Chapter 19 What’ s home?

Ryuko P.O.V

When did I feel like this? When did I like her and why? I sigh softly to myself, watching my hand trace the clouds. I don't get how, I don't understand. It's been two weeks since he broke up with me yet, he still talks to me, he's the only person I text, I can't bring myself to talk to her again. She would send a message almost everyday after we met each other again, but now nothing. Just nothing, I'm suck within my thoughts. "Mom, what do I do?" I asked, my eyes looking at the dull sky , filled with clouds, dark gray black ones. "I hope you can hear me" I feel a bit upset but my eyes won't seem to wet. "Did you know I was like this? Did you know it would be her?" I feel the raindrop gently fall onto my face. "How did you know her family? And How did I forget? I wasn't that hurt was I?" I felt the top of my head, I could feel the blood, I can hear the rain, feel the pain. I can see the flipped car, and my mother. She's still, very still. Her dark hair is a mess, the car in front of us standing, the driver looks fine but my mother was pale. I can hear myself crying, shaking, calling. But you never woke, you never spoke. I can feel your cold hand, I placed it on my cheek because I was scared. Why did you leave? I don't get it, why did you die? Why not the other driver, they hit us, it's their fault. You could have lived if they died, but god chose you and I want to understand. Why you, why not them, why not me? I didn't have much, my life was barely started, if I died it wouldn't have been such a big loss. You would be here with dad and Levi in the rain that you loved so much, smiling and laughing and I could be watching, not you. Why...why..Why can't I feel the rain? 

I fluttered my eyes open meeting green ones. "Aren't you cold?" She asked me with a smile, as I placed my hand on her cheek. "Are they cold?" I watched her smile turn warm, "Yes, but I'll warm them up" She leaned into my hand. "I have missed the sun" I rubbed her cheek. "Come on, you're gonna get sick" She helped me up, "You're soaked, How long have you been out here?" She asked me, holding my hand. "All day," I answered. "Do you want to go back to my house?" I nodded, feeling her give my hand a small squeeze. "Why were you out here?" 

"I was just thinking," I said softly, "And singing?" I looked back at her confused, "You were singing something, it sounded familiar, I think I heard Chloe sing it"

"Did she tell you the meaning of the song?" Is it that song? "She told me a few years back that people who sing it are broken souls"  

"I was thinking of my mother, that must have been why I was singing that song" I looked at the ground, watching her legs move, walking into a puddle. "The funny thing about that song is the name, 'And I'm home'"

"What's funny about it?" She looked at me. "I haven't felt at home in awhile, I don't think I have a home anymore" She looked upset "What do you mean you don't have a home anymore?" 

"When I was 14, my mother and I were on our way home. We had a mommy daughter day. Just me and her nothing else. I treasure that day, I can't believe how much can change in seconds. I didn't understand but that didn't matter god wanted me to understand do not get spoiled. This car hit us, we flipped and I hit my head on the window. Glass everywhere, blood staining my skin, my hair and my mother. I called her name, as I tried to move, it hurt so much. I was so scared. That day I lost my home, and a piece of me" I feel Soleil pull me into a hug but I still felt cold.