Never again
"Hey man, " Philip chirped quietly on his small bed.
"Yeah, " Dan replied from the floor.
"Are you leaving again?" Philip asked quietly.
Dan sat up and faced him.
'Why was he asking him that?'
"Why—"
Philip 'pffted' and rolled on his side turning away from him.
"I don't want you hurting Lily again, " Philip stated.
Philip sighed.
Dan's eyes lowered and he bit his lip.
Philip removed his cover rather annoyed and sat up facing Dan.
"You have no idea do you?" he started.
"I wasn't joking when I said I wanted to punch you in the face earlier, " Philip continued, glaring at Dan.
"You left without so much as a 'goodbye', not a single word, now you come back looking all weird. What's with those eyes anyways?"
Dan clenched his jaw.
His attempt at changing his eye color earlier that day had failed miserably.
Of course they were bound to ask questions.
Questions he wasn't ready to answer, or rather, questions he didn't have the slightest idea 'how' to answer.
"She thought you died, man. Heck, we both did."
"It wasn't easy...with you gone, " Philip said quietly.
"She cried every single day. Every. Single. Day."
"Because of you," he continued.
"She'd lost so much weight I didn't know what to do and the only thing I could think about was you beating the shit out of me if you ever came back and saw her like that."
Philip sighed.
"She loves you man, a lot, apparently, " Philip stated quietly.
Dan's eyes widened as he stared at Philip in shock.
"You've cared too much about all the wrong things, the not so pretty things but she doesn't care about any of that."
"In case you haven't noticed, all she's ever cared about is you, not your past, or whatever wrong you've committed that even you can't remember."
Dan looked down—his eyes filled.
"You need to tell her how you really feel, Dan, I think one year's enough for you to think things over. In fact, I still don't know what's there to even think over, " Philip all but yelled.
"She loves you for who you are, no judgement. It seems your wish was finally granted don't you think?"
Dan couldn't think straight.
He'd been taken away from them but it'd been his choice to stay at the mansion with the Sentinels, it had also been his choice to stop coming all together to see them. And it had been for a reason.
It had all been for her, to protect her, to keep her safe from himself.
He hated it, he hated everything.
The truth was, no matter how hard it was for him to, he had to still leave.
He had to leave Lily.
It was just the first day and it was already hard to breathe.
The hunger had increased ten-fold.
He was barely keeping it together.
But it was something he couldn't tell them.
Even if they'd accepted his ugly past, they still didn't know what was going on.
Who he really was.
Would Lily still be able to look him in the eye if she knew he was the devil's spawn—an abomination.
He'd killed his own parents and sister for God's sake. There was no coming back from that.
He hated himself, he hated the fate he had been sentenced to without his own consent, without being able to do much to stop it.
He loved Lily, he loved her so much it hurt but she deserved better, far better than him.
There was nothing he could offer her, nothing to give her other than pain, misery and sadness.
"You have to tell her." Philip's voice tore him from his depressing thoughts.
"Before it's too late."
√√√
Excited screams could be heard all around.
It was Christmas eve. Christmas lights filled the entire streets. Reindeers everywhere.
"Dan, over here!" Lily waved him over.
Dan smiled, going over to her.
She blushed when he stood in front of her.
She looked down shyly.
"I know you just came back, yesterday in fact."
She looked back up at him, the blush still coating her cheeks.
She sniffed, hands in pocket.
"But this is our first Christmas Eve together, " she said softly.
Dan stared at her, but he could not bring himself to smile.
He was sad, very sad.
Her mood sombered a little.
She held his hand.
"What's wrong?" she said softly.
He still didn't look at her.
"Daniel?"
At that, he looked into her beautiful forest-green eyes.
He cursed himself when he saw the worry in them.
"Lily, I don't think—"
"What?" she urged softly.
His hand tightened around hers.
"Dan, please tell me what's wrong." She moved closer to him.
Dan sighed, eyes tired.
"Lily, we can't be together, " he said softly.
Her eyes widened.
She let go of his hand and moved back.
"W-What?"
"What do y-you mean?"
Dan looked into her confused eyes.
"We don't belong together, " he continued.
"You're better off without me, " he said quietly.
Tears brimmed in her eyes.
"You don't mean that, "
She looked down.
"Did I do something wrong? Did I—"
Dan grabbed her by the shoulders.
Tears fell down her eyes as she looked into his.
"Dan—"
He shut his eyes.
"I can't lose you, I just...I can't—"
"Then why? Don't push me away, please Dan, " she sobbed.
His hand tightened on her shoulder.
He looked into her eyes.
"The reason I came back was to protect you, to keep you from danger, very soon, I have to leave again, "
"Staying with you is killing me, being near you is torture, I can't breathe, "
Lily let out a sob closing her eyes.
"Please, don't say that."
Dan let her go.
Lily looked up at him, her eyes tear-ridden.
"We can't be together Lily, there's something dark inside of me, something cruel, " he said quietly, eyes lowered.
"And it wants me to hurt you, " he whispered.
"I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you, so plea—"
Lily wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in the crook of his neck.
"I love you, " she sobbed softly.
"I love you, Dan, "
Dan froze and he stopped breathing.
"Please don't leave, not again, " she whispered, her arms tightened around him.
"Please."
His hands shook.
"Lily, " he said in a breath.
He shut his eyes.
He let out a breath and then he opened his eyes.
"Lily, don't make this harder than it already is, " he said quietly as he gently removed her arms from around him.
"Please don't tell Philip anything."
"Once the danger is past, you won't see me again, " he said softly.
Her eyes lowered in resignation.
Tears fell down her tired eyes.
"I'll go, " she said softly and she turned around.
She started walking away from him.
Somehow, the farther she walked away from him, the more he felt like his heart was being ripped away from his chest.
But it was to protect her, he tried to convince himself.
She stopped.
Lily wrapped her arms around herself and then she continued.
Dan noticed something odd about the way she walked. She was swaying slightly to the sides and then finally, she went down.
Dan's eyes widened.
"Lily!"
√√√
Lily opened her eyes tiredly to see Philip.
"Hey Phil, " she said quietly sitting up.
His eyes were filled with worry. He nodded.
He stood and sighed, rubbing his temple.
"Thank goodness, " he whispered.
"Do you know how worried we were?" Philip said still massaging his temple.
Lily's eyes widened slightly.
"We?" she said hesitantly clutching the hem of her blanket tightly.
"Yeah, he was here all night, " he said.
"Dan, " she said hesitantly.
"Uhn-uhn, you'll be the death of him."
"Where is he?" Lily asked desperately.
"I think he's by the shop—"
Lily didn't let him finish.
She grabbed a jacket and wore it over her pyjamas.
She ran out the door, Philip's voice calling her back faded into the background.
Fifteen minutes later, she was outside the Bookshop.
She looked up at the sign at the front.
'Elaine's Bookshop.'
This was where it all began...
'And if it must end, it must end here.'
She took in a deep breath and went in.
She didn't see him at the reception, so she went further into the Bookshop.
"Hello?" she called quietly.
No response.
After the fourth aisle...she found him.
Her eyes widened as she saw him on the ladder, arranging a pile of books.
He had his apron on but he was without the glasses.
For the first time, she realised just how handsome he really was.
She pretended to cough to catch his attention.
Dan had turned too fast and in turn had lost his grip on the ladder.
Lily's eyes widened.
'Why does this feel like déjà vu?'
He landed with a thud on his back but instead of standing up or even an 'ow', he remained on the floor.
Lily took a step closer.
"Please, don't, " he said softly closing his eyes.
That made her stop.
She stared at him, the tears bubbling again.
She watched as he stood and dusted himself off.
He picked the ladder up and walked right past her.
Her heart shattered into a million pieces onto the cedar floor.
She remained there. She lowered her head and a tear fell.
Her heart wrenched painfully in her chest.
She couldn't stop it, not had any will or strength to.
She huddled in a corner and cried.
She buried her face in her raised knees and cried till she felt like she was floating, till she became numb and empty inside.
'So, this was what rejection felt like?'
It was unbearable.
After what felt like forever, she stood wobbly on her two feet.
She sniffed and wiped her eyes.
She inhaled and let out a soft breath.
She walked out of the aisle and made her way towards the door.
When she reached the counter at the reception, she paused.
She looked at him but he wasn't looking at her.
The tears bubbled inside her once again but she swallowed them.
Without a word, she walked out of the Bookshop.
Dan ran his hand down his face and sighed.
He gripped the counter tightly, head bowed.
It was torture for him—pushing her away.
He clenched his jaw and his grip on the counter tightened.
He'd made her cry.
He'd heard her soft sobs and each sob had sliced through his body like a knife.
He hated himself.
He hated the hand life had dealt to him.
He hated everything.
A loud crash rang throughout the entire street-right outside the shop.
And like a metal scraped on a rough surface, he heard a haunting voice say.
'I warned you.'
A shiver went through his body and his entire body felt as though it'd been doused in cold water.
Dan walked around the counter and made his way to the door almost mechanically.
He could hear loud commotions from outside.
A small voice inside of him told him he knew what had happened but he refused to believe it.
Dan opened the door and stepped out-more commotion.
There was blood everywhere.
Right in front of him, was a ghastly accident.
A bus, a truck and a few cars totally unrecognisable. But that wasn't what caught Dan's attention.
He stepped out onto the sidewalk.
He followed the trail of blood and paused when he got to the source.
Auburn hair sprawled on the asphalt mingled with blood.
He knelt down and stared at the unmoving body of Lily sandwiched between the bus and a blue Sedan.
He squeezed in between and brought her out.
He laid her on the asphalt, hands around her.
Dan stared down at her, her eyes were closed and blood flowed from a huge gash on her head and the corner of her mouth.
He noticed something was shaking—they were his hands.
He placed a hand on her cheek.
"Lily, " he spoke quietly.
No response.
He felt something wet on his cheeks.
"Lily, " This time louder.
Still no response.
His breathing became ragged. His hand shook as he caressed her cheek.
More tears fell.
"Lily, " he whispered.
He held her to him and buried his face in her neck.
He held her tightly to him.
"No."
"No," he cried out.
"I-I, "
It was hard to breathe.
He leaned back and stared down at her.
He caressed her brows.
"Lily." He closed his eyes and bowed his head.
"I'm sorry, " he whispered pathetically.
"I'm so—" his words were choked up.
He held her tightly to him.
"I love you," he whispered in despair.
"I'm so sorry."
He kept saying it over and over again.
But it was no use.
She was gone....forever.
And then began, his eternal torment.
.
.
.
Author's note: