Chapter 37: Goodbyes

It has been a couple of days since the announcement and things were going smoothly. I never thought I'd get to attend my own funeral but let me tell you, not fun. Seeing my friends in pain is not something I like doing, but I know it's for the best. This way, to them at least, I would have died as a friend, not a traitor. Seeing their sadness only made me more determined in my mission.

I woke up every day bright and early to train. I worked on everything I could. My chakra control, my medical ninjutsu, I even tried contacting the light from before. Sadly, that last one didn't work, but everything else had progress. Not only my techniques, but my plan as well. Believe it or not, when everyone thinks you're dead, you get a lot of time to yourself. It's impossible to not think really. So now, I had a detailed plan of my mission that I'm going to have to let people know about.

"you look so serious." I turned around to see Shika entering the clearing in the training grounds. "Hi Shika." He made his way over and sat next to me on the ground. We looked out on the river that was flowing. "What troublesome thoughts are you having now?" The worry in his voice made me almost tear up. "Hey Elle, I'm going to… oh hello Shikamaru." Kakashi waltzed into the training grounds looking as carefree as ever. I'm never going to get another chance like this. I need to tell them now. "It's a good thing you're both here cause I need to talk to you." they quickly caught on to my serious air and nodded. I need to tell them. I can't lie. I will tell the truth. At this point I had gotten up and started pacing. Shika got up, stopping me. "you're going to make me dizzy, just spit it out." his eyes held nothing but sincerity and concern. This time I did tear up. Seeing my tears pooling in my eyes he stepped back in surprise. "troublesome woman, why are you crying?" I shook my head and wiped my eyes. I had the perfect chance. They were both standing there looking at me, ready to listen. I have to. I have to. "sorry about that…" I smiled a small smile. "well, um, I don't…I don't know how to say this. I'm just going to say everything without thinking too much about it, so this might not make any sense." I took a deep breath, in and out. I looked straight at Shikamaru. "Shika, ever since the first day I saw you, you have been taking care of me and helping me. you were the first person who approached me. you were my first real friend." At this point, he grew a worried expression on his face. classic Shika…too smart for his own good. I looked over at Kakashi, tears pooling in my eyes again. "Kakashi…you, you were the first person to listen to me, the first to understand me, the first to protect me. You were the first to believe in me and train me. no matter how much I hurt you, you always stuck by me. even if you're not my guardian legally, you always will be to me. No… more than a guardian, you will always be family to me." At this point my tears that were once pooling, broke free and started falling to the floor. Shika was staring at me, expressionless. "why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?" I turned away looking at the river. "Elle, answer me!" his tone was more aggressive and urgent. "I had a lot of time to think and I realized something. When I was away, I thought that I had to start living for myself instead of for others. That I was wasting a gift I've been given. But that's where I was wrong. This life is not mine to start, it's not my life. I have lived my life once and it ended, as short and sad as it might've been. This life was given to me not for my sake but for everyone else's." Shikamaru stepped forward, grabbing me and turning me towards them. "stop spewing bullshit! What're you talking about?" I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hurting you. "I have found a way to save everyone…" I went quiet, not knowing what else to say. Shika was looking at me in disbelief. Kakashi finally broke his silence. "you're going to leave." I nodded slowly. "I will leave but not in the way you're talking about." His eyes widened and he walked up to me. "Why? What will you gain? How will this save anyone?!" the hurt on both of their faces ripped my heart to shreds. "Shikaku, Inoichi, Neji, Gaara, Guy, Jiraya, and the list goes on and on. So many deaths…so much pain…I can stop it. I can prevent it." What was once confusion turned into shock. "I wanted to tell you two because I believe you deserve it. you deserve an explanation." Kakashi shook his head at me. "No, we will find another way." I shook my head back at him. "There is no other way. I have to do this." Kakashi grabbed my shoulders tightly, like I would fly away right then and there. "but you just came back to the village. you just came back home…" I have to be strong for them. I spread a smile on my face. "hey, listen, I don't want this to be a sad memory. Think about it, just a few months ago, I didn't exist in this world. It will go back to how it was back then." Kakashi shook his head again refusing to accept it. I'm sorry Kakashi. I hugged him tight, as tight as I could. His arms were limp at his sides. "I'll miss you." with that, I let go and walked over to Shika. He had the same blank expression on his face as before. "This is what you meant. This is why you told me…" I smiled slightly at him. " In a life I've dedicated to others, there's one thing, one selfish thing, I want to do for myself." I walked closer to him with each word. Looking up into his dark eyes, I could see all the pain he was in. Even though his expression didn't show it. I reached over for his face and pulled him closer and closer till our lips were touching. His hands wrapped around me as I kissed him for the first and last time. When we separated, tears were streaming down both our faces. "I love you…" with that whisper in the air, I teleported as far away as I could. I roamed the forest, sensing for the chakra I need. I will do what I have to do. For the sake of everyone else. I could sense two familiar chakras approaching. They both jumped from the trees in front of me, landing gracefully. "see Itachi, it really was no one to worry about. It's just that seer girl." I looked up at them, with a completely different look than before, tears still staining my face. "I need to talk to Tobi…"