Betrayal

Who the hell on earth sits with their friend's enemy? And honestly, what Ajwad said did hurt me in many ways, but what was the lie? I loved a mother who was incapable of loving me back. In my childhood, I always tried to befriend those who never wanted to do anything with me. I longed for my father's affection when all he ever did was look at me with contempt. As if he couldn't bear to look at my face and I was the source of his unhappiness.

Was it my fault that I always cared for the people who didn't even care if I lived or died? I craved attention and I wouldn't deny that even if it made me a loser. What I couldn't get at home, I tried to seek in others. For the first time in life, I got people who understood my silence and gave me affection.

When the kids my age were showing their drawings and poems to their parents, I was seeking the validation of my artwork from my friends. I would get terribly upset if I didn't get the desired response from them.

Esha would draw stars on my paintings and tell me that it was the most beautiful painting she'd seen in her entire life. That compliment alone would make me so happy that I told myself I only needed their affection.

Ajwad would secretly bring crayons and markers from his house for me, so I could draw, and he would ask me to promise him that I wouldn't forget them once I got famous.

Then there was Kabeer who would take me to his home and show my artwork to his parents. He would say, "Dad, Khansa is so talented, and she paints just like you" his father was one of the most renowned and distinguished painters. He would look at my paintings with awe, and his mother would bake me cookies.

Was I pitiful for wanting their attention? When my father called my talent a trash and my mother gave a blank stare when I showed her a painting of a mother holding her child. My brother tore all my drawings into tiny pieces and stomped on them.

I never got the love and attention on a silver platter like everyone else. I got it from my friends, so does that really make me pathetic? Is that what Ajwad meant earlier?

Someone in their right mind would tell me that friends do not say this to each other and what he said was toxic, but I would always brush my friends bitter words under the rug not because I feared losing them but because I could never forget how they saved me when the world was intent on dragging me down. How their small gestures had large impacts on me in childhood.

I would always forgive Esha and Ajwad because they had saved me from killing myself when I was little. I am forever indebted to them for what they did.

Kabeer, on the other hand, left when I was at my lowest. Out of all three of them, only he knew about my family because I like a fool trusted him more than anyone. Someone would call me selfish for expecting Kabeer to stay just because I needed him. Just because I wanted him to listen to my futile despair. I still remember his last words before he tore my heart into tiny shreds.

PAST

"You are so unlovable, Khansa" he said in a raspy voice. He was leaving for Australia the next day for his studies. The three of us had come to his home to plead with him to stay.

Ajwad and Esha were downstairs, and I like a fool couldn't wait to meet Kabeer. I asked him to stay, and those were the first words he spoke to me. At that moment, I felt like if he had taken out my heart and ripped it out, it would've hurt less than these words.

"Kabeer what-" My voice sounded so lost that I felt like someone had taken me back to my home where I was an unlovable child with no mother and father. He cut open all the previous wounds, which the irony is that he had also stitched with his kindness.

"I know the goddamn truth, so now stop pretending!" he shouted with a tormented expression on his beautiful face. What truth was he talking about, and why was he acting like I had betrayed him?

"Kabeer, what are you talking about?" I whispered, and a lone tear fell from my eyes.

He looked at me as if it were a torture to even look at my face, "I hope you never get true friends like us. You do not deserve us. You understand?" he neared closer and swiped away the tears harshly from my face, "How much energy does it take to shed these tears?" He was standing so close to me that I couldn't even think about anything.

I tried to put some distance between us, but he grabbed my arm, "Yes, run away like the coward you are. Run away with all these lies which you have told me" he then pushed me away so hard that I lost my footing and fell.

My head connected with the floor and I felt tiny drops of blood trickling down my forehead.

At that instant, I felt like I was back home, where my father had locked me in my room after striking me across the face. I felt like it was the same day when Zaviyan had made blood gush from my nose after punching me.

At that very instant, all the love and admiration I had for Kabeer dissipated, and I looked at him as if it were the first time I was looking at him.

"Khansa I didn't-" He immediately sat down with me and put his hands on my forehead to stop the bleeding. He looked miserable, "I am so sorry it's just that-" He then instantly opened the drawer and took out a first aid box.

"What the fuck, dude?" Ajwad's booming voice startled me and I whimpered.

He was standing there as if he couldn't believe what Kabeer had done.

"Ajwad it's okay, he didn't mean to-" I wasn't covering up for Kabeer. I just didn't want to create any misunderstandings between them.

Before Ajwad could do anything, Kabeer's parents entered the room and his mother gasped, "Kabeer, Khansa is bleeding. What happened?" she asked in a horrified voice.

Ajwad chimed in, "Your son-"

Esha interrupted him, "Ajwad, here you forgot your mobile phone" she shook her head at him which meant that she didn't want any confrontation.

I could feel the tears leaking from my eyes and his father said, "Is it hurting that much, sweetie?"

The wound wasn't hurting, I wanted to tell him. My heart couldn't take in the amount of hurt and pain. It was as if the walls of my heart were closing, and I couldn't breathe.

Kabeer gently bandaged my forehead, as if he hadn't been the one to do that. I looked at him and found his face marred with distress.

I couldn't forgive him, and I promised myself that I would never forgive him in the future. He had accused me of betraying and lying to him for something I didn't even know. I knew it was a misunderstanding and if he had only asked me gently I would've answered his doubts. I refused to clear away the perception he had made of me now. If he thought I was a liar, then that's okay, I would never give any explanation even if he begged.

That was the day I stopped loving Kabeer. The irony was that he was the one who glued up the pieces of my heart and also ripped them apart with his words. That day, I promised myself I would never let anyone inside this heart of mine.

PRESENT

"I think Ajwad shouldn't have said that in the cafeteria to you earlier" Esha whispered while I brushed my hair in the washroom.

"I don't care to be very honest "I said in a firm tone. If he wanted to be friends with Kabeer, then let it be. It was his life, and I wasn't going to stop him.

"Yeah but still" she murmured in a bitter tone.

"Tate invited me to a party at her house. Do you think something's fishy?" I asked her absent-mindedly.

"You mean Kabeer's house?" she joked.

Obviously, it was the house of Kabeer's father and now Tate's supermodel mother had married him, so it belonged to her too.

"She invited everyone from the Engineering and Medical departments. I'm sure it's just because she wants to flaunt her mommy's riches "Esha said with a laugh.

"I don't dislike Tate, to be very honest. She might have a habit of blurting out dense answers, but she's genuine" I told Esha, and she gave me a weird look.

"I hate her with a capital H and be careful, do not trust her" she warned me.

I shook my head, "You really think I am going to trust Tate out of all the people? I said with my voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Anyway, what happened to that marriage of convenience?" I asked her curiously, and she answered sadly, "We are going to Alaric mansion this Sunday for dinner" she continued, "I think Kabeer's parents haven't even told him about that otherwise he would've looked at me with his signature hostile look as if I were the source of his life's misery for sure" I also thought the same that his parents hadn't even disclosed that they were planning his marriage.

"Kabeer has everything, Khansa" Esha said out aloud and continued, "He is so attractive, and he has such a bright future but the only thing he cannot give me is love" she looked so sad right now.

"Do you remember how back then he would tell us that relationships made his skin crawl and that he would die before getting into one?" Esha laughed.

Ajwad and Kabeer took their studies very seriously and they were very career-oriented, so it did make sense.

We all had one thing in common, that we valued our friendships above everything else. Or, at least, we used to.

"When will you stop being a hopeless romantic?" I asked her.

She smiled, "Until I get someone who looks at me the same way Tom holland looks at Zendaya"

I looked at her disgustingly, "I think I just threw up in my mouth a little"