The Price of a Confession

Kim Mitzuki's P.O.V.

I felt Yoongi's tears on my skin. Looking up to the glossy eyes of the person I'd called out to earlier, I could only imagine the grief he was feeling right now. I doubted that this soft-hearted man had ever had the chance to mourn the loss of his boyfriend and everything he'd known for as long as he'd worked for Izuka. To me, it would have taken mettle to steal something, or anything at all, from Izuka Yang. Any person who was even imagined to have taken anything my greedy ex-boyfriend believed was his possession always ended up dead or missing...

Gingerly taking the USB stick as if it were lit dynamite that would set the night alight should I drop it or let it fall, I shivered despite the warm arms securing me. I wondered, briefly, if there'd been anyone to help Suga hide his theft or that he wouldn't be returning once he left to investigate an alleged sighting of me from a traitor.

I don't remember much about the men or women who'd worked for Izuka; too often I was messed up, drugged up or fucked up. Once in a while, when I was really badly hurt, Izuka's servants or minions would risk a flogging to help me, even if it was only to slip me a few pain relief pills or a mouthful of water. Tears slipped from my own brown orbs as memories resurfaced and blurry images flashed quickly in my mind; the salty fluid inching its way over the waterline and etching a trail down my cheeks like raindrops against a windowpane.

I stared into violet eyes and let my heart do the talking.

"Yoongi, i-it would have taken so m-much courage for you to get this for me. I.. I just-"

I began, my stuttering easing but my voice was thick with the emotions flowing through me like the tide on a beach, reaching out and withdrawing over and over.

"Thank you. Thank you for always being there for me. Lan Wuxian and Lan Yibo have looked after me for this year, they scraped me off the footpath when I was damaged almost beyond recovery, they've shown me the care and hope that I always felt from you - even when you were under Yang's orders to.. do things. I still felt I was missing something this time and until you walked in the door today I didn't know what it was. In the hours you've been here I realized it was you.

Min Suga, my Suga, my Yoongi. I missed you so so much. Lan Wuxian was right when he compared the way Lan Yibo loving him is the same way I love you. I would do everything again if it meant I would get to meet you. A thousand times over I would do it... but... I-I... I need you to want it, to want me. I know you still love BamBam and that you probably don't love me or want to be with me like I feel for you. These guys have all shown me how to live again, how to actually be alive and I want, no, I need you with me because I can't confront Izuka Yang if you aren't here with me, and I can't face him by myself... I... I need you to be with me. Please... Yoon, please don't make me do this without you."

I wasn't brave enough to face the man keeping me in his arms so I tilted my eyelids down and burying my face in his shirt still wrapped over my fists where I'd grabbed him. My heartbeat became erratic, my breathing shortened and apprehensive feelings confused my thoughts. I was too afraid to see how Suga was reacting to my disarrayed confession of sorts and I desperately hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way - like I'm only saying it because I am belittling him or his feelings or making fun of him.

Comfort, warmth, adoration, fondness and wanting to be around him. Safety, security, trust and hope were things I felt around my Suga, my Yoongi. Although I also felt sorrow, hurt and pain too, it was for him because he'd lost people through knowing my greedy, emotionless, possessive ex-boyfriend. I felt so many things when it came to this man, the warmth that encompassed my being allowed me to feel safe enough to say these things to him, but did I pity him? Never.

The interminable silence drained me with its length and I could feel more than one pair of eyes on me, the mint haired male holding me seemed to have stopped breathing and mine quickened.

Had I said something wrong?

What did I say wrong?

Did he hate me now?

Would he leave me alone again?

When would he leave?

Would he leave me behind?

No. No No nonononononono---

I tightened my grip on his shirt - refusing to let go of the one thing I believed was really real. Then I heard a husky voice in my ears, words tenderly pulling at my heart so quietly I almost missed them for the noise of my own thoughts and the blood pumping in my ears.

"Baby I'm not good for you. I've killed people, hell, I murdered your family. Why do you even want me around?"

"I know that! I heard what you said - that you killed my whole entire family. If I said I didn't care I'd be lying but you were trying to protect me and death is better for them than anything I was subjected to while I was with that.. that.. motherfucking, lying, deceitful piece of maggot puke on the bottom of algae scum in a dried out, mould infested pond! If you're so worried about why you're no good for me then answer me this - did you do it for pleasure or because you felt like it or just wanted to? *he shook his head from side to side* No. No, you did it because you were ordered to and because you were protecting them and me! Don't you tell me what's good for me and what's not because I fucking need you Yoongi."

My rant had started low but gotten louder and by the time I finished I was almost yelling, staring Suga straight in the eyes because I needed to make him believe what I was saying to him. I didn't hate him for what he'd done and if it was a choice between losing my family permanently because he'd had to kill them or having them trapped for Gods know how long in my ex's torture house? I'd pick them being dead every time. Everyone was staring at my outburst but I couldn't find it in me to care about them. The only mans opinion who mattered to me right now was the one with the pretty cat-like eyes still glossy with unshed tears; he was slack jawed and his arms had dropped to my waist, one hand on my thigh. I lowered my voice back to a quieter volume.

"You don't get it, do you? Even when you were with BamBam I cared about you, I mean.. I didn't realize exactly how I felt at the time but I was always happy around you guys. Always happy to see you and that you wanted to be around me- you were always my sweetheart, my hero. Every time you saw me you had something for me. That's probably why Yang kept sending you and him away. It took me ages to figure out why I felt like there's something missing once I came back to myself, like it took me a really long time but I don't just love you like a brother o-or someone who helped me. I'm in love with you. My heart is yours for the keeping and I'll only ask you for two things.

The first thing is don't treat me the way He did. And the second thing is the easiest, just... please stay. I want you to love me the way I love you but if you don't then that's okay too, I mean... I just... I want you to stay with me, to be in my life. I won't beg for it if you say you don't want me an-and I won't ask again after this, if it's what you want but-"

I was silenced by a pair of soft lips pressing gently on mine. I froze for a moment and I became as stiff as a board, my fight-or-flight instinct struggling to recognize the tender feeling wasn't intended to hurt me. Once my brain defrosted enough to function I responded by unfisting my hands from his shirt and tentatively moving them to his shoulders, my lips replying to his. The chaste kiss didn't last very long but when he pulled back his cheeks had a pretty pink stain on them, his eyes looked a little dazed and with wonder. His mouth opened and closed a few times, he cleared his throat before being able to speak.

"Shut up," he said. My forehead creased as I tilted my head.

"Huh?" The confusion must have been written on my face.

"I do. Uh, love you. I wasn't in love with BamBam. It was mutual satisfaction, uh, you know, friends with benefits." Suga explained with pink rising in his cheeks as he looked away, embarrassed.

"Oh," it took a few long moments for the realization of what he was saying to sink in,

"Wait. You.. do? You love me back?"

"No shit Sherlock, that's what he just said." Eijirou interrupted, slapping my shoulder.

The dark brunette grinned at me and winked lewdly at me, causing laughter and giggles from the others in the room. Lan Wuxian squeezed my Suga and I in his arms and wrapped us in a massive hug which was then compounded after Lan Yibo was pulled in by Lan Wuxian, Eijirou, Lan Sizhui and Jin Rulan (who was pulled in by Sizhui). Yoongi looked put out by having me ripped from his arms and lap, his pout made me join in the giggling. I looked at Jinhong Eijirou at grinned, feeling a little more confident than I had only a few hours ago I awkwardly tugged his hair.

"Hey Eiji? You got any spare hair dye?" The dark brunettes eyes lit up and he crowed with joy.

"OH MY GOD, finally! Of course I do Mitzu, what kind of gay do you take me for? I'm always prepared with extra colours!" His grin brightened the room and words made Lan Sizhui grin at Jin Rulan. I looked at Suga apologetically and mouthed 'sorry', he just smiled his gummy smile and squeezed me a little tighter.

------- ------- -------