Chapter 12: My Daughter

"Hey, I actually won..", whispered Kousei to an unconscious Kaori, who just finished a life threatening surgery. He stared at her peacefully angelic features with a worried smile as he sat at bedside, holding her warm hand. "I reached all of them.. did I reach you?"

The eighteenth of February during Arima Kousei's final year in junior high was a day forever tattooed within the deepest of depths of his soul. It was when he won his first piano competition since he was eleven. However, it was also the moment when what he thought was unthinkable at first happened.

"I'll be flying to Milan, Italy tonight for some high school stuff Hiroko-san arranged me to do..", added Kousei as tears began to well up in his eyes. He shot a glance at the beeping machine beside him. "You better be awake when I return, you hear me? Or else.. I'll plug myself in this machine and wake you up.. you promised we'll take the stage together again."

Kousei took a few more moments to look at Kaori as if waiting for a response. But there was none. He eventually left her with a hand squeeze and walked out of the ICU. To his unimaginable dread, he was greeted by a scenery he wished he did not see.

Kaori's parents, Ryouko and Yoshiyuki, were locked in a tight embrace, crying their hearts out to each other. The wail of a mother losing her child was as horrific as something terrifyingly inconceivable that for anyone who heard it, might as well sob at the immense pain it pierced through.

Feeling defeated at what he just saw, Kousei looked away and found himself face to face with his two best friends. Tsubaki's tears flowed like a river as she stared at him with great worry. And uncharacteristically for the first time, there was this seriously hopeless expression on Watari's face.

"Kousei.. I'm so sorry..", muttered Tsubaki in between her sobs.

"Eh? Sorry for what?..", Kousei was beginning to feel the denial in his heart.

But Tsubaki's sobs got the better of her and was unable to speak more. Instead, Watari approached his best friend.

"The doctor said there was nothing they could do. It's only the machine that's keeping her alive..", stated Watari begrudgingly. He was trying to be strong for everyone and kept his tears in his eyes. "Kao-chan's gone, Kousei.. I'm sorry.."

Kousei remained stoic in his expression upon hearing his best friend's words. Then, he placed a hand on Tsubaki's head, catching her tearful eyes in attention.

"I see..", uttered Kousei as he caressed Tsubaki's hair.  "Well.. someone once told me the sense of hearing was the last to go. Why don't you two say your last words to her? I'm sure you can still reach her.."

Watari and Tsubaki were caught slightly off guard at what Kousei just told them. He was unexpectedly calm about it and even smiled faintly.

"But what about you?..", asked Watari as he watched Kousei walk away towards the exit.

Kousei stopped momentarily and slightly glanced back. "I've already told her what I wanted to say.. I need to go. I have a flight to catch.."

"Kousei! Wait!..", insisted Tsubaki as she tried to stop her friend from leaving.

But Watari immediately tapped her shoulder, preventing her from following Kousei. "Leave him be, Tsubaki.. he needs some time for himself.. and actually, we do too.."

After aimlessly trudging through town, Kousei found himself in a place where he unlikely went to usually. In front of him was a grave stone marked with the name, "Arima Saki". The feeling of both fatigue and grief weighed down on him heavily, but his expression remained peaceful as he stared down at his mother's final resting place.

'Okaa-san, why won't the tears come out? Is it because I drained them out already?..', pondered Kousei while the snow fell heavily above him as if the sky was doing all the crying for him. 'Is this the curse you were telling me about? I only play for the one I love.. why must I lose her too? Should my music always deal with loss? Is it really more colorful that way?'

"I thought we might find you here..", a familiar voice spoke from behind Kousei. "Good thing we still caught you before you went abroad. We'll be taking my daughter's remains to our hometown tomorrow."

"Miyazono-san..", greeted Kousei with a distinctly lonesome tone upon seeing Kaori's parents. "What can I do for you?"

"Nothing else anymore, really.. you've done so much..", answered Yoshiyuki as he took something out of his winter coat pocket.

"If you don't mind..", Ryouko interrupted by taking the small piece of paper out of her husband's hand. She gave it to Kousei afterwards. "Please take this for her.."

Upon receiving the item, Kousei noticed it was an envelope with his name written on the back. His eyes widened slightly in awe as he flipped it over, seeing Kaori's name on it with a black cat sticker.

Yoshiyuki smiled faintly as Kousei placed his attention back at them. "Thank you for giving color to Kaori's life.."

A weak kind of winter wind blew past as if Kaori herself was giving her blessing in giving the precious letter to Kousei. The snow still fell heavily, but the tears coming from the sky seemed to have not implied of something with anguish but of bittersweet relief.

'That's right.. you go and rest now..', thought Kousei while the chill caressed his face.

Later that night, Yoshiyuki and Ryouko went home to pack some things they will be taking to their hometown the following day. Of course, many of their valuable possessions reminded them of their precious daughter. So, it couldn't be helped if they reminisced a little of both the sad and pleasant memories.

Until suddenly, Ryouko broke down to tears again. "Yoshiyuki.. I can't do this.. there has to be another way.."

Yoshiyuki immediately went to his wife and embraced her. "Ryouko-chan.. I know.. I feel helpless too.. but we have to let Kaori go.."

"Why? Why must we go through all this? What did we do for us to deserve this?"

"I don't know.. but God must have a plan for all of us.."

"It hurts.. it hurts so much.. why does it have to be my baby..?"

Yoshiyuki let a tear roll down his fatigued face. "We have to do what we must.. our last act as parents is to go back to the hospital and end her suffering.."

It was the longest walk they had to take in their lives. Thinking of pulling the plug that kept their daughter alive was heavy but necessary. Only the cold of the winter night kept them in their senses as the Miyazonos suffered the pain of what was unnatural, no parent should bury their own child.

However upon entering the hospital again, what the couple expected to be a harsh greeting of reality turned into something more profoundly indescribable. By some miracle, Kaori's doctor was seen rushing towards the Miyazonos, delivering some good news.

"Miyazono-san!..", beamed the young doctor.

"What is it, sensei? You're in quite a rush..", stated Yoshiyuki in confusion.

The doctor tried to compose himself for a few more moments before letting out a smile. "It's Kaori.. she's conscious."

"Eh?..", reacted the stunned Yoshiyuki but only after his wife already charged towards the ICU, leaving him in the dust. He eventually chased after Ryouko upon realizing what the current situation entailed.

The moment Kaori's hospital room door slammed open, her parents quickly approached her with shocked expressions. Her eyes were blankly staring at the ceiling as she breathed gently through the tube.

"Good heavens! Kaori!..", cried Ryouko in immense joy as more tears flowed out of her eyes.

"A miracle, indeed.. thank you.. good job in making it back, my dear daughter..", Yoshiyuki also went in to embrace his recuperating daughter.

Kaori slowly turned her head towards her sobbing parents and made an inaudible sound. Her whispers seemed like she was trying to say something.

"My dear.. what was that?..", asked Ryouko while leaning her head towards her daughter's mouth.

By slightly moving her lips, Kaori mumbled something. "K.. Kaori? W.. who's that? Who're you?"

"Kousei-kun.. how are you, my boy?..", Ryouko greeted, bringing everyone back to the present.

Kousei stood stunned upon laying eyes on the overgrown belly of the pregnant Miyazono. She simply hugged him when he stood up to greet her.

Kaori followed after finishing up the cleaning in the kitchen. She became more confused at the situation as she gave that switching blank stare towards all of them present.

"I'm good, Miyazono-san.. and oh my God, you're expecting!..", Arima Kousei replied as he looked at the chef's wife's very pregnant state in shock. "I guess you all are blessed."

"And it's a boy this time!..", Yoshiyuki said cheerfully. Then, he glanced at Kaori. She was unusually silent. He didn't even notice she sat beside him already. However, she wasn't giving that blank stare anymore. She was still obviously confused with the awkward smile she was showing though. He just simply put an arm around his daughter to comfort her as she hugged back.

"But my daughter here still.. is our greatest miracle..", Yoshiyuki added while Kaori playfully smacked him on his belly.

"Yoshiyuki, dear..", Ryouko called as she sat down beside Kaori. "Please continue with your story.."

"There really is no need to rush, Miyazono-san..", the boy said as he sunk deeper in his seat, with all of the Miyazonos looking at him at the same time, upon hearing their name.

"Oh.. but you're going to hear it, Arima-kun..", insisted Yoshiyuki. "Going back.. so she woke up right? There was a problem though. Besides still being very weak, she couldn't remember anything.. not even her own name..", he added, right before Kousei looked at Kaori with concern in his eyes. The chef's daughter just simply nodded to him, curbing her lips to a tiny smile.

"The doctor said she may have lost a lot of her memories due to the nature of the operation..", Ryouko commented.

"I was going to say that, dear..", Yoshiyuki remarked disappointingly.

"I wanted to go to the good parts quickly..", Ryouko chimed before she laughed.

Kousei just smiled awkwardly while Kaori looked at the floor with her head rested on her father's shoulder.

"Something tells me you've practiced these lines many times and said this to many people before me..", Kousei tried to jest and awkwardly chuckled after. It took Kaori's parents a few moments to force some laughter out of them. Kaori just turned red and gave them that "oh my god this is embarrassing" stare. He was probably not joking.

"She retained all the skills needed to survive like talking, eating, drinking, using her hands and such..", continued Yoshiyuki. "With walking of course, she needed therapy for that. The good thing was the doctor did assure us that in most cases, remembering one's name and family are amongst the first memories to come back. And it did eventually."

"Then that's great..", Arima answered.

"The problem was some memories might take time to regain and had no specific timeline. It will just pop out randomly. And in some cases, might never come back at all. Her doctor simply said it is highly encouraged to help her remember things but not force her for it might stress her out and completely block out some memories."

"So.. that's why the principal said it was better for her to ask the questions rather than us."

"Looks like the old man was oriented well."

Kousei nodded before he looked at Kaori again, still with that concerned look.

"Aren't we forcing memories upon her now with us talking about this while she's here?..", inquired Kousei. "I mean, me being here.. talking about this.. this is new to her.."

"It's okay. Think of it as me asking you a question of who you are to me, 'kay?..", Kaori interrupted with a reassuring smile. "Which you never really answered yet..", she added, suddenly changing her expression to an angry one.

'Sometimes, she makes me think if she really had some mental illness since birth..', thought Yoshiyuki with an awkward smile.

"Oi, I already did.. and that's all you need to know for now. Otherwise.. it would be cheating..", Kousei replied with a squint.

Kaori simply pouted as a response and looked away like a child.

"It's a long process though. For her to be able to ask the right questions will take time..", Yoshiyuki pressed on. "However even if her surgery was a success, it only prolonged her life a little. It would've been such a waste to spend her short time just for remembering forgotten memories..

"And so, her surgeon had a suggestion. There was a way to cure her completely.. but it would take time, and it would be very expensive. Since her memory loss was caused by the operation itself, the doctor couldn't help but feel responsible for it.. so he was willing to contact his colleagues and partially shoulder the expenses. I of course, could not say no to that. We even used Kaori's college fund to pay for the rest.."

"So this is where everyone suddenly vanishes?..", asked Kousei.

"Unfortunately, yes. The machines, the equipment, the technology needed for her therapy isn't available in Japan.. and she needed to begin doing it immediately after the surgery before the wounds completely heal."

"Where was she taken? Where did you go?"

"California.. United States.."

An even longer silence followed after that. It seemed not only Kousei was thinking of the next thing to say but everyone in the room. Yoshiyuki felt completely guilty of denying the boy of this truth for so long.

"We really tried to contact you, Arima-kun.. until we had to leave and bring Kaori there. But I guess, you were already on the plane going to Milan. I'm really sorry for not trying hard enough..", Yoshiyuki apologized to him once more.

"W-When I returned a few weeks later.. I went here.. and yeah, it was closed..", muttered Kousei with his eyes filling with tears, threatening to fall down. "I assumed that you were still in your hometown, mourning your loss and taking a break. I would've wanted to say goodbye because the following week, I went to Okutsu and never returned until just recently.."

Yoshiki caught a glimpse of his daughter's teary eyes, staring at Kousei as if she was feeling his pain too.

"I came back, every once in a while from the States to check on the bakery, wishing and at the same time, dreading for your return.. rehearsing all these words over and over.. some of your friends came.. but I prefer telling this to you first. I'm terribly sorry for failing to tell-…."

"Miyazono-san..", Arima Kousei cut the chef mid sentence. Everyone looked at him upon hearing their name again. He sank in his seat once again as a reaction and hesitated. "If there is one person here who needed to apologize, it should've been me. I was a coward. I did not have the courage to stay and mourn with you. I was afraid to lose myself at that sight.. too afraid in fact.. I-I'm really sorry..", he added, which made Kaori's tears flow finally.

'Did she just remember something? She never told us, but she just looked at him smiling and crying at the same time..', thought Yoshiyuki as he was caught off guard by his daughter's reaction.

"It's my fault. If I stayed.. I would've known. I could've helped. I could've done something for Kaori..", Kousei continued with his tears still stuck in his eyes. Ryouko and Yoshiyuki simply smiled endearingly at the boy's gesture.

"Yuujin A..", Kaori called while she wiped her tears, stopping Kousei from talking.

"Yes?..", acknowledged Kousei, switching his attention to the pastry chef's daughter.

"That's the first time you called me by my name.."