Self confuse

Everyone seems very intrigued about us. And they want our wedding to be sooner.

I just can't understand why they have to this.

"the wedding should be on Saturday or Sunday because in that day we are all not busy in work it's our day off. We will start the preparation of it."

I just ate my food and listening to them but I'm also speak when it needed because they are asking me questions sometimes.

The conversation about Ezriel and I got married went on and on. I can't really accept that this is happening. I have no idea who sent the video and how we were shot. It just depends if someone plans to set us up.

Whoever he is or she is I will surely found it out.

"owh well by the way here's the pictures of a wedding gown that you might love it"

Said by his mother and handed me an album of a wedding gowns and dresses. At first I was hesitant to get it because I'm disagree at the very first place.

The first was one I'm disagree with is the plan of Ezriel to pretend like we are couple and worst we're engage.

That was already frustrating. Knowing that we are now going to get married for real makes me shiver in frustration and irritation. This shouldn't happened. They will surely pushed me away if it happened. They don't know what will it caused and what is the possibilities that are waiting to happen.

I looked at the pages of a wedding gowns and it's very beautiful and expensive. I turned to them watching me. They all smiled and waited for my response about it. But I just gave them a smile and back to the album.

"have you already decided and choosed a gown?"

The Grandmother asked me and then continued eating her foods. All of these gowns was expensive and I cannot afford it especially when I have the plan of talking to Ezriel about the divorce paper we should file after.

They will thank me soon. That we already get divorced after the wedding. I just can't let anyone get involved.

They will surely pushed me away from Ezriel because they will definitely hate me.

I know that truth will always exposed and showed up at the situations and times that was unexpected.

The truth is not always buried in oblivion and burial because it always rises and gradually comes out to introduce itself to everyone.

I turned to his mother and to whole family that are all here.

For now I will say yes. But after I will say no.

"ahm. Yeah"

I said in an unsure because the truth is I haven't choose to any of these yet. 'cause I really can't do this marriage.

But as I said, I have to say yes for now and say no after.

So I choose a gown undecided and just immediately handed it back to them. They looked at the gown I choose and they all agreed because it's also beautiful they said. But actually I really didn't looked to it and just point it and handed them back the album after.

"this is nice. You have good taste huh"

His sister Anniexzcally said and gave me an assuring smile in agreement.

They are all kind to me for now but not even when they will found out what the truth in me.

"what about you Ezriel?. Go choose for your suit, for grooms and then tomorrow you'll gonna choose the theme of your wedding"

Ezriel's Grandmother Donya Carmezoniella said and his husband Felliciano also commented and suggest about the possibly wedding theme.

"go choose and decide now Ezriel so we can all settled it as soon as possible"

He said to him and Ezriel just looked at me and asked.

"what do you want for our wedding?"

And that's makes my heart beat faster abnormally. Why do I feel this even in just a word that should be nothing for me but it seems like it really makes me cared about it.

I looked at him and move closer to him, to simply whispered to him what I want to tell him.

"is this still part of your pretending? If yes stop it. It's not funny and fun anymore"

He stared at me and shook his head then move closer to me and whispered to my ear. I felt his warm breath touch the skin of my ear that makes have a goosebumps.

I don't understand what I am feeling right now. My body immediately reacted because of him. And I hate it so much.

"this is real now Khiella"

Then move away and continue finishing his food. I felt something in my stomach and my heart pound faster. I grab the wine glass and sip on it to calm my self.

This is just infatuation right, It is right.

Wait 'till we got home Ezriel. You're pushing my patience really hard. But I have to calm myself and stay cool Because when it explodes, it is certain that no one will like what comes out of my mouth and what can happen that I myself will not like. I am happy that this even if it is only for a moment we need to enjoy it because it will also disappear like a bubble.

I am enjoying what I have now because it will also leave in a flash.

"so how is it?. It's pretty nice that you two are finally decided to get married."

Donya Carmezoniella excitedly said. And proceeded to the next topic that I've been thankful to, that they change the topic now.

And just like earlier the conversation went on and on. Untill it's already ten o'clock in the evening so I'm again feel so thankful that we are now finally done and will go home.

After a minute we decided to stand up from the sofa while waiting his family that will say their goodbyes to us because we are now going home.

I immediately got in the car as soon as I got out of the house or it could be said that it was a palace because of the extra size and size of their yard. I immediately walk after Ezriel to get in his car. I am irritated with him because of what he is showing now is so annoying.

I don't like the feeling he caused me.

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow before continuing to get into his car. I turned to the window to see them all watching us as we prepared to leave. I lowered the car window and then took them by the hand until the car finally got out of that palace owned by his grandparents.

While on the rides back home. My mouth was not restrained from speaking.

"What nonsense did you have in mind earlier huh? Are you making fun of me Ezriel?. If it's yes just stop it, it's not funny"

I said and he didn't seem to be listening to me so I crossed my arms while looking and watching him drive home.

"why Khiella?. Is it wrong to tell you the truth?"

What kind of truth does he mean? That he feels the same way about me? It is impossible for that to happen because he will never like me and will no longer want to be with me and regret that he met me.

But to think about is it hurts me because I admit to myself that I am not perfect. I'm just a human being who makes mistakes.

I admit to myself that over the past few months I have developed feelings even though he is not doing anything to make me fall for him like this. I can't control myself anymore.

I can no longer control my heart. Because when the heart beats, it will not be able to stop it, especially when it beats for the person even if he does nothing, you will fall because you are always together. Even if you do not have much closeness to each other you will fall. that often happens to our people.

The heart just beats even if you do not want to voluntarily do it. The heart is not dictated whether it should not be beating or falling.

When we got home he preceded me to open the car door and then supported me but I avoided it annoyed. I don't want this feeling to deepen. I should not love him, I should not fall for him too deeply because it is difficult to prevent and remove from your system.

I immediately went inside the house and went straight upstairs to clean myself and sleep. But immediately changed my mind remembering that I had to talk to him about the divorce we had to make.

So after I cleaned myself and put on my sleep I went out to talk to him so I went to his room to see if he was there or in his office. when I arrived, I was in front of the room with his door slightly peeking out so I peeked inside and I saw him standing in front of his sliding door. Talking Someone on a cell phone.

And I accidentally heard him talking about the investigation about his lost friend and about Kries Mae's case.

"yes we really need to find what's the very private on his background also... Yes it is... Yeah I know.... So as I was saying do an investigation about him and to my friend... Yes ahuh! Great. Okay bye"

I heard and then immediately ran beside the vase to hide and decided to act like I'm going to passed his room just now. I swallowed before proceeding to his room again and talk to him.

Exactly he went out of his room and we looked at each other on the eyes but just looked away after.

"you need anything?"

He asked so I tried myself to calm when I felt my are now starting to beat faster.

"I just came here to talk to you"

I said and stood straight in front of him feeling so brave about what I'm feeling right now.

"we need to talk about the wedding"

Then walked inside of his room not minding the feelings that are very terrifying and trying my best to control myself and acted like it doesn't affect me and it was just nothing.

"what about it Khiella?"

He said and then followed me inside of his own room and the memories of us in one room makes me feel the same feeling before.

"we need to get an annulment paper to divorce after the wedding"

I said and he looked at me blankly. I don't know what's on his mind right now.

"are you out of your mind? No I won't agree"

He said and then sat on his bed then lay down.

"what? Oh come on Ezriel agree"

"why would I?"

"because we have to. You can freely do whatever you wanted to do. Don't worry if it's okay to you that we are going to hide it to everyone about our annulment. Just me and you who only know that we are not married anymore".

I told him but he didn't say anything just lay down on his bed and pretend that he was already asleep.

"come on Ezriel you'll gonna thank me soon for doing this"

I didn't get a response so I went to him and stepped closer. I was about to slapped him on the arms when he catch it very quick before it landed to his arm and he pulled down to lay on his bed with him and it's surprised me more when he hugged me tight and said.

"just sleep I'm tired."

I was stunned for a moment because of what just happened. I tried to get out of his hold but he tighten it so I can't successfully leave.

"what the hell Ezriel I'm going back to my room if you don't want to talk about it right"

I said and tried myself to get out of his hold and leave the room because my heart are now pounding so hard and the butterflies I felt earlier are now here again.

"just sleep I'm tired Khiella. Let's talk about it some other time."

I do not know why everything suddenly changed. Why he suddenly changed his treatment of me today. I could not cope with how I was feeling so I did everything just to get out of his embrace. I struggled to get away. I felt that he was already embracing the hug and then I immediately left his room without finishing what I wanted to say.

In that night I couldn't literally can't sleep because of what I am feeling right now and also suddenly remember about Kries that makes my heart pounded more.

This is really bad I should stop this until it's early.