Chapter 11 Look in the Mirror and Don't Like What you see

Waking up in the morning sucks. My body was beginning to get more and more sore but I didn't have time to complain or worry about the pain from my body lugging around all this useless weight. I had spoken with Marsha and we decided instead of going to class we would focus solely on training so we could handle ourselves when it came to the actual fight. Marsha was overall stronger than me in physical endurance as well as stronger with her level of manna. While we were both roughly the same soul circle that I could tell, she clearly had more manna to play with as well as greater control over how to use it.

The first part of training was eating a light healthy breakfast. I didn't need to be throwing up food while I worked out today and honestly eating right is one of the hardest and most important parts of getting your body better. I've heard it said that you can't outrun your fork and unfortunately it is true.

I've been working on keeping my body modification spell on as much as possible and only taking a break when I feel my soul starting to strain from too much magic use. My goal is to push things to the absolute limit as much as possible. As of now I am able to expend 2 manna a minute for this spell and consistently gain 2 manna back allowing me to use this spell until my soul tires out.

Marsha met me in the gym. We began by doing some basic weight training. The goal was not to bulk up but to tone the parts of the body that needed to be able to move at a moments notice. Mostly leg training as well as working our core. While my muscles were sore I could see some noticeable improvements from when I first started working out.

Since Lilly wouldn't help me with the training of Marsha, I wasn't able to provide a spell for Marsha based off her souls makeup. She would have to find out about herself on her own.

After our morning work out we showered in separate locker rooms and then prepared to head back to my dorm room to train. We didn't want any of our classmates to see what we could do, especially since it was unheard of for a woman to have the power of a man.

As we exited into the hallway there were four people waiting for us. Alisha, Marcus, Dresden, and the man from the class who had tossed a fireball at me. I had already pushed my magic to its limit and needed to let my soul rest as well as the fact my body was exhausted and I could barely move after the workout we just did.

Marcus said, "Look at the losers, trying to get in shape. It will be best to have as much endurance as possible so that you won't die so quickly out in the wasteland."

I just kept silent. If I could keep from a fight that would be ideal. Healing was not something we could overcome within a week if we were too hurt. Sure, Marsha had her healing abilities, but if we broke some bones or were too hurt, we would have no chance. I asked Lilly what we should do.

Lilly thought quietly for a moment and then said, "keep calm, wait and see what happens and don't let your temper get the best of you."

This was easier said than done. They began taunting my weight again. I already knew I had let myself go and I was a loser. Before I had met Lilly, there was no hope. Eating was one of the only comforts. I figured I could eat as much as I wanted and then I would die. Comfort food and an early death sounded nice. But now it was starting to grate on me.

I had been beaten down since high school. People treated me like shit because I didn't have magic ability that I knew of and I was a pariah to all the other students. Now I was being treated like dirt even though I was trying to do better for myself. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win. Despite my best effort my fist began to ball up.

Dresden said, "looks like the fatty wants to fight. What if we roasted this pig?" The rest of his friends started laughing as well. There didn't seem to be a way out. Maybe I was a loser after all. He then continued, "then we can roast the bitch standing next to him as well. It will make our jobs easier at the actual tournament. I don't think they will care if we take out the trash early."

It was one thing when people were making fun of me but Marsha had done nothing wrong. She was the only one who had been kind to me. Thinking back to my past it reminded me of a way I use to deescalate situations in the past. Self deprecation and jokes at my own expense. It provided a way to get a laugh from the other party and in a way put me on their side by agreeing with them about how sucky I am.

I started snorting like a pig 3 times and then said, "don't you want to wait and let this piggy fatten up before you roast it. At least let me eat my lunch first so I will be nice and plump for you" I said as I jiggled my belly. It was demeaning as hell but the group started laughing, all except Marsha. "Besides," I said, "wouldn't it be better to kick our assess in front of the instructors so that you can get more credit. By letting us go now, we get a few more days to live and you get the chance to show off how great you are. Lets be real honest, we have no chance to win or get anything done."

The man who threw the fireball at me the other day started laughing, "I guess you are right about that. Keep your woman in check and don't even think about showing up to afternoon classes."

I said, "wouldn't dream of it. I just want to enjoy my last few days. Working out has helped me start calming my mind. Its not like I'm any good at doing magic anyways.

With that they started to walk away. Once they were out of earshot Marsha looked at me with anger and sadness in her eyes. "How could you let them talk to you like that! How could you talk to yourself like that! No one deserves to be treated this way. Have some self respect!"

I felt bad. She was absolutely right, but until I had the power to stand up for myself and others I had no chance to assert that self respect. All I could do is look at her and explain why I did. it. "Look I know what I did was wrong and messed up and what these people did was also wrong and messed up. I had to deescalate the situation somehow. Believe me they will be the first I target at the tournament.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Marsha asked?

"I'm tired of taking a beating and being treated as worst than. I won't do anything if I don't think I can win but I'm ready to stand up for myself. If we are careful they won't see it coming. Now come on, I have a new technique I want to teach you. I can only just barely do it myself, but maybe you can pick up on how to do it too. I'm going to show you how to combine some spells."

"That has only ever been done by the disciples!" she shouted in disbelief.

"Yeah well screw them too. Its people like them that put us in the position we are in. If we can learn to be at least as strong as them, maybe we can eventually go onto live peaceful lives."

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A few hours later and we were back in my dorm. By now the walls had scorch marks everywhere and it was beginning to smell like charred wood. We really needed to find a different place to practice, but with the other students in the class looking for us, it would be best to hole up in one place to keep from getting caught.

Trying to teach Marsha the feeling I got when I combined spells was difficult. It was like connecting one electric channel to another while at the same time balancing the amount of energy went into each channel or spell.

Marsha had an idea of how to do it, but the manna control required was far different than anything she had ever done before. She was so use to only using one source it was almost harder for her to learn the combination spell than it was for me to learn it.

I had finally gotten to a point where I could reliably do the spell at one manna per spell or a total cost of two manna. While this created a fireball the size of a three manna spell it wasn't enough. It would be helpful in the long run to conserve my manna but it also could easily be blocked by the others wind. Not only that but who knows what other types of spells they may have. I needed to find a way to cast bigger and better so I could get past anything they could throw at me.

As I was practicing I had an idea pop into my head. "Hey Lilly, " I said, "Is it possible to combine three spells together or to cast a timed spell and follow it up with a chained spell?"

"It is possible. However chaining three spells together is far harder to learn and master than only chaining two. I don't recommend even beginning to attempt this until you master getting two chained. As for using a separate spell let alone a chained one after using a timed spell, it is possible however you have to be extra careful of your manna. If you are not careful and you accidently too much it can easily knock you out of the fight. It is also far more taxing on your soul and requires a great amount of strength because two effects will be occuring at once much like chaining a spell. Even more so if you chain a spell and combine it with the timed spell."

"Interesting," I thought to myself. "I may have to try and see if I can do that. If I can boost the strength of my body while casting I would have a greater defense and speed."

"While that is true," Lilly said, "You would also only have limited manna usage since you would be constantly eating up an manna you regenerate. Now if you were to use your body modification and only burn one manna a minute you may be able to do a few things but even then at your level, you need to conserve as much manna as possible for the upcoming fight. There is a time and a place for every spell and honestly, to keep you safe I don't think it is a good idea to expend energy trying the body modification spell while in the competition. Definitely work on it for the future, but your time would be better spent mastering the first chained spell."

It wasn't quite what I wanted to hear, but if I was able to survive the tournament coming up in six days, I would have a new way of training my magic ability while utilizing my body for complex motions that are only possible thanks to my other spell.

After a long day, Marsha finally left after helping me wipe down my walls as best as we could and opening a window to let as much of the smoky smell out as we could. We grabbed some dinner together and then I went home to do some extra training on combining my spells.

This time I worked on chaining two of the same spells together by combining two wind spells together. This one was proving more difficult than the fire and wind spell to even get it to cast. Lilly said it was because I was using the same spell. Due to that I had to put in exactly the same amount of magic energy or the spell would not fire off at all.

The hot water felt great on my aching muscles and taking a break from magic to let the water pour over me was amazing. All of the tenseness of my soul and body left me allowing me to feel more at peace than I ever had before. I wish I would have known that taking care of myself like this could have helped so much with my depression before.

Exiting the shower I was in a great mood. Then I saw my reflection and remembered that no matter what happened I would still be stuck like this. Any peace I had went away as I prepared for bed.

Title from "The End" by My Chemical Romance