Chapter 5: Pity

I genuinely cried because I am so happy to see Ruby and her mom. They have always treated me like family, forgave me for my mistakes, and supported my dreams. I do not know if I get love at my house, my parents do provide me with materialistic things but emotionally I feel so empty.

Ruby and I decided to go to the mall near her house to get her some stuff to keep her entertained during her flight to Paris. We bought some books that I have always wanted her to read and bought her new earphones so that she can listen to podcasts that will educate her about french culture since she is going to be living in Paris.

"So best friend, how do you feel about everything? I mean you are going to Paris and everything in your life seems to be going great!" I asked with excitement.

"Well to be honest bess, I am happy but also very overwhelmed. It is like my dreams are finally coming true and I do not believe it but either way, I feel normal," she replied.

My best friend always does this, she does not fully express how she feels about the amazing things in her life because she thinks I am going to feel left out. I have been seeing this behavior repeating itself for many years and I do not like it. My best friend's happiness is important to me and she should not refrain from expressing herself because she feels like I am going to feel sad.

My life is messed up but she is the reason I am still fighting and smiling. She encourages me when I feel like giving up and I get to fully express my happiness to her but she does not express herself because she does not want to hurt my feelings. I know she cares about my feelings but I honestly get mad because it is like she feels pity for me every time her life is going great.

"Ruby, let's go find a bench and sit down," I said taking her hand and leading her to the bench.

"Bess!, wait you are going too fast. What is wrong?" She replied giggling.

"What is wrong is you best friend, I just asked you about a very exciting event that is currently taking place in your life and you are saying you feel normal? Are you being serious right now? A girl from South Africa in Pretoria who is not from a rich family is going to study medical science in f***** Paris and you feel normal? You need to stop doing this Ruby!" I yelled.

"What am I doing Haya? You asked me how I felt and I told you! I feel normal and what is wrong with feeling normal best friend?" she replied trying to divert the issue but I could see that she knows what I am talking about.

"The problem about feeling normal is that you have archived your biggest goal and I know it is only the beginning but you should be excited right now, Ruby! I know that you are excited, elated even but you do not want to show those emotions to me because you feel like I am going to feel left out. Bestfriend I know you care about me and I know my life is a mess but we are celebrating you right now. Just please let me be happy with you, seeing you happy makes me so happy. It makes me want to eat you alive, you cutie pie!" I replied grabbing her cheeks and playing with them because I could see she wanted to start crying.

"Aww, this is why you are my best friend. You are truly a sweetheart and I know you care about my happiness. I just did not want to be loud about it Haya, this is how I am my best friend. I can not be ecstatic about something when my best friend is currently facing troubles. I want to be sad with you too!" She pulled me in for a hug.

We both had dinner together in a restaurant and her mom picked us up at 8 pm. When we got to her house she decided to braid my hair and we both painted our nails. We read to each other and had some juicy girl talks. Her mom came into the room and gave us some advice about how to have fun but also focus on our studies at University. She surprisingly gave Ruby and my condoms. We both laughed so hard when she did that but she tried her best to put on a serious face and gave us some advice on how to be safe.

"Ruby, I can not believe your mom gave us condoms dude!" I said while we were both lying down on the grass and smoking marijuana.

I started smoking marijuana in 9th grade, she started around 8th grade with her friends from her school and I started smoking with my close friend Kayla. It has always been something we love doing but at first, we had some doubts about doing it since we were so young but we researched more about the herb and besides hurting your lungs, it is fine. We fell in love with marijuana because it connects us with our subconscious and we get to explore the world around us without any logical boundaries.

It also relaxes our minds and makes us laugh a lot. My parents do not know that I smoke but her mom found her one time in 11th grade, she shouted at her and told her to stop but she continued to do it. She grew to accept us doing it but she does not let us do it a lot, just occasionally.

South Africa legalized marijuana but we were still underage to do it so you could say we were being naughty kids at the time. We honestly did not care, we enjoyed our teenage years and learned a lot from them. Now we are embarking on a new journey as beautiful young ladies who are going to take over the world while still smoking marijuana.

"I know right! My mom is so cool," she replied still looking at the stars. I think she is high as f*** right now.