December 8, 2020 Tuesday

Hello Ken!

Haha.. Were you excited about your name? Here it is!! How is it? Did you like it? I think it suits you. You are my partner in everything. My diary, my self, my Ken!!!

Haha ok.. so what is special about today?

NOTHING 😝 JUST A LAZY DAY AS USUAL. Iam feeling too lazy today. The only thing I want today is to rest. So let's take a look on main points:-

Today , again woke up late and too late. I was feeling very unwell today. so I just continued sleeping. I slept till noon. I didn't leave my bed until I was sure that I won't faint lol. I opened my whatsapp and checked some notifications. Remember I told you that we were having practice exams. And I was writing them online. Today, teachers asked us to submit the sheets to the school so that they could grade the papers. I talked to teachers about it and they told me it was necessary and the deadline was upto 1 pm. We had to submit it anyhow. I talked to my friend Derek about it. He said that he cannot go today. He will make any excuse to teachers to submit it tomorrow. But I had already said yes to teachers, so haist.. I had no way left. I ate food, took out my scooty and went to school with my answer sheets. We had to submit it at the door in the hands of the guard because we were not allowed to go in. When I reached there, I met two gorof my class submitting their answer sheets. I got to submit after them.

Means can you believe it? Just to submit two sets of answer sheets, they called to us in this pandemic?? That also in noon time.. haist. These schools are gonna be like this always.

Later I came back home and got busy in my phone. While I was scrolling through it, I saw some of old texts of me and my ex in between. It was enough to ruin my mood. It disappointed me so much that I was almost about to throw my phone. And you know, I am really stupid!!! Yeah, a stupid from birth. I couldn't bear one of his texts and I stupid went through the complete chats and the pics we shared. It was hurting me again and again and I was mercilessly doing it again and again and again. When it was literally out of my control to bear it, I threw my phone on the other side of the bed(luckily there was a pillow) and sat like a statue.No amount of blood was flowing inside me. I don't know how much time I stayed like that. When I came back into consciousness, to divert my mind, I took my earphones, plugged it into mobile and played some songs one after one. I was singing along with it.

You know, it's a great idea to sing with earphones on. It really doesn't matter how bad you sing. Your voice will no more bother you and you will feel like you are better singer than Beyonce.(jk, she is queen) And also, it really diverts you mind.

After listening to some songs, I finally realised that my idea of being far from others, not being much social was a shit idea. Humans are social animals after all. So,I created a new fb account with using a name of my old account. It really helped. I got to talk to many people and finally I was able to divert my mind completely from my ex. Really, whenever I think of him, it hurts like hell. When I couldn't control, I just wrote everything I wanted to say in my other book "YOU KNOW" . I use that book for saying something which I can't say to their face but I can't keep it inside either. It helps clean the trash inside.

So,I enjoyed using my new account. I hope to get some more good news from it. 😉.

Well.. Just before talking to you, I was talking to my brother. Suddenly he asked me that if I had decided my future wife yet. His complete sence was indicating towards a woman. Now, how could I tell him that dear, your brother doesn't like women. He is interested in boys.

But I couldn't say anything, so I just ignored it saying that I am not even legally adult yet. It's senseless to talk about such things. But he didn't stop. He said," In your wedding, I will specially get a very expensive car, maybe a Lamborghini decorated for you. You will sit in that car and everyone will be mesmerized to see you.

I laughed on outside and cried inside. Because I really don't know how the future will be, after I will come out to my family. Will they accept me? Would I have to Leave my house? I really don't know. It sometimes scare me, the thought of getting hatred from my own family. Tho I am used if getting abused, but I know, that time it will be a great tantrum.

Haha.. I think it's enough for today. As usual, I will be back again to you. Wait for me ok! And also for your surprise name! 😉

Love you dear.

Bbye.

Good night 😘