I don't know, so don't ask me why

Danny bitterly looked out the window, tears swimming in his eyes as he watched the rain drip onto the window, he had been banged in sick for two weeks against his will and he hated the thought of being trapped inside of his own house, with so many horrendous memories and reminders of his assault. Danny had a glazed over look in his eyes, shining with unshed tears that refused to fall because he refused to let them to fall, he refused to show his emotions and yet they were on his sleeve and like someone said 

"A good cop is always a bad liar."

Danny could feel the grief of something rip through his heart, was it the sense of his purity? His peace of mind? The fact that he had been emasculated and humiliated and that he couldn't even remember any of it? All it took was six hours...six hours and fifty six minutes of rape, torture, humiliation and physical assault as well as hostage negotiations that resulted in him being dumped near a bar and abandoned to die, he still had aches and pains that echoed through his body if he sneezed, hiccupped, or whenever he took deep breaths, and he hated that sort of pain and yet, it was a reminder that he had survived the assault and that he was alive and for that, he loved that pain, he loved feeling that sort of pain over and over. Danny went into the shower for the hundredth time in a row, trying to scrub off the filthiness that he could imagine was growing on his skin, no matter how many times he tried to shower, he still felt contaminated, filthy, used like a condom...like a whore and tossed aside like a street walker after being used for one's sexual pleasure. He wished that what he had went through could be filed away in a case file, folded up and tossed aside in the filing cabinet, forgotten for at least a few years or even months, to pretend it had never happened to him, to try and disassociate himself from the anguish involved in the case, but no...this was his pain and he was in it, it had happened to him. He was going to have to live with this rape for the rest of his days and my god, he didn't even want to even begin thinking of the long road ahead as he tried to avoid the 'Incident' as he was now miserably trying to file it away as. It was a flimsy and pathetic attempt at trying to forget the pain and the sorrow associated with this memory, but one can only admire his courageous attempt to forget this horror. 

Danny sighed and whined to his higher up Police Chief William Dodds 

"If you are going to forcibly quarantine me as if I have a contagious STD, it would be nice to be given some cold cases to keep my mind busy at the very least."

William sighed

"You need a break Danny, I was told about what you went through and under orders, I'm giving you two weeks off Danny."

Danny groaned 

"And lemme guess, those two weeks under order are coming from my mom, is that correct?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny those allegations Danny."

Danny grumbled 

"Just get Lieutenant Baez to send me over the cases please. And did everyone suddenly just get access to the report?"

"We are trying to trace down the leak."

"Doubtful that you will...ugh, this was going to happen sooner or later anyways." Danny snarked

"Just give it until this Thursday and people will forget."

"Lets hope I'm one of those people."

Danny slammed the phone on the cradle and muffled his curses as he spat them out angrily and sighed and ran his fingers through his greying and whitening hair.  Danny bitterly sighed at his vision, knowing he wasn't getting enough sleep most days, his average at best was around two hours tops and he often struggled with the nightmares of seeing William Lewis's face, he could remember a faded deep scar on the right side of his face. Danny could see on his own face, his skin was paler and his eyes were sunken deep and his body was much thinner. He wanted it all to end, he wanted the pain to stop. But he knew the trial rested on his shoulders.