Preface

Okay, so the name should've been a red flag. Who would ever call a candy making company, "Ahead of Its Time." Such a stupid fucking name. Either way, being the nosy bastard I am, I decided to investigate it. I mean why not, right? Oh yeah, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Christopher Zsardon. I work at the rundown newspaper office in some town you never heard of in the middle of nowhere Pennsylvania. Trust me, 30K a year isn't worth the bullshit I've put up with. I've been working here for almost ten years. Started when I was twenty. Dropped out of college, hit the open road, landed here. Now I'm almost thirty and I realize I haven't done jack with my life. I live in a seedy apartment that I can barely afford. My girlfriend is God knows where. She went missing about three weeks ago and the pigs, ahem I mean state troopers, aren't doing anything about it. They said "Oh well this happens. We'll find her." All I have to say is BET. So let's keep the story rolling as you're all probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. Well let me tell you this much, it's a story related to the fact that I may have lost my head, literally and metaphorically. This isn't a story for the faint hearted. It gets a bit gruesome and if you haven't picked up on it, some swearing because this is my story so i'll tell it my way. So listen, if you ever get a bad feeling about something, you should probably avoid that thing. Course none of you stupid little shits will listen but it might just save your life someday. But anyways, I suppose you guys are probably tired of this and ready to go on, if any of you even read this. So without further ado, here's my story.