Chapter 8 (short chapter)

It's been weeks. I've done nothing but sing and dance. Rest only comes when I pass out or when I am given 15 minutes to eat pre-prepared meals. He continues to grow more and more violent though he grips me less in public. He slaps me from time to time if I mess up during a rehearsal or if I break character. The truth is I've never felt so much like a slave. I've always felt trapped, always felt mistreated, but I've always believed it was temporary. I always had hope and thought that if I acted right, if I waited for an opportunity- one day I'd be free. Now I just feel stupid, silly, naive. It feels like the end of a cosmic joke like God or someone was watching me this whole time, hyping me up- put me in the path of a human master and then took the blindfold away and laughed when I realized that no matter how many doors open in front of me I will never be brave enough to walk through them. I will always be weaker than those I serve. I've fought that notion every second since my abduction into this twisted business. A part of me still wants to fight but now It feels like a losing battle.

Now instead of being sure that I will be free, I feel like the results of my efforts could be decided by the toss of a 20 sided die. I feel like I would have to be lucky to escape and I'm not sure how comfortable I am relying on luck. I never believed in chance or luck- determination is what decides who you are in life. At least I'd like to think so, that you can change your fate- if there is such as thing s fate.

Master has taken away most of the amenities he previously provided me such as an allowance, choice on clothing, choice in meals or drinks, more than 4 hours of rest. I'm not allowed around the house anymore unless I'm cleaning. When I'm not being forced to dance or sing, I'm being monitored while I respond to fan-mail. He allows me to keep them as long as he looks through them and my responses first. They are my favorite possession, my only real possession. The clothes, the desk, the bed- none of them are really mine. But these letters of admiration, hope, and love are precious to me, they were written for me and because people found my music to be inspirational and speak to their pains. That is one freedom I still have, I can write my own songs- it makes me a more talented artist in the music business., kinda like Taylor Swift. He of course looks them over and such but as long as he approves I can still put my music out there for others to love. My music has been rather dark lately though so I haven't really wanted to sing them or record them but Master calls those shots.