Expectations

-Izume’s perspective-

Things have been weird lately, everything around me is as normal as three months ago when school started and yet I feel weird. Being a singer means I have hundreds of fans drooling over me every minute of the day, and while that sounds like a brag it really isn’t. I've never been able to have a crush before. Whenever I get to the ‘maybe I’ll give this guy a shot’ point something ruins it, probably for the better. I never actually felt anything like my heart racing when I was around someone. Whenever they describe attraction on T.V it’s always red face and rapid heart beats, I previously believed this to be false because it’s never happened to me before. Of course here I sit in the library with Ken like any other school day except every time our hands so much as brush together it feels like I just tripped in front of an audience. I get internally flustered and try to recover as fast as possible. No one is near us in the library because most of the student body has gone home, leaving the vast library even more silent than usual.

Ken's frustrated sigh cuts through the dead calm like a warm knife through butter and I look at him as he runs his hand down his face. “Why did Mr.Yami give us so much science homework? This is a heroics school for crying out loud.” A smile spreads onto my face as I just listen to his hushed complaints, I feel like I could listen to his voice for literal hours. Ken turns his attention to me and my face feels like it’s on fire. “Hey, your face is kind of red. You feeling ok?” He leans over and puts his forehead on mine which only makes the heat in my cheeks intensify. “Umm...I think I’ll go see the school nurse just in case.” I hastily put my stuff in my bag and rush out of the library. My feet guiding me to the nurse's room while my brain has a meltdown.

I get to the room just as the last nurse is getting ready to go and I can tell that she’s not impressed with having to stay longer, however she tries to hide her agitation behind a friendly smile. “What's wrong dear?” I look off to the side and play with the hem of my shirt as I try to diagnose myself. When I can’t come up with something I shift into an uncomfortable position while leaning on the doorframe. “I’m not really sure to be honest.” Her eyebrow raises and she motions for one of the beds. “Well, take a seat and tell me your symptoms.” Her voice sounds like a candy coated poison apple with how sweet she’s being to cover up annoyance, and even though it’s getting on my nerves I walk over to the stiff uncomfortable medical bed and sit on the end. The nurse grabs a notepad and a pen then motions for me to start. I explain everything and when I finish I hear soft giggles coming from her. “Hunny, there’s nothing wrong with you. It just seems to me that you have a crush.” She rips the paper off the notepad and hands it to me. “I suggest you go home and self assess your emotions, really reflect; maybe write what you're feeling down.” With that last statement she grabs her stuff and walks to the door, I do the same and she locks up as soon as I’m out. This is not a crush, after I reflect on everything I’ll see that.

~

I may have a crush on Ken, so what. This means nothing, I’m going to ignore it and then eventually I’ll go back to Canada. That’s the plan and it’s perfect. I force myself to stop thinking about what if’s and start to fall asleep. Slowly but surely I drift into the dream world.

Every time I've been alone with Ken today I've almost confessed, I’ve never had to deal with this feeling of wanting to tell someone something but being stopped last minute because of the fear they’ll reject me. We were in the library for study hall first period today and when I tried to say ‘I like yukata’s’ what came out of my mouth was ‘I like you...kata’s.’ The only reason he didn't hear was because our classmate Mayrin came up to ask him a question just as the last word left my lips. At this point it might be easyer if I just tell him, the worst that can happen is him saying “your an idiot, fuck off.” ‘Now that I think about it, that's pretty bad. Continue to ignore my feelings it is than, I have work to think about anyway.’ I turn the corner to get to the classroom after changing out of my P.E uniform and bump into someone. “S-sorry.” I try to run away but they grab my wrist making me look up. When I process what I'm seeing it's Ken with rose dusted cheeks. “Hey, I'm just going to get this over with. I like you.” I think I broke. Izume.exe has stopped responding please restart the system, if that doesn't work call (905-xxx-xxxx). Through the chaos I manage to get some flustered mumbles out. “...Me...too, I mean I like you but I thought you were just going to call me an idiot or som-” he put his hand over my mouth to stop my mumbling. “Shit, Izume...FUCK...um I lost a bet. I would have refused to do this but the guys pushed my buttons and I didn't know you had feelings for me...Sorry.” I'm not sad, I'm not mad I just feel kind of hollow. Like someone told me they liked me because of a bet and that person happened to be the person I liked. Ok maybe I'm a little mad, but mostly shell shocked, I’ve never been so humiliated. He removes his hand from my face and I couldn't run away any faster than I did at that moment, the time I was chased by literal hundreds of fans doesn’t even compare. Why are teen boys so cruel? ‘I want to go home.’ I don't remember grabbing my stuff from the classroom or getting to the airport with my suitcase but I do. I'm in the middle of texting Kate when she calls me. “Hey, good timing I was just about to text you.” Her slightly static voice comes through the speaker. “Hello, oh perfect. I just wanted to let you know the girls and I are going to be at the airport in about ten minutes.”

“What?”

“I did tell you we were coming to Japan today right?”

“No, but I'm at the airport anyway...would you mind if I stayed with you for awhile?”

She took the hint, and her voice went from peppy manager to concerned friend.

“Tell me everything when we get there, I'll call your Uncle to tell him you're with me so he shouldn't expect you home today.” My body relaxes because I know I’ll be around people I’ve known for years and I can put all my trust on.

“Thank you, see you soon.”

Hanging up I take a seat and replay the day in my head.

I tell Kate everything and she somehow talks Uncle Yagi into letting me skip school for the week, the only thing I have to worry about until monday is work. I spent the night at the temp dorm with everyone and Kate tells us to relax until the morning briefing. Unfortunately time passes quicker than I would like and I find myself at the dining table eating breakfast while being briefed “Ok, listen up! Jen, you have a book signing at fourteen hundred. Rae, the driver will be here in twenty to take you sightseeing as requested. Izume, inhale that turkey bacon. You have practice with Jun from focal point and you should leave ASAP. Philly, you just relax dear you have nothing booked for today. Desiree, you have a day at the spa planned so as soon as your done I'll call a car. Ok everyone has been briefed have fun today girls!” I love starting my morning off with some breakfast we all helped make and than having our schedule politely but firmly yelled at us by Kate who stands on the table to get our attention. It's weird but it's home.

I finish breakfast and put my dishes away walking back to the dining hall to say goodbye to everyone. I get in the car that's waiting for me, It's completely blacked out and I'm surprised to see my regular driver in the driver's seat. “Pasley?! You came to Japan too?” he laughs at my shock. “You think I was going to let some imbecile drive you around, come on you know your like a second daughter to me.” the rest of the drive to focal point’s practice studio I just smile and stare out the window. ‘I love this life, why can't I just live like this all the time. No boys. No crushes. No adorably angry blonde boys, why am I still thinking about him? He's just the jerk that proved I don't have time for a stupid crush...why do I want to see him? I hate this.’

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when we get to the studio. Here we go, I’m about to practice my problems away...I hope.