Regret

I tried to kill myself today on Christmas

My thoughts were a darkness I couldn't bare

For a second it was peaceful

Drowning in the tub saying goodbye in my head

But it felt more wrong

When my lungs fought to breathe again

The water going up my nose

Then into my mouth,

My body started panicking and I couldn't do it

I felt like a failure and an idiot for even trying.

I couldn't bare imaging my mom finding me

Now this is my secret to bare,

More of a reason to hate Christmas and myself

Because if I succeeded

I would have been a tragedy part of a statistic

With a traumatized mother I burdened

But instead now I'm burdening myself…