SECRET LOVE SONG

"I'll be leaving for Japan in 4 days for my concert. I hope by the time I come back, you can sort out your feelings for me ... And our future" Jacob said as he picked up his suitcase and dragged it towards the front door. His heart beating loud and heavy with pain as his eyes filled with tears and throat clogged with a lump. He stood right in front of the main door of his 3 years boyfriend Mike's apartment. Even if he wanted to turn and look at Mike before he left his apartment, he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to leave.

His hands reached out to the doorknob still waiting in anticipation that Mike would say something or do anything but the pin-drop silence proved that nothing's going to happen, Jacob's heart clenched in pain and fear but needed to do this. He kept reminding himself. He was tired of his and Mike's relationship. No, he was not tired of Mike but he was tired of this arrangement of keeping their relationship a secret.

" No matter what decision you make ... I promise I'll be prepared to hear it," Jacob said as he let few tears fall on his face and not caring if his voice is breaking. " Just remember I LOVE YOU". With that, he left the apartment.

×-×-×-×-×

"You look tired... Are you sure you're alright?" Asked Eris as she put makeup on Jacob's face. It's been 5 days since he left Mike's apartment. Mike didn't try to contact Jacob in any way for the past 5 days. And today was the day of his Japan concert. The past 5 days was like a nightmare for Jacob because he didn't have his sweet and cuddly boyfriend next to him. He kept his phone next to him for every second of the day because he didn't want to miss any messages from Mike telling him that he doesn't need time to think and he is ready to go public with their relationship or instead just a sweet message saying "I love you...and miss you " but Jacob got nothing. The fact that he and Mike were 2 solo artists signed under the same company didn't make it any easier. There were times in the past 5 days where he would pass Mike on the corridors or there were times when they would see pass each other in the practice room. Every time he would look over at Mike only to see the latter give him a cold shoulder or ignore his existence. It would break his heart even more. There were even nights where Jacob would cry himself to sleep thinking of how he had to go and ruin his relationship with Mike. But it was something that needed to be done. He would remind himself.

×-×-×-×-×

"why are even having this conversation," Mike said as he rubbed his hands on his face clearly irritated by the conversation he and Jacob Were having. It was supposed to be another sweet date at Mike's apartment until one of mike's friends had to drop by and Mike started to treat Jacob as just another friend who he was hanging out with at his place. This is not what got Jacob all worked up, it was the fact that the friend was a female cast member of Mike's upcoming Series. The actress openly flirted with him right in front of Jacob while Mike equally flirted back. Jacob knew the latter was not doing it because he wanted to but he was doing it because he had to hide his actually sexuality. The actress didn't leave for another hour to Jacob's dismay. It annoyed him even more but more than the feeling of being annoyed he felt sad, from the fact that he couldn't just walk up to the actress and tell her that Mike was off the market. That Mike was dating him and only him.

After she left, They continued with their movie date, while Mike enjoyed the movie Jacob's mind still revolved around the same worries and questions relating to his and Mike's relationship.

Jacob was so deep into his thoughts that he didn't realize that Mike had mute the movie and was intensely staring at him. He snapped out his thoughts when Mike pulled his chin, making Jacob face him.

" What's on your mind!?" He questioned Jacob with soft and worried eyes.

Jacob just shook his head and smiled "nothing" he whispered slowly. Deciding not to tell Mike of his worries.

"Please tell me what's bothering you J," Mike said sweetly giving Jacob the assurance he needed. He then nodded his head and said in a low voice " I was just thinking about our future"

Mike raised an eyebrow giving Jacob the "please-continue-look".

Jacob took a deep breath. "I was just thinking about when and how will we make our relationship public" no sooner than the words left Jacob's mouth, Mike dropped his grip from Jacob's chin and stared at him with horror.

"You want our relationship to go public ?" He questioned Jacob. Fear is clearly shown in his voice. Jacob immediately regretted his words. He shook his head quickly. "No no no... I meant I was just thinking... I didn't mean that we should" he said slowly as he slowly placed his hand on Mike's shoulder who flinched. But then calmed down and relaxed. He let out a sigh.

"Thank god!! I thought you were serious....don't scare me like that J" he said as he let out a laugh.

Even if those words were meant to make Jacob happy. It didn't, it made him feel worst. Because of the way Mike spoke, Jacob realized that Mike would never want their relationship to be public at all. At this point, he realized he had to do something now or he was going to break his heart in the future.

"Mike," he said in a heavy voice as he stared at the floor mat. "What do you see in our future?" He questioned.

Mike looked at Jacob with a confused face. " What do you mean ?" He asked Jacob.

Jacob finally looked at Mike. " I mean ...what does the future of this relationship hold....you know where do you see us in the next 10 years??? do you see us as a happily married couple who are free to go around in public being a couple or do you still us as this secret couple that we are being since the past 3 years?" He asked Mike in a serious tone.

This question brings us to a very irritated Mike and an insecure Jacob. "We're having this conversation because I'm tired of keeping our relationship a secret Mike," Jacob says in desperation. " I don't care if we don't go on a foreign vacation or fancy dinner dates ... All I'm asking is Why can't I hold you in the street? Why can't I say that I'm in love?" He said as he held Mike's collar. Clenching them tightly trying to reduce the pain in his heart. Jacob stared right into Mike's eyes with pain and tears.

Mike slightly pushed Jacob away. "Your crazy Jacob .... Do you know what will happen if we do that ??? Did you forget that were are the 2 most successful artists right now .... If we do come out it's going to ruin us" Mike literally screamt.

Jacob stared at Mike. " I know that ... But those are old reasons Mike....people are more open about their sexuality nowadays... What are you afraid of people accepting us? Brandon and Calum came out about their relationship and they are getting nothing but love and acceptance. Our contract doesn't stop us from dating nor does it contain anything against being gay !!!! What are you afraid of ??" Jacob screams too. His emotions were flying all over the place.

He was sad, angry, hurt, disappointed everything at once. When Mike didn't answer Jacob let out a dry laugh through his tears.

" Tell me Mike did you ever plan to take our relationship to the public ?" Jacob said as more years fell down his eyes.

The silence next to that moment broke Jacob's heart. It broke Jacob's heart as well as fueled the anger inside of him.

"Or are you too embarrassed to tell people you dating me?? Or did you ever take this relationship seriously??? Was this all just a time pass for you ?? Date a guy until you find a perfect girl to get married too then leave the guy?? Was this your plan all along ??" He rambled angrily as more tears fell from his eyes.

He stared at Mike waiting for him to speak anything. "Oh my god !!! You were using me weren't you !!" Jacob gasped slowly.

This sentence brought Mikek back to life. "No ..no ...I wasn't I meant it. Jacob ... I mean it when I say I love you " Mike said slowly. Jacob stared at Mike with a look that was void of any emotion.

"Prove it to me then... prove that you mean it!! Prove it by accepting us and making our relationship public. Don't talk to me until you have made up your mind... Because if this relationship has no future I don't want to waste more time loving you" with that said Jacob made his way to Mike's and his room he removed all his clothes of the hangers and filled them in his suitcase as he cried.

" I'll be leaving for Japan in 4 days for my concert. I hope by the time I come back, you can sort out your feelings for me ... And our future" Jacob said as he picked up his suitcase and dragged it towards the front door. His heart beating loud and heavy with pain as his eyes filled with tears and throat clogged with a lump. He stood right in front of the main door of his 3 years boyfriend Mike's apartment. Even if he wanted to turn and look at Mike before he left the apartment, he knew if he did he wouldn't be able to leave.

His hands reached out to the doorknob still waiting in anticipation that Mike would say something or do anything but the pin-drop silence proved that nothing's going to happen. Jacob's heart clenched in pain and fear but needed to do this. He kept reminding himself. He was tired of his and Mike's relationship. No, he was not tired of Mike but he was tired of this arrangement of keeping their relationship a secret.

" No matter what decision you make ... I promise I'll be prepared to hear it," Jacob said as he let few tears fall on his face and not caring if his voice is breaking. " Just remember I LOVE YOU". With that, he left the apartment.

×-×-×-×-×

" It's okay... It's okay" Jacob heard whispers in his ears. That's when he realized that he was being hugged by his make-up artist who was like a big sister to him. He smelled her perfume which gave him a feeling of safety. So he hugged her back and cried. It shocked Jacob how he had tears left after crying for the past 5 days.

Tomorrow after he flies back to Korea, he will have to meet Mike and talk about their now broken relationship. From the way Mike was treating him, Jacob knew what Mike's words would be. This thought brought more tears to his eyes. He hugged Eris tighter and cried heavily. Crying alone in the night is painful, so finally crying on someone's shoulder him a sense of safety and love. It made him feel secure and made him feel free enough to let down all his tears.

Soon his tears Turned into sniffles and that's when they broke the hug. " Do you want to talk about it?" Said Eris slowly as she combed through Jacob's hair with her fingers.

Jacob shook his head a no. To which Eris just smiled back. "Okay!!! But remember I'll be here for when you want someone to talk to" with that her smile brightens causing Jacob to smile too. " Now let's fix this ruined makeup of yours?" She said with a slight giggle.

Jacob couldn't stand straight. He was finally feeling all exhaustion and tiredness hit him at once. All the sleepless nights and no food was finally affecting his body.

" This is the last song, Jacob... The last song then the concert will be over ... We can rest then. We've done good for the past 2 hours.. we can keep it up for one last song" he kept whispering encouraging words in his mind. Yet he felt slight darkness before his eyes.

Even before he could completely get ready for the next song, he heard familiar music of "not okay" start. Jongdae immediately found his heart started paining again. The lyrics fit his position so perfectly that even with all the exhaustion he managed to feel tears creep up his eyes.

he slowly started singing.

he hoped Mike would listen to his performance and understand the pain he was going through.

Jacob sang his heart out by the end he didn't realize that tears were flowing down his face. The last scene he saw was of his fans screaming for Jacob on top of their voices while waving their light sticks before everything Turned black and he gave in to his exhaustion.

Jacob felt his throat on fire. He slowly opened his eyes only to shut them back quickly due to the bright light hurting his eyes. He slowly whispered for water. every word that came out of his mouth burned.

He still could open his eyes ... He felt his head lift as the glass was pressed on his lips. He slowly opened his mouth and gulped on the water greedily. " More" he whispered when he left the water empty. No sooner he whispered that he felt the glass pressed to his lips.

When finally his thirst was quenched. He tried to open his eyes to thank the person who had helped him. He couldn't open his eyes completely, but with the little vision he had, he saw a retreating back. The back was quite familiar... Jacob closed his eyes and tried to remember the back that looked so familiar.

Jacob opened his eyes completely in shock once he realized who's back, it was. It was nonother than his boyfriend Mike's. He hissed slightly and closed his eyes before opening it completely looking around for any trace of Mike. When he found none he felt sad.

" Idiot why would he be here ?? He cant be seen in public like this !!" This thought hurt Jacob but before he could drown in self-pity, doctors entered his chamber to examine him.

" You're alright now Mr.Kim you passed out for 48 hours due to exhaustion and lack of food," the doctor said as he looked at Jacob's medical file. "Why? Weren't you consuming or sleeping properly Mr.Kim it's very important to take care of your body" the doctor gave Jacob a look that made him feel guilty immediately.

He looked down at his intervened fingers. " I'm a sorry doctor... I was just so busy with the concert and stuff. I wasn't taking care of myself self" he said in a low voice filled with innocence causing the doctor to burst out in laughter. " It's okay!! Mr. Kim but make sure to take care of yourself next time....at least if not for you but for once who love and care for you" he said as he patted Jacob's thighs and left the room.

Jacob laid on the bed watching some sitcom on the hospital TV. It's been nearly an hour since the doctor's checkup since then no one entered his room to check upon him. He was bored, the TV played only Japanese sitcoms and even if Jacob knew a bit Japanese it hurt his head o focus properly in order to understand what the actors were talking about. Just then he heard the opening of the door of his room.

The person who entered shocked Jacob. He rubbed his eyes even pinched himself to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. He saw Kim Mike ... His Kim Mike makes his way towards his bed. Mike didn't make eye contact nor spoke a word neither did Jacob say anything, as he stared at Mike with big eyes still confused about what was happening. Mike took out few pills from the table beside Jacob's bed and shoved them in Jacob's hand before filling a glass of water and feeding Jacob the medicine.

The silence continued as Jacob swallowed his pills, he kept staring at Mike as Mike looked down on the bed. "Look at me " Jacob wanted to scream but he didn't. He didn't want to be the first one to talk. Once Jacob gulped down his pills. Mike kept the glass back on the table and without another word took the TV remote from Jacob's bed. He then kept changing the channel, all long Jacob stared at Mike still confused as hell.

Jacob wanted to ask Mike so many questions. But he waited for Mike to speak first. But the latter was too interested in switching the channels, this got him a bit annoyed. Just when he was about to scream at Mike, something on the TV caught his eyes.

" After Kim Mike's statement at the press conference of his upcoming drama. His company XX ENTERTAINMENT also released a statement of confirmation. Along with this singer and actor, Kim Mike was seen boarding the flight to Japan after the news of singer Kim Jacob collapsing at his concert were came to notice. Further, there is news from a source that Kim Mike was seen to be in Kim Jacob's hospital room for the past 2 days. All this evidence points to one thing that is "Kim Mike and Kim Jacob" are officially dating and have been dating for the past 3 years"

Jacob couldn't believe what he was watching, the TV then showed scenes of Mike indeed publicly accepting that he was gay and was in a relationship with Jacob. It then showed scenes and images of Mike boarding the plane in Korea and of Mike sitting outside his hospital room.

They are officially dating the whole world knows. Jacob didn't know he was crying until he felt a warm hand press on his cheeks wiping away his tears. " It's okay ..... It's alright..it's over now" he heard Mike whisper slowly as he rubbed more of Jacob's tears aways while allowing tears to roll down his own cheeks.

"Why didn't you ever call me or even talk to me?" Jacobe asked as he snuggled closer to Mike. Breathing in the scent his missed so much. It was around mid-night, Jacob was supposed to sleep but instead, he pulled Mike onto his tiny little hospital bed and cuddled to him.

Jacob still couldn't believe that this happening. No matter how this happened he was glad because finally he could jump on the roof and scream his love for Mike. They could finally be a normal couple and do normal couple things. This thought brought a smile to his face. He pressed his face deeper into Mike's chest hoping Mike didn't see him smile.

" Me not talking or calling you is all on you...." Mike replied , but Before Jacobe could oppose he quickly pecked his lips shutting Jacob immediately and continued. " You were the one who told me not to talk to you until I proved my self... So here I am proving myself to you..." He whispered slowly and sweetly.

"Kim Jacob you are the best thing that ever happened or will ever happen to me. No, I'm not embarrassed by you nor you were a time pass until I found a girl" Mike said equally sweetly. Jacob let out a snort when Mike repeated the sentences he had said before.

" The only reason why I didn't want our relationship to go public was I don't know actually... I actually don't know why I was so scared of it ... But I realized my stupidity when you left my apartment. I realized that I had no reason to be afraid. I had no reason to hide from the public and that I was making a mistake by letting you go." He said slowly as he placed a soft kiss just on top of Jacob's head.

" But I couldn't stop you ... Not yet nor could I contact you Because you were right!!! I had to find a way to sort out my feelings and a way to secure our future. When I finally did I heard the news of you collapsing...please Jacob promise me you will never do something like that ever again. I was so scared !!! " Mike said slowly as he kissed Jacob on the lips. It was a sweet yet kiss that showed their love for one another.

" I love you," Jacob said as he broke out of the kiss. " I love you too" whispered Mike.