Chapter 11

Atifa's pov :

It was past Isha, after praying I was in the kitchen, thinking what else to make. I was confused and so, I called Amira and Alayna in the kitchen.

"What would you guys like to eat for dinner?" I asked them. A frown adorned my face as I checked the cupboards, wishing I could magically find something to make. Turning around to look at them, I found them glancing at each other before grinning cheekily. I raised my eyebrows at them questioningly.

"What about spaghetti?" They both exclaimed excitedly.

It wasn't a bad idea, but I doubted if ammi would agree about having spaghetti for dinner. Just as I was thinking about it, ammi came inside the kitchen.

"Atifa can you make chicken for dinner? I kept it in the fridge in the afternoon, it must be soft by now." She said while opening the fridge and taking out the chicken.

"Yeah sure ammi." Glancing at the kids apologetically, I replied before getting to work. Ammi started washing the chicken as Amira and Alayna left the kitchen.

"What do you say we make Chicken gravy? The one which you guys love." She asked me while cutting the chicken into smaller pieces.

Once again I was surprised at her attempt to make these small conversations. I missed them so much. Tears brimmed my eyes and I blinked them back. I had to answer ammi now, talk to her and make memories like before. Who knew till when would this last? I reminded myself as I answered her, trying to be a bit cheerful. "Whatever you say, I will be up for it!"

"Perfect! So chicken gravy is it." She replied while looking at me happily. I could finally see the lost spark returning back in her eyes. This made me hopeful that maybe, just maybe, things might go back to how they used to be.

"I have some office work right now so I will be back in a while." After cutting the chicken into smaller pieces, ammi informed me while drying her hands. Smiling at me, she left the kitchen. I started cutting the vegetables and making the chicken gravy, hoping that it turns out good, it had been a while since I made it.

._._._.

I was sitting on my bed, getting ready to sleep after setting up the only guest room downstairs. Thankfully, the dinner went without anyone's interruptions. And you wouldn't know how relieved I was for that. Although I would agree that having that guy around was nerve-wracking, but watching ammi like this after so much time just because of that guy... Maybe I could take it for a while. I hadn't really thought about what I heard downstairs. Yes, it did cross my mind many times but I dismissed it or tried to engage myself in some other task.

A knock on my door brought me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I said, glancing at the door. Ammi cracked the door open before peeking. Coming in, she closed the door. I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips. Sitting beside me on the bed, she took my hands in her own.

The warmth that I felt after so long made me nostalgic and I realised just how much I missed her and her touch of affection. Her bear hugs and our cuddles. Those forehead and cheeks kisses. I gulped down the lump forming in my throat, I didn't want to cry in front of her. But if she continued with this affection, then I might lose control of myself and I would definitely not like to do that.

I looked at her with a smile on my face, trying to push back my thoughts. "Ammi! How are you?" I asked her, trying to start a conversation.

"I'm fine Alhamdulillah. What about you Atifa?"

"I'm fine too Alhamdulillah."

"I- uhh..." Sighing, she stared in the distance for a while, as if preparing herself for whatever she wanted to tell me.

"Ammi I forgot to tell you, Emaan is coming home tomorrow and she will stay for the night." I squeezed her hands lightly and tried to make her at ease. She turned her gaze to me.

"Alright, ask her to come here early. Maybe even have her lunch here." She smiled.

I was surprised at her request. But then again, almost everything which happened today was surprising. "Okay I will ask her."

"I want you to get married to him. You know... Alayna's brother. He is a nice guy. He will keep you happy, I know that. Uhm... Will you agree?" After a while she broke the silence. Although I already knew she would ask me this, or at least tell me about it, I was still shocked.

"Uhh... Ammi, I- I..." I didn't know what or how to answer her, so I trailed off. My mind was going haywire once again. My thoughts all jumbled up.

"I know this is sudden and I don't want your answer today, maybe by tomorrow afternoon you can let me know?" She added and then, as an afterthought, continued. "And I will be very happy if you agree."

I was at loss of words and I didn't know what to say or do, so I just nodded my head and continued to stare off in the distance. This time, she squeezed my hands lightly and I glanced at her. Smiling at me, she hugged me and I returned her hug, still lost in my thoughts.

"You should sleep now, it's getting late." Telling me, she stood up.

"Yeah, I will." Looking up at her, I forced a smile.

"Good night, take care and sleep well beta." She said while walking towards the door.

"Good night ammi." I replied, watching her but not really seeing her.

"Allah hafiz." She turned around to look at me for one last time, gave me a warm smile and left.

"Allah hafiz." I whispered into the emptiness of the room as I laid down on my bed. But sleep was far away from me. It was as if after hearing those words from her, they decided to take shelter from someone else.

The thoughts which I tried to avoid so much the whole day, came rushing to me. I was left alone with them surrounding me. And this time, I couldn't even escape from them.

Why would ammi want me to get married so soon? What was so special about that guy? Was I ready to take this big step in my life? Did I really want to get married now? That too to some stranger? Wait, no actually, some irresponsible stranger. How could I forget that he left his sister alone in the park. How could he even?! And could I even trust him? What did ammi even see in him which attracted her so much? And why was she suddenly acting like how she used to be? Was it really because of this guy? But for how long?

And what if I declined this offer? What if I disagree with this marriage? What would happen then? Would she still be like how she was being now? Or would she again go back to isolating herself and being cold?

I couldn't take that risk. I couldn't let her go back to being cold. I couldn't lose this treasure once again when I got a second chance. I didn't know till when this might last, but I couldn't... I just couldn't let myself be the reason for it happening again. I didn't know the answer yet but I was sure about one thing. I would try my best to let my old ammi stay.

Tossing and turning in my bed restlessly for a while, I realised that I wouldn't be able to sleep this way. Getting up from the bed, I went to make wudu.

After coming back from the washroom, I took out my prayer mat and scarf and started praying two nafil raka'at's followed by the dua of Salat al-Istikharah.

Istikhara is done when we are not sure about something and are seeking answers for it. It is done when we want to know what is the best for us. It is a way of asking God to show us the right direction. To let us choose what is the best for us, to guide us, to show us a sign so that we can follow it.

It doesn't necessarily mean a person would see a dream, No. Rather after doing istikhara, God guides a person to the right choice through different means, only he knows best.

Surely if there was any good for me in this matter then God would bless me with it and guide me towards it.

With this thought in my mind, I kept the prayer mat and scarf in its place before going to sleep. This time, sleep overcame me as soon as I recited the duas.

._._._.