XXXVI

She tossed and turned in the fine linen sheets, sweat beading on her pale skin from the agitation that heated her body with flames, almost as if to burn away all her guilt, all the choices that had led the man of her life to the gallows.

What could she have done to save him?

Damn love.

The sun was beginning to dawn on a sleepless night, the window let through a few shafts of light that warmed her tired face.

<>

<< Today I will make him speak, how true it is that God exists.>>

She widened her eyes at those words and at the prince's voice that, so mean, she had never heard.

She ran out of bed and onto his balcony.

What could she do to help him live? How could she demand the salvation of one who, for all intents and purposes, had not wanted hers?

Tears of love had been streaming down her face for days now, hidden, embarrassing and inappropriate tears of a pain that should not exist, that she had no right to feel. Liar, she hid them from the whole world, ashamed of having to do so.

The will to live that she had felt in those days had vanished into thin air.

She saw the carriage drive away at great speed and let herself slide on the ground, her knees bent in a plea that would remain unheard.

She would have searched all her life for poems about him, and when she could no longer find any, she would have written them herself, after all, the time she spent without him in her life would only have been time lost. She wanted to keep him in her soul, she didn't want anything else except him.

Soon she would resume the usual studies imposed by her parents, someone would teach her how to behave in any foreign country, how to dance, languages and piano.

She only wanted to read his poetry.

In a few minutes it would have been appropriate to call the maids to be prepared, but the desire to hear someone speak was very little.

Maybe studying would have helped her, she would have concentrated on something else, or maybe she would have looked for it among the pages and the scores.

She sighed thinking that everything would have to go back to the way it always was, she would never be able to stay out of that building, among the people and the traffic of her city.

She had a hatred without origin, she didn't know towards whom or for what. Maybe for herself who couldn't hate the man who had deceived, deluded, betrayed her. Maybe because despite everything the idea of losing him forever and definitively tore her heart out.

A life like Adrien's did not deserve to be interrupted in this abrupt and horrible way.

Her Chat Noir.

She would have wanted to slaps him for his last words in that clearing, for his cockiness and his stupid cynicism, but instead now she just wanted him by her side because, without him, it would never be life for her.

Every night she looked up at the starry sky and it seemed that it too returned her gaze, with disapproval.

Moon, dear friend, what have you to reproach me for? You who know, you who listen, you who know my innermost thoughts.

She asked herself during those sleepless nights, without ever giving herself an answer.

Should she have closed everything in a box? Forget everything and move on? Love Prince Luka and hope for amnesia of the heart?

Then when would it talk about this time when she had been kidnapped? What would she have said? Would it ever become a "light" thing to talk about at a dance?

Would she ever be able to downplay her life? To go back to laughing and joking, right now, even for the future, seemed like an impossible and surreal thing.

Would talking about it in the future see him again as a ghost by her side?

She didn't want more love like that.

She didn't want more love in a life where he would never be a part of it.

She heard a knock at the door and forced herself to get up and pull herself together, she tidied her robe and returned to position herself composed on the bed.

<< Forward.>> She said in a confident voice. She was surprised she could do it.

<< Pri...>>

As soon as the two friends saw each other, the tension disappeared.

<< Antoinette...>> Bernadette saw the princess's eyes glaze over and rushed to her side to give her a warm and comforting hug.

<< Bernadette, have you heard anything? >> She pulled her away so she could look at her face.

<< I talked to Bruno and the others, apparently it was the fault of someone called Coline, although I wouldn't really blame her, they were threatening her family. Bruno says it was just meanness mixed with stupid jealousy.>>

Antoinette shuddered at that name and in listening to Bruno's hypothesis lowered her head.

What Adrien had done with that woman was...no she didn't want to think about it.

<< Why jealous? Adrien kept sleeping with her...>> The words died in her throat, just as her pride had died.

<< What? But no, Bruno told me that Coline had been trying to get that kind of attention from Adrien for days, the last day she found him drunk and, she said, very dejected, so she took advantage of it by involving another woman.>>

<< And he was there, I know, he told me. He also told me he didn't regret it. >> He continued to look away.

<< What? Coline says that, after a bit of hesitation, perhaps due to alcohol, he rejected them very abruptly.>>

Antoinette quickly looked up in confusion and bewilderment at her friend, also confused by the different version of events the doomed young man had given the princess.

Why? Why had he lied to her? Why had he made her suffer like that by making her believe she had been betrayed and used by a scoundrel?

Why pass for scum?

She clenched her fists to try to quiet her mind. She was going to slap him in the face.

He wanted to be forgotten, he would leave her with the worst of memories so she could move on without regret.

How much had she suffered for that crazy decision?

Her Adrien...was totally hers.

<< Why would he...>> Bernadette began to wonder.

<< He wanted me to hate him, he wanted me to move on without feeling that I had lost the love of my life...but I...I...>> She couldn't hold back her tears anymore and with her hands she covered her face, << I felt that loss anyway.>> She finished between sobs.

<< Honey.>> Bernadette held her even tighter.

They were both forced into a place, a time, a life they didn't want.

The freedom to be able to love each other, that's what they wanted for themselves, to be able to reach each other.

Their dreams were destroyed for no apparent reason other than their identity, what they were had been in the way.

They should have been together right now.

There was a voice, inside them, talking about their lost love, their respective lover, to keep them from being lonely, to always feel close and to give each other hope.

He could hear her voice.

She, heard his voice.

If they both closed their eyes, they found themselves at each other's side.

What a strange story love is.

Antoinette, feeling the light of dawn on her, remembered the warmth and joy she felt waking up by his side.

Adrien, on the other hand, would always let her fill his endless nights.

They would find a way to be together, not like the sun and the moon, they could never separate them, they would always find a way, their hearts felt it. They would never be alone if together.

He would find her anywhere.

She would always find her way to him.

All their lives they had searched for each other and they would stay together beyond this one.