Six

Despite still feeling hurt and confused, I decided to go into school again instead of avoiding my problems. I went in with the mindset that I would face my problem head on.

But when I walked into art class, my stomach dropped. I made eye contact with Sammy, and realized I would have to sit next to her all period. On one hand, I felt awful for even dreading it, considering she's been one of my closest friends for a long time. But at the same time, I wanted to turn around and go wait out the class period in a closet somewhere.

I take a deep breath and walk over to my seat. I don't say anything to Sammy. She realizes my tension and simply says, "I'm glad you're back, Dylan." My heart feels a bit healed when she says this, but my embarrassment remains.

Our teacher, Ms. Harvey, walks in and starts discussing the day's lesson. My body goes numb and I barely hear what she says. The pit in my stomach wouldn't allow me to do anything. It felt like my world was toppling onto me, despite my mind rationalizing that nothing is even wrong. But nonetheless, I paid no mind to my favorite class, doodling a whole lot of nothing while my mind went blank.

In short, I had the most unproductive school day that I've ever managed. And that's saying a lot, since I'm kind of a lazy piece of shit.

I just kind of floated around the halls, made small talk with my best friends, and zoned out way too much. By the looks on their faces, they could tell something was off with me still.

And yet, I felt like I was over Sammy already.

When I made this realization, I was dumbfounded. It made me want to rip my hair out and scream, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me.

Despite Austin clearly wanting to ask me about how I was faring, I totally swerved around the topic all day. So, it wasn't too surprising to hear a ring at my doorbell a half an hour after I got home.

I walk downstairs, bracing myself for a question that I had no answer to. Opening the door, Austin lets himself in and drags me upstairs, sitting me down on the couch for a chat.

"I have literally never been more worried about you in my life man. What's going on?" Austin asks me, very concerned. I sigh.

"Honestly? I have no idea," I say, slumping into my seat.

"I mean, are you still hurt about Sammy?" he asks, trying to get something out of me.

"I don't think so. I think it's something else. And for some reason, I feel terrible. I can't even describe it."

He furrows his eyebrows, trying to make a rationalization. Having an analytical best friend means taking the robot route for emotions.

"I won't pry, but there's probably something deeper," Austin says.

Well, obviously.

I sigh and turn on the TV. He realizes my frustration and stops pushing too hard.

"Just let me know if you need to talk. I'll be here," he says, kindly. I nod.

"I know. Thank you."

***

Thank god, this coming weekend was a long weekend. If it wasn't, I would've lost all of my marbles. And gone bananas.

Of course, at the same time, I had to see family. As much as I love them, now was not the best time.

My parents and I end up heading to my grandparents for my grandfather's birthday. Despite the bitter New England temperature, and the long, long walk between the senior complex's parking lot and my grandparents' house, we made our way there. To make a long story short, I was cold, irritable, and tired. All I really wanted was to be a big bitch.

But I tried my damnedest to be a good grandson anyway.

"Dylan, hi sweetie! Oh, have you grown even more since last time we saw you?" my grandma coos, pulling me in for a hug. My nerves were already being tested. You know, since I only saw them a month ago for Christmas.

"Um yeah, maybe a little bit."

"I'm so glad you got to come today. Grandpa was very excited! I know how busy you are with school and all," she continues.

"Yeah, he's been working hard in school. We're very proud," my mom boasts, despite not really paying attention to my school effort.

"Well, he's smart just like his mama!" my grandma laughs. All I really wanted to do was roll my eyes so far into the back of my skull that they would probably get stuck for life.

We finally made our way upstairs, finding my grandpa in his usual couch spot, watching Law and Order reruns.

"Jen, Shane, Dylan, it's so great to see you," my grandpa smiles. I ease up a bit, realizing that we're here to celebrate him, and it's not some kind of cruel and unusual punishment to make me go insane.

Why am I like this?

After a little bit of catching up while the food we brought warmed up, we head to the dining room to eat. We brought some of my grandpa's favorites, including shepherd's pie, lamb, and greens. I personally don't enjoy any of the above, but I'll tolerate it.

Like the good English-Irish Catholic family we are, we say grace before serving ourselves. I mainly just sit there and say nothing, except for a minimal "amen." Despite many arguments with my parents about faith, I'm still brought to church every Sunday by my parents. You can't do much about that when you're still 16, though.

Dinner goes on. I mainly just want to walk out of the room from hearing chewing since my nerves are so fried, but I don't want to cause a scene. I rate the night at a solid 5/10. I stare out the window the entire ride home, not wanting to talk to anyone or do anything. Although my mom tries to make light conversation with me, I give her short answers and cut it off quickly.

Back in our driveway, I realize it was actually snowing here. As much as I love fresh snow, all I really could muster was to follow my parents inside.

Then, I feel at my pockets for my phone, realizing I must've left it in the car.

"Mom, can I have your keys? I left my phone in the car."

She hands them to me and I walk back outside. But, to my surprise, as I'm grabbing my phone and about the lock up the car, I get a snowball thrown at my back. I flip around and see my best friend smirking in the dimly lit yard. I smile.

Austin knows how much I love snow, so he must've run over when he saw the lights were on next-door.

I quickly lock the car and pick up a snowball to hurl back at him. We both dodged and weaved, mostly unsuccessfully, ending up smacking each other with a lot of snow.

Laughing, Austin chases me with a giant chunk of snow and ends up knocking me into the ground. My stomach hurt from laughing, especially when he also fell down due to slipping shortly after his attack.

It was freezing, but for the first time in a while, I felt happy. Even though I knew this would only be temporary, I finally felt some kind of safe-haven from my recently murky life. And honestly, I think he knew that too.

"I should probably head back over to my house. But I'm glad you're back to laughing," Austin smiles, getting up and wiping the snow off his pants. He reaches his hand out and helps me get up as well.

I simply say, "Thank you." He nods and smiles.

"See you soon," he says, starting to walk back home.

I head back inside and hand my mom her keys. Once she notices I'm covered in snow and water, she rolls her eyes in a lighthearted way.

"Looks like somebody had fun."

I nod and actually smile at her. I make my way to my room to get out of the cold clothes and into fresh ones.

Since my bed was so warm, I found it very easy to fall asleep that night. I fell into a dream soon after.