Memories (part 2)

I watched as 15 year old me went through her first panic attack

She was rocking herself back and forth in her room while holding her head

Her breathing was all over the place as if she couldn't breathe

It only took a few moments till the little me started hitting her head and started crying

She could hear all the yelling between her parents down stairs and that sure didn't help

She just kept hitting her head as if she had gone crazy but in truth all she wanted was for the feeling to go away and that was her way of trying to do that

After finally giving up on hitting her head she slowly crawled over to her phone and called her best friend in a hope that they would pick up but as the ringing went on and no one picked up she started rocking back and forth again

All hope of being able to talk to her friend went out the drain when the finale ring finally ended

As the yelling from down stairs got louder she couldn't take it anymore

In a daze I had put on some warm clothes and shoes opened my door and slowly walked down the stairs with my parents screaming still in the background from the kitchen

Ignoring everything else I walked straight to the front door and just walked out

She wanted to get out, and she did

she was hoping getting outside would make her feel better and thankfully it did... but not by much

Her heart beat was still out of control and she was still crying but at least the yelling had finally stopped...

I watched as little me walked and walked and walked

It took at least 30 minutes to arrive at the park where you can only hope was her real destination that she had hope to get to

It was already 10pm at night yet there were still some people still there

Yet she ignored them all and just walked over to the swings and sat down on one of them

Without paying attention she just started to swing steadily in a daze

But soon that daze was broken as she heard someone yelling to her

While blinking rapidly she raised her head and stared at a familiar face Mr. Paterson one of her friends fathers staring at her with a worried face

I watched as little me was asked about when she would head home because of how late it already was

She replied that she probably wouldn't head home until about 1 or 2am and although he tried to change her mind all she did was smile

He soon walked away and she started swinging once again thinking it was over but two minutes later who did she see but Amelia Paterson one of her friends running up to her

She explains that her dad had sent her over to make sure I went home soon and to ask if I wasn't gonna go home to at least stay at their place for the night

The two girls soon just started talking... they joked a bit but at the end Amelia sounded very serious so eventually I watched on as little me agreed to stay at her house for just one night

I didn't know how long the memory was gonna last as I watched myself head over to Amelia's and even fall asleep but as I woke up and said my goodbyes before heading home I realized why this memory had taken so long...

When I arrived home and shut the front door behind me I saw my mom sitting on the coach on her phone

She looked up with a confused face and then asked "when did you leave?"

I don't know why but the maybe the fact that she didn't notice I was gone or the fact that she didn't seem to care clearly hurt the younger me...

But with that yet another memory faded out

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As the next memory came to view I was excited to see it again because I had finally came to a happy memory

Another 3 years later 18 year old me was standing talking with a dog breeder to get my first dog

I had already bought the little shit so once they brought out the little puppy I had immediately picked her up and hugged her into my chest as she licked my face

Just hugging her seemed to bring a smile to my face so I couldn't help but burst out into laughter as my face had became all slobbery from getting licked

After a few formality's it was all done little me had finally gotten a dog...

When I was younger I had used to beg and beg for a dog to keep me company but my parents wouldn't take any of it and would always shoot me down the moment I brought it up

My mind started to fly through memories with my dog from her first accident to her first play date

I even got to watch the memories of when I would bring my dog to my friends houses and how she would immediately pounce on all of my friends and scare them half to death while doing so