Chapter 49- There's trouble in paradise

Haya's POV

We sat by the lake, talked for the longest time and I would catch him looking at me several times as I spoke. It felt weird being in his presence after such a long time because when we were apart I tried convincing myself that our story is over.

I spent my days trying to get over him, trying to stop thinking about him and I failed. My day starts and ends with him. At some point I got tired of lying to myself, I need him more than I will ever confess.

"Please recite one of your poems for me," he caught me off guard.

"I do not have my journal with me and I do not know the stuff I have written by heart, I will do it another time," I shyed away.

"You are not going to make me let you slip by, you are going to recite a poem for me right now...you can come up with something, you are talented Haya," for the first time he put me on a pedestal without making it about him.

"Well okay,

I usually like being alone,

however ever since I have met you

I want to spend all my time with you

all the breaths I release from the pleasure you provide me with are filled with so much life, we could make babies

lately, I feel so comfortable in my own skin

it's probably because of the way you upon gaze me

and I have always yearned to be looked at how broken hearts look at art

now, I know what it feels like and sometimes I am scared I might steal all your breath away

-yougaveuponmestrangely" he looked at me attentively, he was actually listening.

Jahin and I hardly sat down for hours and had a conversation without getting way too deep and hurting each others feelings. Our conversations mostly ended up as fights or misunderstandings. We would misunderstand each other...mostly him, he would misunderstand me. I try to be understanding I guess.

I am glad to see that he has changed...there is still a lot him and I need to talk about.

"You are my own personal muse," he said in an english accent.

"Stop being silly," I also replied in a witty english accent, after we both burst into laughter.

"No but seriously, you are a wonder and your work is so amazing," he said.

"Really? I mean, it's not that good... some people write excellently and I am not one...," he kissed me and I'm glad he shut me the f*** up because my work is amazing.

"How about you write a piece and I hang it up on a wall in my art house?" he asked.

"No, oh my goodness! Jahin...your art house is famous here in Cape town and I am not that good. I do not want to embarrass you and myself," I quickly replied.

I knew this would come up at some point, I know he wants to see me do good but I wish he would be patient with me. I do not have it all figured out yet and that is okay.

"I am bumped but okay, take your time but do not take too long. My art house needs some real art on it's walls," he almost said it as a command but started ticking me to ease the tension.

"Noooo, haha," I stood up and started running away from him. I hate being tickled!

We both ended up in the water, I tried getting out because it was cold but he pulled me closer and somehow I forgot about everything else. I did notice everything around me but I did not care about anything. When I am with him nothing else matters and that is why I always f*** up.

I hope he does not up and leave this time.

Moments later

We took off the wet clothes and hung them on a tree then curled up on the blanket and said our goodnights.

The next morning the sun rays hit both my eyes and skin, I had no choice but to wake up...Jahin also opened his eyes momentarily. We both looked at each other and smiled.

"I wish we could live here, forever. Everything is perfect and we are not fighting," I said looking into his eyes.

"From now on every place we go together is going to feel like paradise," he replied.

I am having a hard time believing everything he is saying or doing. Why the sudden change of heart? why could he not be perfect when I needed him too? Now he has abruptly came back into my life and I am supposed to be cool with everything. I do not know, I feel controlled...as in I am literally some sort of avatar and something out there is controlling my every move.

I love him, yes but is love enough?

I wish someone would answer this question for me because love seems to be the center of the universe. Everyone justifies every wrong thing they do and say it is because of love. I do not think either of us know what love is at this point.

"Jahin, please take me back home. I have a lot on my mind...I need to think," I suddenly got up.

"Haya? what's wrong? I have activites planned for our last day here...which is today. Please do not leave now," he replied with both his arms grabbing both my upper arms.

"I said, take me home!" I angrily screamed.

He pulled away, shock was visible on his face, he looked hurt. I could not help but feel bad...I did not intend to shout.

"Okay, I understand," he said in a low tone.

"I am sorry Jahin but sometimes, actually for once...I want what I want" I replied.

Him and I got dressed in utter silence...we also packed everything away without saying a word. We got on the boat, he looked over at me to check if I was comfortable then drove us back to the shore.