I Know It

I'm not that stupid not to realize these recent feelings. And it's not like I haven't felt this way about Toma before. Ever since we were in highschool, sometimes I'll get this kind of feeling whenever he would get too touchy with me.

Why do I feel like this about Toma? I hate it. It's just frustrating me very much, and it's not like Toma feels the same way. I should get over this. If I only can change myself...

"Yuji." Ah, here it goes again.

"What is it this time?" I asked Toma.

We're currently studying for the upcoming pre-examination and like usual, I help Toma study. He sat next to me and showed me his notebook.

"Here, I don't get this at all. What does it mean by that? And…" He keep pointing at all the things he couldn't understand from his notes, which is actually everything. But I couldn't focus my attention on what he's asking because I was stuck staring at his face.

Was his eyelash always this long? I really like how his eyes are. And the way his hair is tied up right now really looks cool. "…Yuji? Yuji are you listening?" He asked again.

"No." I bluntly said, looking straight back at him.

"Wha-" before he could finish, I pulled him over and had his lips on mine. I didn't gave him any chance to pull away as I gripped on his neck and forcefully kissed him. He tried pushing me away but before he could get me off him, he gave in and kissed me back.

When things were already getting good, I realized that I was imagining too much about Toma and that he was staring at me probably wondering what happened to me. "Dude, you okay?"

"Y-Yeah! I am." Damn it! I thought what I imagined really happened.

"Then can you hurry up and teach me this?"

"Uhh what were you asking about again?"

"What!? I thought you were listening!" I managed to teach him despite getting distracted by him all the time. And it was nice that after we finished studying, Toma decided to treat me some ice cream, so now I'm waiting for him to come back with the treats.

I got into his bed while waiting and messed with my phone. Though it didn't do me good as I opened my phone. Text messages, pictures, and history of Xia and I were there. It's not like I'm still not over her, I just felt stupid not deleting all that after we broke up.

"Ugh, delete, delete, delete, dele-" When I was about to delete the next picture, I stopped when I saw that it was a picture of me and Toma.

It was our picture at the first day of our third year here. Ha... now that I'm looking back, how did things got so complicated like this?

"Ugh!" I buried my face on Toma's pillow out of frustration.

When can I ever end this? I don't want to end up falling for Toma at all. Things will never go well if it did happen. Toma might get disgusted if he ever learns what I feel about him, and he'll definitely leave me for that reason.

But how?

"How can I stop liking him?" I asked myself.

"I'm back!" He suddenly appears with a bucket ice cream. It made me smile as I saw him looking so happy at the moment.

"Woah, I don't think I can finish all of that."

"Then we'll have to share!" He excitedly took some spoons before we dig in on the ice cream he bought. While he just kept eating, I bit on the spoon as I glanced at him.

'Hey… I like you.'

If I could only tell him that… I certainly wouldn't be happy with the outcome.