Tell me about Hell

“Honey, I’m home!” Justin yelled as we entered Gateway. He phoned a few hours earlier, begging me to come. I agreed, only because I hoped it would distract my mind from Allison ... it didn't, but it did beat the alternative of being stuck between the four empty walls of my bedroom as vile memories of the kiss poisoned my mind. It was quiet. Corbin sat at his computer lost in research. He didn’t notice Justin and I walk past.

“Hey! What’s up!” Justin said, slapping Corbin’s back, causing him to jump 3 feet in the air.

“Damnit Justin! You scared the piss out of me. You know it is not wise to startle me like that. I’m bound to have a heart attack if I keep working with you.”

“You’re bound to have a heart attack if you don’t lay off the colonel's secret recipe.” Justin said. An insatiable impulse to blurt out a smart-ass comment came over me. It took an iron will to quell the urge. I didn’t know if Corbin would find the humor in it. He was nearly twice my size and only a few meetings had already implanted a fear of getting on his bad side.

I sat on a couch in the middle of the room. A book with a worn cover rested next to me. “A Treatise on Purgatory, by St. Catherine of Genoa. You couldn’t have a copy of Men’s Health or Sports Illustrated huh? It had to be something odd. I guess it fits.” I said. Justin had promised to fill me in on why I was recruited to Gateway. “Why me? I need an explanation. You guys owe me at least that much.”

“Monika's in the soundproof chamber as we speak.” Corbin pointed to a door with a sign marked occupied. “She's attempting to gather more info for us.”

“Um ok, I'm lost, what info?"

“Corbin’s not big on words. He’s a tech guy.” Justin said.

“Ok, then you explain. Please.”

“As you know, Monika is a gifted spiritual medium. She communicates with spirits who have contacted us, to find out why they need our help. In fact, we all have gifts,” Justin said. “Corbin has an expansive intellect and technical skills. He can also read minds, to a certain degree. His skills are still evolving.” I guess that’s why he always seemed to know what I was thinking before I did. "I met him a couple years ago a ghost hunting convention if you can believe that. Monika saw our ad on Craigslist for a psychic and contacted us six months later."

"What's your super power, Justin?" I joked.

“I have skills man, leadership abilities, and of course my amazing sense of humor.” Justin smiled and Corbin let out a sarcastic chuckle.

I stood up from the couch. “I don't know if I want any of this. Trust me. I’ve seen what all of this paranormal stuff leads too. I was skeptical at first, but I was at this party, Allison Channing and Corey Fritz were there. They got me to try the Ouija board. Once is enough. I think you guys should leave this stuff alone.”

Justin laughed. “Will, you’re so naive. That’s what I love about you. Corey Fritz, really? I can’t believe you fell for it. It’s a trick you know. Smoke and mirrors. His family's been doing it for years. How do you think they make a living? They have to drum up business somehow.” My body tightened at being the butt of Justin’s laughter. “Lighten up Will, you got tricked. It’s not the end of the world.”

“Well, why am I here? You haven't exactly been clear about your intentions for me, about my so-called gifts.” Justin paused and I could see Corbin peering at me from behind his computer.

“William,” Justin waited, looking me square in the eye. “You’re going to break them out.”

“Break who out? What does that mean? You talk like someone is trapped but I have no idea who.”

“You're a Resurrectionist. It’s the reason you were brought here.” Justin stared at me in silence. I returned it tenfold, my guts flipping. The Ouija board at the Lodge ... the voice said it wanted the Resurrectionist. The voice wanted me.

“We can communicate with spirits, investigate as to why they are stuck here, but we can not mend their souls. We can't break them free and send them home.”

Corbin turned to face me. “Think the opposite of an Exorcist.”

“You send demons to heaven?” I questioned.

“Something like that.” Justin smiled. "Don’t worry Will. You just need some time and proper training.”

“I don’t know if I want any part of your secret club Justin, I mean a Resurrectionist, what the hell?”

“Funny you mention hell. Sit down Will, I'll explain it to you.” I sat back down on the edge of the couch. “We are working to assist souls who are in darkness, to escape from their hell. We work on a case-by-case basis. We believe our referrals, if you will, are divinely inspired. The problem is we don’t fully know how to help them. You were recruited for your spiritual vibration. There is an invisible force that drives all to seek spiritual energy. When the energy is concentrated it vibrates at a high level. In you, this energy is on steroids. It's off the charts.”

“I still don’t understand why this is going to help save lost souls,” I said. “Plus, the preachers in town spout off every Sunday that hell is eternal, there's no escape.”

“When you search you will find the answer.” Corbin's voice was soft.

“How do I search?”

“We’ve been studying biblical, mystical, and ancient texts for quite some time in search of answers, but something’s missing,” Justin said. “At best we can grasp an intellectual conception of the search for God, or the supreme, or whatever you want to call it, but we haven't been able to turn this conception into a reality. Throughout history mystics and seekers have attempted to describe the search in stages: spiritual awakening, purification, enlightenment, a second death, and unity, but they have always been incomplete. William, you're the key to finding what's missing."

I didn’t respond. Questions flooded my mind. Where do I even start to begin? “You have already begun.” Corbin said.

“Oh yeah, I forgot that you can read my mind. Great.”

“Consider this your awakening, Will.” A spark ignited deep within me, like a match being rubbed against the striker. Even though I didn’t understand, I knew they were right.

“Take a deep breath and close your eyes,” Justin instructed. “Take a minute to examine yourself, you'll find your answer." I followed Justin’s lead. I saw myself as a small child sitting in a classroom. Toys of all shapes and sizes surrounded me. Children were grouped together in the middle of the room. They were bickering over whose turn it was to play with the most popular toy. I was drawn towards a different toy. One that was humble and worn. It had been tucked away on a shelf behind a box of books that nobody read. There was nothing fancy or high tech about it. It was a simple wooden shoe with broken laces. A surge of compassion mixed with mild sorrow filled my heart as it broke in sympathy for the old worn shoe. Ignored and forgotten, no children wanted to play with it.

I took the shoe off the shelf. We went alone, the shoe and I, to a corner away from the arguing children. I watched myself tie its laces and whisper soft words of comfort. The shoe came to life, finding hope in my kindness. I held onto her, reminding her she was no longer alone, no longer forgotten. Time held no meaning to us, like a broken clock, stopped and disappeared. The teacher walked towards us. “Playtime is over.” I heard her say. I placed the shoe back on her shelf. A tear escaped my eye, a peace like none other passed through me.

“Will, William,” Justin called to me. His voice faint and far. “You dreaming about women or food?”

I jolted upright, fully alert. “Oh man, sorry. I got caught up in an old memory back when I was just a kid. It was weird.” I brushed off the vision. I needed to hide my gentle nature; a need born from fear. Justin wouldn’t understand what the memory meant to me.

“Resurrectionists used to come around once every century or two ... if we're lucky. There’s been an energetic shift in the universe, however, more Resurrectionists are coming but they’re still few and far between. A person needs the correct combination of genetics, brain wiring, personality, and intellect in order to have a remote chance of developing into a Resurrectionist.” Justin said.

“What does a Resurrectionist do?” The air in the room felt tense and still. "You still haven’t answered that question."

Justin paused, taking in a slow breath before speaking. “Resurrectionists enter the darkest planes, hovels, and holes. They're guides, beacons of light in the darkness. Will, Resurrectionists go to hell.” I stared at him, not saying a word.

“Take a deep breath, Will.” Corbin said.

“Why would I want to go to hell? Does hell even exist?”

“Hell is very real and there are many prisoners there. It exists in a dimension separate from ours but I assure you it is very real. A Resurrectionist's job is to get them out. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil.” Justin paused. “Are you familiar?”

“I hear it least once a week when the preachers roll into town,” I said.

“That psalm was written by a Resurrectionist.”

“How are you feeling, Will?” Justin asked. “Are you ok?”

I looked around the room. “Yeah, I guess. I don’t know. How would a Resurrectionist even enter hell? You said it existed in a dimension separate from ours.”

Justin rubbed his chin. “Technology has come a long way in aiding us in our fight to rescue souls from hell. Corbin, being the super genius he is has developed a tool. We call it Gateway.”

“I thought Gateway was the name of your group.”

“It is, it's both a name and a device.”

“What does it do?”

Corbin looked up from his computer screen. “It’s a device that taps into your brain, much like an EEG machine. The machine sends low level electrical currents into your brain. These electrical currents temporarily alter brain chemistry and allow the subject to lose consciousness but also be awake at the same time. In this state it's much easier for the subject to step outside of their body.”

“You must be joking.”

“It's true,” Justin said. “It’s no different than deep meditation. Monks have been doing it for centuries. The problem is that it can take a lifetime of practice to master the technique. Gateway can master it in a matter of seconds.”

“There are many dimensions in the universe. Far too many to name and number. These dimensions are separate realities but are also all interconnected. There are portals to all dimensions. It's not easy to enter them but there are techniques for doing so. It is a matter of altering your state of consciousness.”

“I've heard of that. The one shop owner in town who isn’t totally nuts calls it astral projection.” I said.

"No, the astral plane is interconnected with the earth plane, a thin veil separates the two. Hell exists in a totally separate dimension with very few portals connecting it. Many people can leave their bodies and travel around the astral plane. It's another matter to go beyond the astral and into a godless realm. Fortunately, hell's not far from Earth. To travel successfully a person must have a certain brain chemistry that allows them to move through the portal. That's where you come in.”

“How do you know?”

“Because of your psychological disorders.” Justin said.

“What?” My face flushed intensely.

“You don’t have to hide it Will, I know.”

Having my soul exposed hit like a sledgehammer to the chest. “Thanks Walter Cronkite, go ahead and broadcast it to the world."

“On a temporary basis, Will, you have experiences that correspond with certain levels of hell, anxiety and fear.”

“So, you’re saying I belong in hell!”

“Hell exists where love and faith do not.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Hell exists because people chose to turn away from love. Free will is held with the highest regard. Nobody is forced to partake in the gift of love. It's a personal choice. But where love is missing, anxiety and fear rule. That's hell, or at least a form of it.” Justin said.

“This is all just a little too fanciful for me. I appreciate everyone’s efforts but I think I'll pass.” I turned to walk out.

“Will, stop! You walk out now you'll regret it. You have been given a miracle. You'll hate yourself for not seizing it.”

“Damnit! What do you know? Why does it have to be me? Why can’t you go and save these people? It’s obvious you're more passionate than me!"

“Will! Relax, come back.” Justin yelled as I climbed the stairs leading out of the basement. I stopped and turned towards him.

“I can’t believe what you did, exposing me like that. I can’t trust you!”

Justin put his hand up to stop me from leaving. “It’s no big deal, it’s just Corbin. He doesn’t give a crap!"

“Whatever Justin, I’m out!”