Pond Life

April 2014…

The Doctor and Jared are leaving a message on the Williams' or Pond's answerphone.

"Hi, Ponds. We're just checking in. How are the both of you?" Jared asked, his voice over the phone.

The Doctor and Jared are carrying surfboards, and confronting Sontarans.

"There isn't a lot to update you on." Jared said, his voice over the phone. "We surfed the fire falls of Florinall Nine."

"Not deliberately, just the easiest way out." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

The Doctor and Jared leaps from a spaceship.

Next, the Doctor is toasting muffins by a fire.

"Met Mata Hari in a Paris hotel room." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

Mata Hari undresses for the Doctor.

"What an interesting woman." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

Next, Jared is in Tomoeda City eating cake and drinking tea with Sakura Kinomoto and Kerberos.

"Met Cardcaptor Sakura." Jared said, his voice over the phone.

Jared looked up to see the Sakura cards Sakura Kinomoto has.

"What an amazing sorceress." Jared said, his voice over the phone.

A recording studio.

"Laid down some backing vocals." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

London.

"Hung out with Rin Tohsaka and Shiro Emiya." Jared said, his voice over the phone. "Did you know they stopped something called the Holy Grail War? Who knew."

The Tardis.

"Doctor, we should be with the Ponds any day now." Jared said, leaning against the TARDIS console. "Literally any day now. Why aren't we there yet?"

"Well, the helmic regulator's playing up. Can't get the temporal steering right." The Doctor said.

Rory and Amy are listening to the message.

"Doctor, you idiot!" Jared said, his voice over the phone. "We collided with Ancient Greece!"

"I know! I'm sorry!" The Doctor said, his voice over the phone. "Argh!"

Rory turns off the message.

"The Doctor and Jared." Amy said.

Amy and Rory drink to the Doctor and Jared.

May 2014...

The Doctor and Jared burst into Amy and Rory's bedroom.

"Argh! Stop everything." Jared said, covering his face.

"What's going on?" Rory asked.

"Doctor! Jared! Bedroom!" Amy said, angrily.

"We have a rule about the bedroom." Rory said, annoyed.

"No one on this planet is safe right now. We have to solve this before it's too late. Get your clothes on. If we move fast we at least stand a chance and you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" The Doctor asked.

"No." Amy and Rory said, at the same time.

"When is this? May 2014?" Jared asked. "Doctor!"

"Sorry." The Doctor said, annoyed. "No. Helmic regulator again. Too early. Wrong point. As you were."

"Yeah, I have to make sure Amelia and Gura don't destroy the TARDIS." Jared said, looking around the place. "Those two little gremlins are an unstoppable duo."

The Doctor and Jared leave.

"Yeah." The Doctor said, walking in front of Jared. "I don't know how those two even met. They can't destroy my sexy thing."

"At least the KMR triangle can keep them grounded for the time being. Since Kiara, Calliope, and Ina are not here. They're busy doing their own thing." Jared said, playing with his hands.

"Doctor, Jared, the two of you can't just go like that. What's happening? Don't we need to know?" Amy asked.

The Doctor and Jared return and the fanboy sits on the bed.

"We were supposed to pop up in 2016, I think. It's the wrong order, Ponds." Jared said, smiling. "This is an easy mistake when you know how badly the Doctor drives."

"Oi! I don't drive that badly!" The Doctor said, looking between Jared and the Ponds.

"Just forget we were ever here. We'll be back soon."

"Yeah, I would have thought. Everything's fine, pretty much. Don't worry about the future. The future is really…" The Doctor said, thinking about Dinosaurs on a Spaceship.

"And Remnant as a whole is really…" Jared said, thinking about what has happened with Team RWBY, JNR, Penny, and Oscar so far. "...safe. Really, really, safe. Both Earth and Remnant are safe. I can promise you that."

"Sleep well." The Doctor said.

"Don't let the Grimm bite." Jared said, sadly.

The Doctor and Jared leave. Sound of the Tardis dematerialising.

"I really hate it when they do that." Rory said.

June 2014...

Morning. Rory is fastening his dressing gown and heading for the bathroom. Something in there makes him call out.

"Whoa!" Rory said, terrified.

"Out of the way, Mister Pond. What? Why not?" Amy asked.

There is an Ood sitting on the toilet.

"May I be of any assistance?" The Ood asked.

"Ood on the loo." Rory said.

"Yeah." Amy said, sadly.

July 2014...

In the Tardis, under the time console, the Doctor has put the phone on speaker mode.

"Oh yeah, the Ood. We were wondering where he'd got to." Jared said, sitting on the TARDIS jump seat.

"We thought he'd just gone for a walk in the Tardis." The Doctor said.

Amy and Rory are listening to the message on their phone whilst having breakfast.

"Must have wandered off when we popped in the other night. If it was the other night." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

"It's hard to remember what we did. Like, I'm with Ruby, Weiss, Nora, and Blake." Jared said, his voice over the phone. "For something important. Don't want to lose any of them. I augmented reality myself to be in your world. To have side adventures with the Doctor as a distraction. Mostly because things are dire at Remnant."

Amy steals one of Rory's sausages.

"You know, we rescued him from the middle of the Androvax conflict. Jared met Androvax once with Sarah. My Sarah Jane. We were taking the Ood back to the Ood Sphere." The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

Back in the Tardis.

"Is the Ood annoying the hell out of you?" Jared asked. "Is he being a nuisance or not?"

No, the Ood is the perfect housekeeper.

"Enjoy your workday experience." The Ood said.

"Cheers." Rory said, happily.

The Ood is making the beds, putting out the washing, cleaning the windows.

"Doctor. Jared. Doctor? Jared? He seems to think that he's our butler." Rory said, sadly.

The Doctor is still repairing the Tardis. And Jared is sitting on the TARDIS steps.

"The Ood are conditioned to serve." Jared said, frowning. "Just let him do that. We'll come over to you and pick him up tonight."

"That's a good idea." The Doctor said. "Whenever tonight is."

"Doctor! Hang up! How does River cope with you? There's a power drain threatening to cause the TARDIS to implode."

"Oh no, that's bad. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Why are you just sitting there?"

Back to the Pond's home.

"Why's it doing that? No, no, no, no, no, don't do that! Jared, you should have been here to help me stop this!" The Doctor said, his voice over the phone.

So the Ponds continue to have a servant.

"Your infusions. How else may I be of service?" The Ood asked.

"I feel so guilty." Rory said.

"Just eat your breakfast." Amy said.

August 2014...

The Doctor is changing the bulb on the top of the Tardis whilst leaving a message on the answerphone.

Jared is standing outside of the TARDIS, bored to death, wanting to distract himself even more.

"It's us again." Jared said, standing in front of the TARDIS. "Sorry about not contacting you all constantly. Doctor, what did we do again?"

"We dropped your Ood back home. Reconnected it to the hive mind." The Doctor said.

"Which was easy with some help from some Magical Girls."

"Helmic regulator's still not working."

"Your fault by the way."

"How is it my fault?" The Doctor asked.

"It just is, Spaceman." Jared said, crossing his arms.

"I got hit by an arrow at Hastings Hill. Also rode a horse through eleventh century Coventry."

"I watched Kiara remember Calliope. Now watching that sight with the SAO Survivors. It was beyond beautiful. Lisbeth and Silica were crying."

"Also, I think I may have accidentally invented pasta."

"I might have left a book on Pandora's Box and something on Roman Britain somewhere. Forgot where. I was showing Amelia Watson it. We popped by for a visit. But the both of you were out. It's fine. Is everything fine with the two of you?"

"Course it is. Ponds always fine. Just worrying unnecessarily. Anyway, just call us if you need me and Jared." The Doctor said.

Rory is angry and Amy is in tears.

"Okay? Toodle pip." The Doctor said.

"It was nice talking to the both of you." Jared said, sadly.

The Doctor uses the sonic screwdriver on the phone.

"Message deleted." The answer phone said.

Amy comes home to see there are no messages, "We need you, raggedy man, fanboy. Doctor, Jared, I need you."