Chapter Nine

Chief Yagami rushes over to Light, scolding and shaking him for daring to utter such words. Light quietly takes it, refusing to be moved by his father's worry, to the point of recanting what he just said. The rest of us just watch in silence.

'Look Dad,' Light says, 'If Ryuzaki is L, then it's safe to say he's the world's best detective. And right now, he's sure that I'm Kira. He's never been wrong before.'

'What are you saying Light?' Chief Yagami yells, 'stop this!'

'What about that FBI agent? Raye Penber? It was me he was investigating immediately before he died. And I was in Aoyama on the 22nd. Also, I was the first person that Misa, the alleged Second Kira, approached. It's all been me. If I were in L's place, even I would have come to the same conclusion. You see,' he raises up his hands and looks at them, like they might not even be his: 'subconsciously, I may even be Kira. If that were the case, I could be Kira and not even know it.'

Well that's a new theory. But…why tell us that you're Kira? Light, what's going on?

'I'm—I'm not sure of anything anymore. Unconsciously, who knows what I'm capable of. Another me could be killing people as I sleep.'

'I'm afraid that's not possible,' Ryuzaki interjects.

'Not possible? What do you mean?' Light asks.

'Well I never mentioned this to you but I had hidden cameras installed in your room for five whole days.'

Oh yeah. He did.

'Every single night, you slept normally. Criminals whose names were broadcast were still dying. Even though you had no way of knowing about them. But this didn't prove your innocence to me. Just that if you were Kira, no amount of camera surveillance could reveal that fact.'

Light does not look impressed. 'Wouldn't reveal that fact, huh? I—I don't know, it could be true. I've found myself thinking that some criminals deserve to die. If I can think like Kira, then how can I be sure that I'm not actually him?'

'Hold on Light,' Mr Matsuda says, 'I feel exactly the same way. I found myself thinking before that some people would be better off dead. But still, that doesn't mean we're going to go out and kill people.'

'Yeah,' I add, 'there are a lot of people out there who think the same way but none usually act on it.'

'Besides,' Mr Matsuda continues, 'criminals were still being killed even if you had no knowledge of them. I mean the surveillance cameras proved it didn't they?'

'Well, no,' Mr Aizawa says thoughtfully. Once we turn to him for an explanation, he continues. 'Because we were short of investigators then, we only watched him while he was at home. Truth is, we weren't able to watch him every hour of the day. It's possible he could have found some way to kill those criminals while he wasn't at home.'

That's true. Surveillance cameras were limited to the house while Ryuzaki and Chief Yagami watched, not to mention, and so were all the wiretaps. So if Light is Kira, subconsciously or not, he could still kill so long as he's not at home. Zut! This doesn't look good.

'Honestly,' Ryuzaki says, 'I don't like the way that this is going at all, but what choice do I have? Let's do it.'

Oh boy.

'I need you to fully restrain Light Yagami and place him in solitary confinement.'

'What?' Chief Yagami yells, 'You can't!'

'You want us to confine him?' Mr Matsuda gasps.

Why am I not surprised?

'If we're going to do this, then it has to happen immediately,' Ryuzaki says. 'From this point on, you're not allowed to go anywhere where I can't see you.'

'This is crazy,' the Chief says, 'There's no way my son can be Kira.'

I quietly approach Light, placing my hand on his shoulder, questioning him silently. Is he serious right now? Does he really believe that he is Kira? If he is and this proves it, does that mean that I will lose my friend? Light places his hand atop mine, in acknowledgement. From the corner of my eye, I see Ryuzaki briefly glance at us. He must know what's really going on in my mind.

'It's okay, Dad,' Light drops his hand as he says so. His voice sounds defeated, too tired to argue.

'Stop this Light,' Chief Yagami argues, weakly this time.

'Listen, something has to be done about this. As long as I'm having these doubts, I can't work with you to catch Kira. But Ryuzaki, promise me this. Until you can say with absolute certainty that I'm not Kira, you cannot set me free, no matter what I might say or what condition I might be in.'

'You have my word,' Ryuzaki says, 'Mr Yagami, can you come up with some sort of excuse for Light's absence, something to tell your family? And please, do it now.'

'But this is all so sudden!' Chief Yagami protests. 'And I see no reason why he should be in prison!'

'Let it go, Dad,' Light interjects, 'If I don't do this, I won't be able to live with myself.'

'But Son, do you really mean that?'

'Yeah. I believe that by giving up my freedom, I'll defeat this fear that Kira lurks within me.'

It's decided then. Light looks at me calmly and whispers: 'Take care of my dad.'

'I will.'

Before I know it, Mr Aizawa. In all that time, I stay by Chief Yagami's side, holding his hand. He clenches it in anxiety, but I can feel how comforted he is. I really wish things did not turn out this way. Within an hour, we receive a video feed of both Light and Misa in their confined state, the only difference being Light no longer blindfolded. Chief Yagami, unable to take it, excuses himself to wait in the other room. He wants to be left alone, I can tell. I don't know that I can sit here and watch this myself, all things considered. But it's part of my job. The room tenses with silence, affecting everyone in the room save for Ryuzaki. A while later, Chief Yagami returns to the room and says something unexpected: 'Ryuzaki, I'd like to be taken off this investigation.'

'But why?' Mr Matsuda protests.

'I thought about it, and the fact is that we're holding my son, Light, as a prime suspect. Given that, it's not appropriate for me to be here. When we spoke earlier, my feelings got in the way. It's impossible for me to be objective in this situation.'

'I agree with you,' Ryuzaki says, 'we can't let personal feelings get in the way.'

'And in truth,' Chief Yagami continues, 'if the Task Force concludes that my son is Kira, I don't know what I'd be capable of.'

'Yes, I'll agree with you there. To be honest, I wondered what you might do. I believe you'd kill your son first and then kill yourself.'

By the Saint! Insensitive much?

'I'd also agree that it's best if we don't have you working here for now.'

'Ryuzaki! I ask that you confine me as well.'

Whoa what?

'At the moment, I'm calm,' Chief Yagami continues, 'But to be honest, I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.'

'I thought you might say that. I spoke with Watari. He's made arrangements.' Ryuzaki eats a piece of melon before he continues: 'But, your confinement will be different. You will keep your cell phone turned on and maintain regular contact with family and friends. You won't tell Light about this. If he does call, he must be made to believe that you're still at headquarters. While you're in confinement, we'll give you continuous updates on the investigation, so you'll know what's happening. How does that sound to you?'

'I'm grateful. Thank you.'

'I should go with him,' I call out.

All the men look at me, save for Ryuzaki who seems to consider it.

'I promised Light that I'd look after you. I should come with and make sure you're okay.'

'No, Frejda,' Chief Yagami says, 'if you stay with me, I'll only end up worrying about you too. It's not fair to you or me if that becomes the case.'

'But—'

'You've already done more than enough for me. I need to go through this alone.'

Zut! 'I don't like this Chief.'

'I'll be alright. Ryuzaki has already shown me enough kindness. This is all I can take.'

I still don't like this. 'Fine.'

They place Chief Yagami in almost identical to Light's. With each passing day I watch the three in confinement, I end up focusing a lot on Chief Yagami and Light. Light looks calm, communicating with Ryuzaki regularly to get updates as to how Kira's kills are going. Unfortunately for Light, criminals have ceased to die since his confinement. But when I take a look at Chief Yagami, I try not to be too disturbed at the growing stress visible on the man. I know that this kind of thing can take a larger toll on the parents more than the children. Chief Yagami is no exception. I doubt that Light enjoys this any more than we are right now but if it's to prove his innocence, I'd be the first to tell him that it's not working. In fact, he's looking guiltier as we speak. I sit next to Ryuzaki, who focuses his gaze on Light. Though his eyes appear bored, they Ryuzaki study Light obsessively. Convinced of Light's guilt, he leaves no room to miss a clue, any clue, that could prove the case. I don't know if I'm blinded by our friendship or if I'm too busy hoping that Light is not Kira because, as far as I know him, he's the kindest boy that I've come across. But now, I'm beginning to realise how stupid and naïve I sound. If I'm serious about this work, whatever personal feelings I have for Light must drop. I came here for a specific job and I have to see it through, even if I have to shed tears while doing it. Seeing the Chief in despair, I really want to send a prayer to the Saint on his behalf. But what do I pray for? If Light turns out to be Kira then, the cause of the Chief's heartache would only worsen. But, if I pray that Light isn't Kira, will it be real?

For another two days, Chief Yagami worsens and Light is no different, silently taking the confinement with his head slumped; I can't tell if it's in shame or if it's in calm calculation. At one point, even Ryuzaki can no longer take seeing the Chief in his worsening condition. He presses the speaker for Chief Yagami's cell: 'Mr Yagami.'

Chief Yagami jumps in anticipation. 'What is it? Is it good news? Is it bad news?'

'No. I wanted to tell you not worry so much. It doesn't matter how much time you devote to worrying about this. The outcome will be the same. This could go on for some time. Perhaps you should rest in a more comfortable place.'

'Impossible!' Chief Yagami leaps out of his seat, angered at the suggestion. The chair falls in impact. 'What makes you think I care where I am? It won't change anything. With the state I'm in now, this is the best place for me. And no matter what the result, when I leave here,' he approaches the camera challengingly, 'it's going to be with my son!'

'I understand.'

Day by day, the conditions of the confined worsen. Even Misa Amane more helpless and her silence can only mean defeat. Of course when she feels like speaking, she places up her demands like a spoilt brat. I must give this girl some credit for being strong and stubborn. Within a week, the silence of both Light and Misa makes everyone nervous, except for Ryuzaki. Mr Matsuda and I try to get the Chief to at least eat something but he refuses. For as long as we're all in here watching them, Mr Aizawa, Mr Matsuda and I haven't been able to eat or sleep. Ryuzaki, on the other hand, remains immune to the whole thing. He presses the speaker for Light's cell, saying: 'You've been here one week. I'm sure it's not easy. Are you feeling alright?'

Light looks up at the camera thoughtfully. 'Yeah. I know I must look pretty bad in here. But this useless pride, I suppose I'll have to—get rid of it.'

Suddenly I hear muffled grunts coming from Light's audio. And then, two words: 'Got it!'

I sit up. That voice. It's like with Misa, when I heard the low voice of a woman with her. This one sounded just as low and not as clear. In fact, some part of it almost sounded familiar. I look at the other men in the room. No one else seems to have heard it. What the heck is going on?

A few seconds pass and Light's eyes widen in fright. What in the world? His head swings left to right, confused. 'Ryuzaki,' he says, 'I realise I was the one who pushed for confinement and that I asked you to put me in here, but I realised something important. This whole thing is completely pointless!'

'Huh?' we all gasp.

'Because I'm not Kira,' Light continues, 'you have to get me out of here!'

'I can't do that,' Ryuzaki says, 'I promised you that no matter what you said, I wouldn't let you out until I was convinced that you are not Kira.'

'Please L,' Light implores, 'I wasn't thinking clearly. Do you really think a serial killer like Kira could commit those crimes without being aware of them?'

Not unless he has multiple personality disorder. Or does this really prove that Light is not Kira? Wow. Even I'm buying into this. And I don't know what 'this' is.

'I've never been able to accept this idea that Kira has been acting without self-awareness all this time. But that doesn't change the fact that all the evidence points to you being Kira.'

'Listen, just hear me out,' Light tries again, 'I'm not Kira, you have to believe me! I must have been framed. That's the only explanation for this!'

There's something peculiar going on here. This sudden change, this certainty that he's not Kira…

'We can't let you out yet,' Ryuzaki responds coldly.

'Damn!' Light drops his head, defeated. 'Why is this happening?'

'What the hell is going on? This isn't like Light at all,' Mr Aizawa observes. 'He's contradicting himself.'

'Well, we can't release him now that the murders have stopped,' Mr Matsuda says, 'I mean, it doesn't matter what he says. Even I know that much.'

'I don't care what anyone says,' Mr Aizawa says, 'as far as I'm concerned, we have all the proof we need. Light Yagami is Kira and that's the end of it.'

Which makes this even more confusing!

The next three days of watching are torture. Misa, who continues to believe that she's detained by a stalker, tries to find anyway she can to be released. Light continues to try and convince Ryuzaki that he's not Kira. The once quiet, stoic boy who seemed cold and calculated, replaced with this uncertain, frightened boy who is convinced he is not Kira; Mr Aizawa is right, this is completely contradictory. But that's not the worst of it. Chief Yagami doesn't get any better. If he thinks that refusing to let me come with him causes the lesser stress, he's wrong. I continue to communicate with him, asking him to get some rest, eat something. Still he refuses like the stubborn man he's shown himself to be. I can't say that I blame him but I hate seeing him like this. When I look at Light, it's no better. What makes this difficult for me is that I haven't said a word to Light since his confinement. Some friend I am. He was there for me when I needed help getting used to living in Japan and here I am, refusing to speak to him. Perhaps it's the change I've seen in him, perhaps it's because of the evidence, I'm not sure, but I don't think I completely believe in Light's innocence anymore. Looking at him now, he's too innocent, like he really has nothing to do with Kira. Even if that's true from the beginning, how does one explain the change in his personality? He's always been nice but… he hasn't always looked this vulnerable, has he?

Four days pass and the only change in Light and Misa's behaviour shows through their worn-out bodies. They still try to protest against their confinement, but their weakened voices can only carry so much passion. Chief Yagami is no better. I want to help, to make them feel better or comfortable, especially the chief but all efforts, at this point, are useless. 'I don't get how you can do it Ryuzaki,' I tell him, my voice worn out.

'Do what?' he asks.

'Watch them suffer without reacting. You must either be a sociopath or just inhuman.'

'Sociopath is better than pervert,' he says thoughtfully.

I roll my eyes. I can't believe he's that affected by the time Misa threw that word at him. 'Aww, you do have feelings.'

'Yes. It hurt.'

Why am I not convinced? Oh wait, it's because he's a sociopath and has no qualms showing it off.

Ryuzaki's eyes fixate on Light, stalking out his every movement to see the connection the boy can have to Kira. I pull up the microphone attached to Chief Yagami's room. 'Chief?'

'Frejda,' he sighs, 'I'm alright, I will be alright. Please, don't worry about me.'

'I can't not worry about you, sir.'

'My son…is he alright?'

'He's…' I look at Light, whose head slumps in quiet defeat, 'He's surviving.'

Chief Yagami gasps, the distress eating at him as he buries his head in his hands.

'He's strong Chief. He'll be fine.'

'Right,' he says in an anguished sigh.

'Please Chief,' I implore, 'at least get some sleep. We all want you to be strong.'

'I am strong. For my son.'

I turn off the microphone and sit back but do not relax. I can't stand this. I need some air. 'I'm going to the balcony,' I announce to no one.

'Sure,' Ryuzaki says.

I walk out. The sunset creates the pink and orange effect on the sky but I can't seem to find the beauty in it. My friend, my two friends, divided by this being called Kira; I never thought about the emotional expense this mission would cost me, the pain of seeing Light in his condition and L practically convinced that he is Kira, like there is no other possibility. I have been nothing more than a silent observer in all this, my task limited to forensic analysis and offering opinion regarding the identity of the Second Kira. To be honest, I could care less if Misa Amane is the Second Kira. My job with her is easy. But if Light is the real Kira after all, conscious or not, will I be able to do what I came here to do? Will my hands grant me the courage? Zut! Why is this happening to me? Why here? Why like this?

After a few minutes, I hear someone coming to join me: 'Frejda?'

'Mr Matsuda,' I smile at him as I turn around, 'Are you heading out?'

'Actually no.'

'Oh?'

'Ryuzaki asked me to stay the night so that you can get some sleep.'

'Heh,' I scoff.

'Uh—what?��

'He really thinks I can sleep at this time?'

'Well,' he shyly puts his hand at the back of his head, 'I was hoping to let you sleep some so that I could be a little more useful.'

That catches me by surprise. 'You? More useful?'

'Yeah. I haven't really been of much use to anyone lately. Least of all this case. But I would like to help here.'

Oh please stop! I don't want to say 'yes' to this out of pity. But I have not slept since Light was incarcerated. Usually, acknowledgements such as this push my need for sleep but one image of Chief Yagami is all it takes to not allow the sleep to take over. When Light's image joins, it worsens. But I also know that Ryuzaki will not let me stay up. Oy! This is so annoying. I groan and rest my head on the railing of the balcony. 'Alright,' I agree, 'I'll take just this night off. But I have one request. Should anything change in Chief Yagami or Light's condition, wake me up!'

'Sure.'

'I'll be in the usual room.'

'Okay.'

I pass Mr Matsuda and walk over to Ryuzaki. 'I don't know whether to call you caring or tyrannical,' I say as I hug him from behind.

Surprised by my show of affection, he accepts it by placing his pale hand on my dark arm. 'I told Mr Matsuda and I'll tell you: wake me up if anything changes.'

'Sure,' he says, a bit dazed.

I glance once more at Light. He's quiet but not sleeping. Now I feel guiltier.

I don't wake up until the next night. When my eyes open and realise how dark it is outside, I curse myself for it. No more time to waste. I sneak to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth then join Ryuzaki on the couch. Once again, we are the only ones left. 'What did I miss?' I ask.

'Nothing much. No change in any of them.��

Except how much more worn out they all look. By the Saint! Chief Yagami, especially, looks horrible with the growing facial hair and untidy attire. The other two look about as bad as I left them, which calms me down a little. It's like I was asleep for two weeks rather than a whole day.

'I finally convinced Mr Yagami to get some sleep,' Ryuzaki informs me. 'He refuses to move to the bed though.'

Oh, so he's sleeping! At least. I'd have really worried if he passed out. The evening moves on quietly. Misa, once again, passes out from the stress and fear while Light's body finds itself on the ground, tired from arguing, perhaps even trying. Oh heavens! 'Ryuzaki?'

'Yes, Frejda?'

'May I talk to Light?'

He turns to face me, looking at me thoughtfully. 'Sure.'

I pull the microphone and press the speaker connected to Light's cell: 'Light? Can you hear me?'

At the sound of my voice, Light's snaps up. 'Frejda? Is that you?'

'Yes. It's me.'

'Oh,' he sighs.

'How are you?'

'How do you think?'

'Yeah, stupid question,' I chuckle.

'Frejda—you believe me don't you? That I'm—that I'm not Kira?'

Can I lie? No. I cannot discourage him, either. 'I don't know what I believe. But…I still hope that you're not.'

'That's—that's good. I guess.'

'Yeah. But—I hate seeing you like this.'

He chuckles. 'I—don't know what it would take to get Ryuzaki to get me out of here.'

'Light, what made you think that you could be Kira in the first place?'

'I don't know. I—I wish I knew but—there's no possible way that I can be. How can I, if I were Kira, kill that many people and not know about it?'

Yeah.

'I don't know what I was thinking. But Frejda, at least you have to believe me, I can't be Kira.'

'At least you?' Ryuzaki whispers.

I just shrug.

'Remember all those talks we had about Kira? You told me that you were not on Kira's side. I even agreed with you, about your opinions on why Kira isn't justice, why he shouldn't kill.'

'I remember. But we're both at a fine line here between evidence and truth.'

Light groans.

'Light, no matter what, I'll be by your side. I promise.'

He looks up at the camera, his innocent eyes grateful. 'Thank you.'

'Sure.'

I turn off the microphone, setting it down.

'So what are these conversations about Kira you two had?' Ryuzaki asks.

'I knew you'd ask.'

'Well?'

'Philosophical discussions.'

'I never thought he'd be the type.'

'You two hang out with each other more than me so…' I shrug.

'And still he's eager to talk to you.'

'Well that's not predictable.'

'Still. You're his ally. He likes that.'

I roll my eyes at his implications. 'I don't think I'd like it if he does turn out to be Kira but I'm a firm believer in innocent until proven guilty.'

'Right.'

We watch them for a few more days, nothing changes except for the physical increase of stress. Within another week, everyone is tired, except Ryuzaki who continues to watch Light with caution. It's silent, intense and frustrating how nothing confirms all the theories to explain this. I feel like we're all sinking into the brinks of madness, with no proof, no movement, no development to prove Light innocent. Not a shred of evidence comes up and Ryuzaki's stubbornness becomes our only option to go along with this. Restlessness shoves me to try to find anything else to occupy my mind, but I can't. I don't think anyone can. My head spins with anger, to the point I'm tempted to go up to the roof of the hotel and release it in one loud, banshee scream. Refusing that urge results in lack of eating, which garners Ryuzaki's attention briefly. Pretending to do something about it releases his attention back to Kira, ironically heightening my starvation.

Then, one day, Mr Matsuda rushes in with some interesting news: 'I just heard! Two weeks' worth of criminals were just murdered all at once! It happened yesterday!'

'Yeah,' Mr Aizawa sighs, setting down his newspaper, 'Kira is back.'

'So did you guys already tell the chief?' Mr Matsuda asks excited.

'No, not yet,' I say.

Mr Matsuda wastes no time, rushing to the microphone connected to the chief! 'Chief, guess what! Kira started killing again!'

Is it wrong that I want to pinch Mr Matsuda's cheeks right now? He's such a child!

'What?' Chief Yagami, says, alert.

'It looks like Kira was only resting. But now he's punishing criminals again.'

'Is that true, Matsuda? Then, that means my son—I shouldn't be happy that people have been killed. But at least Light's name will finally be cleared. Wait, knowing Ryuzaki, this won't be enough to clear him.'

True.

We all look at Ryuzaki who gives us each a glance, feeling the pressure. 'Well, he's in the grey,' he says giving in.

I'll take that.

'Did you hear what he just said Chief?' Mr Matsuda says. I hope that Chief Yagami can hear the smile in Mr Matsuda's voice.

'Yeah. It's a Hell of a lot better than completely guilty. Thank god.'

'I'm sure as greys go, he's a shade away from being cleared.'

Or a shade away from going back to guilty, if I know Ryuzaki.

'Let's tell Light,' Mr Matsuda picks up the microphone for Light's cell. As he nearly presses the button to be heard, a quick Ryuzaki slaps his hand away, roughly.

'Matsuda,' he scolds, and then calmly, 'I mean, please, don't Mr Matsuda.'

'Dude,' I snap.

'We shouldn't tell him about this.'

Oh, here it comes. Has Ryuzaki no sympathy? Oh wait, I already established that he's a sociopath. Although, I get the feeling he's not telling him anything because he thinks that this is part of Light's plan from the beginning. If Light planned all of this, and this is the appointed time…

Zut! What a jerk!

'But—but why not?' Mr Matsuda asks.

Ignoring him, Ryuzaki presses the speaker for Light's cell: 'Hello, Light.'

'What is it, Ryuzaki?' Light responds, tiredly.

'You've been in here just over two weeks and not a single new criminal has been punished. Now, why make this harder than it has to be? Ready to confess?'

'Don't be ridiculous!' Light protests. 'I'm telling you, you're wrong. I understand why you feel that way. But even if the evidence points to me, I swear to you, this is a set up! I'm not Kira! Zoom in on me if you want! Go ahead, look at my eyes. You tell me! Do these look like the eves of someone who's lying?'

Without answering, Ryuzaki moves on to Misa: 'Amane, are you ready to tell me who Kira is or not?'

'Huh,' she gasps, 'That again? I wish I knew but I don't! Because if I did, I'd thank him for punishing the burglar who killed my parents. To me, Kira is a hero.'

There's definitely less doubt that this girl must be the Second Kira, to me anyway. If she'd have the power to kill, she'd jump on the bandwagon. Still, both Light and Misa insist that neither one is Kira, feeling genuinely honest about their claims. What the devil is happening here?