One of His Past

It's been almost one month since Jian Kang Lu last met with his kitten. He missed his kitten so much. Until he once dreamed about his kitten. It's such a wonderful dream, makes him regret why he had to wake up.

In that dream, he lives with his kitten together, and his kitten kisses him before he goes to the hospital in the morning. Only in a dream can he have that kind of privilege. And only in a dream he can hold his kitten waist while kissed.

Jian Kang Lu felt ashamed to see his 'little brother' excitedly woke up in the morning because of that dream. At his age, how could he have that kind of dream again because of a simple kiss. A simple kiss in a dream. How pathetic.

Jian Kang Lu sighed, and cleaned up the sheet. He had to change and washed the sheet by himself. He can't put these sheets into the laundry service like usual. He took a cold bath and prepared himself to go to the hospital.

Today is Chinese New Year's Eve, the clinic is closed today so he can go back to his parent's place later and spend the new year eve together with his family. He hasn't seen his kitten again after sending him back to the dorm early this month.

Those four days he spent together with his kitten also felt like a dream for him. It was such a bliss to see his kitten every morning he woke up. His kitten also sent him to work in the morning. Knowing that someone is waiting for him at home, it's something Jian Kang Lu always imagined but never knew how it feels.

And it feels so good.

That's what he always dreamed when he bought this house five years ago. He dreamed not to have a house, but a home. A home together with his loved one. To stay and enjoy their simple daily life, forever.

But in the end, even though Zhang Min often comes here, he never stays the night. Zhang Min is always going back home on his own. So the first time Jian Kang Lu had someone in this house to have breakfast together, to say goodbye when he was going for work, and that someone would wait for him to come home, to spend the day together, having dinner together, and say good night before going to bed, is with his kitten.

It doesn't mean Jian Kang Lu never spent the night together with his lover. He often sleeps together with Wu Shen. Sometimes in his rented apartment, sometimes in Wu Shen's. Usually they sleep together after a very long wild night. After all, Wu Shen is his first male lover. Everything is new, and he satisfies his thirst with this new world Wu Shen is willing to share with him.

But one of the reasons why Wu Shen loves to stay together with him is because of Wu Shen's jealousy. At the first time it's still okay. But his jealousy is increasing day by day, worsened by Wu Shen's declined career. He used to be a magazine's model.

Wu Shen didn't manage to become a movie star he always dreamed for. His acting skills is sucks, and his handsome face is also not enough for him to pass any audition with that acting skills.

Jian Kang Lu met Wu Shen when he was 26 year old. Wu Shen is one year younger than him. For a model, being 25 is old. Many fresh faces always popped up everyday. At that time, Jian Kang Lu was also in his residency. He rarely stepped out of the hospital. It's a miracle they managed to stay together for three years.

They fought a lot. Jian Kang Lu can't stand Wu Shen demanding to spend more time with him. How could he spare more time, while he also suffocated with those inhuman working loads in the hospital.

But he loves Wu Shen so much at that time, and doesn't want to lose him. Wu Shen is very sweet, and loves him too. So he tried very hard to preserve their relationship. But no matter what he does to appease him, Wu Shen's jealousy is toxic. He is even jealous of Jian Kang Lu's sister in law.

Jian Kang Lu thought, maybe if Wu Shen has something to do besides wandering around all day, his jealousy will decrease. So he bought a small shop and turned it into a small clothing store for Wu Shen using his own savings. A resident's salary is small, but Jian Kang Lu learns how to invest from his father and brother. That small store he bought under Wu Shen's name.

He thought it was enough to show Wu Shen his love and commitment. After all, he feels guilty with the way he treats Wu Shen as an outsider every time he introduces him to his colleague.

Jian Kang Lu also finally introduced Wu Shen as his lover to his best friend. Zhen Guo, Sun Hongjia, and Luo Yan's faces at that time were truly memorable. Jian Kang Lu still doesn't have any courage to introduce Wu Shen to his best friend in the same medical field. He thought it should be enough for Wu Shen.

But it's not enough. No matter what he does, Wu Shen is always scared Jian Kang Lu will leave him or be ashamed of him. Wu Shen always thought since he was getting older, he's not handsome enough to keep Jian Kang Lu by his side. And that insecurity leads to countless fights between them.

Tired from work, and all those useless arguments, they broke up for many times, until they finally separated. Deep inside, Jian Kang Lu feels guilty. After they broke up, sometimes he thought that maybe if he can openly stay together with Wu Shen, they won't separate like that. 

That small store still belongs to Wu Shen until today as a part of the guilty feeling Jian Kang Lu had for him.

Jian Kang Lu finished his ward visit early today, and drove to his parent's. His brother was already there with his sister in law and his nephew. The road is packed with people rushing home to celebrate new year's eve with their loved one.

When Jian Kang Lu arrived at his parent's house, it's already 6.30 pm. Jian Ming ran to fetch him and asked for a hug. He looks so cute dressed in red from head to toe. His mom told him to take a bath first and after that they can have dinner together.

Before taking a bath, Jian Kang Lu stared at his phone. There's one incoming message.

[WhiteMist] Happy new year's eve, Jian Ge. I hope you enjoy a good time with your family today.

Jian Kang Lu can't help to smile.

[JianKangLu] Happy new year's eve for you too. Send my regards to your family. Hope you enjoy the night and have a prosperous year ahead.

[WhiteMist] Have you arrived at your parent's house, Jian Ge? Drive safely later if you are still at the hospital.

[JianKangLu] I'm at my parent's house already. All afternoon clinics are closed today. How's your day?

[WhiteMist] My sister pestered me all day. It's a good thing she's in her third year, or else I have to accompany her to school and fetch her everyday like I used to.

[JianKangLu] You need to try having a cold sibling like me. My brother refused to be seen with me since his elementary school.

[WhiteMist] Oh, i forgot to ask you. I want to ask some favour from you, Jian Ge. But please feel free to reject if you mind.

At this time, actually nothing will make Jian Kang Lu reject this lovely kitten's request.

[JianKangLu] Please do ask.

[WhiteMist] I've been talking with my sister, and she also talked to her counselor. It seems she will choose medical faculty as her major. If she accepted there, and needs some guidance, can she ask you, Jian Ge?

[WhiteMist] But it's okay if you're not. After all, you're busy.

[JianKangLu] Of course i don't mind. I'll answer her if i have time. But you need to warn her that if i didn't reply yet, it means i'm still busy.

[WhiteMist] En. I understand, Jian Ge. Thank you so much. I'll tell my sister then.

They chat almost everyday. But sometimes humans are greedy. Jian Kang Lu used to think that chatting everyday with his kitten will be enough for him. But now, it makes him miss his kitten more and more. He wants to meet him. See him in the flesh.

But mostly, he wished his kitten to live with him. Without his kitten, his house back to the cold desolate place it used to be. It made the warm and bright feeling he felt in those four days together is only an illusion.

Jian Kang Lu finally took a bath, because his kitten said he needed to go downstairs to help his parents cook.

Jian Kang Lu spent the new year's eve dinner laughing a lot from Jian Ming's lively expression when he told his daily life stories. His parent's faces are also brightly lit. They dote on their only grandson so much.

After dinner they still chat together in the living room. At 10 o'clock, after Jian Ming and his mom went to bed, his parents were also tired and sleepy. They also go upstairs and say good night to both of their sons. Jian Kang Se left with him alone.

Suddenly Jian Kang Se asks, "Did you finally find my future sister in law, Ge? Or anything good happened recently?"

Jian Kang Lu looked at his brother, and simply said, "Why? Do I look like a bright young handsome man that looks 10 year younger, beaming with happiness?"

"Yes." That short answer is really his brother's style. He knows how to make Jian Kang Lu defeated and can't tease him more.

Jian Kang Lu can only raise both of his shoulders, "I don't know yet, but something good really happened with me recently."

Then Jian Kang Lu mysteriously smiled, "A lot of good things."