CHAPTER 349: Each Of Their Darkness 3

Nixon was curled up on the ground as the scene of Fiona violating him kept repeating in front of him.

"Admit it, you can never get over it. You are dirty. No matter what they say, you are nothing but a dirty bastard who actually enjoyed that time spent with her in that little cabin."

His reflection was squatting on his side mocking him even more.

"Do you really think everything was washed when you cleaned yourself with your own water? In your dreams!!! You were even groaning in pleasure as a child. How disgusting you are."

Like a paper, Nixon crumpled further and further.

No matter what others may say, a trauma is a trauma. It can be slowly overcome but it will remain.

Nixon have slowly accepted it, that he ahd experienced all of it but showing it over and over to him again, it just bringing back the time he experienced it.

The hand that roamed through his little body.

The hand that groped at everything it could grope.

The lips that sucked and kissed no matter how much he begged. No much he fought.

All of it felt like it was still happening now.

And the more his reflection taunts him the more he felt that it was the truth.

"You should understand better that sooner or later she will also leave you. All her confessions will disappear in thin air and she will see you as nothing but a disgusting person."

"SHUT UP!!!"

His reflection laughed as he watched the darnkness slowly eating Nixon up, "You have to understand. No one will truly love a disgusting person such as yourself. No one will truly be able to handle staying with you for long because of how disgusting you are."

Nixon started speaking the words' shut up' over and over again.

He couldn't handle it.

He didn't want it.

He didn't wish any of it.

He just hope everything will end.

Enough of this already.

'Don't hide.'

His hands that are grabbing his hair trembled when the words once again registered in his mind.

'Don't hide, Nixon. No matter what happened in the past. Or how you will become in the future. I will always love you.'

He slowly shook his head while muttering 'no' continuously.

'Do you really not believe me? After everything I did? Risking everything just to get to you back then?'

That's right when they had this conversation, Nixon was still uncertain of how things will work out between the two of them.

It was Stormie who gave him the courage he needed to overcome everything.

He remembered her helpless look as she cupped his face making sure that they are looking at one another directly in each other's eyes.

'I chose you. Over anyone else, I chose you. Just remember that whenever you start doubting yourself.'

He whimpered at this thought.

As a man, all of them felt too weak to actually cry. Like they should now but over time they started learning that was not the case.

No matter how stronger they are as compared to the girls. They still have their own emotions.

They would still feel weaker at times that in reality it was the ladies who would pull them back up and tell them it's fine to be weak. That it's fine even if they felt like leaning on the ladies from time to time.

They are entitled of that and no one, not a single person should judge that.

They have no right to judge you as a person, especially when all they know are nothing but superficial things about you. When all they know are the surface of who you truly are.

He sniffed after a while before wiping his face.

His reflection, who was enjoying itself moments ago, watched him slowly get back up.

The darkness that was eating him had stopped until his waist.

Nixon looked at his reflection, "I am disgusting indeed."

He sniffed again, he felt like he returned to back when he was still a child, where crying was but normal.

"But as long as she loves me I wouldn't care."

The darkness that was covering his lower half started moving down.

"I can never erase the past. I can never be the me who should have been if that event didn't happen."

He once again wiped his tears.

"But right now, I will continue on living. With the scars of the past. I will kept living my present with her. And even with the uncertain future. As long as they all does not feel disgusted towards me. As long as she loves this dirty me. I will continue on living."

He raised his hand, at the same time water came from below the reflection.

"And even if the time comes that she loves someone else. I will continue on living because once in my life, as dirty as I may be, she loved me for who I am. She was my support. And if that day comes, I will support myself instead. I will embrace my past and live my life as much as I can in the present while also looking forward in the future."

With that the reflection drowned and disappeared within his water attack.

Nixon took a deep breath and looked up at the darkness.

No one is confident enough to say that they are not afraid of the future but as many would say, the future will always be an un certain path, obscured by so many choices in the present.

Even so, it is fine to take a deep breath and keep going.

Be proud of your choices now, it might cause you to stumble but it will shape the person you will be in the future. Just as how your person today was shaped by your choices in the past.

Whatever choice Nixon picked in the past, whether to move forward, to forget, to be held back, to be stronger, to be weak, all of it would have shaped him for the person he is today.

And his choices allowed him to reach this person whom Stormie had fallen in love with.