Nineteen

Before Sammy and I met, she was very close friends with a guy named Patrick. They met in 6th grade, and really hit it off in their English class. He was the one to help her through her fight with Rachel, and it's pretty clear that she used to have some feelings for him.

Patrick was around when I first met Sammy, but as the two of us grew closer, they grew further apart. It wasn't anything in particular. Sometimes, people just talk less and forget about that bond they had. Eventually, he found his way to a new friend group, leaving Sammy behind.

Something weird has happened since Sammy and I had our conversation about Austin and I. It's understandable that she's been quieter around me and avoiding Austin when possible. It's a little strange, however, that she's been spending time with Patrick and his group of friends over us. A guy she hasn't spoken to in two years has suddenly become her close friend again.

As the remainder of our group eats lunch, I can't help but glance over at Sammy, seated at a table with guys she barely knows. Most of them are on the swim team together, and are definitely more well-known than us.

Austin taps me and I turn to look at him. He gives me a look, as if to tell me not to pay any mind to her. I keep eating my lunch and stop staring. That's not to say I stopped thinking about it.

"So, you two. I've been seeing you at the library lately. What's that all about?" Jade smirks, being her usual nosy self.

Austin answers simply. "I've been helping Dylan with math work."

Jade smiles and puts her head in her hands. "What a nice boyfriend."

Austin rolls his eyes.

Our typical lunch table is near the far end of the cafeteria, right next to the snack bar. Of course, after a whole period of trying to ignore her, I see Sammy and Patrick walking side by side, laughing as they approach the snack bar. Sammy doesn't even glance over.

When she said she needed space, I didn't realize she would be replacing us completely. Replacing me.

When the bell rings, Austin says, "Don't let it bother you too much. She's just hurt."

I nod. I pick up my bag and head to my last class. I wasn't looking forward to English, to say the least.

To my surprise, however, the walk to English ended up being a kick in the ass as well. I notice, especially the further I walk, that people are looking at me and laughing, talking, and generally being weird. My heart races a bit, but I try to brush it off. Maybe they aren't looking at me.

I sit down in English, Sammy being distant as usual. I plop my backpack on the floor. Something caught my eye, however.

On the ground, I find 2 sticky notes that simply say the word "fag." My heart sinks, and I notice that there's 3 others still sitting on the back of my bag. Sammy looks over, furrowing her eyebrows. I quickly take all the sticky notes and crumple them up, before anyone else can see them.

"You okay?" she asks, still trying to be considerate.

"Um, yeah. I'm fine, thanks," I lie. As the rest of the students filter into the class, I feel their eyes on me, as if I was a target and they were at a shooting range.

Why is this happening?

***

I head to the library after school ends for the day, as has been my routine with Austin for a little while now. I try to put the paranoia out of my head, although I want to rack my mind more about who could know that I'm gay. And more importantly, who wants to weaponize it.

Of course, the first words I hear from Austin when I sit down are "Is everything okay?"

I sigh. "How can you tell so easily?"

"I know you too well," he shrugs.

I sit down and pull the crumpled pieces of yellow paper out of my pocket, gently tossing them on the table. He furrows his eyebrows and proceeds to pick one up. He opens it up and very quickly figures out what the issue is. He gives me a look of panic.

"Who did this to you? Do all of them say that?"

"I don't know. And yes, there were 5 sticky notes on my backpack. As far as I know, someone must have done it at lunch. Doesn't narrow it down much," I tell him.

Austin attempts to recenter himself and avoid panicking too much more.

"It could be worse, right? How many people saw it, do you think?" he asks, trying to use logic to solve a very emotional issue.

"I can't say for sure. Whoever was walking behind me in the hallway when I was going to English. Who knows how many people that was," I tell him, feeling pessimistic.

"God, I'm sorry Dylan. You didn't deserve that."

I purse my lips. "Worse than that, do you think someone knows? About us? You know, aside from our friends?" I ask him, feeling shaken.

He looks down at the table and frowns. "I... I don't know. All we can do for now is try to keep our heads low."

The two of us study, but with the pits I assume are in both of our stomachs, we don't get through too much.