Chapter Twenty-One

I wake up in the hospital, finding myself alone with bandages covering my exposed body parts and an IV attached to my arm. 'Where am I?'

The images come back to me instantly. I remember jumping to protect Chief Yagami as Mello pressed the trigger to activate the bombs set up in the building. I remember feeling the building tumbling down around us, hard concrete smashing my supposedly protected body. But I don't remember how we managed to get help so that we could rush the injured Chief Yagami to the hospital. It must have been Light. But— where is everyone?

'You're awake!' a nurse walks in, her hair covered with a bright pink hijab and long sleeves beneath her nurse's wear, 'Good.'

'The men that I was with—' I begin.

'They're in another room right now. One of them, a the youngest one, has come to check in on you a couple of times but he's since stayed with the others. Okay, your vitals appear to be fine. Apart from a concussion you actually didn't have any psychological injuries. You fractured your leg though, so you will need a cast for a while. Once the bone is set in place you won't have any problems. I know it might be too much to ask a field cop but try not to involve yourself in too much physical activity.'

If only she knows that we're probably the only Task Force in the world that doesn't chase anyone down physically. 'When can I go see them? My colleagues?'

'You just woke up; I'm not sure it's wise to—'

'I need to see them, please!' I need to know if Chief Yagami is okay.

Reluctantly the nurse sighs. 'Alright. I'll take you to the room.'

It probably only takes less than two minutes, but it feels like two hours f dressing and cleaning before she helps me walk onto a wheel chair and wheels me to the room where the others are. The scene I stumble upon…

Chief Yagami lies on the bed, shirtless and pale, IVs and heart monitors attached to his tired, pale body. Light sits next to him, begging while the other Task Force members stand respectfully behind. The nurse leaves me by the end of the bed before walking away to give us some privacy. Tears blur at the sight.

No! No! No!

'Come on Dad, come on! Please, Dad, you can't die on me like this!'

Slowly, Chief Yagami opens his eyes: 'Light,' he groans.

'Yeah, Dad?'

'I—I—couldn't have…'

'You'll be fine! It's okay!'

'Light. I still have—I still have the Shinigami eyes. According to that Shinigami, Ryuk, I can't see the lifespan of someone who owns the Notebook. But—I can see the numbers above your head. Light—you really aren't Kira…

'I'm so glad. My son.'

'Don't tell me you're still worried about that Chief,' Mr Matsuda says. 'Of course he's not Kira.'

'Come on, you shouldn't talk so much Dad.'

'I—I'm so sorry but—in the end—I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to kill him.'

'Chief, don't do this to yourself,' I plead quietly.

Light doesn't hesitate. He pulls out the Notebook with a pen. 'Come on Dad, you can't let him beat you like this. Write his name!' his voice shakes, 'with your last bit of strength! Do you wanna die in vain?'

But it's too late.

Chief Yagami no longer listens.

The ache in my heart grows but it's not because it's breaking. Chief Yagami…

He's leaving us.

I can see it, his soul stepping out of his body, like it's getting out of some sort of pod. He looks at me, recognising that I can see him. Suddenly, Light's screams mute as Soichiro Yagami's soul approaches me. This is the first time I've seen a soul have this much control. Death comes for him, opening the void into the next world. Chief Yagami steals one last glance at Light's weeping figure. His ache for his son becomes my ache and it burn to the point that I should double over and attempt to heal my raging chest with a massage. Chief Yagami looks at me one last time before he allows Death to take him.

It doesn't take Light's screaming for my tears to pour out of my eyes but it makes it worse. Anxiety brutally roars out of his lungs as he confronts the lifeless man before him. Not even telling Light exactly how peaceful Chief Yagami looked can ease his pain. In spite of everything, I feel for Light. I know how shocking this is for him but it's not just—no. I can't think about this right now. Not now. Tonight, I just say good-bye. Somehow, we all make it to the roof, per Light's stoic request. Light holds out the Notebook, and each of us touches it. Before us appears a third Shinigami, this one odd looking as opposed to scary: a mummified head with cat-slit eyes and an O shaped mouth revealing razor sharp shark teeth. It's short in comparison to Ryuk.

'You're the Shinigami who came to take this Notebook back, weren't you?' Light addresses.

'Yes,' it answers sadly, shyly.

'The Notebook might be helpful to the Kira investigation, but we only need one of them. I'll give this one back to you.'

Without saying another word, the Shinigami takes the Notebook and flies back to where it came from.

We watch it for a few more minutes before the Task Force members return to their respected room, except for me. I wheel myself to the edge of the roof, looking into the city and then at the moon. How many, I wonder, how many are going to die before Kira's satisfied? How many will be gone before it's all in his good will? Is he really still after justice? Or something else? Tears spill, blinding my vision as the pain consumes more of me. It sounds like a wail too loud for me to bear but impossible to contain. If I were standing, my knees would give and I'd be on the ground, but the chair holds me steady while it does nothing for my heartache. Breathing gets harder, my chest burns, and I drink it all in: the losses I've faced, the losses I will face, all the good byes I will have to say until someone puts an end to this, until I put and end to this.

Someone touches, no, grips my shoulder. I know it's Light, with that scold presence following. I don't resist when he pulls me as close as he can to himself, having sunk to the ground with me. Despite his aura, I can feel the heat-filled rage in him with every breath he breathes. I don't know who is more enraged between him and me, but right now I don't care. This may be the only time while that either of us is allowed to ache. Yet, somehow, we manage to move forward with funeral arrangements, starting with taking Deputy Director Yagami's body back to Japan and moving laying him to rest in a proper way befitting a police officer. Mr Matsuda, being close with the Yagamis, perhaps like a second son, relieves Light of the duty of telling Mrs Yagami and Sayu. I volunteered to be with the family at this time. By some miracle, Mrs Yagami personally asks me to be with the family, particularly Sayu who recovers from her catatonic state. Everyone on the Task Force takes a break from all cases, using this time to bid goodbye to one of the most honourable man who put his all in the battle against Kira.

For the next week, Mr Matsuda and I take shifts watching over Mrs Yagami and Sayu. Watching the widow's pain as she weeps, her shoulders shaking with heavy breaths and tears, just sitting by her when she needs it without saying anything, I wonder if she's going to recover at all. I pray for her, and for little Sayu, who is yet to come to terms with anything that has happened since her release from the kidnappers. But I specifically have my eyes on Light who has a no choice but to recover quickly. Even so, he does it with ease, a little too much ease, that I wonder what it was he lost: his father or a chance to beat Mello? Even with all these questions, I know better than to predict or psychoanalyse him. It's still fresh, his tricks, his play acting, so convincing, and at one point, deliberately genuine, all for the sake of self-preservation. I know for a fact that there are still pieces of humanity left in him, the part that I saw in the U.S. But my guard has to be high or else, I will lose the game again. Light himself seems to be keeping an eye on me, having me by his side if not as near as he can see me. It's not short of notice that the Shinigami, Ryuk, also eyes me constantly, sometimes standing by my side (or floating) whereas other times, he keeps his distance. My knives remain on me constantly as a result, even if they have no real effect on his kind.

I stop by Mrs Yagami's house in the morning to check on the women. Having been arriving unannounced, I find I find the spare key and help myself in, quickly returning the key before I close the door. I find Mrs Yagami in the sitting room, with a warm purple blanket wrapped around her. She stares ahead, partially awake but hardly wanting to move, a resistance I can see by the way she clenches and unclenches the hand that holds the blanket. I approach her carefully, daring to sit on the same couch but not too close, for fear she's not ready for physical contact. To my surprise, upon sensing me, she holds out her right hand for me to take. I slip mine in and she clenches me as if I can give her the life she craves. I almost laugh at the irony.

'You have to tell me,' she whispers, 'What was he like? What was my husband like—that night?'

'He remained strong. He never faltered once. Not even—not even when they thought they had him.'

He clenched the Notebook until I cam in. Mello couldn't even try to pull it out. He used his strength for a greater cause. But I don't tell her this.

She clenches my hand, the mixed feelings rushing between her heavy breaths and the hand wrapped around mine. 'I should've expected this. I should've lived expecting this every day. But…but I…'

Each day he returned home alive and stressed gave her hope. Each day the possibility of him not coming home seemed less likely. Each day was a reminder that they were hardly different from any other family they knew. The Kira case didn't threaten it. Chief Yagami's travels didn't suggest it. Kira became news no different tan any other and just days ago, it was another ongoing case.

Mrs Yagami leans over, unable to hold herself up any longer, and weeps on my shoulder, feeling the weight of it collapse slowly around her. I never thought that I could be this in tune with grief. Whatever leaves her seeps onto me, like a curse passed on from one person to another, only instead of controlling me, it submits to me in fear. My heartbeat doesn't accelerate, but it doesn't mean that it leaves me alone. Mrs Yagami cries for a good thirty minutes before she composes herself. Too tired to move, I help her lie down on the sofa, encouraging her to get some sleep. She succumbs to it not long after inviting me to check on Sayu in her room. Dressing the blanket over her, I make my way upstairs to Sayu's room. I find her in her wheelchair, alive and slightly awake, enough to sense my presence, which she acknowledges by turning her head in my direction. She still doesn't know about her father, though no doubt she suspects there's something wrong about the suddenly gloomy house, at least it seems that way from her occasional questioning glances. Even if she's started to respond, speech hasn't returned yet, so I walk in silence. Gently, I place my hand on her shoulder, crouching by her. She responds to my touch with a sigh which means relief. I'm not sure what for though. 'How're we doing?' I try.

She sighs. It's calm, tranquil.

'Have you eaten, honey?'

She nods her head 'no'.

'Do you want some soup?'

Approvingly nods.

'Okay. I'll be back, alright?'

Making sure she's still calm, I return to the kitchen to fix a quick tomato soup. While stirring the ingredients in preparation, I surprise myself that I'm so quiet that Mrs Yagami doesn't seem disturbed. Not even the smell stirs her. This sis not the first time I've helped with meals in the Yagami kitchen since coming back, and as a result, confidently find my way around. With the soup ready, I keep it warm whilst cleaning the other dishes I used, along with the stove and counter. Once that's done, I deliver the soup to Sayu, who eats it slowly. Her hand still shakes as she lifts the spoon, but the fact that she's been able to feed herself lately speaks to her recovery better than anything else. I worry that her realisation of her father's death may regress her health but I don't voice or show that worry as I watch her eat. Any response is better than no response at the moment. I'm still surprised she responds to me at all. She was in Junior High when we met and outside of that, I've only seen her two more times. I don't understand what part of me invites that much trust, I doubted Mrs Yagami's introduction ('Do you remember Light's friend, Frejda?') did the trick. Instead of dwelling on that, I should focus on making sure these women are okay. But does making sure they're okay mean that I'll have to hold back on the will of the Saint? Can I stand to see these two suffer any more on my account? I have no doubt in my ability to carry out on my mission but—this, this is too much for me to feel good about quietly helping these two women. I've become too involved not to care, to not see the damage left behind. It's been a long time since the knife in my hand has been a comfort. I thought before that it would become so again. Now I realise that it has become a judge, and I feel the weight of the sentence as if I were the criminal in question.

Glancing at Sayu, I notice she's she's finished her soup and has since returned to staring out the window, more tiredly than when I found her. I place the bowl on her desk and help her to bed, an action to which she complies quite easily. I stay with her until she falls asleep before doing any last minute cleaning in the house and then return to the new Task Force Headquarters. I still find it hard to believe that they moved to a rented place in the same apartment building that Light lives in, only it's the block across the street from his place. Of course this also means I have to be careful not to be seen by Misa . from what Mr Matsuda has told me, the girl hasn't changed much, often appearing in a sexually distracting manner to the group. Egh! I wonder, genuinely, how Light puts up with her. But since I have not, and hopefully will not, see her any time soon, I better get to our meeting room as quickly as possible.

All five men sit in the main room, looking over more information they can gather on Kira. The main room, which I believe equates with a sitting room, composes of a large space for two long couches and two short couches surrounding the coffee table. Laptops and files neatly sit on every space available per Task Force member seated on the couches. Two tables, attached to the centre wall where a TV would normally sit, pair adjacent to one another, each having their own set or laptops, and desktop computers. By the wall where the TV sits, Light has placed my things alongside his laptops and computers whereas Mr Aizawa and the new guy take the one adjacent to us. Mr Mogi and Mr Matsuda primarily work from the coffee table. The room is empty of any décor or even so much as a plant vase. A large window sits in view of the city and it's rather busy but surprisingly quiet range. Even though I cam in here intending to do my portion of the work, I stand frozen at the door. When I first came here, there were more people working, and Deputy Director Yagami would try to strengthen everyone's spirits; L would have sat crouched on a seat in front of the computers, perhaps next to Light, eating some sweets while over-analysing every piece of evidence given. Mr Watari would have sat in some quiet corner, providing us or L with information or sweets to much on. L would have played with them as he shared his thoughts with us. There would have been another member, Mr Ukita, I believe his name was. We all would be here fighting, arguing, working to finish this and keep the world out of the danger of Kira. Yet each of us is expected to go by the day, expecting one loss after another, even if it affects us personally. With my fists clenched, I quietly approach the seat by Light and start my day's work.

I pull up any and all mentions of Kira trending on social media or on websites dedicated to Kira worship. With all this growing faith in the so-called 'god of justice', it's a wonder why people still fight fight against any and all mention of Kira, especially in Japan. Of course I'm not saying I'm not grateful. As I look through each picture or message dedicated to Kira via Facebook or Twitter, even on YouTube, I take my time, trying not only to decipher when these posts were made in relation to Kira's response, but also to understand them. Based on the language and timing of most of these posts, I suspect they're either by children or millennials, ranging reasons from being bullied to being abused; in other words, most of these people are victims who see Kira as a saviour to their immediate problems, which they'd rather get rid of now and live peacefully, their enemies under a very grave, invisible threat. I can't imagine walking through school and seeing, hearing, that threat: 'I'll post your your name and face on the internet if you do anything to me!' How many lives gone? I don't think I can count any more. What I really wonder is the relief of the ones who post those names in the first place. Are they really happy about one trouble gone? Don't they know that there will always be more trouble? I wonder if they understand that this kind of justice has not and never will work. All it takes is for someone to be for a person to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and even that can get them killed. How long before people realise that without a fair trial, hearsay can be just as dangerous? But Misa's story gets me to stop in my tracks. Sometimes the system that's supposed to help us can betray us. She was, as she says, a key witness to her parents' murder but evidence or hearsay suggested the guy may not have done it. Why people, especially the ones in similar situations, would be grateful to Kira makes sense. If the world was filled with honest, hard-working people, it would be a better place, an ideal. For that reason, Kira's existence has placed a minor positive mark. But, I know for certain, Kira is no god. Gods are not beings who are driven by passionate human emotion, and understanding or empathising with them is not the same thing. Gods have a perception we don't. they see every detail, every growth, every step we take and the external forces that play a part in that must be both good and bad. Or else, we many never mature. How we respond to the death of an innocent, or how we respond to the distress of the world, how many of us are too busy questioning the reason when we should just trust that there is one? People are robbed of the chance to experience such growth because of Kira. Can they really say that this is justice? So long as the world is free of troublemakers, are we really free to pursue life as we want it? A lot of gods believe in second chances, enough to make us appreciate them. Kira may have at once, but from the looks of it, he let go of the notion of second chances a long time ago. Is that part of justice? Is there no human to human empathy?

Sigh. I need some hot chocolate. I pause the system and slowly get up, shaking my head to release the stress before going into the kitchen. Luckily, luckily alongside the tea and coffee, there's some coco powder for hot chocolate. I find the cabinet holding the tea cups and mugs, choosing a large dark blue one. As I warm up the milk, Mr Aizawa joins me in the kitchen, preparing a cup of coffee for himself. 'You know there's some warm milk ready right?' he says, eyeing the mug warming in the microwave.

'I think I'd rather make some of my own,' I say taking the mug out, 'it's a large mug.'

'For coffee?'

'Hot chocolate.'

'Right.' After a pause he asks: 'So what happened to you?'

'How do you mean?'

'After you left us? What did you do?'

'I stayed in France, worked with the police and secret agencies there. But I did more in office jobs to keep track of the Kira killings in France.'

'That sounds tedious.'

'It isn't. It helps with international control over the Kira killings. France can and has censored social media usage in relation as a result of the growing killings, including access to any Kira sits translated into English, French, Spanish or Italian. But there are some genius troublemakers out there who find their way around the censorship.'

'It still sounds tedious.'

'France moves as best as we can to control the situation in the country. There's only so much we can do outside of it. Through Interpol, we've at least appealed to other nations within the European Union for support and aid but that doesn't solve the problem entirely. Anyway, that's what I was up to before I was summoned.'

'By Near?'

'Yep.'

'I see. I'm not gonna lie, it's good to have you back, but the timing is, just…'

'It always is with us.'

Finished with preparing our drinks, we return to our working spaces.

'Guys,' Mr Matsuda says, 'you better turn it on to Sakura TV.'

Mr Mogi complies.

The voice of the head of Sakura TV, Demigawa, proclaims Kira as True Justice. Apparently as a start up for new TV show known as Kira's Kingdom.

'Good evening. It is my honour to announce that I've been chosen as Kira's spokesperson. This is not a hoax, it's the real thing. I realise that there are people who want to have me killed right now.'

'Really?' I grumble, 'him?'

'Kira's Kingdom huh,' Mr Aizawa scoffs, 'what a horrible title.'

'This is insane,' says the man I know now as Mr Ide.

'If anyone deserves to be killed by Kira, it's this guy,' Mr Aizawa continues.

'Switch it back to the press conference,' Mr Matsuda says, 'the President is about to start.'

The screen shows the American President in front of the press, silently putting up with flashing cameras.

'I wonder what it's about?' Mr Matsuda comments. 'All they said was that it was some international announcement.'

'You don't do anything but watch TV do you?' the Shinigami comments.

'Good evening, I'm going to keep this brief,' the president takes a pause.

This isn't good.

'The United States—will no longer oppose Kira.'

By the Saint!

An uproar of protests surrounds the president as Light slams his fist against the table and proclaims the Americans as cowards. But the country will see division with his announcement.

'Are you saying that he's justice?' a reporter demands.

'Justice? I never said that. But because of Kira, wars have ceased to exist. Criminal organisations are in a state of ruin not only in the United States but in all free nations!'

'He's joking, right?' I almost chuckle.

'We are not acknowledging that Kira is a symbol of justice,' the president continues, 'but we're simply saying that, as a country, we can't take any actions against him.'

'I can't believe it,' Mr Aizawa states. 'This is America! How can they do something so cowardly like this?'

It's a country that's filled with people. Sometimes those people have just had enough.

'Uh,' Mr Matsuda begins, 'do you guys mind if I ask you a serious question?'

'Oh boy, what is it this time?' asked an annoyed Mr Ide.

'Are you telling us you're not always serious?' Mr Aizawa mocks.

'Gentlemen!' I scorn. 'What is it, Mr Matsuda?'

'Do you guys ever think that maybe Kira isn't completely evil?'

Oh boy.

'WHAT?' the two men yell.

'What kind of question is that, Matsuda?' Mr Ide demands.

'I've been thinking—and—part of me just doesn't believe that he is.'

'So you think Kira is justice too?' Mr Aizawa demands.

'I don't really know. Kira's trying to fight evil and trying to change the world in his own way. And, well, the world's become a better place for people who live honest lives.'

'You're wrong Matsuda,' Mr Aizawa attacks, 'people are only afraid of losing their own lives. How can you think that's real peace?'

'I understand that,' he says.

I walk over to him, taking a stand behind him as he explains himself farther:

'But I also understand the other side. I can see why all those people call Kira a saviour. I'm not like you. When it comes to it I've always been a really weak person. But I'm also a detective. I can't accept Kira. I know it's my duty to catch him. No, I want to catch him. I just can't completely hate him either.'

'I get that too,' I add.

'You too, Frejda?' Mr Aizawa sighs.

'Kira is not and will never be justice. But that should not stop us from entertaining the idea that he may not be completely evil. Or at least, we need to understand that not everyone is afraid for their lives even with Kira at the top.'

'It's normal to think like that,' Light says.

'Light?' Mr Aizawa snaps. He's had enough by this point.

'I'm sure that on some level, Kira probably knows that what he's doing is evil. But he'll try to change the world, even as a martyr, at the cost of his soul. That's his brand of justice. I guess that's what's going through Kira's mind.'

Is he aware of what he's saying right now?

'Anyway, we really shouldn't be arguing about it. Good or evil are not our call; all we have to do now is to catch him. If Kira gets caught then tat makes him evil. If he wins and rules the world, then I guess he's justice.'

Let's see if fate decides him good or evil. I don't have to over think his statement to know he's at least confirmed one thing: somewhere, deep down inside, my friend is still alive.

Near and the rest of the SPK come to mind as I go through my work. With everything the president said, they've only been disbanded. But no one knows where the SPK HQ is located, yet; I can't help but think. I hope the stress I feel doesn't show on my face. Right about now, I'm tempted to email Martha and ask if everything is okay, but on the day I left, we promised not to contact one another in case I set myself up for the mole's role too early. Light is also perceptive enough to notice something like this. I have to be careful. And unless Kira has a way to read minds, my lack of disclosure about the SPK members outside of Near himself, should keep them safe.

'What you said before,' Light says, 'about the way Kira views death.'

'You actually remember that?' I'm surprised.

'Do you still think of Kira that way?'

'Yes,' I answer after a few seconds of silence. 'Yes, I do. Why do you ask?'

'I was just wondering. Do you think that thinking like that will stop people from supporting Kira?'

'Maybe,' I shrug. 'Maybe not. Justice is another issue altogether.'

A confused look crosses his face. 'I thought you said…'

'I stand by what I said. But mind you, even people who understand death like I do can't deny the facts about how much crime rate has gone down since Kira's rise. He's doing what the world's been asking for in their mind. So I can't speak for them. Besides, like you said, it's not our place to argue about it now.'

'Right.'

'But I have to ask…'

'Yeah?'

'Do you really believe Kira knows what he's doing is evil? Even on some level.'

'Honestly, it may have crossed his mind. But what Kira cares about is justice, and where things are going, he's praised for the favour he's done the world.'

I had a feeling he'd say something like that. That Lind L Tailor incident comes back to mind, how challenged he must have felt when Tailor called what he did 'evil'. Kira killed him in response. The childishness in that act may be obvious but if Kira does believe he's justice and anyone opposing him is evil, then this is truly a god complex. Mortals cannot call the actions of gods good or evil, even if we want to. Gods decide that.

Three beeps awaken us, and the white background displaying the letter N shows.

'Yes, Near?' Light answers.

'L, I thought you should know, we caught Mello. But he escaped soon afterwards.'

'Yeah, right,' I scoff.

'We were able to interrogate him for a while.'

'He didn't really escape, did he? You just let him go,' Light confronts.

'No, we tried to contain him but he escaped. But he mentioned there's some sort of Shinigami attached to the Notebook. Have you been able to confirm the evidence of such a creature?'

A nervous gasp escapes Light's lips before he composes himself and answers: 'Yes, I can tell you for a fact that Shinigami do exist.' The Shinigami comes closer to Light, its motions giving away his nervousness. 'I didn't share that information in the beginning because I was certain you wouldn't believe me.'

'I would like to ask the Shinigami a few questions.'

'Forget it,' it says, 'I'm not up for that.'

Near can't hear the Shinigami, but he persists: 'What's bothering me about this is the issue of the rules in the Notebook. I have reason to believe that one of them is fake.'

Mello. The other Shinigami who took the Notebook back, it must have said something to Mello. And for some reason, he let Near in on this.

'A fake rule?' Light asks.

'Yes,' Near responds, 'L. I'm interested to hear your thoughts on the matter. Out of all the rules, which do you think is the fake?'

'By process of elimination, the fake one would have to be the one that states that the owner of the Notebook will die if they don't write a name every thirteen days. I don't believe that.'

'I thought you might say that. I've reached the same conclusion.'

Light takes a breath. He turns to the Shinigami and asks it about the possibility of any of the rules being fake.

'Nope,' it says without hesitation, 'they're all real.'

A small pause.

'I see. You have a Shinigami there wit you?' Near asks.

'Yes,' Light says.

'Is that so? I think I'm beginning to see the picture: Kira is ther in that room and he's making the Shinigami lie on his behalf.'

Bloody Hell! I suspected that before and I had to find out it was all true the hard way. Still, the fact that this is out in the open will place suspicion among the Task Force.

'So what if the Shinigami's lying, and the rule is fake?' Mr Matsuda asks. 'Does that really change anything?'

'Yes it does. It means that Light's incarceration would be meaningless,' Mr Aizawa says.

It would, if we based our entire theory of Light's innocence on that rule alone. Light was detained for over a month and still he did not die. If the rules are fake, it doesn't prove anything to his benefit.

'But even if that's true, it doesn't mean he's guilty, Mr Matsuda argues. 'Before he passed away the Deputy Director himself was able to confirm that he didn't have a Notebook.'

That's right; the Shinigami eyes gave a person the ability to see people's names and lifespans, anyone without a lifespan above their head owns a Notebook. That should have been enough, but, this could also be another trick, or way for him to use the rules of the Notebook or the Shinigami to his advantage. We have to be on high alert. I can't afford to be tricked again.

'If there's a problem,' Near says, 'I suggest we verify the rule that way. I will volunteer to write Mello's real name in the Notebook. Of course that means he'll die. If I also die thirteen days later, then Kira wins. Either way, it's a gamble I'm willing to make.'

Oh boy. This isn't going to go well.

'Testing and confirming the thirteen day rule can only benefit the Kira investigation. And other than my possible death, there would be no drawbacks.'

'So this is all just a game to him?' Mr Matsuda scolds.

'Can you please wait for a moment, we need to discuss your suggestion,' Light says and then disconnects the speaker. Turning to the rest of us he says: 'Okay, what are your thoughts? We can say that we want to respect human life, but I can't suggest that. I'm the one under suspicion.'

'It's a tough call,' Mr Matsuda says, 'Mello killed the deputy director. If Near's willing, I won't stop him.'

'I'm against the idea myself,' Mr Ide says, 'I don't belive that Kira's hiding among us. We can't use the Notebook, no matter what happens.'

'I don't think it's a good idea regardless of Kira being amongst us or not,' I say. 'As much as I would like to gut Mello myself, he can't be used to test something like this.'

'We should respect the deputy director's wishes to the end,' Mr Aizawa adds.

'I feel the same,' agrees Mr Mogi, 'I'm opposed to it.'

Light acknowledges our answers. Turning the speaker on, he lets Near in on our decision.

'I had a feeling you might say so,' Near responds, 'no matter. I have one last question before I go: to the members of the Japanese Task Force, was there ever a point where the second L was suspected to be Kira, even if the suspicion later dropped?'

The room stills.

'If you've been listening to our conversation so far and intend to help in taking down Kira, then call the number I'm about to give you. Day or night, I will be available. The choice is yours.'

Merde!

My body fumes, heating up in the rather cold, air-conditioned room, like summer returned to the room. Near's not making this easy for me, and it's already hard to relay what I must to Light with everyone else oblivious. Zut! I don't care what suspicion I'm placed in, I have to talk to Near via Martha and if it means sneaking out of here to make a phone call, then I will bloody make sure to do so. I look at the time, it's past ten o'clock. I don't think anyone will find it odd if I go out of the room, Hell, the whole apartment even, for fresh air, if not to sleep in one of the other rooms. And my phone remains secure in my pocket all the time, so there's no odd act of sneaking something out. Light is not particular about cell phones as L was, so I can use this to my advantage. Grabbing my coat, I announce my leave for a break. I'm not too lost in my plot to miss Light's hardened shoulders and painfully clenched fists. Once I'm on the balcony, I dial the number Near gave me to connect Martha and hold the phone to my ear. It rings twice before she answers. I don't give her the luxury of uttering a word: 'Martha, it's me.'

'Frejda! I thought we promised—'

'Never mind that. Are you with Near?'

'Oh that's why you called. Look, I doubt his move made any difference.'

'Yeah? With that move, it's impossible for me to do my job. Look, just get him on the phone please? I don't have much time.'

'No need to get worked up. He's asking for you, anyway.'

'Thank you.'

'Ms Sofer?' Near's voice replaces Martha's.

'What in the Name of the Saint are you trying to do to me?'

'Placing the Second L under suspicion will not bar you from completing your mission. Besides, if anything, it should provide an opening for you to get to Kira and eliminate him. We can see if the killings cease. Your charade doesn't have to last long.'

'If I make my move now, there'll be no way to remedy any mistakes. Once I've done the job, it's final.'

'Then our mission to stop Kira would have succeeded. In the process, we would only end up discovering who Kira is and the validity of the Notebook should become easier afterwards. I don't care how long it takes to get to the bottom of this, but I do intend to solve this puzzle; with my last breath if need be. I just hope you're trying to do the same.'

My face hits my palm. It's like I'm talking to L all over again, only he has a child's voice and it's filled with indifference. 'Fine. Have it your way. But if this ends up going south, I won't hesitate to come after you.'

He scoffs at my bluff. 'Have a good day.'

I hang up the phone.

Not wishing to stay out in the cold, I turn to head back inside only to face the red-crazed eyes of the Shinigami: 'By the Saint!'

'I can assure you,' it says, standing straighter, 'I'm not a saint.'

'And I can assure you, I don't care. Now, what are you doing hovering behind me? Spying?'

'Of course not. I just came to see why you were out in the cold.'

'No offence, Shinigami, but you don't look like you care about stuff like that.'

'You're right. I'm not. You just bother me, that's all.'

'How?'

'You're a human, yet you can hear the Shinigami without touching the Notebook. On top of that, I can't see your lifespan. You're an intimidating mystery.'

'You can't see my lifespan? Is that not…normal?'

'Not really. Rem was wondering about this too.'

Rem. The previous Shinigami attached to Higuchi. It also mentioned something about not being able to see my lifespan. And this one says it's not normal. Is that supposed to tell me something? Something important?

'Alright,' I sigh, 'I need to get back in there now. Do you mind?'

'Sure,' it says, moving out of the way.

On my way to the office, I give what the Shinigami told me some serious thought. It sensed that I was able to hear the Shinigami without any contact with the Notebook, and like the other one, he admits he can't see my lifespan. But if that's the case, does that mean humans with the Shinigami eyes can't see it either? Then how did Chief Yagami not question it? Sure he did not see me before he died, but shouldn't his passing soul been conscious enough to ask? And does this have anything to do with the circumstances of my birth? So deep in rationalising, I nearly miss Light, who stands by the office door with a cup of tea. Something about his face seems thoughtful, but more than that too. It almost looks, inhumanely evil. Plotting. Without seeing me, he walks into the main office. I follow, taking my place by his side and return to work. Divided between him and the information the Shinigami disclosed, I find it hard to concentrate.

The door slams open, shattering my thoughts while inserting an out-of-breath Mr Matsuda: 'This is really bad! Turn on the TV! It's Demigawa!'