WebNovelMiracle!62.79%

Pomp and Circumstance

Mine...

As the sun begins setting over the mountains around the abandoned Dust mine, four trucks drive up the road to the mine entrance, and Amity Colosseum floats toward the mine. Two people are lying with binoculars somewhere in the area, one of whom is wearing a pin that resembles the one on Robyn Hill's scarf. Their binoculars bear the same symbol as the pin. They both gaze up at the colosseum, before the one on the right resumes looking through his binoculars.

Soon after the trucks arrive at the mine entrance, Team RWBY, Team JNR, Jared Shay, Qrow Branwen and the Ace Operatives walk outside. Smiling, Marrow Amin looks at Clover Ebi and then attempts to put on a more serious demeanor. Ruby Rose, Jaune Arc, Nora Valkyrie, and Jared Shay come together to gaze in dramatic admiration of the Ace-Ops, while Lie Ren, Blake Belladonna, Weiss Schnee and Yang Xiao Long watch the three with wide eyes.

"Aaaah!" Nora said, her voice high pitched.

Jaune rushes over to Clover's side, "You guys were incredible!"

Jaune switches to being in front of Clover and begins energetically gesturing as he talks.

"Oh, the way you took down that Geist without needing to plan your tactics out, you just knew exactly what to do!" Jaune said, excitedly.

"Well, Ace-Ops are hand-picked to perfectly compliment one another. So we can focus on our assets and leave our liabilities behind." Clover said.

Marrow walks over with a confident smile, "Some of us are all asset, zero liability."

Marrow poses with a salute and a grin, looking at Jaune. Elm Ederne scoffs, catching Marrow's attention. He moves over to her, leaning in to confront her.

"Wha...yeah? Think I've got some liabilities, Elm?" Marrow asked.

"Your brains, for one." Elm said.

Clover, Elm and Harriet Bree laugh, and Marrow groans and pouts. The former three walk away.

"You did ask." Vine said, walking away, and Nora approaches Elm with wide eyes and a smile.

Elm looks at Nora.

"Hi. Do you need a new best friend?" Nora asked, moving closer to Elm. "Our pair name can be…"

Nora's eyes spark with pink electricity, and she lifts her hammer into the air with both hands. She is suddenly standing on an empty plane with a green tinted sky, with Elm standing nearby. Pink lightning strikes, while green and pink gradient text appears.

"THUNDER THIGHS!" Nora said, her voice echoing dramatically.

"No, no way!" Jared said, running over to Nora. "Flower Power is good enough."

"Aww…"

Harriet watches this with a sigh, and Ruby runs over to her.

"Perfect complementary teamwork. Oh, yeah, I want to have my friends' backs just like that." Ruby said, smiling.

"Friends?" Harriet asked, raising an eyebrow.

"This isn't the schoolyard, kid." Elm said, laughing.

Behind Elm, Nora is still posed with her hammer in the air.

"Thunder Thighs…" Nora said, husky.

Ren walks over, lifts the currently stiff Nora under his arm, and walks away. Jared walked over to Ruby. Ruby's teammates join her and Jared.

"But, I mean, when you go through so much with someone, it kind of changes things, doesn't it?" Yang asked.

"We get along well enough, sure. I count on them to keep me alive. They do the same. But that's the job. We don't confuse the two." Harriet said, turning and walking away, leaving Team RWBY and Jared to look on sadly.

"Speaking of the job…" Clover said.

Further down the way, James Ironwood is talking on a communicator. He gives a brief order to a soldier, who walks away.

"Duty ever beckons. You all hang back a second." Clover said, gesturing to Jaune and Qrow.

The Ace-Ops walk over to Ironwood.

Ruby watches with a sad sigh, then looks away, thinking. She then gets an idea, smiles and hurries over to her teammates and Jared.

"What do you guys want to do when we get back to Atlas? Sightseeing?" Ruby asked, gasping. "Oh, what should we visit first?"

"I know, we should go and see whatever we want! It doesn't matter where and when." Jared said, happily.

"How about our beds?" Blake asked, yawning.

Blake walks away.

"Oh, come on, guys! This is a great time to go exploring! We haven't done that in so long!" Ruby said, angrily.

"Yeah, exploring without the Doctor and the TARDIS. I haven't explored Remnant in forever." Jared said, smiling.

"I know, right. What should we check out first?"

"Ruby, Jared, we just explored a whole continent on foot before flying to this one." Weiss said, walking away.

"Well, yeah, but...it was only the boring parts." Ruby said, sadly.

"We almost died." Yang said, arms crossed. "And traveling with the Doctor. We did that the other day when our weapons were being upgraded. I got turned into a wooden doll."

"Ppt." Ruby said, waving her hands at Yang with an awkward chuckle, and Yang walks away.

Ruby and Jared then frown and sigh sadly.

"What now, Little Red?" Jared asked.

"I don't know." Ruby said, grabbing Jared's hand.

"Hey. Heads up." Qrow said, pointing his thumb over at Ironwood, who is talking to Clover while the other Ace-Ops walk away.

"Can I get the team leaders over here? There's something I'd like to discuss with you. You too, Qrow, Jared." Ironwood said.

Ruby, Jaune, Qrow, and Jared walk over to Ironwood.

"I need you on the ground, but be subtle. If people see too many Huntsmen milling around, they'll get nervous." Ironwood said, looking at Clover.

Clover salutes, nods and begins walking away.

"And Clover?" Ironwood asked.

Clover stops and looks back. In the background, Marrow is in front of an open airship, talking to a military Huntsman, while miming punching imaginary targets and waving his arms.

"Don't take Marrow." Ironwood said.

Clover looks over at Marrow, then looks at Ironwood, smiling and chuckling with a nod. Marrow recreates his pose from when he froze a pair of Centinels and then turns around and mimes shooting something. Clover heads in Marrow's direction, and Ironwood turns to Qrow, Jaune, Ruby, and Jared.

"New problems in Mantle?" Qrow asked.

"More of the same, unfortunately." Ironwood said, sighing.

Ironwood withdraws and deploys his Scroll, using it to generate a hologram screen in the air in front of him.

"What…" Jared said, as he grabbed Ruby's hand. "The hell…"

The left side of the screen displays an Atlas Military Police mugshot of Forest, while the right side displays a photograph of Forest's corpse in an alleyway somewhere in midtown Mantle.

"Someone in Mantle is taking out public leaders who speak out against Atlas. Specifically, people who speak out against me. It didn't look like a pattern at first. But this is the third murder of its kind in the last week." Ironwood said.

"Wait a minute. That's the guy that rode with us after we were arrested." Jaune said, stepping forward.

"He died?" Ruby asked, upset.

"How could he have died?" Jared asked, squeezing Ruby's hand. "How is that possible?"

"Your opposition in Mantle dropping dead isn't exactly a good look for you, huh?" Qrow asked.

Ironwood deactivates the hologram screen and puts his Scroll away, "Not really worried about my public image, but it is causing unrest. I think someone's trying to frame me and, by extension, Atlas. And it's working."

"Well, if it wasn't for the embargo making everybody so mad, people probably wouldn't be so quick to blame you for everything else." Jaune said.

Ironwood frowns and looks at Jaune, who awkwardly clears his throat and stands at attention.

"S...sir." Jaune said.

"No." Ironwood said, rubbing the bridge of his nose with his fingers. "No, you're right. Things in Mantle have been...hard to manage lately. I'm not blind to its issues. In fact, that's what I want to talk to you about." He turns and looks up at Amity Colosseum. "With the launch of this mobile communications tower and tensions down in Mantle, I think there's a lot of good your teams can do here."

Ironwood's communicator beeps, and he puts his fingers to it, listening.

"What? Already? Here? No, it's fine. Let him land. I'll deal with him myself." Ironwood said, surprised.

Qrow, Ruby, and Jared look at each other, and then at Ironwood.

"More Mantle problems?" Qrow asked.

Ironwood watches an airship fly by on its way to the landing pad, "No. This one's an Atlas problem."

The ship, bearing the Schnee Dust Company logo, descends onto a landing pad, where Ironwood, Team RWBY, and Jared are already waiting, with Team JNPR and Qrow standing further back. A ramp extends from in front of the ship's double door, which opens to reveal an angry Jacques Schnee. As soon as the doors begin to open, he starts talking and makes his way down the ramp.

"So let me get this straight, James. In addition to this nonsensical embargo of yours crippling my business, you've also decided you have the authority to commandeer private property?" Jacques asked, stopping in front of Ironwood, who calmly stares at him, arms folded behind his back. "When the Council hears about this, you will never…"

Jacques is aggressively pointing at Ironwood.

"Actually, I've already informed them. As this is now the site of a classified military operation, it didn't even require a vote." Ironwood said.

"Didn't require a vote?!" Jacques exclaimed.

"You might want to brush up on Council law before you lose this upcoming election, Jacques. Now. I've allowed you to land here once as a courtesy. The next time, it won't be a friendly reception."

Jacques glares at Ironwood, "Lately, you seem to forget who your friends really are. I'm going to get that Council seat, James, and maybe then, you'll…"

Jacques becomes distracted, his eyes widening when he realizes Weiss is present. They stare at each other for a moment.

"You…" Jacques said, walking past Ironwood, glancing at him as he does so. "You roped my missing daughter into these schemes of yours, too?"

Jacques turns back around to look at Ironwood.

"How long has she been back in Atlas? Did Winter know about this?" Jacques asked, angrily.

Weiss becomes annoyed and steps forward to Jacques, "It was my decision to come here. Just like it was my decision to leave. Or have you forgotten all about that?"

"If you think I'm one to forget anything, girl, then you've misjudged the man your father is." Jacques said.

"Believe me, I know exactly the kind of man you are." Weiss said, with an attitude.

"How dare you speak to me that way!? I have half a mind to…" Jacques said, angrily.

"Half a mind to what, Jacques?" Ironwood asked.

Jacques narrows his eyes, then adjusts his cuff link, sighing angrily, "You know...your mother was devastated when you left."

Weiss begins to look upset.

"Didn't leave her room for days. You know how…she gets...when she's upset." Jacques said, acting sad while he speaks, taking a moment to peek at Weiss' reaction.

Her eyes glimmer with sadness, and she looks down, frowning. Ruby and Jared look upset, and Blake and Yang glare at Jacques, Blake glaring far more intensely than Yang. Jacques smirks as he turns to face Ironwood again.

"I knew one day, you would overextend your reach. I didn't come here to beg for an abandoned mine. I came here to thank you…" Jacques said.

Weiss looks around, noticing that her teammates have come to her side. Blake holds her hand and gives a comforting nod.

"...for personally handing me the noose to hang you." Jacques said.

Blake and Yang glare at Jacques, while Ruby and Jared look at Weiss with a smile.

"You'll regret this." Jacques said, turning to look back at Weiss. "So these are the little friends you threw everything away for?"

"Not friends." Weiss said, shaking her head.

Ruby and Jared look at Weiss, frowning a little, and Weiss looks at Jacques.

"Family." Weiss said, determined.

Ruby and Jared smile wide, and Yang smirks.

"Hmm…" Jacques said, returning to his airship and began to take off.

Ruby, Blake, Yang, and Jared look at Weiss with concern, while she exhales and drops her strong and confident facade.

"Weiss, it's okay." Jared said, sadly. "We're here for you. No matter what."

The ship flies away, and a truck arrives on the platform. Once the truck comes to a stop, Winter opens the passenger side door and peeks out at the ship.

"Oh, now you show up, Winter. You just missed father." Weiss said, with a joking smile.

"I wouldn't say I missed hi…" Winter said.

From the sky, Penny Polendina comes crashing down, landing on one knee.

The force from her landing sends Team RWBY and Jared flying with a small scream, while Winter steadies herself against the shockwave.

Penny straightens up and throws her hands into the air, the word 'CONGRATULATIONS!' appearing above her head as a green hologram, with bright green hologram confetti spawning from it with a party horn sound, "Surprise!"

"Penny…" Jared said, holding Ruby's hand. "What was that?"

Penny looks around with a giant grin as the hologram flickers. When she notices Team RWBY and Jared on the ground, her grin and the hologram both fade.

"Uh, did we not start yet?" Penny asked.

Winter puts her fingertips to her forehead in exasperation.

"Apparently, we haven't." Winter said, sighing.

Nearby, Jaune and Nora laugh, while Ruby and Jared stand up with a look of confusion.

"Start what?" Ruby asked.

Amity Colosseum...

After the sun finishes setting, RWBY, JNPR, Jared, Qrow, Winter, Penny and Ironwood gather in the center of Amity Colosseum's arena. RWBY, JNR, and Jared stand lined up, with Ironwood, Winter and Penny standing across from them and Qrow standing off to the side. The arena lights are on and pointing at the center of the stage where everyone is standing.

"It goes without saying that this arena holds a significance to all of us. It's only fitting that we should be able to reconvene here. Now. When the world needs to be brought together more than ever. The road you traveled from our first meeting hasn't been easy." Ironwood said.

While he talks, Ironwood begins walking along in front of RWBY, JNR, and Jared. Penny, who is holding a tablet-sized Scroll, excitedly bounces up and down next to Winter, who places a hand on Penny's shoulder to hold her still.

"You fought for your school and your friends at Beacon. You fought for the world and the innocent at Haven Academy and beyond. You faced down terrors people can't even fathom. That's not the behavior of students. It's the behavior…of Huntsmen and Huntresses." Ironwood said.

He looks over at Penny, who happily begins humming and walking past JNR, RWBY, and Jared, stopping in front of each person to tap on her Scroll. With each tap, her Scroll emits a beep and someone else's Scroll buzzes. Ren's Scroll is the first to buzz, and he removes it from his pocket and opens it, checking the screen. It displays his student license, which displays a photograph of him in his new outfit with his emblem in the top left corner and a barcode below the photo. The Vale symbol is in the background behind the license information. The license says:

STUDENT LICENSE BEACON

Name: Ren, Lie

LN: 63700 - 16778 - 13563

Place of Issue: Vale

Authority: Beacon Academy

Restrictions: Class C

The screen blinks, and the license suddenly changes. The Kingdom of Atlas symbol is now in the background behind the information. The new license says:

HUNTSMAN LICENSE Atlas

Name: Ren, Lie

LN: 63700 - 16778 - 13563

Place of Issue: Atlas

Authority: Atlas Academy

Restrictions: Class C

"Wait...what is this?" Ren asked.

Everyone else checks their Scrolls as Penny continues tapping hers.

"You are being granted your Huntsman licenses, today." Winter said.

Penny finishes using her Scroll to grant everyone their licenses and walks away with a big grin. Her Scroll displays the Atlas Huntsman License Registry.

"I know this is coming a little ahead of schedule, but Brothers know you deserve it. I only regret that I couldn't do something a little more ceremonious for the occasion." Ironwood said.

Ruby stares in awe at her license.

"I…" Ruby said, glancing at her friends. "We…we're honored, General Ironwood. But you really don���t have to do th…"

"I didn't even attend Beacon Academy." Jared said, looking at Ironwood. "I only hung out there. And yet I was still granted this. Why would you…"

"Please. With the threat of Salem still out there and tensions rising in our kingdom, I certainly could use more trustworthy fighters by my side." Ironwood said.

As Ironwood walks away from them, Team RWBY and Jared look at each other.

Yang, Weiss, and Jared's faint smiles fade, and Blake's cat ears droop.

"I should be so lucky to have all of you." Ironwood said, stopping for a moment, then looked at Team RWBY and Jared and smiled. "It's okay. It's a big moment." He began walking again. "And what better way than to celebrate here? When this tower is ready and communications are back up and running, we'll tell the world about Salem and face down whatever comes at us after that, together."

RWBY, JNR, and Jared stand in silence.

"That's…" Ironwood said, letting out a sigh. "...just about all the pomp I have in me." He awkwardly adjusts his tie, "If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to running this operation. Um…" He is turning away. "Well, then. Enjoy the cake."

Ironwood walks away, with Winter following. Penny pops up with a hand raised in the air.

"Your speech outros are improving, sir!" Penny said, with an encouraging tone.

RWBY and JNR look at their licenses.

"After everything we've been through, I almost forgot this is what I wanted in the first place." Yang said.

"When Beacon fell, I didn't think this would even be possible." Blake said.

"It almost feels trivial now." Weiss said,

"I wasn't even planning on becoming a Huntsman." Jared said, looking between Teams RWBY and JNR. "I was a companion of the Doctor. And an ally to any hero with superpowers. That was it. I don't deserve this…"

"Geez, guys, lighten up a little. Enjoy yourselves for a change. You've earned it." Qrow said.

"Finally! Someone said it. Let's kill some cake, huh?" Nora asked, moving forward, throwing a fist in the air. "Because I can eat two slices before Ren even eats one. Who says I can't? Who says it, huh!?"

"Nora, nobody is arguing with you about this." Ren said.

A short while later, all of the teens except Ruby and Jared gather around a cake. Ruby instead sits nearby in the bleachers. Penny uses six of her swords to cut the cake into even slices. Weiss and Ren stand together, eating their personal slices, and Nora moves over to them with a stack of six slices. Ren and Weiss stare in surprise as Nora eats an entire slice in one bite.

Yang shows off her prosthetic arm to Penny, who looks at it in awe. Yang then offers to shake Penny's hand with the prosthetic arm, a sneaky grin on her face. Penny happily takes her hand, only for the arm to detach, causing Penny to gasp in surprise. Yang and Nora laugh, and after a moment, Penny laughs, too.

Blake stands alone, eating her cake in calm silence. Suddenly, Yang swiftly moves up beside Blake, putting her arm around her and holding up her Scroll with the camera function on. Blake looks at Yang with wide eyes and a confused smile, and when the Scroll's camera begins rapidly clicking, she turns her head and grins at it with a small, awkward laugh.

Ruby and Jared watch as Yang continues to take selfies with Blake, Nora talks with Penny, and Jaune talks with Weiss and Ren.

"Big day for you, huh, kiddo?" Qrow asked. "And it's a big day for you, buddy?"

Qrow walks over and sits next to Ruby and Jared.

"It's…definitely a lot to take in." Ruby said, sadly.

"It really is." Jared said, placing his hand on top of Ruby's.

"Which part? Ruby, for you, was it the finally getting to Atlas part, getting your license part, or the not quite disclosing everything to Ironwood part? And Jared, was it the saving the Earth hundreds of times part, the becoming a superhero part, or trying to avoid your death part? Or…all of the above?" Qrow asked.

"All of the above." Ruby said, with a soft laugh.

"Same. This is still unbelievable to me. I didn't plan this at all." Jared said, laughing a little.

"I'm trying to do what I think is best, but I really can't tell if what's best is what's right, or if I'm no different from Oz."

"Tell me about it. I've been doing this for years now. It is really tough, y'know."

"Ruby, Jared, Oz only trusted himself with the whole truth. And the Doctor trusted himself with the whole truth too. I may not have met him, but through the stories you told me, he sounds similar to Oz. The both of you are trusting others, but you two are making sure they prove themselves first. I think that's a pretty big difference." Qrow said, looking between Ruby and Jared.

"I hope so." Ruby said, withdrawing her Scroll and looking at her license. "This says I'm a Huntress now. But I don't feel like I know much more than I did at Beacon."

"That feeling never goes away. Your mom, Summer, would be proud of you, Ruby." Qrow said, laughing a little.

Ruby smiles at Qrow, but that smile soon fades as she thinks to herself, "Her…last mission. Was that another Oz secret?"

"Hm. There were a lot of those back in our day. But this one was a Summer secret. When she didn't come back, Ozpin seemed just as in the dark as myself and your father. Still, who knows what he may have hidden from us over the years." Qrow said.

"What do you think she would've done if she learned the truth about Salem? That she can't be destroyed." Ruby said, looking at Qrow.

"Pressed on, I think. Like you. She was always the best of us." Qrow said, pulling Ruby over to rest her head against his shoulder, smiling. "Bit of a brat, though. But hey, I like brats."

Ruby playfully elbows him in the ribs and laughs.

"Why do you think I hang out around her?" Jared asked. "It's because she's a fun brat."

"I knew you had a bad girl streak." Qrow said, frowning. "So, Ruby, Yang, and Blake. What about…"

"Weiss? Well, she's amazing. Hell, all of Team RWBY is badass."

"Hey, Ruby, Jared! Come check this out!" Yang said, pointing behind herself with her thumb.

Ruby and Jared zoom over to the group, who are staring at something.

"Oh my gosh, is that a mission board? It's an app now!?" Ruby exclaimed, gasping.

Ruby zooms over to the mission board, pointing at different missions, "Can we ride a Megoliath? Stop an underground crime ring? Do I get to go…"

Ruby turns away, puts on her hood, and turns back to Penny, doing a dramatic expression.

"...undercover?" Ruby asked, with a fake accent.

Ruby flares her cloak out, knocking the hood off her head, and begins shaking Penny up and down.

"Maaaybeee!" Penny said, happily.

Marrow's voice comes from nearby, and Ruby stops shaking Penny.

"Hey, do you guys smell that?" Marrow asked, walking in with Elm and Vine, dramatically sniffing the air. "Smells like…fresh meat."

"That's odd. I don't smell meat." Vine said, sniffing.

"Neither do I." Ren said, sniffing.

"You know what? Nevermind." Marrow said, groaning.

"I know that riding on a Megoliath would be fun. Then again, there is also a triceratops." Jared said, smiling. "Man, I can't wait for Dinosaurs on a Spaceship."

"You get it!" Ruby said, giving Jared a high five. "Want to take down that underground crime ring together? Old buddy, old pal?"

"Indeed, I will."

"Let me get this straight. You've only been official for an hour now and you're already looking for Huntsman work?" Elm asked.

"To be fair, we've been official for a whole…" Weiss said, holding up a finger.

Weiss withdraws her Scroll and checks the time. It is 8:42.

"Fifty-seven minutes." Weiss said, disappointed.

Nora playfully rolls her eyes at Weiss.

"I'd like to remind you all that the real mission here is ensuring the successful launch of the communications tower." Vine said.

"True, but we can also keep training and improving by helping where we can." Ren said.

"The enthusiasm of youths!" Elm said, happy sigh, and he does a fist bump.

"Well, it's hard to argue with that. Okay, let me show you how it works." Marrow said, walking over to the mission board, scrolls up on it and selects an Escort mission. "Ooh, here's an important one. Who wants to volunteer?"

Marrow turns to look, and RWBY, JNR, and Jared all raise their hands, calling out 'Yes!' and 'Alright!'

"I can work with this." Jared said, smirking. "That's easy enough."

"We need someone to escort children to pre-primary school down in Mantle. There's not actually any danger, but the parents fret, and that attracts Grimm." Marrow said, while everyone but Jaune drops their hands down. "Perfect! Thanks…" He tried to say Jaune's name with uncertainty. "Juan…Jwan…Jim?"

"Close enough, I guess." Jaune said, letting out an awkward chuckle. "Wow, my first Huntsman mission."

Elm slides over and knocks Marrow aside with her palm, causing him to scream, "Next!"

Elm quickly swipes down on the mission board, causing the missions to scroll by rapidly. She slaps one of the missions, bringing up a Search and Destroy mission with an image depicting a rotating 3D model of a Sabyr.

"A massive Sabyr is loose in the Mantle sewers! We need two brave warriors to flush it out!" Elm said.

Everyone but Jaune raises their hands, gasping excitedly, and Jaune looks around, bewildered.

"Wha...but...why didn't I get a choice for that one?" Jaune asked.

His friends begin laughing at him.

"Defeating Grimm isn't that different from Noise." Jared said, placing his hand on top of Ruby's. "To be honest."

Schnee Mansion...

Jacques sits alone in his dimly lit office, drinking from a glass with a spherical ice cube in it. The door opens partway.

"Father, you, um…have a visitor." Whitley said, nervously.

Jacques slams his glass down on the arm of his chair, "I told you I didn't want to be disturbed. Why did you let them in?"

"I didn't. He...let himself in." Whitley said.

Arthur Watts grabs the door and pulls it the rest of the way open, walking into the room as Whitley moves out of his way, "A spitting image of you, this lad, Jacques. Creepily so, I might add."

Whitley stands in the hall, holding the door open and watching as Watts walks around Jacques' office.

"He's definitely inherited your…affect." Watts said.

"Arthur." Jacques said, shocked.

Jacques takes a second to gather himself, then looks at Whitley.

"Whitley, leave us. And shut the door." Jacques said, commanding Whitley.

Whitley looks confused and then looks suspiciously at Watts.

"I said shut the door!" Jacques said, as he once again slams his glass down, and Whitley closes the door.

Jacques turns his attention back to Watts, "I...you're supposed to be dead."

"That is what I wanted people to think. You're right. However, I've heard things about you too, Jacques. Namely, that you have an Ironwood problem." Watts said.

"That bastard is costing me more money every day with this embargo. I'd lay off every employee in Mantle if I wasn't trying to get their damn votes for this Council seat." Jacques said.

Watts sits in the chair next to Jacques', "What if I said you can have your cake…and eat it, too?"