Chapter 19

We decide to take a detour into Pennsylvania. Because of what happened in Naples, we are sure someone will be waiting for us in New Jersey. Instead, we land at Philadelphia International Airport. Freddie is waiting in an SUV for us.

Ryder gets into the truck, and I follow closely behind him.

The Flight attendant was able to remove the bullet and stitched him back up on the plane. She said he was lucky. A couple of inches to the left, and he would've been paralyzed.

How and why they are prepared for such a thing beyond me, but I am more than happy that he was treated right away.

Ryder falls asleep rather quickly in the car. He wakes now and then to check on me, but I cling to him. He doesn't need his night terrors on top of getting shot.

"You did an amazing job."

I am staring out of the back, passenger side window, when I feel his hand on my lap. I turn and look at him. "All I did was climb down some ladders."

I still feel horrible that I left him to deal with the shooter alone.

"No, with the gun. I am impressed! You held him off for a while so that I could get everything I needed." Ryder tries to put his arm around me and winces.

"No, don't move!" I say, getting even closer to him. "And thank you. I have an amazing teacher, even though I'm only good at shooting the arm of a scarecrow. Well, almost..."

He smiles and lays against the car door.

"Ryder, have you ever been shot before?"

He is taking this pretty well. He just looks uncomfortable.

"Of course! Shot, stabbed, thrown out of a third-story window. But I've never been shot in the back before." He put his hand out to grab my hand but stops short. He groans in pain.

"Stop moving! Here..." I put my fingers between his and squeeze.

He sighs.

"So, what happened? Is that guy still alive?"

He shakes his head slowly. "No. He's not. I made sure of it. The fact that I knew nothing of this hit is what disturbs me." Ryder looks at me and then out of the window.

I also do the same.

Things just got a whole lot more complicated.

"What did he want? Did he say why he was after you?" I turn my head and look back at him.

Ryder looks back at me and shrugs his one good shoulder. "Something about paying an old debt." He scratches his head and looks at me uncomfortably.

It seems like Ryder is lying. I don't want to press him about it, though. I am just glad we are going back to his house.

However, this joy will be short-lived. He will have to go back out and kill again eventually.

"What are you going to do?" I really don't want to hear the response.

"Kill or be killed. It's that simple," Ryder says, staring at me with no emotion at all. He closes his eyes and leans his head back.

What have I gotten myself into?

Later on that evening, Ryder stays holed up in his office. He tells me to eat without him because he has tons of work to do. I know better!

He's plotting his next move against whoever made the hit.

"Has this ever happened?" I ask Freddie, who is sitting with me at the kitchen table.

"Honey, this always happens," he says, blowing into his coffee cup and taking a sip.

I am surprised. "Why is no one pressed, scared, or anything?"

Everyone is acting like Ryder never got shot. Like Italy never happened.

"Well, because Ryder is great at what he does. Yeah, this is a setback, but only he knows how to move forward. Until he tells us to worry, we don't!" Freddie shrugs.

"So I'm guessing I don't have to go back home then?" I ask, taking a bite of my homemade pizza. Freddie's yummy creation!

Freddie smiles. He then motions for me to turn and look at the television, adjusting the volume so we can both hear:

"The Heiress to Hallowell Enterprise is still missing. It's been under two months since her disappearance, and officials still don't have a lead..."

I turn and look at Freddie. He has an empathetic smile on his face.

"Maybe I should call them."

"I would advise against that. Now there's a bullseye on both your backs. Whoever is after Ryder will be after you if you weren't the intended target already. They will dig. That's always the case. Once they do, there's no telling whom they will use to flush you both out."

Freddie grabs the remote and hits the pause button. I turn back to the television again.

It's my mom and dad.

I go back upstairs and check on Ryder.

I was given access to all the palm scanners before we left for Naples, so I can barge in whenever I like.

The door opens, and I walk in. I find Ryder in his weaponry, pulling out weapons and placing them inside metal suitcases.

"What are you doing?!" I ask in confusion and annoyance.

He sighs when he sees me, putting the last gun into the case and closing it.

Ryder sits at his desk and hits the button, closing the weaponry. "What does it look like?"

He pops open a bottle of painkillers, swallows a handful of pills, and washes it down with a glass of scotch.

"You can't be serious?! You were just shot! You're here drinking, popping pills, and now you're getting ready for another gun battle?! Are you for real right now, Ryder?!"

Ryder slams the glass cup onto the table, making me jump. He stands up quickly and winces, grabbing onto his left shoulder.

"I don't need you to understand me or the things I do! This is my life! I'll do whatever the fuck I want! Don't like it? Leave!"

Ryder's anger quickly disappears when he sees my hurt reaction.

I don't want to fight with him. We both nearly died.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, putting my head down.

Ryder instantly calms down. He then sighs and rubs his neck, closing his eyes and opening them. "Listen. I want this...us..." He walks around the table towards me. "But to have it, I need to make sure you are safe. Okay?"

"And if I'm never safe? Then what? You're going to carry your metal suitcases around for the rest of your life? My life?"

Tears slide down my cheeks. I wipe them away and hug myself.

He stands in front of me, leaning against his desk. "If need be. Yes! But I also have no problem being nowhere near you. I've spent my entire adult life by myself. It won't kill me not having you by my side."

His words sting me. My mouth drops, and I look to the floor.

Why am I even here in the first place? It's like he's purposely sabotaging us.

"If that's how you feel, then why didn't you just end my life?! Why didn't you just walk away and let someone else kill me?! I can tell I'm a burden to you. Why am I here then?!" I yell.

I turn to walk away when he grabs me by my arm and pulls me towards him roughly. I try to fight back, but he holds me in place.

"You really think that?! That I want you dead?" Ryder grabs my face, making me look up into his eyes.

I don't answer him right away. I feel my blood boil. I can't take being near him another second! How am I expecting him to care about how I feel when he clearly doesn't care for me. Words mean nothing!

"It doesn't matter what I think! You will always be the monster that kidnapped me," I say, pushing him away.

Ryder lets go of me. Hurt in his eyes.

Don't cry, don't cry, I tell myself as I walk out of his bedroom.

After everything we've been through, he doesn't mean any of that, right? It must be the pills and alcohol talking.

I walk into my room and grab a pillow and a blanket. The library is going to be my bedroom tonight, and maybe for the next couple of days.

I am so mad at him!

If he wakes up screaming, I will only feel bad in the middle of the night and run to him like an idiot. I don't think so!

Not tonight!

For almost a week, we don't speak to one another. I try to reach out to him, but he ignores me. Ryder is acting like the animal I first met when I got here.

Cold and heartless.

I get more and more depressed. He stays up holed in his room for hours.

Once, he did it for two days straight.

I don't even have Freddie to talk to either. He runs errands for Ryder or joins him in the office. Obviously, something big is happening. I should know nothing.

I really want to know, but every time I ask Freddie, he plays stupid.

"You've got to give me something! Anything Fred! I'm dying here, and no one is telling me anything. Ryder hasn't spoken to me in a week. It's not fair that I'm being punished for loving-"

Freddie blinks in surprise. "I knew it!" He smiles softly and grabs me by my arm. I follow him into the living room.

"Listen, Ryder is swimming in dangerous waters right now. I know you're upset with how he's been treating you, but he needs to concentrate. It's not my place to say what's going on because even I don't have all the answers. Just be patient and trust him. Okay?"