Chapter 32: Acting Brave (Flash Back)

I see his brown hairs shining under the winter sun, his back turned towards me, his tall lean structure clad in a khaki woven sweater which ended up to his hip, his hands inside his pockets and his bag on his one shoulder. I wish him to turn and look at me and just like he had heard my thoughts, he turns back and his blue eyes twinkle when they find me. A grin crosses his face and he waves a hand at me. I keep looking at him, more than cherishing the very moment. I smile to myself and wave back at him, he moves his finger, gesturing me to come close to him and I move towards him.

"For how long were you standing there and gawking at me?" He asks me when I come close. He stood there watching me with a mischief look in his eyes.

"I was hoping for you to turn and look at me," I tell the truth.

"Now that your wish is granted shall we go to our place milady?" He asks, bowing a little in front of me. I chuckle while nodding and we walk together, leaving behind the college building and towards our secret place of all time.

As we reach there, we sat at the corner of the pond side by side and he tosses some stones into the pond, making them skim over the surface and I watch him do that.

"Why are you so quiet today? Nothing at college happened? I can't expect that?" He looks at me with concern. "You were quiet along the way too, it's not the Sarah I know of."

"Then how is the Sarah who you know?" I smile and arch an eyebrow at him, curiously.

"Well, the one who is always blabbering around from small to very small things." He teases me and I shake my head with a hideous smile.

"You know Ronald finally made an effort towards Nicole," I say.

"And got slapped yes, I know. That poor guy being all foreign earned him good." He says, shaking his head disapprovingly. "His city like manners won't work here, he should've sent his parents to her house first to show his sincerity towards her. They should've talked about it"

"And how well would it have been? Nicole's parents are very strict about the cultural values if they know about how broad-minded is Ronald's family they would reject him immediately." I argue.

"At least the guy could've tried that way... but too late. I worry if this all goes to the ears of her parents, Nicole could get into a mess, her parents will be more cautious of sending her to the college."

"She would never go against her parents."

"That's good, she respects them." He agrees, nodding his head. "Anyway, why are we talking about them?" I just shrug to his question. "Hey, this Saturday are you free?" He asks, looking at me.

"Yes, what could I possibly be doing?" I say in an obvious tone.

"I was thinking we could go to the festival together."

"The winter festival?" I ask him and he nods. "Just us?" I question and he rolls his eyes to my question.

"Like Maria would let us go alone together. Of course, we're taking that nincompoop with us and that way your father will be happy too," he says, crossing his hands to his chest.

"Oh." All I managed to say.

Well, this happens always. Maria being the wall between us, that is.

But of all time, why now are you thinking about it and behaving like a weirdo? Pokes my subconscious.

Okay okay, I'm not letting Sally's words get through me. I poke her back, aggressively.

"What? You're not okay with this?" He asks me.

"What-Why? No-no. Oh, I'm good like always. Yes. Yes, I'm good. I'm Fine." I say, between gripping my overwhelming thoughts.

"Okay..." He says, eyeing me awkwardly. He knows I'm acting weird and he's going to find out if I don't put my thoughts together.

Focus Sarah, focus. I stood up from the ground and dust my dress off.

"So, Saturday it is? The day after tomorrow." I ask, focusing my attention on him and he smiles at me, standing up beside me with his bag in his hand.

"Yes, milady." He bows his head, gracefully like a nobleman and I bow back as a courtesy and we chuckle together. "Let's go to the Flo's. The ice cream's on me today." He utters and I clap my hands together and squeal like a kid.

"Lead the way young brat!" I tease him and run away while he runs behind to catch me.

Oh, days are just wonderful like the way they are. I want nothing more from my life if I could always live like this. I have a happy and healthy family and friends who I love and who love me back. Life's just perfect.

I and he went to the Flo's, Flo the owner of the ice cream parlor was happy to see us like always. She served us today's special ice cream.

We savored every bite of the ice cream and after eating we moved for our homes. His house was first to come in the way from Flo's so I dropped him to his door and he went inside after we bid our goodbyes. Before walking a few steps away, I decided to go back and check on him again from outside of his house. I've done it a few times already. I moved towards the wall, having a big window and stood beside it with my back on the wall, making sure to not get caught from the view inside and just before I could peek through the window, I hear his voice from afar which was getting closer to the connecting window room which is his mother's room.

"So you decided to take the money again."

"Son-" Calls his mother's weak voice.

"You think I wouldn't know this time?" He cuts off his mother. "I knew from the beginning! But each day I expected you to tell me and to not repeat what happened before!" He shouts at the top of his lungs, even I flinch a little and how bad would his mother be feeling right now.

What's happening in there? I can feel he's really angry, I haven't seen him this angry, never. Without moving an inch out of fear, I stood there listening to the voices.

"Son, it wouldn't have been easy if I hadn't accepted the money for us. I did this for you." Comes out the hesitant voice of his mother.

"We could have managed it all by ourselves as we promised!" He shouts but soon his voice breaks in the end. "I help Uncle Harris, he pays me good, wasn't it enough? We didn't need his money if he hadn't needed us." Comes out his trembling voice.

Oh no, this is bad, he's crying.

"If he hadn't been there, you wouldn't have graduated from school son, you couldn't have carried on with your studies."

"I needed not to!" He shouts again. "Don't tell me that again." He pauses. "I trusted you maa..." He said the last sentence very weakly.

"He's still your father, I can't just let him free of your responsibilities."

"You mean to say I'm a burden to you too?"

"No! never in my life, my child!" She exclaims. "What I meant to say is that he... He loves you, that he's willing to provide you the benefits which you deserve as his son on his own will, without my persuasion. Being a mother I too want my son's every wish to be granted which just being a librarian can't be fulfilled so I'm sorry if I'm being selfish for that." His mother utters.

"But I don't need this... I don't need his help, I've told you every now and then... I can manage by myself we can do it together." He pauses "If he loved me, he would've... Ah! Why am I talking about it all again?" He curses. "Mother, if you love me, don't take his help please, I beg of you." Both voices stayed silent for a while. "I'm... sorry mom for being rude to you but you know I don't want this, we've talked about it, right? Please let him go already the way I did." His voice sounded calm and soothing.

"Son he's not the culprit you assume." His mother says, weakly.

"Not again mother, please! You're saying this about the person who left you and his only son for Almighty knows some..." He doesn't complete his sentence and I hear a low whimper.

Mrs. Adam's crying... and what am I doing standing here and listening to their conversation? How low can I be? This is their matter, I shouldn't eavesdrop like this when I can't be of any help. Without hearing any further I moved for my home.

I thought things were getting normal with him and Mrs. Adam but in actual they were still five years behind.

I never thought he would have become brave enough to tolerate his insecurities, that he would have become brave enough to look tough and that he would've become brave enough to hide his true feelings. He is still the same frightened little brat inside with a difference that he has grown physically.

He never tried to distance himself from me and others again after all that happened back then but he never opened himself either. How blind could I've been? I should've noticed the havoc behind his chirpy face.

How am I going to face him again? What am I going to talk about the next time I see him? I can't pretend to not know about his situation... I can't pretend that I don't know his mother is still in contact with his father while he knew it and that's not for the first time he had found out their exchange.

With my thoughts rolling over my head, I walked to my home.