closed the portal and opened another one to Team RNJR, "I'll see you two around. Have to check up on some things."
I entered the portal and I closed it behind me.