Chapter 12: Alex

Nikki's Pov

The loud voices echoed through the whole house, voices of the ones who have always been silent.

"If you were only good enough, then I wouldn't have a problem!" His drunken voice echoed through.

"I gave your everything I had!" The shakiness bled through the anger, the shouts of despair were evident in her tone.

"It's not enough," I heard him grumble lowly.

"Are you not happy here anymore?"

"I haven't been happy for a while!"

"Then why don't you leave instead of hurting everyone that's actually giving a damn about you?"

"Because you wouldn't be able to survive without me. . ." The voices slowly faded as my thoughts overthrew them.

Weren't we really enough? I thought we were happy? Maybe he doesn't love us anymore, I wouldn't blame him. He never loved her and I didn't expect him to. But I thought that he would learn to, and eventually love us too. I guess not. I laid flat on my bed and stared at the ceiling while tears slowly rolled down my face. It was a couple of weeks later, everything seemed to be going fine. But I guess life works in deceptive ways.

"I did everything to be a good enough wife for you!" She said before I heard a loud smack,

"I never loved you!" He cried out. "You can never do anything right!" He yelled. "I want to be with someone better than you!"

"You're worthless!" His voice rang through despite my best to ignore.

"The more I wish that we didn't have children so that I wouldn't have been stuck with you for the rest of my life,"

"Wh-"

"I never loved you, I only needed you to get what I needed, and what I needed was MONEY!"

"Stop." She begged as his venom was ripping right through her heart.

"I gave attention to these people who are right! I don't want you to leach off of my money, my hard work!" The door opened and Taeyong along with Yuta and Jungwoo came in.

"Nikki, I think it's best if you got out for a while," Yuta said from my side.

"They won't stop anytime soon, and I don't want you to hear them," Taeyong lightly sat me up and made me change into different clothes.

I quickly made my way across the living room where my parents had migrated to, I guess, when they were fighting. Too engrossed in their argument to even notice me. I close the door tightly and wipe the unknown tears that ran through my face. The feeling of wanting to defend my mom, but being scared that the only person I've known as my father, will leave for good. I want to help but I can't. I want to yell at him and tell him how hurt I am that he doesn't love us anymore, but I simply can't. He doesn't care anyways, he thinks its all dramatics. He only cares about himself.

~

I arrived at the same doorstep hours later and heard nothing. Not even chirping of some kind of insect, just pure silence.My hand shook as it touched the doorknob but nonetheless I made my way up to my room. Ignoring the passed out monster on the couch, and the depressed housewife in the kitchen casually making dinner, despite the clear bruises on her skin.

As I turned to close the door I slowly slid down staring at my opened balcony door and staring at the bright night sky. I remember when I was happy. When we were all happy.

I came home from being with my best friends to parents and siblings who laughed along to everything. We all had so much to say about our days and ultimately ended up lapping each other's voices. I just held my head on my legs and cried the empty tears that were pretty common nowadays.

_

I sat in my usual seat, wearing a dark hoodie over my normal uniform to hide the things that I didn't want people to see.

"You look jolly today!" A perky voice said as he sat down next to me.

"Yep."

"Are you okay? You seem off," he trailed off while staring at me as I took my hoodie off and tried to look as normal as possible.

"I'm just a bit tired, that's all," I said as I gave him a short smile.

"If you say so," he mumbled as he grabbed his books out and began looking through them.

A few short moments later loud laughs could be heard from the hallways that separated the rooms. In came Mark, Renjun, Jeno, and Nina all laughing not giving a damn about the world. I sigh loudly as I turn to grab my phone to play with. Mindlessly scrolling back and forth on some app, until a loud voice was heard across the room which caught my attention.

"It's like you got right in, it's like you're the missing piece of our group." Mark smiled at her as he hugged her.

"Looks like they are replacing you already," a voice next to me said.

"Shut up," I glared at him,

"I told you, that she's going to ruin your guys friendship,"

"Can you just quit it," I turn to glare at him, "We've all been friends since we were young, I don't think that all of that will be ripped away because they chose to make a new friend," I angrily mumbled to him.

"Let's go to the park after school, like the old days," Mark's voices echoed throughout the half empty classroom.

"Yeah, like when it was the eight of us!" Renjun exclaimed. Probably remembering the three years that I was gone. The time where we all didn't talk. The time that she came into the picture.

"Before she left, before you came back, before they were there for you," Logan whispered in my ear as he sadly smiled in response.

"Is it really fair enough for you to be a replacement for Nina?" He asked as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"Is it fair that you're going through so much? You try to tell them you're not okay but they don't understand the signs, will that ever change?" He asked as he had his nose deep into our old textbooks.

'He's right. I was just a replacement and I can never measure up to her. She's pretty, smart, witty, and she's kind. What's the point?' I thought to myself.

Before i knew it my thoughts got the best of me, and my head went blank.

"Nina we missed you so much you don't know how sad we've all been since you left," Mark said to her.

"But hasn't Nikki been cheering you guys up?" She smiled at them.

"It's not the same," The screech of the old, slightly faded, metal chair could be heard from the whole room. Before I knew it I quickly made my way out of the classroom. As I walked outside of the door a few faces were in front of me,

"Oh hey Nik- are you okay?" Jaemin's voice rang as I ran past Jisung and Chenle who were walking alongside him.

'Is it true? Am I not enough? Not even to be a backup'

I pushed past them as I ran, I ran as far as the gate and never looked back. With my mind filled with so much dilemma I never even considered the fact of where I'm running towards or where I was.

I just kept running.

Suddenly with a thud I was on the grass and pavement with an arm wrapped around my waist. Panting was the only thing heard as I hesitated to lift my head up to meet the person.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he stood up both up and caressed my shoulders. I continued to look down as he stood in front of me.

"You almost got ran over, what the hell were you thinking?!" He yelled at me.

"I wasn't," I mumble.

"You don't seem okay, you need to talk to someone?" I shook my head 'no' as I turned away from his piercing, but familiar gaze.

"I understand," he took his hand off of me and sat on a nearby bench.

"The weather's nice this time of year, the birds and chirping, and the flowers blooming," he smiled over at me. I eventually sat next to him with space between us.

"So Nikki, how's it been?" He asked.

"Fine, Alex, how are you?" I lowly mumbled as I tried to make the awkward tension away, as the awkward feeling still lingered, the different feeling from back in the day.

Alex was an old senior of our school, he always looked after us, before he graduated. He had slick, black hair, and he was very tall, 6'0ft I believe, though he does look taller now.

"How's Donghyuck?"

"Is that what everyone remembers of me?" I sadly chuckle as I turn to look at him. "Hyuck?"

"Kind of- well I mean I don't remember a day where you didn't give him either chocolates, yogurt drinks, or small little gifts," he chuckled.

"Yeah I was pretty stupid."

"Stupid? Did you two not work out?" He asked.

"It's complicated," I sighed.

"I could imagine- I heard Nina's back in town?"

"What about it?"

"I assumed this was how you both would feel," He chuckled, "From talking to her, I can only assume that you both would not get along,"

"Why does everyone assume that. She is a lovely person."

"Lovely, but you still aren't buddy-buddy with her, huh?"

"Not exactly, but that is more of a me problem," I shrugged

"It's still crazy how she was so similar to you, we could've forgotten about you if it wasn't for Donghyuck constantly mentioning how agonizing it was that you left. "

"Yep, so crazy," I mumbled, still wondering how everyone compared the both of them, when I never even saw a single thing I'm common. "But that is sweet, how he cared."

"How's everyone?"

"They're fine,"

"Are you okay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I turn to face him and see him looking straight ahead at the treacherous road that almost killed me.

"Because I can see that your not,"

"It's complicated-"

"Your eyes say different,"

"I don't know what your-"

"It's not the same look that means your happy, it's different ,"

"It's not-"

"It's not complicated, it's simple. You haven't changed much from when we were little, Nikki," he sighed and ran his hands across his blonde hair, seemingly dyed recently as it's still shined brightly against the sun, "You are still the little girl that would curl up in the corner and cry because she feels left out,"

"I was emotional," I huffed

"You were also the little girl who always held stories in her eyes, the stories of the saddest, and loneliest people could only see," I smiled slightly as the weirdly flattering compliment, "You are a special one, and I can't believe that after- what 8-9 years, they still don't see through you,"

"They must be dense as fuck," he chuckled.

"I have changed a bit. I hide my emotions more often, I don't want to be a burden." I whispered the last part to myself.

"A burden?"

"Never mind."

"Let's get ice cream," He grabbed my hand and for once in a long time, I felt hopeful.