Chapter Twelve

  ***The second dream***

Munzi was out shopping with her sisters. They had recently bought a house and needed to decorate it. As they were shopping, the scene changed and she was now standing with Adrian outside the supermarket. They were smiling when something happened and the apocalypse started. There was a suspended floor in the air. If you were to go to heaven, you just had to hang onto it. People fought and got spaces. In the end Munzi and Adrian were the only ones left on earth but there was one space left on the floor. She pushed Adrian to take it so that he would not have to face whatever was to happen to those who were doomed to hell. He deserved heaven and she was going to give it to him. She chose him over herself. God saw that and stopped the end of the world. He addressed the people but was looking at Munzi.

"Never has there ever been a woman who loved her man the way you love yours." He said and everything went back to normal. The scene changed again and they were sitting in a field with grass. Munzi could only recognize her sisters. Some people were serving drinks. Everyone else got quarter litres of hot cocoa while she got half a litre vanilla yogurt. She got better and in double portion. On top of that God himself had said that Adrian was her man and that no one had loved anyone as much as she loved him.

   ***End of dream***

   Two months later

Munzi sat on one of the chairs in her dining table filling out the last page of her diary. After Adrian had left for real, she decided it was time she took matters into her own hands and faced her demons. She was brave enough. Her friends went home a month after Adrian. She had wanted some time alone to figure things out before school resumed and she had been glad when they left. It was all thanks to Adrian. After his lesson on anatomy, the group had tackled the workload with an amazing sense of ease.

And now that she wasn't able to go home, she was more than happy to stay in her new apartment and just chill. After he had left, like a typical romantic comedy, she had received a call from her current landlord informing her of the lease Adrian had secured for her. It was a beautiful one bedroom apartment in a better part of town and fully furnished in blue, silver and black. It wasn't warm rather cool and perfect for what she would be doing for a long time, building her life. And that was exactly what she was doing as she bought her diary and started making entries. It was a sixty page diary and now it was time for the last entry. It began.

January 4th 2001

Dear diary, this is my last entry. I'm glad because I have been able to achieve everything I planned. Well, sort of. I still can't believe that Adrian was real. Sometimes I worry that he might have been just a beautiful illusion created by my mind. It's okay if he was but

I know what I felt with him was real. I still feel it and I'm grateful to have felt something that could drive me that way and I don't think I'll ever be able to stop. The last pregnancy test came back negative and the doctor confirmed it, I'm not pregnant. I was disappointed to say the least. It felt like I don't have something to hold onto. I mean if I had his baby then maybe the chances of us meeting again would be higher. I feel like I'm crazy. I'm only nineteen, how could I possibly raise a baby? But that's what happens when you truly love someone, you become courageous. And speaking of which, I think it's about time I paid my past a visit. I'm a bit scared. Like how will I react when I see them? When I see Hita, Kwela and their baby or Kabila. Will I still be angry or will I simply not care? I guess there is only one way to find out. Although after thinking about it, I don't think I'll care much for Hita, Kwela or their stupid baby. I mean yes he hurt me and maybe that will always be a part of me but he's also in the past now. And honestly thinking about it, I don't think he's someone I'd want to know again. As for Kabila, I don't know. I still can't say it out loud but I can write. 'I was raped.' That is not so easy to get over. Sometimes I still feel his dirty hands roaming on my body. And when someone touches me I still feel like throwing up. And I have to fight the urge to scream. I mean with Kabila it started with a friendly touch. Maybe I'm traumatized but that can't be possible. I'll still see a therapist. I need to let go and I can't do it alone. I refuse to fight alone anymore. Speaking if which, I miss Adrian so badly. I even miss his touch. It was not only erotic but also made me feel safe. I will wait for him and I won't marry or start a family until he's in my arms again. Because he's like the sun to me and I the moon to him. I reflect what he shines on me. But don't other planets also have moons like Saturn? I wonder if they also get their light from the sun. If they do and Adrian is the sun, that means he's not mine alone? Should I be worried? I don't know because we are both in the same planet. I will wait and still believe...

  ***End of entry***

She didn't get to finish that entry because she received a call. It was from Kali. What could he have possibly wanted from her at such a time in the night? She picked it up and pressed the answer button.

"Hello?" She asked closing her diary and moving to sit on her silver love seat.

"Hi Munzi. I was wondering if you're free tomorrow night maybe we can go out for drinks or something?" He asked in one breath. Munzi could hear him hold his breath over the phone.

"Hi Kali. I'm a bit busy tomorrow night. Actually I'm traveling up country." She said and started really considering actually going. It would be good for her. And it would only be for two days.

"Oh, are you actually going or are you just trying to escape having to spend time with me?" He asked after a while and her stomach plummeted. He was right. She didn't want to spend time with him. Especially now that their friends wouldn't be coming back. Kalia had been forced into an arranged marriage to her cousin. Jima had been suspended after failing his exams. Mori and Duvo had eloped after some family feuds. All this she had learnt from Kalia. It was just her and Kali from now on. She couldn't bear the thought of having to pretend to be happy with him every day. She also needed to stop dangling him along. He deserved better so here goes some tough love. She spoke after a few minutes.

"Kali, you are my friend and you are important to me but that's all we can ever be." Even in her voice she could hear the lie. She didn't like him that way. Yes she was nice to him and cared about him but it wasn't like she would mind losing him. He deserved better than her.

"I get it. You think you are too good for me, don't you?" He asked and she felt a little hurt.

"That's not what I said. I just don't think I'm good for you. You deserve better." She explained willing him to understand.

"Don't you think that that's up to me to decide?" He asked.

"You are not listening to me. My heart already belongs to another and you know that." She said recalling the day she had told Kalia all about Adrian and Kali was eavesdropping.

"I listen to you. I gave you time and space to move on. And it's simple, if you love someone you tell them. It's what I did before you broke my heart." He said and broke hers.

"I'm sorry Kali but this is not working. I don't love you in a romantic way. And not everything is about you. So stop being a baby. I don't want kids for a long time." She said and became wide eyed when she heard him sniffle like he was crying.

"I get it. You are a shameless whore who sleeps with men just because she was raped learn how to shower because you are not even beautiful." He confessed and cut the call. Munzi tried to not let the words affect her but it was impossible. And she was hurt. So that night she decided to park her bags and go home the next day. Some things needed to be sorted and left behind for good.