Chapter 13 A

Before we head up to our bedrooms, the six of us check the entire house. We want to make sure no one is hiding and jump out while we sleep.

Darryl even helps. As soon as we finish, he and LeAnn leave.

We feel better once all the doors and windows are locked and the alarm system is armed.

Once in our bedroom, I exhale. I pick up Bell and cuddle with her as I stand in front of the window.

This day feels like an entire year. So much has happened, especially with the mall, Fallon's death, the crazy woman in the silver car, and not to mention my fight with Ryder.

I turn to him as he locks our bedroom door.

"Can we talk, please?" Ryder asks, still facing the door.

He turns slowly to me, putting his hands in his pockets. There is sadness in his eyes. I nod as I walk towards him.

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About not wanting to marry me?"

It's true. I did say it, but why does it hurt that Ryder is asking me that?

"I honestly don't know why I even said it. Lately, I have a rage in me. I don't know if I'm stressed or scared. I'm just sorry for taking it out on you. And to answer your question, I still want to marry you."

My words don't comfort him at all. He just continues to stare at me with his hands in his pockets. Ryder doesn't even bother covering his emotions. It's like he's looking right through me. I put Bell down, and she scampers into the bathroom.

I begin to feel nervous. I don't want Ryder to do his non-emotional look. I can't have him reverting to his old habits and pulling away from me.

"It's not all your fault," Ryder begins. "You want the world for both of us, and I keep stopping you at every turn. Whether it's wanting kids or just telling you the truth, I'm not a good friend. A good fiancé. A person can only take so much."

I wrap my arms around his neck and just gaze into his beautiful, green eyes. Eyes that hold so much pain and hurt. Pain that I can never imagine and the darkness he will probably never share with me.

"I love you no matter what, and I am going to be Mrs. Hallowell-Forñay soon. You are going to be stuck with me forever. We're going to have our fights, but I will never leave you. I promise."

A smile creeps on Ryder's face as he kisses my nose. "Forever is a long time. Are you sure about that?"

"I am! I want to be yours forever."

The next couple of days go by like a blur. Everyone stays preoccupied, trying to find out exactly what the hell is going on.

Ryder and I tell Margie if she wants to quit, she can do so. We will pay her handsomely. The only condition is that she just needs to move away.

She denies our offer and walks away.

LeAnn and I continue to train. I have to make sure I am ready for anything at any moment. If I want to be with Ryder, I have to make sure I can protect myself and whoever I am with, including him.

Margie and I go shopping at Target one beautiful afternoon. This is my favorite place in the entire world.

I'm only here to grab some deodorant and body wash, but I know I'll be walking out with a cart full of things I don't need. It happens every single time.

Margie walks ahead, getting a cart for us. I grab it from her, placing my wallet and phone in it.

"I don't know why we are here. I always make sure to stock up on everything the household needs," Margie says, looking around, somewhat agitated.

She walks with her nose up and clutching onto her purse for dear life. If someone coughs or touches her, I know she will lose her shit.

I'm the one that dragged her here. She had no choice but to come in because I drove us here.

I just want to spend some time with her. With Fallon's death, she is the one that is taking it the hardest.

After all, she worked with the girl every day for almost a year.

"Okay, but Costco doesn't carry the new Secret deodorant that I want to try or the new Dove Pomegranate body wash." I shake my head as I look down the aisle.

She scoffs. "I don't understand you, young people! Why change? If you like something, stay with it. It's not that hard." Margie does have a valid point.

"You're right, Margie. However, you tend to buy sensitive stuff. No scent at all."

She looks at me with wide eyes as she clears her throat. Did I offend her?!

"If you must know, I have an allergy to anything with a scent. I break out."

Oh, I look at her surprised, then apologize. She flags me nonchalantly.

Truthfully, I don't understand what her allergy has to do with the rest of the household, but I let the subject go.

I bring Margie with me so I can talk to her about Fallon.

"I actually want to talk to you about something. About Fallon," I tell her as we walk into the shoe section.

Margie grabs a pair of camel-colored boots and examines them. "What about her?" She asks, not bothering to look at me.

Margie puts the boots back and continues down the aisle.

"The day she died, she had something to tell me. I feel bad because I was taking out my frustration on her. Ryder and I were arguing. Fallon must've seen how angry I was and decided against talking to me."

Margie turns and looks at me, unamused. "Would you want to talk to you? I'm sorry to say this, but you've been a real bitch these past couple of months."

I stop the cart. "Excuse me?! What?" I ask in shock. Why did she say that?!

"Oh, I'm sorry," Margie continues. "You've been acting like a-"

"I heard you!" I whisper angrily, looking around. Margie looks at me, confused.

One of the reasons why I admire Margie is because she holds nothing back. She tells the absolute truth. She doesn't sugar coat anything. Not even with Ryder.

However, I am a little scared of her. Her tongue whips, and sometimes her brutal honesty is insensitive.

"Okay, fine! You're right! I was mean to Fallon that day. And Ryder has told me the same thing. I haven't been myself in months. I don't know why."

We both continue until she grabs the cart, making me stop.

"You need to control that temper before you are left alone. No one wants to be with a rotten person. I am a good example. I am not married, with no kids, and not because I chose so. It's because no one ever wanted to be with me. I am not a people person. I push them away. On purpose."

She crosses her arms and looks into the cart. I can tell she's hurting. Who in their right mind wants to be alone?

"Don't get it twisted. I have a huge heart, but showing it is rather difficult. The only person who tolerated and accepted me was Ryder's mother. I still don't know why but she did, and we formed an everlasting friendship until she-."

Margie quickly clears her throat and sighs heavily. We then make our way to the body wash aisle.

"It's too late for me, but not for you. Try and find what's wrong, or you'll wake up by yourself. One day." She looks at my 'fire and ice' pendant and walks away.