I. Moving Forward

"I'm still going!" she said firmly while Myla looked straight at her.

She has stopped her a few times already with her plans to leave, but like her few carved attempts it just always fails.

Ava already made up her mind, she has already made a decision and no one can change that, not even her closest cousin and considered sister, Myla.

She on the other hand tried her best to clear her mind. She even talk her way into her mind, telling her things that might convince her to atleast think about everything but all of it just fall on deaf ears.

"Are you still that determined to pursue all your plans? But why, I thought you were okay? I thought you are doing okay, you said to me that you're going to be okay!" Myla began to express her disappointment. Her tone of voice was heavy, her facial expression, gloomy. And as she tries to convince her to think things through, Ava just continued to firmly say what she was about to do.

She'll leave.

Ava knew when she looked at Myla that she was upset, the thought of her leaving is upsetting her because she knew that she had promised her that she will stay, that she will not push through with her initial plan.

"I need this. I need to do it for myself, Myles." she begged her to let her be. She even said it while pointing at her chest and then looked at her after. "I need this for myself."

"Is this what you really want?"

I nodded as I answer her question. "I need to free my mind of all the things that's been bothering me for quite some time now, Myla. I fear that this sadness I feel inside might eat me whole and alive. I can't live like this, I need some time alone, to think and to compose myself on what I really wanted to do."

"But don't you think you're being too hard on yourself?"

I did not reply, I just looked at her in despair.

"Is this still about Edward, Ava?" Myla asked her looking straight into her eyes.

She shooked her head and let out a bitter smile. "This is not just about him. I have already accepted the fact that he is gone and he will never come back."

"That easy? I doubt it!"

"It's not my fault you don't want to believe me."

"Can you blame me? I've been worried sick about you. You don't even come out of this house in weeks, even months, we can't talk to you the way we talked to you before. We don't even know you anymore."

"I am still me."

"If that's true, then what's the problem? What's the matter? Why are you acting like this?"

"I am the problem. I feel broken inside, I still feel broken inside. I am alive and breathing but I feel dead already." Then she heard Myla sigh, she knew she still had something to say but she never tried to speak again.

Perhaps he knew she could no longer be stopped. That she had already made up her mind and that her decision is final could not be changed anymore.

Not even Myla.

Yes, she was her confidant, she tells her everything and to her, she's an open book.

She knew everything Ava went through and despite everything, she still supports her especially in all her decisions in life.

Then Ava saw Myla walked out of her room, she did not say a single word anymore and she let her be.

She sighed and at the same time her inexplicable sudden tears flowed. "You have to do it, Ava. You have to do it so that you can move forward. So that you can get back to where you were and so that you can start things up all over again. You have to do it, you have too."

After arranging her things, she finally left her room. Carrying a bag and a suitcase, she went out of the door only to find out that Myla was not there anymore.

She left already, maybe because she doesn't want to see her leave.

Then she took a one good look at the house, while wondering when she could come back. When she will be able to return to the place with so much memories. Memories which are very same reason why she decided to leave.

Why he wants to get away. The same memories that make her miserable everytime she remembers it. She also took a final glance at the pictures at the top of a cabinet bynthe living room. And that's when she could not hold it anymore, the thought of her leaving this place breaks her heart. Thinking she will be leaving behind all his memories.

Their memories together, all of it.

The very home they dreamed of and built.

The pain is killing her, she thought she was done feeling all of it but as time went on she realized she was not even dealing half of it.

She kept on wishing for all of this to be over. She kept on asking herself where would she pick up the pieces of his own shattered heart. How can she move on and be better.

Who else will she be leaning on? Who else will she rely on all this things that's happening?

Ava doesn't know what to do anymore or where to turn to except fornher cousin, Myla. And now, she is shutting her out of her life as well which made her very upset.

She has no other friends or family she can rely on. Now that she lost Edward, She felt all alone, she has no one else now but herself.

He is gone. And now she will leave Myla behind.

To find herself.

To be in a place where she do not know anyone, while hoping she would get rid of all the pain lying deep down in her heart.

Before she finally left the house she heard her phone ring, someone's calling her and when she looked at it she saw that Myla is calling her. Perhaps for the last time to stop her, to knock some sense out of her. So she answered, for the last time she wanted to hear her voice before she left but when she put her cellphone to her ear, it was not Myla's voice.

It's Edward's.

Ava heard his voice then suddenly all the pain came crushing her heart again.

"Go, find your happiness. I wanted you to be happy, I want you to be happy even when I am gone. I want you to still fulfill all your dreams and I want to see you smile again every time you look at me. I love you, Ava. Forgive me if I'll leave you like this, forgive me if I can no longer fulfill all my promises for us. I wish there was another way for this things to happen. I hope there is another way to change everything."

She couldn't hold back anymore, her tears began to fell as she listened to the man's voice on the other line. The voice of the only person who made her feel that she could love and be loved, the very man who ade her realize that happiness is just veing with the person you love.

Ava tightened her grip on the handle of the suitcase by her hand. After what happened months ago, this is the first time she hears his voice again and it felt real. As if Edward isnjust beside her, telling her everything personallly.

After Ava heard everything, Myla's call ended already but her phone remained in her ear. She was hoping she would hear more of his voice.

That he would hear Edward again.

That's when her knees began to feel weak amd shaking that she felt she had to sit down because otherwise he would lose her balance.

She's sobbing until she was almost crying out loud as she feels her heart and soul are toring apart.

She was pretending to be strong after everything that happened, but all those times, there was a part of her heart that wanted to explode.

Wanted to get mad.

Ava made herself want to question everything that happened, why Edward has to go and leave her.

Why does she needs to be alone, there's a part of herself that wants to question what happened, why is she still there? That they cannot be together anymore.

Why does everything have to be this way.

Then Ava tried to look at the message that Edwatd's sister sent. It was during the worst day of her life and to this day she still feels the same every time she reads the words that was sent to her phone.

The day she learned that she lost him.

'He's gone, my brother has left us. Edward's gone, Ava.'