Me and Mary !

I walk with Mary till her house . We never spoke after me asking her to be a escort . We just walked silently and the only sounds reaching my ears were the moving vehicles and footsteps of other pedestrians . It took about 5 minutes to reach her condo .

" This is where I live " . She tells me curtly . She probably want to be left alone ( of course who would want to be with me of all people) .

" Okay.. then , take care and see you at college ". I just a safe response and plan to skedaddle ASAP , but I feel a tugging on my sleeve and turn to see Mary holding it . ( Oi Oi what's happening)

" Ah..any pro-oblem?" . I was flustered and couldn't bring out a proper response. Damn me !!

" Could you stay with me for a while ? I don't why I'm asking this or what I'm even doing but I'm scared to be alone , the person whose acknowledgement I was seeking seems no more ". She has her head down probably biting her lips. She is desperate , she wanted attention from Darren but he already proved it impossible . She came here for Darren and now when she knows he won't be there for her , she is lost . Never in my life I had experienced such situations , but leaving her alone is probably a bad idea .

I just nod at her . Speaking was impossible for me in this situation . She gestures me to follow her ( probably I'm going to her house . This is my first time going to a girl's house OMG!). We get on the lift for 3rd floor and reach her house . She unlocks it swiftly and lets me in ( Oh man I'm nervous).

I go into the house which had a big living room , one bedroom , a kitchen , a toilet and bathroom . A typical regular rented condo . She gestures me to sit on the sofa and she sits in front of me . We don't talk at all, she just sits there with her head on her raised knees . To be honest I'm nervous . First of all it's my first time being in a girl's house ( I'm to be blamed here , it's all because of my inexperience. Ugh..)

The next thing is there is dialogue between us . I like silence and tranquility but not this , this atmosphere is making me nervous each and every second . I lack conversation skills so it would be awkward for me to initiate it and she probably won't talk either . What a strange situation .

There are carton boxes here and there placed, a lot of them in fact which tells me she hasn't sorted her things out yet ( Darren told me about this though ) .

I walk to the kitchen to see if there is something in the fridge I could cook. I plan to make porridge since it's simple and light for the stomach . ( I'm no master chef but I do cook a little) . So I make the porridge in 10 minutes and serve for two plates . I believe that eating relaxes our mind ( at least it works for me).

So I keep Mary's portion in front of her and start eating mine .

" What's this ?" . She asks me with with her eyes wide .

" Hmm .. it's porridge , I was hungry so I made it for myself and for you too ". I answer

It seems that she didnt observe that I was cooking . Well I don't mind , she has a lot of things in her head .

She takes a spoonful of porridge and brings it her mouth.

" Hmm.. It's good ". While saying that she eats the rest real fast. she finishes it in minute or so and tears start to form in her eyes.

" Hey Kelvin " .

" Yeah , what's the matter "?

" What I'm I supposed to do , I feel so helpless and my mind's a mess *hic * hic* Darren's gonna leave me if this continues . I took so much trouble to come here and he won't even look at me* hic * hic".

" Calm down okay , Nothing's gonna happen ." I can't say anything more here . Her fears soon will be realized . I can't go on lying here anymore . So I should avoid this somehow .

" I can't calm down you know, I love him , I love Darren . I can't give up on him now so easily . Now that I've transferred here I can't even go back . What do I do *hic *hic*".

This situation is beyond me honestly . I can't even understand her feelings and pain . I just let her cry her heart out .

" You know ... , I'm pretty useless in these matters and I don't have much experience with these things , but I can at least give you an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry " . What the hell I'm I even saying . I'm so embarrassed now.

" Hmm .. Thank you so much . Would you mind giving your contact info?". At last , she smiled a bit while wiping her tears . I don't mind giving my contact details to her. ( This is also my first giving my number to girl, haha poor me). She probably asked it because I told her I would give her my shoulder and ear .

" Yeah , here you go ". We exchange contacts and I see the time on my phone .

" Ohh.. It's already this late so I have to go now I guess " .

" Ohh ! You're right , sorry for taking up all your time . See you in college then ". She tells it with a smile( it looks soo fake that it Pains me to watch her) .

" Yeah ... you be careful , bye".

I say that and work my way towards my home . My impression on Mary changed quite a bit . She is not the type what I expected her to be . I really need to change my views on people . Just because they are sociable or easy to talk to doesn't mean they have a bad personality or nasty behaviour ( An important lesson learnt )

After I go home I dive into my bed . I was exhausted today both physically and mentally . I wanted to sleep and forget about everything for now .

I probably would've slept if it wasn't for the last event with Mary but it kept bugging me somehow , I don't know why and it feels like I can't grasp this waking emotion which is swelling inside me .

I don't know why ( just my intuition I think) but I feel that the life I wished for will never be realised . Well it's not everything is in my hands now is it . Going with the flow is also a type of average life . Just taking everything that comes our way and accepting it is also a simple way of life .

From now on I believe I'll be going with this approach , just accepting everything and moving on

It's ideally not possible I think but I'll give it a try.