XXXI
Adrien was exhausted, the leg wound didn't seem serious, but his stress was more mental than physical. He looked out of the carriage so he wouldn't pay attention to her eyes who kept looking at him with a lot of concern. He wouldn't have taken all that concern in his eyes again.
<< Don't look at me like that. I'm already feeling a little dizzy. >> He squiffled trying to get more comfortable.
<< Why Adrien? What could they offer you that I... >>
<< I don't want to talk about it. Especially not now. >> He says grumpy.
He didn't want to look annoyed, except if they were really their last moments together, he didn't want to spend them talking about Coline and Agnes and how much he was an asshole.
Bernadette tried not to look at them, but it was hard to look away from that sad scene. He was laying his head on her shoulder and playing with her sharp fingers, her hands left on the lazy thighs.
<< We should have watched the world go round from its roof. I begged you to hold me forever. Our love should have changed the world. >> He sighed and let himself go to a smile.
<< You say that like it's my fault. >> She said resented.
It was true, he had made his princess hate himself deeply and he didn't want to go back. It didn't make sense to tell her the truth and ask her for forgiveness because he would die, and it would have been easier for Antoinette to say goodbye and build a life where there was no traitor at her side. Yeah, she would have been happy with Luka.
They entered the city and all the Parisians were curious about the parade crossing the streets to get to the building.
They heard screams. Then a desperate cry.
They tried to look outside in that direction.
A woman was on her knees, holding her hands in her heart like she wanted to keep it in, like she could ease the sudden pain.
Who was that woman?
<< It's Marc's mother. >> Adrien says impassive.
<< They didn't cover the bodies. >> Bernadette whisper.
Adrien was not indifferent to the woman's pain, but suddenly squeezing his punches and grinding his teeth. A mother shouldn't know that about the death of her son like this.
What a hateful bastard they had been. They were exposed as trophies.
The tears in those screams reached them even though they kept moving away.
<< Bruno... >> Bernadette recognized the boy in the crowd who was now hovering at the side of the road to see if they would recognize their acquaintance among the bodies.
<< He needs to see you. If he sees you alive, he can arrange something to help you escape, we'll help him. >> Said the princess with a veil of hope in her voice.
<< No. There's no point in putting him in danger. >> Adrien's head was shocked.
<< I'll talk to him. >> Bernadette said with confidence.
<< I don't want him to do anything. He doesn't have to risk other people's lifes. Just ask him to help the orphanage and little Sabrina again. >> The boy looked at Bernadette as if he wanted her to make a solemn promise.
The lady just nodded.
Antoinette couldn't even talk. Why didn't he want to be saved? Would he really be dead?
His thoughts were interrupted by arriving at the palace.
The two lovers looked at each other, probably for the last time.
Both eyes were both shiny and scared and their hands were shaking knowing they had to let go.
<< I'll love you forever, despite the pain you've made me. >> Antoinette whisper.
<< It will pass, over time. >> He said hardly to avoid her eyes.
<< How? >> A tear left the sky in her eyes.
The carriage was opened. Someone grabbed Adrien and pulled him down violently.
<< No...>> He stretched his arm to try to grab him.
He didn't fight, why? Why didn't he rebel? Why didn't he fight to say good-bye?
Bernadette put her hand on her arm.
<< You can't. Don't defeat your efforts. No one must know about you. >> She reminded her of how much pain this would cause her friend.
She was sent down, along with Bernadette, and they were escorted inside the building where everyone was looking forward to her.
Is that how they said goodbye? Only with one painful, glance? Neither a kiss or a simple word of comfort.
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<< I want to talk to the prisoner! >> She scream.
<
<< Before he's taken away, please, I need to talk to him. >> She calmed down and approached her mother to hold her hands. She never wanted to come and pray, but if she didn't listen to her what else could she do?
<
<< Because yes. He treated me with respect and never asked or demanded anything, I want to ask him why. I've never had a chance these days, and then he always had a mask in his face. >>
She hope the mother didn't understand the lie.
<< Only once. >> She moved away from her daughter to turn around to call a guard. << Escort the princess to the prisoner. >>
She didn't even give the girl the time to thank her, she just left with her usual safe passage and rigid portion.
She never thought she could get anything out of her mother. That waiver of position was unusual.
She probably was afraid to lose her.
She came down with the man by her side, the stairs that took her to underground prisons.
She went by the empty cells until she got to the one where Adrien was. She saw him lying on the wall, sitting on the ground with his legs bent and his arms hanging on his knees. The head direcetd to the ceiling.
<< Adrien... >> She grabbed to bars, she didn't know whether to hold or close as he could.
The young man looked in her direction and blinked his eyes. He was wondering if he was already dead, if his angel had already come to take him away. Impossible. They still hadn't extorted important information.
<< What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here. >> He raised his eyes to the sky.
Why didn't she realize that she had to stay away from him? Why didn't she realize it was better if they cut off all kinds of relationships?
Antoinette noticed his worried look.
<< I needed to talk to you. I want to continue the speech from the carriage, I... >> She stopped watching him stand up and approaching her.
<< That was supposed to be our goodbye, Antoinette.>> his hand went through his hair. He was nervous. He was afraid for her.
Why was she so unconscious and reckless?
<< Tell me why you betrayed me, explain to me what happened, because I'm going crazy looking for a reason. If I'm the cause, if they could be satisfy you in ways that I don't... >> She started talking fast.
<< Sometimes there is no explanation. >> Adrien interrupted her by bringing his eyes to the ground.
<< We were together. > She whisper.
<< It didn't go well, it didn't work. That's all. >> He turned his back on her. He had to send her away, he had to stop her from talking too much or someone could hear them and then she would have been ruined for life.
<< That's it? You really expect me to end this with a "that's it"? I won't be enough a life to forget you! >> Her voice was full of nervousness and resentment. Tears threatened to fall like falls.
She felt he was hiding something from her. Why didn't he tell her the truth?
Adrien turned back slowly.
<< Don't look at me like that or you'll never make me forget what I did. >> He thied the punches.
He needed to forget so he can die with a crush of self-esteem at least, but he knew that guilt would never leave him again, even in hell.
<< And what do you think it's going to be for me to live every day without you, loving you even knowing what you did to me?! >> She left the bars, her hands were holding so much that it hurt.
<< What's the point of talking about it now?! Get out of here and run to the prince, please. >> He approached her, who held the inneriates.
<< How can you push me into another man's arms? >> She asked with pain.
<< Because even with a long life, we could have had a happy ending. >> He tried to reason with her.
<< How can I forget how much I can love you? How can I think of your voice and your name without dying inside? >>
Antoinette, in the tears, laid her hands on Adrien's hands, who, at the sight of that crying, took a hand from her touch and made it pass through the bars to caress her face.
<< I'll never forget your every slightest bit, even if I had to start another life again. >> He whispered gently.
She was right. They were both in the same place at the same time, so why weren't they together? Why couldn't they hold on to all that love?
Those two had nothing more than her, he was the only one who had missed reason for those foolish, insignificant minutes, but there was no point talking about it at the time.
Or is it?
Maybe it made sense to tell her that she was right, that a life only, even if full, could never have made him forget how to love someone like her.
Antoinette wondered how much joy she could have held without feeling guilty. How much happiness could she go through without hurting herself?
When could she forget his eyes looking at her?
<< Now you have to go. You can't stay here. >> He also put his head on cold metal that kept him away from her.
<< I hate you for what you did, but I can't let you die. >> She tried to hold her tears unnecessarily.
If only she knew that he couldn't even kiss them, that he had just been staring at them and letting himself touch, maybe too much. Maybe she'd forgive him, maybe he could have died with his heart lighter.
<< Don't cry, princess, not for me. >> He took a strand that covered her shiny eye and had attached to the wet cheek of tears.
<< You're right, I know you're not worth shedding tears for. I know all I did was just get in trouble for someone who didn't even deserve it. >> She cried pressing her cheek on the palm of him that still touched her.
He felt dead already hearing those words, but it was fine, he had to let her take it out.
<< I don't know if you were better at deceiving me or if I was foolish enough to trust a guy with the mask, but I had deluded myself it might be love, and fortunately it lasted little, then I woke up and I realized, I realized who you are. >> Antoinette shaken from him with anger, her own words poisoned her again.
He saw her walk away and bowed down the head, ready to cash any charges or insult.
<< You were just a huge mistake. I tried to play your game, but I can't win if the only one who put the heart in the game is me! >>
He blamed the blow, no word, no argument.
How did she know how much heart he invested in that relation?
<< I don't even know why I'm so angry, I should have expected it from someone like you, you've been a trap, I tripped since the first time you talked to me with that straight way of yours and... God, you make me angry! >> Her nervous increased as he increased the voice. She was tightened up, trying to keep the temperament of a princess, to keep her composed, but all that self-control was lost in the nervous game of her fingers that were squeezed and stretched by the other hand.
<< And why do you keep your eyes down? Why don't you say anything? How does the situation make you feel? Talk to me, tell me how you're doing. >>
<< How do you want me to be?! I'm going to die for choosing you over everything I had or could have! And you... you're absolutely right. >> He turned his back on her. He shouldn't have given up now.
In Antoinette's eyes, he looked like a depressed angel who no longer knew where to go and what to do. She hated seeing him like this. Knowing him locked up, with his beautiful wings tied so he wouldn't let him fly, so he wouldn't let him help the people of Paris.
<< I would have married you, Adrien. I would have accepted your proposal, even insane and reckless. >> She says with head down, with a slightly lower tone, but not less angry.
<< You have a devil hidden in tears if you tell me this. >> He didn't look at her, but he stiffen and had tightened his fists.
She was mean to confess to him now.
<< It's all your fault if I have these tears, but I don't want to make a big deal about my error of assessment. >> She said by raising the head proud to be seen for confidence.
<< You made me feel unstable, at every step I didn't know if I'd find the ground or the emptiness. I never want to feel like this again, but... >> She stuck fearing her own words.
<< But...? >> Adrien turned to her, but he didn't come near her.
<< Nothing. It's ridiculous, it goes without saying, even in the dark you'd see the effect you make me, the love I feel. Why would I lie to you? >> She lowered the head, defeated. It was useless to pretend strength and cold indifference.
<< You'd like to kiss me? >> He smiled. Even though he couldn't miss the chance to see her struggle because of him, he loved to see her blush embarrassed. He was surprised not to seeing her as he expected. She was composed.
<< Honestly, no. >>
Antoinette realized that by now the one in front of her was a boy who didn't even care to argue or regain the loved woman. So she decided not to waste more time.
Adrien watched her leave. He struck himself into the bars to see her go away.