Rewind through times
The water in my head preventing me from thinking clearly only rises the longer I'm in here…
"But who cares~" I say in a baby voice as I lay down on the blank ground moving my head back
"Roxie~ where are you~" I started shouting like a little kid looking for her mother
After looking around for what felt like 10 minutes I started breaking down into tears
"Shit dog why won't you come to mommy~" I sobbed while laying down on the floor " baby dog~ mommy just wants to cuddle where are you…"
Suddenly the crying stopped
"Wait…. What was I saying again? Ohhhhhh I have to go babysit the twins today don't I!" I stood up and looked around as if I had just solved a mystery just to be confused as to where I was "everything's so DARK….. it's so pretty!?!" And like that, I had started running around like a 5-year-old while randomly talking about events or things that had happened years ago like a broken record
"Hmm, shouldn't I be at grandpa's funeral…" just for the next second to say "What happened to the fort I made… I had worked so hard… wait where am I?"
"Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot….. I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry…, I'm sorry, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, IM SORRY, I-I-IM SORRY" The paranoid sounding whispers filled the foid for a moment just to fill over to the confused voice stating "Um the answer is actually… 27?"
"….Is- is C-coach really dead?" After the question was a wounded dog sounding cry had broke loose just to be shrouded in confusion a moment later like it never happened
"Nicole please don't leave I swear my parents will be home soon! Please don't leave me alone! Please!" The begging of a child rang just to be replaced with the sound of a happy adult "Its amazing to see you again Mrs Stortz's! Your still my favorite teacher you know!"
This repeated for more than 3 hours before my head got so fogged I couldn't even remember how to speak coherently
But somehow I just kept walking, running, sprinting, hitting anything
Then at the snap of a finger, everything came back
My rationality came back and so did my memories
But something was different… i-it felt like something in me had been missing but just came back? And… It felt horrible!
I felt like a weight came back to me and is resting on my heart? There's weird pain in my chest and some sort of fog in my head that keeps banging against my forehead… it's so… painful? I don't even think it's something I can comprehend.
I could remember everything I had just remembered like it had all just happened all over again
The feelings shook me so hard that my breathing became unstable
For a moment I couldn't focus then I got distracted by some strange pain
My arms burned so bad I couldn't help but look down at them
I saw my shaking arms but what really surprised me was the metallic light blue lacing my arms like a beautiful tattoo
I traced them with my finger in boredom as my head kept pounding
The only thing that annoyed me about them is they almost completely cover my old scissor scars that scattered across the paler side of my arm with dumb spirals
¨Jesus CHRIST why is this happening?!?!
I was finally getting used to being a fucken dog and now they throw me into this endless abyss shit!?!?!" My rugged breathing makes it hard to shout but I still do
"The universe must be out to get me!
WHY! WHY MUST YOU HATE ME UNIVERSE!
Is it cause I was in that gang once!
You should know that wasn't even my fault by the way!
It was HARLEY'S!?!
Or is it because I beat a few kids
Well if it is for your information all of them deserved it, and NONE OF THEM EVEN DIED... I think
And if its because I'm a fucken atheist then... well that's just rude¨ I nagged into the void
If I have to be stuck with my annoying brain then they at least have to put up with everything I actually said out loud
I hadn't noticed because of my hectic thoughts but my breathing had become so fast that my head was starting to grow fainter and fainter then more time went on
"Why'd you even show me all that you asshole of a whatever you are!?! I put that shit behind me!
Okay, I'm over it I don't care what the point of crying over things I can't change!
I can't change that my personality never matured!
I can't change that I talk to my dog like I'm talking to a baby!
I can't change that I'd had to work so many damn jobs!?!
I can't change that my grandpa had wanted to commit suicide!
I can't change my childhood anxiety's or traumas!
I can't change that a father figure of mine died!?!
I can't change that my parents didn't give a damn!
I cant change shit so stop making me remember what I like to bury in a 6- no 12 foot deep hole! I prefer to forget in peace with some vodka and my damn dog!" I screamed with tears I wasn't even aware of brimming my eyes but just as I had finished something in big bright fancy letters popped up in front of me
-REBOOT COMPLETE-
"Wait wha-" Then everything went blank yet again