Let's Kill Hitler
Car...
Rory is driving through a corn field very fast. Amy is navigating by tulip symbols, like on a road rally.
"Okay, left. Sharp turn! Okay, right. No, no, no, I mean left. No, sorry, right, right. I definitely meant right. Now loop the loop." Amy said, while more corn gets crushed beneath the tyres. "Stop! Stop!"
And there, in the middle of the crop circle they have just made, is the Tardis. The Doctor comes out with Jared and Team RWBY, he is holding a copy of the Leadworth Chronicle with the headline Leadworth's Crop Circle.
"Seriously?" The Doctor asked.
"Why did you do that?" Weiss asked.
They have made the word Doctor in the field.
"Well, Doctor, you never answer your phone." Rory said.
"Okay, Doctor, Jared, you've had all summer. Have one of you found her? Have you found Melody?" Amy asked.
"No, I haven't." Jared said, sadly. "I spent a whole day looking for Oscar Pine in Argus with Team RWBY. I kinda forgot to look for Melody in the meantime."
"Fair point. I forgot how crazy things are over in Remnant."
"Permission?" The Doctor asked, looking at Rory.
"Granted." Rory said.
The Doctor gives the newspaper to Rory and hugs Amy.
"You know who she grows up to be, so you know we will find her." The Doctor said.
"But the both of you haven't yet." Amy said.
"Any, we will find her." Jared said, walking towards Amy. "I promise we will."
"Hang on. What's this bit?" Rory asked.
There is a line through the middle of their crop design in the photograph.
"That wasn't us." Amy said.
"What…" Ruby said, bewildered.
"The hell?" Yang asked.
Another car is driving towards them through the corn.
"Oh no…" Weiss said, frowning.
"This doesn't look good." Blake said.
"Argh!" Everyone said, at the same time.
They dive for safety as the Chevrolet Corvette skids to a halt by the Tardis. A young woman gets out wearing a River Song type costume.
"You said he was funny. You never said he was hot." Mels said, looking at Amy.
"Mels!" Rory said, angrily.
"What are you doing here?" Amy asked.
"Following you. What do you think?" Mels asked.
"Er, where did you get the car?" Rory asked.
"Is that the police?" Weiss asked.
Police sirens in the distance.
"It's mine…ish." Mels said, sadly.
"She stole a car." Yang said, her hand on her hip. "Wow. She screams me all the way."
"Oh, Mels, not again." Amy said, annoyed.
"You can't keep doing this. You're going to end up in prison." Rory said.
"Sorry. Hello. Doctor not following this. Doctor very lost. You never said I was hot?" The Doctor asked, looking at Amy.
"Oh boy." Jared said, laughing a lot. "This is gonna be a long day, girls."
"Is that the phone box? The bigger on the inside phone box? Oh, time travel. That's just brilliant. Yeah, I've heard a lot about you, Jared, and Team RWBY. I'm their best mate." Mels said, walking up to the TARDIS.
"Then why don't I know you? I danced with everyone at the wedding. The women were all brilliant. The men were a bit shy." The Doctor said.
"I don't do weddings." Mels said, while the sirens get closer. "And that's me out of time."
"Oh, my god!" Weiss said, shocked.
Mels pulls a gun on the Doctor.
"Mels!" Amy said, angrily.
"For God's sake!" Rory said, worried.
"What are you doing?"
"I need out of here, now." Mels said.
"A helicopter." Yang said, smirking. "Wow, she is a badass. Whoever she is."
A helicopter is coming, too.
"Anywhere in particular?" The Doctor asked, looking at Mels.
"Well, let's see. Doctor, you've got a time machine, I've got a gun. What the hell. Let's kill Hitler." Mels said, happily.
Amy's bedroom…
Back when they were children. Amelia is getting her Doctor toys out of a cardboard box.
"Is he hot?" Young Mels asked.
"No, he's funny." Amelia said.
"But how can he travel in time?"
"Because he's got a time machine, stupid."
A little boy enters.
"I thought we were playing hide and seek. I've been hiding for hours." Young Rory said.
"Well, we just haven't found you yet." Amelia said, sadly.
"Okay. Hi, Mels."
"Hi, Rory." Young Mels said.
Young Rory leaves.
Classroom…
"Mels, did you not understand the question? I'm asking you why the Titanic sank?" A female teacher asked.
"Because the Doctor didn't save it. Except you don't know about the Doctor because you're stupid." Young Mels said, annoyed.
School…
Mels leaves the Headmaster's Study.
"Why are you always in trouble? You're the most in trouble in the whole school, except for boys." Amelia said, angrily.
"And you." Young Mels said.
"I count as a boy."
Rory is blindfolded for a game that they were playing earlier, "Am I getting warm?"
"Yes, Rory." Amelia said.
Classroom…
The children are now teenagers.
"Mels?" The teacher asked.
"A significant factor in Hitler's rise to power was the fact that the Doctor didn't stop him." Mels said.
School…
After another visit to the Headmaster.
"I can't keep doing this." Amy said.
Police station...
Mels is let out of a cell. They've all left school by now.
"Mels!" Amy said, angrily.
Amy's bedroom…
"It was late. I took a bus." Mels said.
"Er, you stole a bus." Rory said.
"Who steals a bus?" Amy asked.
"I returned it." Mels said.
"You drove it through the Botanical garden." Rory said.
"Short cut." Mels said, playing with the toy TARDIS.
"Why can't you just act like a person? Like a normal legal person?" Amy asked.
"I don't know, maybe I need a Doctor."
"Stop it."
"Er, I'd better go. I'm on earlies tomorrow." Rory said.
"Okay." Amy said.
"It's all right for you. You've got Mister Perfect keeping you right." Mels said, looking at Rory.
"He's not even real. Just a stupid dream when I was a kid." Amy said, grabbing the toy TARDIS.
"No, I wasn't talking about him."
"What, Rory? How have I got Rory?"
"Yeah, how, how's she got me?" Rory asked.
"He's not mine." Amy said.
"No. No. I'm not hers."
"Oh, come on. Seriously, it's got to be you two. Oh, cut to the song. It's getting boring." Mels said, annoyed.
"Nice thought, okay, but completely impossible." Amy said.
"Yeah, impossible." Rory said.
"I mean, I'd love to. He's gorgeous. He's my favourite guy. But he's, you know…"
"A friend."
"Gay."
"I'm not gay."
"Yes, you are."
"No. No, I'm not." Rory said, sadly.
"Course you are. Don't be stupid. In the whole time I've known you, when have you shown any interest in a girl?" Amy asked.
"Penny in the air." Mels said, happily.
"I mean, I've known you for, what, ten years? I've seen you practically every day. Name one girl you've paid the slightest bit of attention to?" Amy asked, when Rory flees. "Oh, my God! Rory!"
Amy runs after him.
"And the penny drops."
"Rory!" Amy said, nearby.
"Catch you later, Time Boy." Mels said, tossing the toy TARDIS.
Tardis…
"This is a bumpy ride." Ruby said, grabbing onto the TARDIS console. "Why did she do that?"
The Tardis is out of control.
"Don't ask me." Yang said, scoffing. "I didn't do it."
"You've shot it! You shot my Tardis! You shot the console!�� The Doctor said, looking at Mels.
"It's your fault!" Mels said, angrily.
"Argh! How's it my fault?"
"You said guns didn't work in this place. You said we're in a state of temporal grace."
"That was a clever lie, you idiot! Anyone could tell that was a clever lie."
"So, want to hang out in your bedroom?" Jared asked, looking at Team RWBY. "We're gonna be flying around the vortex for a while."
"Sure." Yang said, smirking.
"Why not?" Blake asked.
"This gives us some time to relax." Weiss said.
"I'd say we should play video games." Ruby said, happily.
"Super Smash Bros?" Jared asked.
"Only if you want me to kick your butts." Yang said, smirking.
"I don't know how playing Smash is a good idea." Weiss said.
"It just is!" Ruby said, annoyed. "Gah...it's a fun game."
"A game that will get crazy once it exceeds four people."
"She does have a point." Blake said.
"It's either that or Animal Crossing." Jared said, walking away from the console room. "Come on then!"
Team RWBY's bedroom…
"No fair!" Weiss said, looking at the TV screen. "Why are you so good at this game?"
"I know how this game works." Yang said, smiling.
"You went for Min Min." Jared said, sadly. "Extendable arms…"
"Only for picking up you guys from afar."
"At least I got second place." Blake said, holding the Pro Controller she is using. "Shulk is tactical. And the Monado is an interesting weapon."
"Xenoblade Chronicles 1 is phenomenal." Jared said, looking at Blake. "I forgot you haven't played it yet."
"Well, the second game has the best music." Yang said.
"X, the middle child. It has the best world!" Ruby said, happily.
"When did they become experts in Xenoblade Chronicles?" Blake asked.
"Don't ask me." Weiss said, looking at Blake. "I didn't put them to this."
"Sorry…" Jared said, hitting the button to start the next Smash battle. "I'm not losing again."
(23)
Jared got a phone call, it's from Sayaka Miki.
"Phone call?" Yang asked.
"It's Sayaka." Jared said, hitting the pause button.
"Sayaka? Why is she phoning you now?" Weiss asked.
"I don't know." Jared said, answering the phone. "Hey, what's up?"
Jared put the phone on speaker mode.
"Hi. I just wanted to check up on you." Sayaka said, her voice over the phone. "Iroha told us how things went over at Demon's Run."
"She did?" Weiss asked. "What did you hear?"
"You guys were fighting something."
"It was the Silence." Jared said, sadly.
"Oh, those aliens things. That makes you forget you ever saw them."
"We found against Headless Monks that time." Blake said.
"Hang on, Headless Monks?" Sayaka asked, her voice over the phone.
"The hell are Headless Monks?" Kyoko asked, her voice over the phone.
"Is the entirety of the Puella Magi Holy Quintet there?" Jared asked.
"Yes." Mami said, her voice over the phone. "We are."
"I hope we're not intruding." Madoka said, her voice over the phone.
"What, what game are you playing?" Homura asked, her voice over the phone.
"Super Smash Bros." Ruby said, looking at the TV screen.
"I think we should go." Jared said, coughing a little. "We've been in here for a while."
Jared ended the call. He ran out of the bedroom with Team RWBY.
Hitler's work study...
The Tardis crashes through the windows of the Chancellery, knocking the Teselecta over.
"Out, out, out! Everybody out. Don't breathe the smoke, just get out!" The Doctor said, angrily.
"Where are we?" Ruby asked.
"A room."
"What room?" Blake asked.
"I don't know what room. I haven't memorised every room in the universe yet. I had yesterday off." The Doctor said.
"Mels, don't go in there." Jared said, taking Mels' gun away. "Seriously, don't."
"Oi." Mels said, angrily.
"Bad smoke. Don't breathe the bad, bad, smoke. Bad, deadly smoke because somebody shot my Tardis!" The Doctor said, looking at Mels.
Rory has gone to Zimmerman, "Doctor. Jared, This guy, I think he's hurt."
Teselecta…
"Transmit normal life signs!" Carter said.
"Artificial gravity holding, but we should get upright when we can." Jim said.
Hitler's work study…
"No, hang on. No, he's fine." Rory said.
"That's good, at least." Jared said, putting the gun in a fruit bowl. "Really good."
The gun's owner gets up from behind his desk.
"Ooo, hello. Sorry, is this your office? Had a sort of collision with my vehicle. Faults on both sides, let's say no more about…��� The Doctor said, walking up to the desk, and then they see who he is talking to. "...it."
"Who's that?" Weiss asked, looking at Hitler,
"Is that? No, it can't be, Doctor, Jared?" Amy asked.
"Thank you, whoever you are. I think you have just saved my life." Hitler said.
"Believe me, it was an accident." Jared said, sadly.
"What is this thing?"
"What did he mean, we saved his life? We could not have just saved Hitler." Amy said, frowning.
"You see? You see? Time travel, it never goes to plan." The Doctor said, annoyed.
"Who's Hitler?" Blake asked.
"Basically someone who caused the Second World War." Jared said, walking over to Team RWBY. "In my world and in this one. Never liked him. He murdered millions."
Zimmerman stands up.
"No, stop him!" Hitler said.
The Doctor ducks as Hitler shoots Zimmerman.
Teselecta...
"Damage report! Damage report!" Carter said.
Hitler's work study…
Yang punches Hitler and grabs his gun, "Sit down, shut up."
Weiss goes to Zimmerman.
"Are you okay?" Weiss asked.
Carter uses the speaker.
"Yes, yes. Yes, I'm fine. I think he missed." Zimmerman said.
"He was going to kill me." Hitler said.
"Shut up, Hitler!" Jared said, grabbing Ruby's hand.
"Rory, take Hitler and put him in that cupboard over there. Now do it." The Doctor said, looking at Rory.
"Right. Putting Hitler in the cupboard. Cupboard, Hitler. Hitler, cupboard. Come on." Rory said, dragging Hitler away.
"But I am the Fuhrer!" Hitler said, angrily.
"Right, in you go!"
"Who are you?"
Rory shuts Hitler in a large cupboard lined with shelves.
"Is Hitler as bad as Salem?" Yang asked.
Teselecta…
"Are you okay?" The Doctor asked, on the view screen.
"Sir, what do we do know?" Anita asked.
"Suggestion, we should go into surveillance mode." Jim said.
"Agreed. Let's faint." Carter said.
Hitler's work study…
"Oh, I…" Zimmerman said.
Zimmerman falls down to the floor.
"I think he just fainted." Ruby said, sadly.
"Yes, that was a faint. A perfect faint." Jared said. "I know what's going on. But I'm not gonna tell. It'll ruin the fun out of it."
"Mels?" Amy asked.
"Hitler…" Mels said.
"What about him?" Blake asked.
"Lousy shot." Mels said, collapsing and clutching her side.
"Mels! Mels!" Amy said, worried.
"Rory!" The Doctor said.
"No, no, no, no! I've got to stop the bleeding." Rory said, running up to Mels.
Teselecta…
"Sir, that blue box. I've got a match. We're trying to bag war criminals, we've got the biggest one ever right under our noses. Forget Hitler. If we take this one down, the Justice Department will give us the rest of the year off." Jim said.
"Are you sure?" Carter asked.
"There's no question. It's her."
Hitler's work study…
"What can we do?" Ruby asked. "We have to help her!"
"Ruby, we don't have to." Jared said, smiling.
"She was shot." Weiss said, looking at Mels.
"It's fine."
"How is this fine?" Yang asked.
"Watch." Jared said, happily.
"Good idea, let's get married. You stay alive and I'll marry you, deal? Deal?" The Doctor asked, looking down at Mels.
"Shouldn't you ask my parents permission?" Mels asked.
"As soon as you're well, I'll get on the phone."
"Might as well do it now, since they're both right here. Penny in the air. Penny drops." Mels said, looking between Amy and Rory.
"And here we go." Jared said, watching Mels beginning to regenerate.
"What the hell's going on?" Yang asked.
"Right, you haven't watched the Doctor regenerate.�� Weiss said, looking at Ruby, Blake, and Yang. "Everyone get back from Mels."
The Doctor pulled Amy and Rory back as Ruby, Blake, and Yang walked away from Mels.
"Last time I did this, I ended up a toddler in the middle of New York." Mels said, happily.
"Okay, Doctor, Jared, explain what is happening, please." Amy said.
"What's Mels short for?" Yang asked.
"It's short for Melody." Jared said, smirking. "Basically her nickname."
"Yeah. I named my daughter after her." Amy said.
"You named your daughter after your daughter." Ruby said, fixated on Mels.
"It took me years to find you two. I'm so glad I did. And you see? It all worked out in the end, didn't it. You got to raise me after all." Mels said, looking between Amy and Rory.
"You're Melody?" Amy asked.
"But if she's Melody, that means that she's also…" Rory said.
"Shut up, Dad. I'm focusing on a dress size." Mels said.
And Mels transforms into River.
"Oh! Oh! Oh! Whoa! Right, let's see, then. Ooo, it's all going on down there, isn't it? The hair! Oh, the hair. It just doesn't stop, does it? Look at that. Everything changes. Oh, but I love it. I love it! I'm all sort of mature." River said, striking a Mrs Robinson pose. "Hello, Benjamin."
"Who's Benjamin?" The Doctor asked.
"Benjamin and Mrs Robinson." Jared said, grabbing Ruby's hand. "The Godfather. Of course."
"The teeth. The teeth, the teeth! Oh, look at them." River said, pinning the Doctor against Hitler's desk. "Watch out that bow tie. Excuse me, you lot. I need to weigh myself."
River runs off into a side room.
"That's Melody." Amy said.
"That's River Song." Rory said.
"Who's River Song?" River asked, peeking her head into the room.
"Spoilers." Jared said, sadly.
"Spoilers? What's spoilers? Hang on, just something I have to check." River said, walking back into the room she was in.
"Is anybody else finding today just a bit difficult? I'm getting a sort of banging in my head." Rory said.
"Yeah, I think that's Hitler in the cupboard." Yang said.
"That's not helping."
"This isn't the River Song we know yet. This is her right at the start. Doesn't even know her own name." The Doctor said,
"Oh, that's magnificent!" River said, entering the room again. "I'm going to wear lots of jodhpurs."
Teselecta…
"Well, that's her all right. Melody Pond, the woman who kills the Doctor." Carter said.
Hitler's work study…
"Well, now, enough of all that. Down to business." River said, while she has somehow got Hitler's gun.
"How did she?" Weiss asked.
"Oh, hello. I thought we were getting married." The Doctor said, looking at River.
"I told you I'm not a wedding person." River said.
"Doctor, Jared, what's she doing?" Ruby asked.
"What she's programmed to." Jared said, smirking.
"Where'd she get the gun?"
"Hello, Benjamin."
"Hello, Benjamin!" River said, in a memory.
River picked up the gun from the chair.
"You noticed." River said, while she to fire it, but the chambers are empty.
"Of course I noticed." Jared said, while he took the bullets out while she was regenerating. "As soon as I knew you were coming. I tidied up a bit. Can't have you killing one of my best friends, now can I?"
"I know you did, darling. I wonder if the Doctor knew too." River said.
"Watch out that bow tie." River said in another memory.
River spotted the gun in the fruit bowl.
"I know you know." The Doctor said, turning the bowl and she points a banana at him instead.
"Goodness, Doctor, is killing you going to take all day?" River asked. "Especially with a man that had foreknowledge of our adventures."
"Why? Are you busy?" The Doctor asked.
"Oh, I'm not complaining." River said, grabbing a letter opener and the Doctor sonicks it away.
"If you were in a hurry, you could've killed me in the cornfield."
"We'd only just met. I'm a psychopath. I'm not rude." River said.
She grabs Zimmerman's automatic, but Jared has the clip.
"Who knew spending time with Torchwood and Symphogear would play off?" Jared asked, waking over to Team RWBY. "Taking down criminal organizations pays off. Or other otherworldly threats."
"That's how you got well with the timing." Weiss said, her eyes widening. "To take down a psychopath. And you had fun with us on the side."
Jared is standing in the middle of Team RWBY.
"Melody is not a psychopath. Why would she be a psychopath?" Amy asked.
"Oh, Mummy, Mummy, pay attention. I was trained and conditioned for one purpose. I was born to kill the Doctor." River said.
"Demons Run, remember? This is what they were building. My bespoke psychopath." The Doctor said.
"I'm all yours, sweetie." River said, kissing the Doctor lightly.
River walked up to Jared and hugged him, she secretly injected a needle into his neck, "And darling, love the red and blue hoodie."
She then let's go of the fanboy.
"Only River Song gets to call me that." The Doctor said. "She's the only person that gets to call me sweetie."
"And she's the only person that gets to call me darling." Jared said, sadly.
"And who's River Song?" River asked.
"An old friend of ours."
"Stupid name. Oh, look at that. Berlin on the eve of war. A whole world about to tear itself apart. Now that's my kind of town. Mum, Dad, Team RWBY, don't follow me. And, yes, that is a warning." River said.
"No warning for us then?" The Doctor asked.
"No need, my love, sweetheart. The deed is done and so are the both of you." River said.
The Doctor and Jared stagger.
"God! I really should have seen this coming." Jared said, with Blake and Yang supporting him from falling.
"Doctor, Jared, what's wrong?" Ruby asked.
"What have you done? River!" Jared said, angrily. "It was only supposed to be the Doctor! Why me?"
"Oh, River, River, River. More than a friend, I think. For you and the Doctor." River said, annoyed.
"What have you done?" The Doctor asked.
"It was never going to be a gun for you, Doctor, Jared. Men of peace who understand every kind of warfare, except, perhaps, the cruellest." River said.
"And darling, love the red and blue hoodie." River said, in a memory.
"Kiss, kiss, Doctor. Jared, you do love hugs after all." River said, jumping out of the broken window.
"What's wrong with you? What's she done to the both of you?" Rory asked.
"She poisoned me and the Doctor. I'm fine. My Aura heals my body. Wait, no, I'm dying. And so is the Doctor. But me and the Doctor. We've got a plan." Jared said, smiling.
"What plan?" Amy asked.
"Not dying. See? Fine." The Doctor said.
Teselecta…
"Scanning them. They're dying all right." Anita said.
"But they can't be." Jim said.
Hitler's work study…
"Okay, what do we do? How do we help you?" Rory asked.
"Take this. The Tardis can home in on it. Now, go. Get after her." The Doctor said, giving Amy the screwdriver.
Rory, Blake, and Yang look out of the first floor window onto the street.
Wilhelmstrasse…
An officer and five soldiers stop River at gunpoint.
"Halt!" The officer said, angrily.
"Hello, boys." River said, happily.
Hitler's work study…
"You said the smoke was deadly." Weiss said.
"No, no, the smoke's fine. The poison will kill me and Jared first. Now, get after River!" The Doctor said.
"I don't understand, okay? Doctor, one minute she's going to marry you and then she's going to kill you and Jared." Amy said.
"Ah, well, she's been brainwashed. It all makes sense to her. Plus, she is a woman. Oh, shut up. Jared and I are dying. Ruby, Weiss, come with us."
Tardis…
"Extractor fans on!" Jared said, leaning against the TARDIS console.
Ruby and Weiss carry Jared to the replica of their Beacon dormitory room.
"Oh, that works." The Doctor said. "I'll stay here."
Wilhelmstrasse…
"What are you doing here?" The officer asked.
"Well, I was on my way to this gay Gypsy Bar-Mitzvah for the disabled, when I thought gosh, the Third Reich's a bit rubbish. I think I'll kill the Fuhrer. Who's with me?" River asked.
"Shoot her." The officer said.
"She can't take all that." Yang said, sadly.
Rory, Blake, and Yang watch as the soldiers fire lots of bullets.
"No!" Rory said, worried.
"Tip for you all. Never shoot a girl while she's regenerating." River said, blasting the soldiers with her golden energy then takes their weapons. "Ah! Now, that hit the spot. Thanks, boys. Call me."
River gets on a motorbike.
"What are you doing?" Amy asked.
"New body, new town. I'm going shopping." River said, driving away.
A soldier came out on another bike.
"Look, I know how this looks. Let me explain everything from the beginning." Rory said, as the soldier starts to try and get his gun from its holster. "Heil!"
"Heil!" The soldier said.
Rory hits the soldier, "Come on!"
"Can you ride a motorbike?" Amy asked.
"I expect so. It's that sort of day." Rory said.
They drive off and the soldier gets up.
Teselecta…
"Okay. This time, let's do the bike, too." Carter said.
They grow a motorbike, but Yang punches the robot off to get on the motorbike with Blake.
"Sorry." Blake said, her hands around Yang's waist.
They then grow a third motorbike and drive off after Rory, Amy, Blake, Yang, and River.
"You see, they can't be dying." Jim said.
"But the Doctor and Jared are confirmed deceased. We have their records." Carter said.
"But they don't die here. They died in Utah, by Lake Silencio, April the twenty second, 2011." Jim said.
"Time can be rewritten. Remember Kennedy?" Anita asked.
"This time can't. It's a confirmed fixed point. The Doctor and Jared must always die exactly then. They always have and they always will."
"Then someone's screwed up, because they're dying right now." Carter said.
Team RWBY's room…
Ruby laid Jared to sit down on Weiss' bed. She and Weiss are sitting in between Jared.
"I'm dying. I need an interface. Voice interface please. This is an emergency." Jared said, sadly.
"Voice interface enabled." Holo-Jared said.
"Not me. I hate me. Please! Give me someone I like."
Holograms of Team RWBY showed up in their Volumes 1-3 outfits.
"Oh. Thanks a lot! For giving me guilt!" Jared said, annoyed.
Holograms of Team JNPR showed up in their Volumes 1-3 outfits.
"They're also part of my guilt. Pyrrha is in that mix. And she's dead! Couldn't save her from being shot with an arrow from Cinder." Jared said, frowning. "Jaune, Ren, and Nora have to cope without her. Damn it. Give me someone else."
A hologram of Penny Polendina appeared.
"She's most of my guilt! I couldn't even save her! From being used as a statement. Argh. Come on, there must be someone left in the multiverse I haven't screwed up yet." Jared said, angrily.
"Voice interface enabled." Holo-Hibiki said.
"Oh, Hibiki Tachibana. After she defeated Shem-ha. And saved Miku Kohinata." Jared said, looking up at the hologram of Hibiki. "She's the person I need right now."
"I am not Hibiki Tachibana. I am a voice interface."
"Hibiki?" Ruby asked, looking at Jared. "Why wasn't it any of us?"
"Because of what I put you girls through." Jared said, sadly. "Ruby, we lost Penny and Pyrrha. Weiss, you lost your heiress to your father's company. Blake's worst fears came true. And Yang became armless."
"Oh, but Hibiki?" Weiss asked. "I can see why you chose her."
"Hibiki has been through as much as you, Ruby. I need her kindness and optimism right now." Jared said, happily. "Isn't that right, Hibiki?"
"I'm not Hibiki Tachibana. I'm a voice interface." Holo-Hibiki said, smiling.
"You're so childish and naive. How am I doing?"
"Your Aura levels are low. It's been contaminated by the poison of the Judas tree. You'll be dead in thirty two minutes."
"Okay, so I better call Jaune to amplify my Aura then."
"Aura healing is disabled. I'm sorry. But you'll be dead in thirty two minutes."
"Unless I can find a cure. Or Jaune can amplify my Aura to be back to normal."
"There isn't a cure."
"How come?" Weiss asked.
"Why isn't there a cure?" Ruby asked.
"River Song put a lot of poison into Jared's systems." Holo-Hibiki said, frowning. "He's dying right now. He doesn't have much time."
"I'm fine. It's going to be okay, you guys." Jared said, looking at Ruby and Weiss. "Is there a way to save me?"
"Yes."
"What is it?" Weiss asked. "How do we save him?"
"River Song." Holo-Hibiki said.
"Um, what?" Ruby asked.
"Her residual energy from regenerating could be the cure to this. According to my data, it has similar effects to Aura amplification. That's a possibility. It doesn't help but try."
Ruby and Weiss carried Jared out of the duplicate of their dorm room from Beacon.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
The elite of Berlin are wining and dining in style as a string quartet plays. Their pleasure is interrupted by a hail of bullets.
"Ladies and gentleman, I don't have a thing to wear. Take off your clothes." River said.
Outside Hotel Adlon…
"Okay, all of Berlin. How do we find her?" Rory asked.
"I don't know. Look for clues." Amy said, angrily.
"Clues? What kind of clues?"
"Shut up."
"I guess that's a good place to start." Blake said.
Screaming, then men and women running out of the hotel dressed only in their underwear.
"Yeah." Yang said, smirking. "Try and catch up, Centurion."
"Okay." Rory said.
The Teselecta pulls up beside them. It is now a replica of Amy.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Now, look at that. Now that's fun from every angle." River said, while Amy enters. "Now dear, I told you not to follow me."
Teselecta eye level…
"Okay. Okay, I am trapped inside a giant robot replica of my wife. I'm really trying not to see this as a metaphor." Rory said.
"Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Yang said.
"Tell me about it." Blake said.
"How do we fit?" Amy asked.
"Miniaturisation ray." Blake said.
"How would you know that?"
"Well, there was a ray, and we were miniaturised."
"All right."
"Welcome. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented." The antibody said.
"Er, what's that?" Amy asked.
"Er, I don't know. It's in your head." Rory said.
"Please remain calm while your life is terminated." The antibody said.
"What now?" Blake asked.
"We run." Yang said, grabbing Blake's hand.
"That's a good plan."
They try to run with Amy and Rory but are trapped.
"Please cooperate in your officially sanctioned termination. It is normal to experience fear during your incineration." The antibody said.
"Stop or I sonic." Amy said, taking out the sonic screwdriver.
"What are you doing?" Blake asked.
"Er, I don't know."
"Okay, the sonic screwdriver is like the TARDIS. There's a psychic interface. Just point and think." Yang said, squeezing Blake's hand.
"I know, but what do I think?" Amy asked.
"I don't know!" Rory said, angrily.
The lift doors open.
Jim is there, "It's okay. Stay still and don't move."
He puts green monitors on their wrists.
"Privileges activated. See? Activated." Jim said.
"You are authorised. Your existence will continue." The antibody said.
"And you can put your hands down. This is Justice Department Vehicle six zero one eight. You're not guilty of anything. Welcome aboard the Teselecta."
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"I might take the age down a little, just gradually, to freak people out." River said, happily.
"You killed the Doctor." Teselecta-Amy said.
"Oh yes, I know, dear. I hope you're not going to keep on about it. Oh, regeneration. It's a whole new colouring to work with." River said, while she is trying on a Luftwaffe uniform.
"You killed the Doctor on the orders of the movement known as the Silence and Academy of the Question. You accept and know this to be true?"
"Quite honestly, I don't really remember. It was all a bit of jumble."
Teselecta Amy opens its mouth and a bright beam hits River's head.
"No! No! Get off me!" River said, angrily.
"Sorry, did you say she killed the Doctor? The Doctor? Doctor who?" The Doctor asked.
The Doctor is leaning against his Tardis with Jared who is wearing a suit and tie, while he is wearing evening clothes, top hat and carrying a cane.
"What kind of doctor?" Jared asked, holding Ruby's hand. "Is is a nice one? Or a mean one?"
Ruby and Weiss are wearing the dresses they wore to the dance all those years ago.
Teselecta…
"You said they were dying." Carter said.
"They are." Anita said.
Jim, Amy, Rory, Blake, and Yang entered the room.
"When you're done here, your memories will be wiped and you'll be able to…" Jim said.
"Doctor?" Amy asked.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Both of you are dying and you stopped to change? And why did Ruby and Weiss have to change too?" River asked.
"Well, you should always waste time when you don't have any. I do it all the time with the Doctor, I am human after all." Jared said, happily.
"Time is not the boss of you. Rule four hundred and eight. Amelia Pond, judgment death machine. Why am I not surprised? Sonic cane." The Doctor said, revealing his sonic cane.
"Are you serious?" River asked.
Teselecta…
"Never knowingly. Never knowingly be serious." The Doctor said, on the view screen.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Rule twenty seven. You might want to write these down. Oh, it's a robot." The Doctor said, looking at the sonic results.
Teselecta…
"With four hundred and twenty three life signs inside. A robot…" The Doctor said, on the view screen.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Worked by tiny people. Love it." The Doctor said.
"But how do they get in there?" Ruby asked.
Teselecta…
"Is it bigger on the inside?" Ruby asked, on the view screen.
"No, basic miniaturisation sustained by a…" The Doctor said, on the view screen.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"...compression field. Ooo. Watch what you eat, it'll get you every time." The Doctor said.
Teselecta…
"Amy, Rory, Blake, Yang." Jared said, on the view screen. "Please tell me you're okay. That you weren't killed by the antibodies. Send the Doctor a scan, please!"
Amy activates the sonic screwdriver, and the cane lights up.
"Thank you." Jared said, on the view screen. "At least you're safe."
"How'd you do that?" Carter asked.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Argh! I'm so sorry. Leg went to sleep. Just had a quick left leg power nap. I forgot I had one scheduled. Actually, better sit down. I think I heard the right one yawning." The Doctor said.
Jared is lying down on the floor with Weiss placing an ice pack on his head and she laid a blanket on his body. And Ruby gives him medicine. River tries to run.
"River!" Weiss said, looking up at River. "Don't run!"
The Teselecta grabs her with its beam.
"Don't touch her! Don't harm her in any way!" Jared said, angrily. "I may be weak. But I still know what's going on!"
River is trapped in an energy field.
"River." Ruby said, sadly.
Teselecta…
"Why would you care? She's not the woman who kills you, She's the woman who kills the Doctor." Carter said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"I'm not dead." Jared said, smiling. "And neither is the Doctor. Not yet at least."
"You and the Doctor are dying." Teselecta-Amy said.
"Well, at least I'm not a time travelling shape shifting robot operated by miniaturised cross people, which, I have got to admit, I didn't see coming." The Doctor said.
"What do you want with her?" Weiss asked. "She's a friend of ours. She doesn't want to hurt anyone."
"She's Melody Pond."
Teselecta…
"According to records, the woman who kills the Doctor. And there's a woman who kills Jared Shay. Her name is Ryuko Matoi, she used a Kamui named Senketsu. And she has Rending Scissors." Carter said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"And I'm the Doctor. He's Jared Shay. So what's it to you?" The Doctor asked.
Teselecta…
"Throughout history, many criminals have gone unpunished in their lifetimes. Time travel has responsibilities." Carter said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"What? You have time travel. And you travel through history to do what? To punish dead people?" Ruby asked.
Teselecta…
"We don't kill them. We extract them near the end of their established timelines." Carter said.
"And then what?" Ruby asked, on the view screen.
"Give them hell."
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"We'd ask you who you think you are…" The Doctor said.
Teselecta…
"But I think the answer is pretty obvious. So, who do you think…" The Doctor said, on the view screen.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"...we are, huh? River Song. The woman who killed the Doctor. And there's another woman out there named Ryuko Matoi. The woman who killed Jared Shay." The Doctor said.
"Wait, you must have my biography in there. As well as the Doctor's. Like you basically have everyone's. People I have met or haven't met yet." Jared said, happily. "I would love a sneak peek."
Teselecta…
"Our records office is sealed to the public. Foreknowledge is dangerous." Carter said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"So what? The Doctor and I will be dead in three minutes." Jared said, scoffing.
Teselecta…
"There isn't a lot of foreknowledge left." Jared said, on the view screen.
"Sorry, can't do that." Carter said.
"Those men are my best friends. That woman, Melody Pond, is my daughter. You give them anything they want." Amy said, angrily.
"If she's family, she has privileges." Jim said.
Carter taps keys on Amy's green wrist band.
"Say access personal records, the Doctor and Jared Shay." Jim said.
"Access personal records, the Doctor and Jared Shay." Amy said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Records available." Teselecta-Amy said.
"Okay, the Doctor and I are dying. Which is a really bad thing. Who wants us dead?" Jared asked.
"The Silence."
"What's the Silence?" Weiss asked. "And why is it called that?"
"Um, what does it mean?" Ruby asked.
"The Silence is not a species. It is a religious order, or movement. Their core belief is that silence will fall when the question is asked." Teselecta-Amy said.
"What question?"
"The first question. The oldest question in the universe, hidden in plain sight."
"Yes, but what is the question?" The Doctor asked.
"Unknown." Teselecta-Amy said.
"Great. You're less helpful than the Ice Queen." Jared said, angrily. "And you're supposed to have records of everyone. Argh! You bitch!"
Ruby is holding Jared's hand tightly as Jared's heart rate is going up.
"Argh! Kidneys are always the first to quit. I've had better, you know." The Doctor said, clutching his chest.
Teselecta…
"Okay, they're finished." Anita said.
"Oh, my God." Blake said, sadly.
"Well then, let's do what we do. Give her hell." Carter said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"River…" Weiss said, looking at River.
The white forcefield turn to red painful energy around River.
"Amy. Rory. Amy...." The Doctor said.
Teselecta…
"...can you hear me?" The Doctor asked, on the view screen.
"Yeah?" Amy asked.
"You can talk to them." Carter said, handing the mic to Amy.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant..
"What do we do?" Teselecta-Amy asked.
Teselecta…
"This is me. This is me actually talking." Amy said.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"What do we do?" Teselecta-Amy asked.
"Just stop them. Please. She's your daughter." Jared said, sadly.
"You have to stop them." Ruby said. "They're hurting her."
Teselecta…
"How? How?" Amy asked.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"How?" Teselecta-Amy asked.
"Just do it!" The Doctor said, angrily.
Teselecta…
"What now?" Blake asked.
"I don't know." Yang said.
"What are you doing?" Rory asked.
"Pointing and thinking. Get ready to run." Amy said, zapping her wrist band with the sonic screwdriver.
It turns red and alarms sound.
"You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented." The antibody said.
"Okay, Captain. Release her now, or I take down the whole Teselecta." Amy said.
"Amy." Blake and Rory said, at the same time.
"You can't." Carter said.
"They can." Amy said, and Anita and Jim's wrist bands turn red. "Rory, Blake, Yang, go!"
"All privileges withdrawn." The antibody said.
"What have you done?" Jim asked.
"All life forms prepare for immediate decease. You will experience a tingling sensation and then death."
Rory, Amy, Blake, and Yang are in the lift. The Antibody lassoes Anita's throat.
"Shut it down." Carter said.
"I'm trying!" Jim said, annoyed.
"Shut everything down!"
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
River is released from the hell-energy.
"Please. Help them. We have to save your parents. As well as Blake and Yang." Jared said, with Ruby squeezing his hand.
"Don't run. Now, I know you're scared, but never run when you're scared. Rule seven. Please." The Doctor said.
Teselecta body…
"Remain calm while your life is extracted." The antibody said.
"We have to run." Blake said. "Don't stop. Keep running!"
"Where?" Yang asked.
"I don't know. Just run!"
Teselecta…
"Mothership! Mothership, get us out of here! Emergency beam up now! Everyone!" Carter said.
Only the Antibodies remain on the bridge.
"Only four life forms remain. This will be rectified." The antibody said.
Teselecta body…
"Where did everyone go?" Yang asked.
"How can they just disappear?" Blake asked.
"Doctor, Jared, can you help us? Doctor? Jared? Doctor, Jared, help us!" Amy said, terrified.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"Doctor, Jared, help us! Doctor, Jared, please!" Teselecta-Amy said.
"Come on, come on…" Jared said, sadly. "I have to save them…"
The dying Doctor and Jared struggle to their feet and try to make their way to the Tardis. They can't make it.
"Doctor! Jared! Help!" Teselecta Amy said.
"Look at the both of you. You still care." River said.
"Doctor, Jared, help! Doctor, Jared, help us! Please help us."
"It's impressive, I'll give the two of you that."
"River, please." Jared said, looking over at River.
"Again? Who is this River? She's got to be a woman. Am I right?" River asked.
"Help us. Save Amy and Rory. Help us." The Doctor said.
"Tell me about her. Go on."
"Just help us." Jared said, letting out tears. "Blake and Yang, they can't defeat the antibodies. And protect the Ponds at the same time."
Teselecta eye level…
Rory, Amy, Blake, and Yang are at the eyeball and surrounded by lots of Antibodies.
"You are unauthorised. You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented." The antibody said.
"I love you." Amy said.
"I love you too." Rory said.
"It looks like this is it." Yang said, sadly.
Amy and Rory hug each other, while Blake and Yang also hug each other then there is the wind of a materialising Tardis.
"Yeah." Blake said.
"You are unauthorised. Your death will now be implemented." The antibody said.
Tardis…
"What?" Yang asked.
It materialises around Amy, Rory, Blake, and Yang.
"How did they…" Blake said, looking around.
"Doctor? Jared? Doctor, Jared, you did it. They did it!" Amy said, happily.
River steps out from behind the console, "I seem to be able to fly her. She showed me how. She taught me. The Doctor and Jared say I'm the child of the Tardis. What do they mean?"
"Where are they?" Yang asked.
Hotel Adlon Restaurant…
"You can't die now. I know both of you don't die now." Amy said, looking between the Doctor and Jared.
"Oh, Pond, you've got a schedule for everything." The Doctor said.
"But it doesn't make any sense."
"Team RWBY, I got to see you girls reunite." Jared said, looking at Ruby, Weiss, Blake, and Yang. "I had loads of adventures with you four. We stopped the White Fang and we saved Haven. You fought amazingly in the Vytal Tournament. It was amazing meeting you guys. What I thought was impossible became possible."
"Yeah." Ruby said, sadly.
"It was." Weiss said, frowning.
"You sure we can't help you?" Yang asked.
"There must be a way."
"Doctor, Jared, what do we do? Come on. How do we help you?" Rory asked.
"No. Sorry, Rory, you can't. Nobody can. Ponds, Team RWBY, listen to us. We need to talk to Melody Pond. Who is your daughter, Amy and Rory." The Doctor said.
Rory, Amy, and Team RWBY move away from the Doctor and Jared, and let River approach.
"Find her. Find River Song and tell her something from me."
"Tell her what?" River asked, while the Doctor whispers in her ear.
"And I have to tell River Song something too." Jared said, looking at River.
"You have to tell her something too?" River asked, as Jared whispers in her ear. "Well, I'm sure she knows."
The Doctor and Jared are dead.
"Who's River Song?" River asked, looking at her parents and Team RWBY.
"Are you still working? Because I'm still a relative. Access files on River Song." Amy said, walking up to the robot.
"Records available." Teselecta-Amy said.
"Show me her. Show me River Song." Amy said, sadly.
The Teselecta transforms from Amy to River.
"What did they say? The Doctor and Jared gave you messages for River Song. What was it?" Amy asked, while River started to glow.
"What's happening? River, what are you doing?" Ruby asked.
"Just tell me. The Doctor and Jared, are they worth it?" River asked.
"Yes! Yes, they are!" Amy said, happily.
"Ruby, is Jared worth saving to help stop Salem?" River asked.
"Yes! Yes, he is!" Ruby said, smiling.
River pours her golden regeneration energy into the Doctor and Jared, and they revive.
"River. No. What are you doing?" The Doctor asked.
"The hell are you doing, River?" Jared asked, looking at River.
"Hello, sweetie. Hi, my darling, I know you love to hold hands with others. To connect with them." River said, kissing the Doctor and she grabbed Jared's hand.
Hospital…
River wakes up in a bed.
"Hey." Amy said.
"Hey. Where am I?" River asked.
"You're safe now. Apparently, you used all your remaining regenerations in one go. You shouldn't have done that."
"Mother, I had to try."
"I know."
"They said no-one could save them, but they must have known I could."
"Rule one. The Doctor and Jared lie." The Doctor said, leaning against the wall.
"That's the true rule number one. It isn't to wander off." Jared said, looking at River. "And it isn't to use your enemy's power against them. It's always that we lie. Since we're time travelers of course."
"She just needs to rest. She'll be absolutely fine." The nurse said.
"No, she won't. She will be amazing." The Doctor said.
The Doctor leaves a brand new Tardis-style diary on the bedside cabinet.
"And she'll be one of my best friends." Jared said, looking at the Doctor. "She isn't yet. But she will be."
Tardis…
"So that's it, we leave her there?" Weiss asked.
"Sisters of the Infinite Schism. Greatest hospital in the universe." The Doctor said.
"Yeah, but she's our daughter. Doctor, Jared, she's River and she's our daughter." Amy said.
"Amy, I know. But we have to let her make her own way now. We have too much foreknowledge. Dangerous thing, foreknowledge." The Doctor said.
"I only had foreknowledge of Remnant up to a certain point. Which was up to Team RWBY reuniting. After saving Haven. Now I'm in unknown territory over there." Jared said, leaning against the TARDIs console. "While over here, I still have foreknowledge."
"Up to when?" Ruby asked.
"Spoilers."
"You can't tell us then." Yang said. "I get it."
"Don't worry about it for now." Blake said.
The Doctor and Jared's Teselecta biographies are on the scanner.
"What's that?" Ruby asked.
"It's nothing." Jared said, turning off the scanner. "No need to worry. Okay?"
"Just some data I downloaded from the Teselecta. Very boring." The Doctor said.
"Doctor, River was brainwashed to kill you, right?" Rory asked.
"Well, she did kill me and Jared, and then she used her remaining lives to bring us back. As first dates go, I'd say that was mixed signals."
"But that stuff that they put in her head, is that gone now? The River that we know in the future, she is in prison for murder."
"Whose murder? Will we see her again?" Amy asked.
"Oh, River will come looking for us." Jared said, walking around the TARDIS console room. "She's like Kazuto Kirigaya. It didn't stop him from finding Asuna Yuuki in ALFheim Online and vice versa. When Asuna had to find Kirito in the Underworld."
"Yeah, but how? How do people even look for the both of you?" Amy asked, looking between the Doctor and Jared.
"Oh, Pond. Haven't you figured that one out yet?" The Doctor asked.
The Luna University, 5123…
A professor is interviewing a prospective student.
"So then, tell me. Why do you want to study archaeology?" Candy asked.
"Well, to be perfectly honest, Professor, I'm looking for good men." River said, holding her diary.