Living The Past...

Jane's POV

I would imagine it so many times in my head. If I had the chance to be in front of you for one last time, what would I say? Or what could you probably say to me? Would it make a difference? Each and every time I was hunted by those question, I found myself back to the same undeniable answer...

'I don't know '

Never in my life, I thought about how one's life affected others. The idea of love scared me. To lose it in order to re-gain was never in the plans. I died in order to love again.

Since that day I felt like I've been holding my breath. I would look you in the eye if I could, and tell you I'm okay, so you could be happy wherever you are. But you more than anyone know that I'm a bad liar.

I currently ask myself, who am I? It always seemed to be a pretty easy question to answer. Now! I'm not so sure. Maybe my regrets changed me into a stranger that is always so apologetic, like my entire existence is embarrassing.

How did it get to this? Well, I will have to begin by telling you the story about my first death.

A FEW YEARS BACK

"I'm not done yet, you jerk!!" I slapped my twin's hand stopping him from snatching my drawing.

"You've been saying the same thing for the past two hours," Jaden said after a long sigh.

We're currently at granny Lauren's back yard, she is my mother's oldest friend. She lives alone but she told us she has a grandson that moved to England a few years ago. She has been around since we were born.

Although she is much older than my mom she still acted younger than most people her age, that's why she hated when we called her granny, but we still did it anyway, for almost 17 years.

This was our favorite spot. It's a mini garden out here, and the display on how the sun washed the garden with a golden glow injecting life as it struck the green grass was mesmerizing. One could see the enjoyment of the plants, the beauty of the flower's pollen resembling floating grains of pixie dust swinging in the strands of the wind.

Some may say what she had here was a residential garden, but I like to use the term traditional garden the more general type of anyway, as she used plants sparsely. At the end of the garden, there was a small grove of trees that provided shelter for birds, that in my opinion were boorishness birds as they always sounded like a church full of people whispering at the same time, in one of these same trees was as swing, which we put there when we were seven years old.

But there was a loner tree located on the right side of the door that led to the kitchen where she always placed a cloth underneath. Lucky us that it was near the kitchen so we got to enjoy the tree's shadow and welcome the sweet fresh scent of newly baked bread coming from the kitchen's window.

As always we were sitting back to back, something we did since I knew myself as a person, although it got more comfortable for me as time passed for the fact that at the age of sixteen almost seventeen, Jaden was already enjoying his herculean body, providing me with his broad shoulders to sleep on with no problems, while for his disadvantage I was... Well, I was just your average short not much to talk about sixteen soon to be seventeen years old girl.

I was drawing a woman saw in the mall. I wanted Jaden to see, but he wouldn't stop annoying and mocking me on how long I was taking to finish it and blah blah.

'How could I finish if he keeps distracting me?'

"Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you were all waiting for is finally here " I said proudly as I lifted the paper taking in the drawing I had in front of me.

"Finally, I was afraid it would take you a whole year to finish it " Jaden said dramatically as he grabbed the paper to analyze my work.

"Oh! " I heard him murmur.

I was scared he wouldn't like it. As we're still sitting back to back I couldn't see his facial expression

"Sexy " He cleared his throat and added. "You managed to empathize her sensuality as well as her innocence "

Without realizing, my lips were holding the brightest smile they could manage. My twin knew how to get the right reactions out of me.

Jaden suddenly moved from his spot, my back found its way on the red cloth we were sitting on.

"Ouch!! " I screamed before staring daggers into a laughing Jaden.

"I just hope you're not into girls like me, if so we'll be unconditionally the same. You know the ultimate twins" He said laughing harder.

"I told you I saw her when I went to Wernhil, the girl that was sitting in front of me at the ice cream shop was wearing a shirt with this drawing, not exactly the same just... " I suddenly stopped.

'Why am I explaining myself to this idiot? '

"Whatever Jaden, and so you know there is no such thing as ultimate twins" With a pensive face I murmured staring at the sky that threatened to rain.

"Plus we'll never truly be the same. I'll always have a V and you a P" I said laughing at my choice of words.

"Ew, that was gross sis " He shook his head and turned back while I stuck my tongue out like a five-year-old.

I loved how comfortable we were around each other, there were no secrets between us, literally! Like when I got my periods, Jaden was the first to know about it, he even tried to steal pads as he called them ' plugs ' from my aunt because I was too embarrassed to tell her. It's strange that despite our age sometimes he came to sleep in my room, especially when he had a bad day.

I winced with brows furrowed as I pointing at the forming clouds " It was sunny just now, and suddenly is about to rain? "

"The weather is moody, just like you and that is why we have to go say bye to granny and go home " He informed me as he reached out to help me stand.

I packed my books, glad that I managed to finish all my last assignments for the year. I grabbed the red cloth we were sitting on and took it with me as I walked behind Jaden into the kitchen.

"Granny?" Jaden called as we passed through the kitchen where I placed the red cloth on one of the chairs and moved into the living room.

"Upstairs " She replied.

She came down dressed elderly but spry in her yellow cotton dress, hiding her slightly slim and short body, a white apron on top of it that was covered with pink and blue flowers.

Granny was a woman of thin face and a soft creamy complexion. Jaden always said she resembled a cappuccino, with her somehow extended wrinkles that gave her age away, but miraculously spotless allowing her small brown gentle eyes to shine.

She has black wavy hair bothered by some grey hair hold in her usual ponytail.

" My pumpkins are you leaving already? " Her thin voice carried sadness.

She was always sad when it was time for us to go home, no matter how long we stayed. Last time we came over for the whole weekend but she didn't want us to go as she always said. "You could always stay a little longer "

" Yes, granny " I said hugging her " And I'm too old to be called that "

Granny and Jaden laughed as if it was my first time complaining.

"Tomorrow we'll be here as usual, plus I promised I would go buy new seeds to plant " He said placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Alright, first let me give you some cookies I baked" She said smiling while walking into the kitchen.

" Granny can you please stop trying to make me fat, if this continues I'll have to start a very rigid diet " I whined as she walked toward us giving a bowl full of cookies to Jaden.

"I will try" She smiled forming nets of wrinkles at the corners of her eyes.

"Off you go, and get home safe pumpkins " I rolled my eyes as I heard the nickname once again and walked out of the house with Jaden behind me.

When we entered the taxi, I laid my head on Jaden's shoulder allowing myself to shut my eyes and loosen up.

This was our everyday routine, we currently attend high school at Academia secondary school, it happened to be close to granny's house. So, after school, we normally went to Granny's and stayed there until one of us wanted to go home. We mostly did our homework, help granny whenever she needed even if it meant sitting there listening to her stories that by the way, we knew by heart. It was just sad that this was our last year in high school.

Without realizing I fell asleep.