Chapter Seven

"So, I thought, maybe we should start with something like…. skydiving…", and before I could say another word Zach interrupted me sternly.

"No. Not a chance. You do know that the plane flies at 30.000 feet. Do you know what that does to your body, and what your body goes through, when you jump?"

I invited him for coffee, at a coffeeshop across the hospital, since he was on call, and had maybe 15 to 20 minutes break. The night before, was a productive night and I had written out a plan. No, again, not that devious one, the one to prove to Michael that I'm the one. But the other one. The one concerning my life. Or, what's left of it.

I looked at him angrily and sighed. Fine, I'll do that without him then, I thought, and crossed out the activity in my notebook.

"Swimming with sharks."

He laughed, "You expect me to let you do that?"

"Oh, come on. I'll be in one of those cages, protected, "I tried to convince him, but he wasn't changing his mind.

Fine. Cross that one out.

"Paintballing. That's on the ground, and I'm protected, like with 50 layers of clothes… and… GOGGLES!'' I dramatically said.

He shook his head reminding me, "Where did you get that bruise from, again?"

Damn it. He was a tough nut to crack. This wasn't going the way I wanted it. He noticed how disappointed I was and touched my arm, "Look, how about I plan this. I have two weeks off, vacation time, and you leave it all to me?"

I laughed sarcastically, "And where are you going to take me, ballroom dancing, or I'll break my leg there, if you step on me?''

Zachary smiled, ''No. Trust me, ok?"

I was thinking about it. I mean, yes, he was my doctor, and knew what's best for me, physically, and in a safe way, but safety was not what I needed. I needed to fell alive, to feel the adrenaline rush through my veins before they rot like everything else.

"Anyway, why would you spend your vacation time on me. Don't your rich people go to like Bali, or something like that? That's way better than accompanying a sick girl, making sure she doesn't hurt herself?"

"Don't you worry about that. Do you trust me?"

His beeper went off, but he kept looking at me, and waiting for my reaction. He was cute even when he was serious.

"Ok, fine. But you better make this decision, worthwhile."

"Don't you worry about that. Go home, get some rest, and pack your bags. Pack lightly because we are going somewhere warm. I have to go now," he finally looked at his pager, then back at me, "but, I'll call you tonight."

I must admit, I was excited, of the unknown. Where is he going to take me? The possibilities were endless.

I arrived home, and the moment I walked in, I was greeted with what looked like a family intervention. My grandparents, my dad, and my mom were seating in the living room.

"Um…Hi. What's going on?"

Mom stood up and walked towards me, "We all talked about this trip, and I, we," she corrected herself, "… we don't think you should go."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she continued, "I know, honey, I know the doctor is going with you, but it's too dangerous, and..."

"This isn't your decision," now it was my turn to interrupt.

I don't think I need to describe her reaction, cause you all know, how a mother looks like, when she's angry, and her child is not doing what she ordered.

I held my ground, " Mom, I understand your reaction, and that, all of you worry," I looked at everyone in the room, "… and I love you all, but this…THIS… is my decision."

"Jessica," she warned me.

"This is for me," I raised my voice," I've spent good part of my life for you, all of you. Chemo, chemo…. All I knew was chemo. Because of all of you, not me. I was hopeful the first couple of years, but then I gave up, and I wanted to end it. But I didn't, because of you! I was tired, angry, exhausted, furious, but I kept going for you. The operation was for you. But, this time, it's for me! THIS…IS..FOR…ME! And I deserve that. Don't you think I deserve that?" I was full on crying now and giving them everything I got.

Everyone was getting emotional, and dad put his hand on mom, and told me to go and pack.

I took a deep breath. "Can..I…go?" I looked at them.

She finally nodded, and I rushed upstairs to pack.