CHAPTER 4 :ADMIRATION

I was decorating the dinning table. The glass cutleries which I had never used before were out. I was a lonely man . The thought of someone coming to have lunch with me was very precious to me .

The people who have the opportunity to have a nice family would never understand the pain of a lonely person like me. You would always think to find out some alone time ..don't you ?? You would feel to move away from the cacophony of your loud , noisy family. You would feel that the persons who are single are happier.

But ask me ....I have listened to the silence of my house years after years . At first it felt to be peaceful but with passing days the silence was no more peaceful rather it was depressing and horrible....and believe me they were not at all enjoyable. Yes, there was silence but silence might not always peaceful . You can find peace in between noises if you are content and happy.

Humans are not made by the nature to live alone. You could live alone for one day , one week , one month and even a little more but after that the loneliness would start to bite you . Like it was biting me then.

I used to stay in big house all alone. The prospect of someone visiting me and staying with me for lunch was very exciting. My mind understood the value of company.

Sometimes, we should cherish the little things . Apparently these things did not seem important. A lunch with a friend , or an outing with a group , we don't attach so much importance to them. We take that to be granted. And when we get busy with our life , fight daily for our survival , we miss those moments...rather we regret to why did we not enjoy ourselves when that chance was just under our feet.

I got this lesson from my lonely life. So when I had a chance of spending some quality time with someone of a like-mind , I grabbed the opportunity and I wanted to make the most of it.

I tried my best to cherish the moment . I wanted to stay in the present. I did not know whether my relation with Amrit would see any future or not. But that little moment would always be mine . Nobody ...not even the universe could take away that little moment from me. I would have lunch and some relaxing time with a beautiful man whom I saw in the morning, for whose fish-like eyes I fell , and for whom I felt an unkown click inside me . That would be enough to live for the rest of my life.

*knock*.....*knock*

The slight tap on the wooden door brought me out of my lonely thoughts.

My heart lurched inside my ribs.

Amrit was here . A smile automatically blossomed at the corner of my lips.

I looked at the dining table once just to check everything was perfect as far as possible.

I moved to the door, took a deep breath and opened it.

Amrit was standing before me. Did he put some extra effort in grooming himself? He was clean shaved . Fragance of cologne was wafting in the air. His hair was gelled a little so that they stay in place. His spects were gone. His eye-ball were looking a little bigger . He had put contact lenses. He was wearing jeans and a crisp white cotton shirt , a different one...this time.

Mmm.....it seemed Amrit had put some extra effort in grooming himself .

Could I take that a reason for considering Amrit ...that he was into men like me. But then, I remembered Kedar, with whom I had one of my past one-sided relationships . He naturally liked to groom himself. Whenever he went out of house ,he would make sure that his cologne was on . So may be this was not the right clue to solve the mystery.

I smiled at Amrit and said " Welcome, I was actually waiting for you...."

"Yah...sorry ...it took me a little time . I was organising my clothes into the closet..." replied Amrit , a little shy and a little guilty at the same time .

I said " No..no..Its okay ...."

I showed the way to Amrit to the living room . I gestured Amrit to sit on the couch .

"Would you like to have Shikanji ( an Indian lemon sherbet with spice ...a best thing to be taken on a hot summer day...) ?" I asked to Amrit.

"Yah..sure..." said Amrit.

I went to the kitchen at lightning speed and came back with two glasses of Shikanjis.

Amrit took one glass. I sat taking a sip from my glass.

Amrit took a relaxed sip of the Shikanji ....

"Mmm..." moaned he. He said " You are a good cook ...aren't you ...???"

I smiled and said " That I don't know....but when you stay all alone you have to learn cooking for your own survival...."

"Yah...I know a little bit of cooking but my cooked dishes do not become so tasty..." said Amrit sipping into the Shikanji a little more.

I smiled again and said "Well , I am taking that as a compliment again..."

"In return ,I could say that you are looking really handsome..." said I.

Amrit looked at me . He was of fair complexion . And in a brief moment I found his cheeks were getting crimson red.

Oh...good Lord ...was he blushing...

He looked at his hands shyly as if knowing that his cheeks were giving away his secret and controlling himself furiously not to blush as if that was possible.

"Than...Thank you...you are also looking good..." said Amrit not pulling his head up.

I tried to read him ....was he into men?

His blushing was saying that he was ...but still there should be more evidences to prove that he was really into men.

He cleared his throat . I understood that it was a gesture to change the topic.

"Um...is this house ...your own??" asked Amrit to change the topic .

I said " Yes , I bought it almost five years back...."

"Oh...wow...you have decorated it so nicely..." said Amrit moving his eyes around the house.

"Well , I am seeing that you have a knack of books. Normally people use to decorate their living room with beautiful show pieces but you have books adorning your living room . Also I can see that they are all from the same publication house-Roshni Publications. Why do you prefer the books from Roshni Publication house only? " asked Amrit to me.

I was a little taken aback . The person had a good observation skill . He was a few steps away from hitting the bull's eye. I looked amazed at him and said " I must first complement you on your observation skills. They are really amazing. Also , you are very near to the facts ....I think you can find out the answer of your own question yourself....."

Amrit pondered on the hint that I gave. He went silent for some time , then his eyes widened with the realization.

"Are you ....are you ...Mr. ...Mr...Mr. Kalash Ray of Roshni Publication , the owner of the famous publication house...." asked Amrit shocked.

I smiled a little and said " You are making me amazed with your intellect ...."

Amrit looked at me with his jaws dropped for some time .

After a meaningful pause of few seconds where Amrit tried his best to recover from the initial shock ...

"I can't believe that I have been invited for lunch by the great Kalash Ray ...." said Amrit with a shaking voice.

I chuckled a little and said " Yes , I own that Publishing house....."

Amrit looked at me and said " Sir , I always wanted to meet you ...after the launch of that book , 'Illegal Love', the best selling ...your publishing house came into the limelight. To take up the bold step of releasing a book about the Same sex romance at a time when the same sex love is looked upon lowly in the country and it is not legal....it is really brave on your part...you are an inspiration , Sir . You are an inspiration. "

I smiled a little at Amrit and said " Call me Kalash ,Amrit....I don't want to be your Sir...."

Amrit smiled nervously and said " But , you will be an inspiration , Sir...sorry Kalash....you will be an inspiration , always. "

I smiled at Amrit a little.

In that moment , I could see admiration for me in his eyes , but I wanted to see love, pure love for me in those eyes....

Would I be able to see it ?????

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