The Climb

↟Meera↡

His revelations were too much for me to bear. Yes, I understood Vivaan's love, and as he'd explained what happened to Radha, his running made so much sense.

Because I loved him, I wanted to stay and comfort him, but also because I loved him, I needed to escape myself and process the story that he had told me.

Tears streaming down my face, I ran to my car and began to drive. Where, I didn't know, but as long as there was a road in front of me, I would keep going.

Sometimes I took a road on the right, sometimes on the left. Most of the time, I just kept driving on a straight path.

Suddenly, I realized I was in Gunjawane. Somewhere above me was Rajgad, an ancient fort. I hadn't been there in years, but the old stone paths were calling to me.

Before I left my car, I tapped out a quick message to Nisha. 'I'm okay,' I typed. 'Going to climb to Rajgad. Will let you know when I'm down. Don't worry.'

The climb was not too difficult, but I was glad I had sensible shoes on. I went up the path quickly, and enjoyed the burn in my legs as I climbed. I needed to feel that pain. I needed to feel alive.

As I approached the fort, my lungs were burning, and I slowed down as I navigated the well-worn path through a meadow.

Reaching Rajgad, a soft rain began to fall, cooling my overheated body. I stopped at one of the water tanks and took a long drink of water before I went forward.

As I rested, I thought about Vivaan and Radha. I loved him, but could I settle for being his friend? Did I dare reveal the depth of my feelings to him? And if he did return some of my affection, would I be chasing the ghost of Radha all the time?

My tears started to flow again as the rain fell harder. I wanted to talk to Vivaan again and thought about turning back to descend the path. No. I had come this far and the path to Chor Darwaja was close. I had never taken this path before because it was a steep climb. But the idea of seeing the 'hidden door' tempted me on. Perhaps, if I made it to that door, I could find the hidden door to Vivaan's heart? It was foolish, but I was beyond rational at that point.

I began to climb the steep, rocky path, clutching tightly to the metal railing.

What was that? I thought I heard my name being called out. But that was impossible.

On a particularly difficult part, I stopped, breathless. I needed to rest; my legs were wobbly and the rain had made the rocks slippery. As I recovered a little, I turned around to take in the beautiful view. Ah ... I felt like I could touch heaven from here.

I smiled, a contented peace taking over my body, but then I thought of Vivaan and realized how wrong I was to run away. I closed my eyes and saw the pain in his. Yes, he loved her. He was capable of great love, but that immense love also made him vulnerable to immense pain.

It must have taken so much courage to open up and tell me about Radha. He ran halfway around the world to avoid his memories of her, but he came back and chose to face those memories to tell me about them.

And when he finally managed to tell me, how did I respond? I took all that pain and turned my back. I could barely acknowledge the horror that he had gone through, and the effort it took for him to recall that day; I'd crumbled up the story and thrown it back at him.

I felt such shame. All I could think about were his words when he'd said he could not love me. That intimate conversation, his loved one, raped and murdered on his wedding day ... all of it was eclipsed by my reaction when he said he couldn't love me.

I needed to get back to him. To apologize, to heal him. I wanted to remind him that life should go on. We lost, we mourned, but as long as we lived, we could love again.

I nodded firmly. It was time to go back to Kafe Kabir.

It happened so suddenly. I let go of the metal railing to brush the damp hair from my face as I took one last look at the view. I began to focus on the steep steps I needed to descend, when my foot slipped on the rock. I started to fall, reaching desperately for the railing, but my hand couldn't find it in my blind search.

I began to tumble, the rocks smashing my body and I let out a terrified scream.

Mercifully, darkness came rushing and I felt no more pain.