CHAPTER 18

I am a horrible person. A very, very horrible person. I blame my broken home upbringing, my absent father, my issues with abandonment, yada yada yada..But still there was no excuse for what I did. I looked at Sierra who was too shocked to say anything. Or rather I was zeroing in on her ruined designer top. It's been molested by the plate of chili cheese fries that 'accidentally' escaped my grip. I mean, it was trying to get away. It refused to be eaten. I was hapless. And a horrifying human being.

"Oh my God!" Sierra said in shock. Wes stared at her wide-eyed while Josh couldn't say a word, he was gaping so much.

"Oh God, oh God, I'm so sorry! It was an accident! I didn't mean to make this happen!Here, let's go clean this up at the ladies." I rushed to wipe the front of her top with the napkins on the table. It made the stain worse. Sierra quickly got up and ran to the ladies. I quickly followed.

At the ladies, Sierra looked into the mirror and sniffed. She gave me a glare through the mirror. I shrank back and refused to meet her stare. She looked scary as eff. She tore off the top and run it under the tap water. Tears were spilling down her cheeks and she kept giving me the death glare. I got some hand soap and tried to help her to get the stains out. But suddenly, she threw the top into the sink and splashed water all over the floor. In her expensive-looking peach lacy bra, she charged at me, her face grim and her red hair creating an illusion of a lion's mane framing her flushed but otherwise flawless face. Totally freaking me out. I backed away slowly uncomfortably.

"You did this on purpose." She said simply in a low, scary voice.

"No! It was an accident-" I denied vehemently and Sierra suddenly grabbed me by the collar and pushed me hard against the cold tiled wall. Ouch!

"Listen here, you fat bitch. I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to get Wes away from me-" She started saying menacingly but I quickly cut her off.

"No, I'm not! Really! It was an accident-" I sputtered as she pushed me harder and leaned forward so I could see her cold blue eyes cutting into my wimpy brown ones.

"Look at you. You're an ugly fat pig. Wes will never, ever like you. He may treat you nice, but that's coz he feels sorry for you. He thinks you're pathetic. That's why he's being all friendly to you. But at the end of the day, I would be the one he chooses. Guess who's going to be the one he kisses and takes out for dates? Not you, apparently. You're only good for hanging out when he's bored. Now you get out of my way and out of my face or I will destroy you in front of Wes!" Sierra warned, her eyes and hair ablaze. I took a deep breath to protest but she jumped right back in and pushing her arm on my shoulder, hard.

"Shut up! I know you like him. You're always staring at him on the beach with that sad, pathetic dog-eyed stare. Urgh, have some dignity! At least don't be so obvious! And now you just ruined my $200 top because you're a jealous, petulant little fat freak." Sierra growled low near my ear. I felt sweat started to run down my back and face. Oh God, this girl is scary!!

She pushed off me and continued trying to wash her top. I stared at her back, unsure of what to do. She had taken me by surprise. Gone was the lilting southern accent she was sporting earlier and out came the ghetto growl..wait, is that a thing? Whatever, but I knew I had to get out. I quickly slipped out of the ladies. Just as I walked out I ran smack into Wes' chest. I stepped back and looked up, my eyes wide. Oh God, he didn't hear anything, did he?!

"Hey, is everything ok? Where's Sierra?" Wes asked in a worried tone. I looked at him, relieved that he hadn't heard anything. Suddenly, he ran in into the ladies. I was shocked but figured that I should just leave them alone. I walked back mournfully to the table. Josh was sipping his soda as I sat beside him. He leaned back and glanced at me. He sighed and put his arm around my shoulders.

"It's an accident. It really was. I didn't mean to-" I started mumbling and Josh kept saying, "It's okay, I know, I know." as he patted me like he was comforting me.I groaned.

"Why am I such a screw-up, Josh!? Why can't things just go the way they're supposed to?! Urgh,I suck so much!" I cried as I lay my head on the table. Josh patted my head comfortingly.

"Hey, it's not your fault. It's an accident, ok! Don't beat yourself up too much." Josh said as he tried to cheer me up.

A few minutes later, Sierra came our, huddling into Wes shirt and cozily snuggled up against him as he held her, by putting his arm around her shoulders, her head against his chest. She looked vulnerable and worse for wear. Like she just had a traumatizing experience. Wes was wearing only a white t-shirt which was under the shirt. I stared at her and Wes. She suddenly locked eyes with me and gave a small evil smirk. I blanched and looked down at my burger. I felt Josh held me tighter by the shoulders.

"Um, sorry guys. I gotta take Sierra home. I'll see you later ok." Wes said as he stepped out of the diner. I watched him flag down a cab. A few moments later, they were gone. Josh sighed as he peered at me. I was slowly getting a hold of myself. I can't let Josh know what Sierra said to me in the ladies. It's too humiliating. And what's worse is the fact that Sierra was right. I may not have ruined her clothes on purpose. But I have been mooning around Wes and staring at him at stalker level. And as the girlfriend, I'm sure she is pissed with that fact.

After the disastrous dinner, I went home, weary and tired. I was pissed at myself. I really have got to get over this crush. It's gonna create problems for me. Tonight was a classic example. What Sierra said made me wonder if everybody else knew about my crush. If Wes knew about my crush on him. Oh God, please don't. I groaned as I threw myself on my bed. Urgh, I wish to never, ever see Wes ever again. If I see him, I will run away as quickly as I could. And as far away as possible

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2 horrible weeks went by and it's like Wes had just disappeared from the face of the earth. I haven't seen him or heard from him. Well, I did see him at the beach from afar, but that's it. I missed him and it's making me sad. I felt Wes was avoiding me. He never saw me again after the Sierra drama, let alone drop into grandma's house.

It was about a week left of summer holiday and I was due back home in 5 days. I felt the familiar churning in my stomach when I was reminded of that fact. It was a windy summer's day and there was a few kids having a party at the beach. It was getting late. I looked over at the carefree kids. If only I was that carefree. But I couldn't afford being carefree. I've kept all my wages and tips that I made while working at the kiosk. That's the money to tie me over till at least Christmas. But when I get back, I would still work. But only part-time since I have soccer practice. Suddenly, as I was day dreaming, I saw a familiar figure walking towards the corn dog stand where I was. He looked at me in this weird way. I cleared my throat and straightened up. Wes gave a ready smile when he came up to me. I wonder where Sierra was.

"Hey gorgeous. What are you doing here?" I asked casually although my tummy was doing somersaults and splits and dives. It's like an acid reflux stream. Oh God, I did not just call Wes gorgeous to his face! For eff sake, what the hell is wrong with me?!

"Hey Addy. How're you doing?" Wes said casually, as if we just saw each other yesterday, when in fact I haven't see him in 2 weeks. I suddenly felt the weight of missing him in my chest and it's very overwhelming.

"I've been great. Really, really great! Like super great! Did not even miss you! Not even a bit!" Stahp!!! Stahp talking!! Would somebody come kill me now!!

Wes looked at me and gave a small hesitant smile. Aw shoot! He's uncomfortable! Oh no, he's gritting his teeth coz his jaw is kinda moving.. Great! I'm killing this..so killing it!

"Uhm, hello. Can I order, please?" A petite girl came to the counter with a smile on her face. I looked at her and smiled back and nodded.

"Uhm, can I see you tonight? You know, at Edith's?" Wes said out of the blue. I frowned and was at loss for words. Since I have a customer, all I could do was nod my head. Wes smiled a little and left.

"Wow, it that your boyfriend?" The petite girl asked as she looked at him dreamily. I looked over at Wes' retreating back and sighed. I wanted to feel happy that I would see him again, but something was nagging at me, like I couldn't let my guard down. And that I couldn't trust him.

"I wish.." I said with a sigh.

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I was sitting up in my bed, in my nicest pajamas. Yeah, I'm stupid and weak. I like the guy, sue me. Even though he had been a bit of a jerk by ignoring me for 2 whole weeks, I still waited for him to come. But he was taking too long that before long I had fallen asleep.

Suddenly a bang woke me. I jerked awake and looked around. A dark figure was hunched at the foot of the bed. I sat up, and looked closely.

"Wes?" I asked hesitantly. He stood up and groaned. Yep, it's Wes alright. He slowly stood on his knees and held onto the bed. Slowly he got up and sat on my bed. He kinda sat on the left side, his favourite side, judging from the one time he had spent the night on my bed.

"Addy, you remember when I asked you if you'd feel sad if I die?" Wes asked out of the blue, as he looked straight ahead at nothing. I looked at him briefly.

"Yeah..." I said as I looked at him, mystified.

"Well...you know, you never asked me if I'd feel sad if you die." Wes said as he looked ahead, not making sense. I looked at him, wondering if he was right in the head.

"Uhm, it's okay. But what are you talking about?" I asked him, mystified.

"Go ahead. Ask me." Wes said. Huh?

"Ask you what?" I said and looked at him weirdly.

"Ask me whether I would feel sad if you die." Wes said, not making sense.

"What? Why? Wes, is something wrong?" He was freaking me out a little. I looked at him leaning against the headboard, looking at nothing.

"Addy, just, just ask me, okay! I want you to ask me whether I would feel sad if you die." Wes was getting agitated. I decided to just humor him and ask the damn question and get it over with.

"Okay, fine! Wes, would you feel sad if I die?" I asked in a weird formal voice, sitting up cross-legged on my bed, facing him.

Wes didn't answer right away. He kinda looked forward and then he turned to look at me straight in the eye. He was quiet and studying my face. What the eff is up with Wes being all creepy and weird??

"Yes. I would. And I'd want to die too." Wes said.