Chapter 36: Carter

I hesitated to knock on the door and it was only months ago, we were standing on this porch waiting to have dinner with my parents. Ahliyah rubbed my back and we knocked on the door together. There was mumbling behind the door then quick footsteps and my dad answered the door.

" Oh, I wasn't expecting you to come by. Come on in." He said gesturing us inside.

We stood beside the door and I took a deep breath. I wanted this be quick and painless, Ahliyah gave me a reassuring smile and I smiled back.

" You can sit on the couch. You're mother and I were on our way out to lunch." He said.

" We're not staying and this isn't going to take us long." I said squeezing Ahliyah's hand.

My dad shoved his hands in his pockets and raised his eyebrows. I released a sigh as I thought about what I wanted to say. But, no matter what I said things were not going to change and I accept that because change is a choice.

" I'm leaving all the bad memories here. Right here where I am standing. I have so many things to look forward to and a beautiful girlfriend that I'm in love with and I don't want everything I went through in this house to follow me forever." I said.

" What are you talking about? You had a wonderful childhood and your mom did her best trying to support you." He said.

I laughed as he told that lie because 'wonderful' is not the word I would use to describe my childhood. I smiled and laughed because I was letting go and moving on.

" I'm leaving all of the memories here. I'm want to build something new for myself." I let Ahliyah's hand go and shoved my hands into my pockets.

" Carter, you're not make any sense. Please, come sit down so we can talk." He pleaded. Guilt and hope shined my fathers eyes and for a moment what I was doing felt wrong, but I couldn't keep any of these dark memories and expect to move on without causing more damage to myself. Maybe we could start over again and maybe I would feel comfortable enough to come back soon.

But, this felt right. It felt good to finally be where it all the damage started and ended and finally allowing it to fall off my shoulders.

" Do you know the reason why I left? " My lips trembled. I hated myself for feeling this way, for allowing all this pain to consume me and rip me apart.

" No, your mom told me you had plans elsewhere and that you would come back soon." He smiled sadly

"Nora is not my mother." I wanted to scream it out loud.

" I'm not coming back. I came to tell you that I'm leaving the memories where they started. I don't want them anymore. I'm sorry she didn't tell you the truth about everything. I'm sorry that you don't know what happened, it's not your fault."

I grabbed Ahliyah's hand as we walked toward the door, I looked at my father one more time. Apologizing for all the things he didn't know and I left. We sat in the car and I sighed softly because it felt good to leave the memories where the belonged.

" How do you feel?" Ahliyah finally asked.

" I feel like I can finally breathe. I feel free and I'm glad I let that fear go of not being able to love you, or for my love not to be returned." I told her.

" I know it might hurt now but it'll go away. It's time for a new story for us because we deserve it, don't we?"

We did deserve it and I didn't want to regret not being able to move on because I was myself from a fear or the abuse of my step mother. We went back home, I went into my room and finally started to unpack those boxes the moments I wanted to keep.

I put everything in the closet and smiled happily. Ahliyah stuck her head in and her arms were folded across her chest. I grabbed her pulling her close and we swayed slowly together.

" I told you we were going to be okay." I smiled.

" I guess you were right. We're going to be okay no matter how many things." She rolled her eyes and laughed.

We continued to sway to whatever music was playing in our heads and she twirled. I pulled her close and being close to her felt right. It was just us and that all I really needed. She ran her hands through my hair slowly and touched my face.

" Watching you talk to your dad and seeing the way he looked made me really sad because he was lied to and he wasn't there to protect you when you needed him. But, it gave me hope for something new. I'm proud of you though because you deserve every bit of happiness." She said.

Her hand stopped at the back of my neck and we stopped swaying. All I wanted then was for her to kiss me like the first time. I wanted to lay with her and talk about all the ways she made me happy. Months ago, I didn't think I would ever meet someone like her because I closed myself off from the world.

Months ago, I was in a dark place and I didn't think I was ever going to see that light I once had again. Now, I see it and I'm afraid to let it go and I don't want to ever let it go.

Months ago, I lost hope and would've killed myself if if wasn't for Ahliyah.

I held her face and asked like I was going to kiss her for the first time. " Can I kiss you?"

" Yes, Carter. You can kiss me." She giggled.

My heart pounded as I kissed her lips softly. I held her waist and allowed my hands to travel her body and I pulled away from her. " I don't want to rush anything and I don't want to do anything you're not ready for." I said.

" I'm okay and it's fine. Shut up and kiss me, please." She smiled.

I kissed her like I was going to lose her. My hands travelled her body again and I took my time because she deserved happiness too. She deserved everything and I was going to give it to her. We went into our room and we took our clothes off as we kissed.

We spent the rest of the night underneath each other. I told her how happy she made me and kissed her on her forehead before she closed her eyes

I looked at the ceiling and grinned. I couldn't stop smiling because I truly loved her. I pulled the blankets over our bodies and wrapped my arm around her waist.

" I love you." She whispered.

" I love you too." I whispered back.

Only if she knew how much.

Only if she knew.

After that night. I knew I wanted many more days and nights to be like this with her.