Chapter 1

Matthews' small grey Nissan zooms down a dead dark street in Boston as I sit in the passenger seat, looking out at the semi-dark scenery that is unfolding in front of me. Every few seconds, the car iluminates with a bright yellow-orange light as Matthew passes under street lights, and eventually the car is left in a red ora as he stops at a light. I turn from the window and look out towards the front and watch the empty intersection, waiting for the light to turn green, but it doesn't come. I watch as the light perpendicular from us turns green, and stays green for what seems like five minutes before it turns yellow, and finally a dark shade or red before our light turns green and Matthew continues.

Tall brick buildings pass us, with random dots of lights where workers stay up late working on reports and documents, or finishing projects and presentations for the day following, only to repeat the same act a week or two later. The tall buildings slowly begin to shrink, and I turn away to face the front again.

I look from the windshield to the radio, which for some reason is off, leaving Matthew and I in the loud song of awkwardness, granted from what it looks like, Matthew is too focused to listen to the song. I take in a deep breath and reach into my pocket, pulling out my phone, and temporarily blinding myself with the bright light before my eyes adjust and I am able to navigate through it.

"Hey," Matthew finally says, causing me to jump a little in surprise from the sudden sound of his voice. "Did that girl from the party text you?"

I turn to him, thinking about what girl he could be talking about. There were many girls at the party we just came from, and a question as bland as that makes me think of all the possible outcomes.

"Which one?" I say, still trying to match faces to names in my head.

"That cute one. The one you were talking to upstairs." He says turning to face me. His light hazel eyes searching for the answer in my face before he realizes that I have no idea what he is talking about, and continues. "She has blond hair, and it was in a braid tonight. I think she had a red, or pink blouse, and her name started with an 'A'."

Suddenly a checklist of names pops up in my head and I scratch them out mentally as I think about it.

"Ashely, Andrea, Alex, Anistasha, Amber." Suddenly the name clicks and before I know it, I'm asking Matthew for clarification.

"Amber?"

"Yes!" He says pounding the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. "Amber. That's right." He then turns towards me with a large grin on his face. "She gave you her number right? You better be texting her Sam. If I find out you're not te-"

"Yes! Yes! She gave me her number, and we're texting."

Matthew smiles and continues driving with a large smile on his face, and I can't help but look at him. He is handsome. His hazel eyes look forwards towards the road, unaware that I am staring at him. He shifts a little and I instantly look down at my blank phone. My blank phone that has been "receiving messages" for the past thirty minutes of the drive. The same "messages" from Amber. The more I look at these fake messages the more I remember what happened between Amber and I.

-

The music blares through the window and could be heard down the street as Matthew and I pull up towards Jennifer's house. The same Jennifer that happens to be the Cheer captain at Columbus High, and also happens to have her eye on Matthew, not that he is bothered by that.

Matthew parks the car, and we both get out and walk towards the house that seems to vibrate with every beat of the bass. A couple of people stand outside, either talking with red solo cups and beer bottles, or smoking.

Some are even making out. Matthew and I walk up the front steps and walk into the house where the music seems to multiply in noise. I stand at the front door for a few seconds looking around at all the people holding red solo cups are beer bottles, lingering around the living room and kitchen.

Couples escape the noise and walk down the hallway into random rooms of the house to do whatever their heart desires. Suddenly I feel someone shove my shoulder and I turn to see Matthew mouthing something at me.

"What?" I scream, hardly being able to hear myself over the music.

Matthew smiles and leans in closer. "I said, do you want to get something to drink?" He pulls away and I nod my head with a grin and we both make our way to the kitchen where six packs of different types of beer stand next to half empty bottles of any kind of strong alcohol, and in the corner is a large tub that reads "Jungle Juice." I glare at it for a couple of more seconds, recalling all the mighty tales about this drink and reach for a bottle of BudLight instead. Granted I hate beer, but I'm not ready to board the 'Jungle Juice' train.

I turn around, almost bumping into a tall boy whose shirt is unbuttoned and smells like weed, and walk out to the living room where everyone is standing around or dancing in little groups. I spot Matthew a few yards ahead of me talking to a couple of his football friends. A tall boy with short brown hair and a red polo shirt stands to his left while another boy with jet black hair stands in front of him, and I recognize them both.

The boy in red is Chris Landers, while the boy with black hair is Miguel Gordan. The three of them would have to be the top three football players in Columbus High and everyone, including the girls are all over them for it. I don't blame them, considering that Chris and Matthew have dreams of joining the NFL and becoming large names in the future.

I notice that they both have red solo cups and the thought of the large tub of Jungle Juice enters my mind. I smile a little before I open my beer and right before I take a swig I hear a small voice to my left.

"What's so funny?"

I turn to the left and see a short girl with blond hair tied in a braid laying on her shoulder. She has a small white crop top and torn blue jeans. She too is holding a red solo cup.

"Oh, nothing," I say, taking a swig of my piss tasting beer.

"Then why are you laughing?" She jokes and takes a sip from her cup.

"It's nothing, really. What are you drinking?"

"Oh this," she looks down at her cup and swishes the liquid inside. "It's that Jungle Juice."

"Oh really? Is it good?"

She looks at the cup with a disappointed look before she answers the question. "I mean, it's not the best, but it's not the worst. I would rate it a solid," She pauses before she takes a small sip and thinks. "A solid 6.5"

I laugh. "Isn't the whole point of saying 'solid' means it's a whole number, not a decimal."

"Can you shut the fuck up and finish your beer before you tell me what's what." She says as she laughs.

I shrug and proceed to chug my piss tasting beer knowing that in a few seconds it's either going to make me burp or light headed for about ten seconds. When I finish she sarcastically claps before she gestures for me to follow her into the kitchen where she pours me a cup of Jungle Juice.

"There you pussy, now you can have some real alcohol."

"Oh, why thank you! A true madam," I say sarcastically as I grab the cup from her. I smell the cup and surprisingly it smells sweet considering that there has to be a lot of alcohol in it. I take a small swig and the taste of pineapple juice mixed with apple juice and possibly orange juice with a hint of vodka and schnapps of every kind hits me like a train.

The girl clearly notices and laughs a little.

"It's good, right?"

"It's… something." I say taking another sip.

She watches me for another second before she finally talks again. "I've seen you around school. You're… Sam right? Samuel?"

"Yeah, but I just go by Sam."

She nods her head, "Yeah. You hang out with Matthew and his friends."

"Yeah," I nod, "Matthew has been my best friend for a good while."

She nods her head and takes a sip from her cup before she continues. "We'll I'm Amber. I am one of the cheerleaders. Did you know that Jennifer has a thing for Matthew?"

"Who doesn't," I say, taking a sip. "I heard that even Tom Maddison has a thing for him."

She giggles, "Yeah the only gay boy in the whole school would."

For some reason, the way she says 'gay' makes me wince, and I cover it by taking a large gulp from the cup, almost emptying it.

"Yeah, well what can you say when you're as handsome as Matthew Guzman."

She giggles again and starts to play with her braid. "Well he's not the only handsome one."

"You're right! Chris and Miguel are complete snacks!" I joke. This causes her to giggle even more before she continues.

"No silly. You!"

"Me? Psh! Yeah right. I am nothing compared to those three. I am not an athlete, nor do I have amazing muscles," I say as I flex what little muscle I have. But as I flex I notice that my bicep is a bit larger than what it used to be and I mentally thank my uncle for making me help him rebuild the rock wall in his backyard during summer break. "Also I am not a beautiful shade of tan. Unlike Matthew, I didn't come from California."

I notice that she is blushing as she looks at me and I can't help to blush too.

"So you're into ugly guys? That's cool," I say as I look around. I finally see a larger boy with facial hair that is clearly growing as the bird flies and a set of hair that is pointed in every direction. "What about Jorge over there?" I say as I point and she turns. "He looks like a snack."

"Ew no!" She laughs.

"What? He is a dime piece! Nothing like me!"

She laughs a little more before she playfully pushes my arm. I catch myself smiling as I stare at her before I look down at my cup and notice that it's empty. "When the hell did I finish my drink?" I think to myself.

"Hey, you want a refill?" I ask as I thumb towards the kitchen. She smiles and finishes her cup before she nods her head. We walk into the kitchen and refill the cups before she stands on her tippy toes and talks in my ear.

"Hey, the music is kinda giving me a headache, do you wanna go upstairs and talk?"

And without hesitation I nod my head. She smiles and grabs my wrist. I assume she was reaching for my hand, but she was already facing the other direction by the time she reached back, ang grabbed the first thing that she could possibly grasp on to. She pulls me through the living room and on the way to the stairs we pass Matthew who notices and winks at me, causing me to smile and blush a bit in embarrassment. We reach the stairs and take two at a time. Near the top Amber trips and bursts out laughing as she regains her balance before she continues dragging me down the hallway.

She opens a door and pulls me in before quickly closing the door. I look around the purple room that is filled with everything a high school senior would have. There are shelves on the walls with cheer trophies and framed pictures of Jennifer with either friends or family. On the wall to the right, there is a desk with a few more framed pictures and a Macbook. Next to the desk in a large bed with at least twenty pillows that vary in size. Above the bed, hanging off the wall is a dreamcatcher, and next to that are more pictures, except these are on a small strip of lights. I continue to look around before I am shoved backwards on to the bed, nearly spilling my drink all over myself.

"Damn Amber calm down, I don't want to ruin Jennifer's bed!"

She laughs before she places her cup on the desk and grabs mine and does the same. I sit up on the bed and she walks up, sitting on my lap with her legs folded under her and before I am able to process what is going on she leans forwards and begins to kiss me. The taste of her strawberry lips gloss fills my mouth and I can't help but to kiss her back. After a few seconds I feel her rub the sides of my chest, and I begin to rub her lower back. She leans forward, causing the both of us to fall back on the bed and she continues to kiss me before she goes down and kisses my neck.

I let out a little moan considering it felt amazing, and she replies with a little bite on my neck. I flinch a little in shock and she giggles a little. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing." I say placing my hand on her cheek. "It's just this is shockingly my first time, you know? It's pathetic, I know, but everything is kinda new to me and honestly it felt really good." She smiles a little before she leans her head down and continues to kiss my neck. I close my eyes as my breath quickens and I feel her hand explore under my shirt. Her soft, warm fingers caress my skin as they slide from my waist up to my chest. She pulls her hand back and proceeds to pull up my shirt before she kisses my chest, then my nipples, then down my stomach. My breath quickens as I realize what is coming up next. She reaches my belly button and grabs my pants just as I hear a knock on the door. I quickly pull down my shirt just as Matthew sticks his head into the doorway.

"Hey Samm- Oh shit! I'm sorry. I'll let you two finish…" He says as he slowly closes the door. I look at Amber then get up and rush towards the door. I open it and quickly walk out of the room towards him.

"Hey whats up?"

"Hey, sorry man. My mom just texted me and she needs me home. So, if you need a ride, which I'm sure you do 'cause Amber doesn't drive yet, I'd suggest we go."

"Oh shit. Yeah man." I say.

He smiles and starts walking down the hallway and I turn to see Amber at the door with her arms crossed. She looks at me in a worried look.

"Did the cops show up?" She asks, making me assume that she barely walked out of the room and missed the conversation between Matthew and I.

"No no, I just need to go right now. Matthew's mom needs him." I say as I lean in and kiss her cheek. "I'll text you."

-

"So?" I suddenly hear, causing me to blink myself back into the car. I turn my head to see Matthew looking at me with an eyebrow cocked. The light turns green and I point forward, causing him to turn and press on the accelerator.

"So what?" I ask.

"So… what is she saying. I mean you two looked like you were having some fun up there before I walked in and ruined the mood. I swear, if I didn't you could have finally had sex." He says slapping the back of my shoulder.

Unlike myself, Matthew has had no problem getting girls in bed with him, they practically fling at him from the large line that waits outside his door.

"Yeah," I say as I look down at my empty phone. I didn't even get her number.

"Stupid" I think to myself.

Matthew makes a left turn and I recognize my neighborhood. A right turn, left, left again and another right before he pulls up in front of my house. He smiles at me before we fist bmp and I climb out of the car and slowly make my way towards my front door. I turn and wave just as he drives away and his car disappears behind the corner. I smile to myself before I turn around and walk through my front door. I quietly close the door and lock is just as I hear footsteps coming down the stairs and I turn to see Bruno, my Golden Retriever making his way down the last steps and joyfully prancing towards me. I pet his soft fur, and the second I lift my hand, he drops to the floor and rolls over on his back. I smile a little and crouch down and rub his belly, before I stand up and quietly make my way up the stairs and towards my room, where I slowly close my door with a light creak. Once I am sure that my parents didn't hear me, I quickly strip down and jump onto the soft , cold ocean of my sheets and look up at the ceiling. I look past the ceiling and deep into my memory and I can only see one thing that keeps popping up.

That smile.

That god damn fucking smile. His god damn fucking smile. His god damn fucking face.

All I can think about as I glance past the ceiling is Matthew.

Matthew.

Matthew.