another day to get by

The day I was told that my family died in the fire was the day I lost my happiness. This day transformed me. Not only physically, but mentally. The fire didn't just kill my family, it killed the part of me that made me human. How do you tell a sixteen-year-old girl that she has lost everything she had, and expect her to not to come out of it a different person? Every day I dream that I too died in that fire. I dream that I too was locked in a room like my family. I wish that I experienced the excruciating pain of being burned alive that they did. My parent's families did not want anything to do with me, as they were convinced that I was a cursed child. They were convinced that I was the one to kill my family. I mean why was I the only one to survive? At first, I was forced to move into foster care, however last year when I turned eighteen, I moved out of foster care.

I am woken by the vibrating of my body and my heart. The powerful sound of hard beats, due to my downstairs neighbors having their daily party rituals. It was dark out, yet this was the start of my day. I move myself to the edge of my bed where I run my hands through my thick 4A hair. Sitting on the end of my bed, I close my eyes as I touch the necklace hanging from my neck, contemplating why I'm still here. I rub my eyes before making my way to the bathroom just a couple feet from my bed. I live in a run-down apartment. I don't have the money to be living in some luxurious penthouse or fancy single house. Instead I'm stuck here. In a run-down apartment, somewhere in the outskirts of Scarborough. I mean this is what I have and I'm thankful, I get by and that's all that matters. I open the light to the bathroom, as they flicker before revealing the image of a girl in the mirror. A girl with midnight black, mid back length hair. I look at this girl's clear cinnamon skin, touched by a few freckles running over her nose and cheeks, with a beauty mark below her left grey eye. I look at this girls' eyes. Her pained eyes. The darkness that lurked behind the heterochromia affected eyes. I remove my oversize black bleach stained t-shirt as I turn my body around to turn the fossette of the shower, revealing a weak stream of water coming from above. I reach my hand to the droplets of water coming from above as I wait for the perfect temperature. Once reached, I step inside letting the water cleans me of my past sins. I let the water run through my scared body. I use my right hand to stroke over the tattoo sleeve of my left arm. I look over each tattoo, each with its own reason as to why it exists on this arm.

I step out into the darkness of the night wearing a black ankle length dress. This dress hugs my figure expressing every curve that exists on this body. With every step I take, the slit on the side expresses the shining cinnamon legs laying underneath. My curly hair swaying from side to side as the scent of coconut and lavender spreads along the wind. I walk down the streets hearing the clack of my red stiletto gladiator heels, against the cemented sidewalk. I hear whispers and men's whistles as I approach the ranging club before me. I smirk over at the guard, guarding the entrance of this place. He nods as I turn to face the demons lying before me. Each individual deeply possessed by their inner demon to the point of being able to commit actions not known to men. This is a daily routine for me, I walk to the same site everyday, as I turn myself to a woman capable of getting anything she would out of any man. I look around this club as I make my way to the bar. Taking my seat, I look as the bartender winks handing me my usual shot of Double Spring Vodka. Wrapping my fingers around this shot glass I close my eyes as I let this drink make its way through my body, leaving burns as it passes down my esophagus, until it reaches the site where it shall unleash the demon within. I set this shot glass down, turning my body as I make my way to the middle of this club where the demons fight in lust for something that isn't their own. I let my body move, swaying my hips with every beat of the music. I let myself free as close my eyes letting my body move on its own. I let the sudden hand wrap itself around my waist grasping onto me like I am a million dollars. I turn my body as I let my hands run itself around the face of this man. He continues to hold onto me letting the space between us become nothing but history. I begin to focus as I let this man become consumed by his inner lustful demon. However, I reach my hands into this man's back pocket wrapping my hands around a smooth leather wallet. I let this man continue to attack my lips with his own, while I fully aware of my actions, tuck his wallet into my thong which was easy to access due to the slit on the side of the dress. When the song slowed down, and this man held me as I rest my head upon his shoulders. I whisper, "I'll be right back." As I broke myself from this mans grasp. Steeping into the bathroom I quickly step into a stall as I remove the wallet lying between my skin and my thong. I open it to remove three ten-dollar bills, two fifty-dollar bills and three twenties. I fold the bills, tucking them within my thong, however I leave space for the wallet. I leave the bathroom as I scan the crowd to find this man. I find him with his stringy brown hair and white dress top. He sits at a table alone, waiting. I lead myself to sit on his thighs as he suddenly uses each hand to cup both of my butt cheek. He purses his lips on mine as I run my hands through his stringy brown hair. I spread my legs so that both his legs are between mine as we sit in this empty booth. When I feel that the time is right, I use my left hand to reach the slit where I instantly hold the wallet. I continue to show fake affection to this man as I slowly slip the wallet between the space created by the man and the backrest. I whisper once again to this man's ear, "treat me to a drink." He slowly opens his eyes as smile lit his face. Disgusting, I think to myself. When the drinks arrive, I insist this man to drink, as I keep myself aware of my actions by drinking a Shirley Temple, containing no alcohol. The man drinks until he blackout. First victim down, let the night begin.

I come home instantly lifting my dress to reveal the money held on to me by this thin thong. I remove the money bills as I sigh in relief running my hand over the indent of folded money engraved upon my skin. I place the bills onto my dresser as I make my way to the shower, ready to cleans myself once again. Once I complete my shower, I return to the dresser to count the money that I "made" today. Seven ten-dollar bills, 9 twenties, and 6 fifties. I made five hundred and fifty dollars in one night, by three men.