|thirty-one|

I slip into the studio without a word. The door closes behind me with a soft click, but Chan doesn't notice. He has his headphones on and his face inches from his laptop. He lets out a frustrated sigh before pushing his chair out from under his desk. He tosses his head back—his eyes shut tightly.

I slowly make my way toward him. I'm sure the others noticed I slipped away. They're probably going to come searching for me any minute. I should've told them what I was doing, but it honestly slipped my mind in the moment. They were all taking about how hard Chan's been on himself lately and it broke my heart.

Before I came face to face with them, I used to stay up all night worrying about him. I knew he'd spend most of his time locked away working hard day and night. He rarely took time for himself. He was always focused on showing us the best side of them, while making sure the others were happy. He always puts his own well-being last.

I lean against his desk and chuckle softly as he reaches up to pull his headphones off. He sets them down on the desk without opening his eyes. He's exhausted, it's obvious. Did he even sleep last night? I know they said he ordered me a present last night. Was he up all night worrying about what he should get me? Was he working on more music? I just want to know what's so important that he refuses to sleep.

"Channie." I mumble softly as I rub at my arm.

"Hm?" Chan immediately sits up with wide eyes. He smiles brightly at me.

"You didn't sleep last night, did you?" I ask shyly as I lower my head.

"I got some sleep, why?" Chan asks, suddenly concerned by my unexpected question.

"You look tired." I sigh as I force myself to meet his gaze.

"I'm fine. I had some stuff to do, so I slept a little then got back to work. It's not like I've never done it before." Chan reassures me as he gets to his feet.

"You can't just sleep a little—trust me, I know. You think it's enough until you can't seem to function. It doesn't hit at first, but after a few days, everything starts to get blurry. You can't remember things and you make mistakes you usually don't make." I step in front of him as he reaches for the door.

"Wait—why are you here? I thought the boys were at your place. Did they bring you? Where are they?" Chan asks as he searches the room for any other uninvited guests he might have missed.

"They're in the practice room. They wanted to surprise you with pizza. They're worried about you—we all are." I frown as I lower my gaze.

"You guys don't need to worry about me. I promise I'll get a good nights sleep tonight. I just had to get that song done." Chan chuckles as he ruffles my hair.

"She's probably with Chan." MinHo's voice echos down the hall as footsteps inch closer.

"I promise." Chan insists as I step aside.

I grab his arm and look up at him. He offers me a gentle smile before tugging the door open. He motions me into the hall. I step out and come face to face with JiSung and MinHo.

"There you are—HyunJin is trying to fight the others off so they don't dig through the presents you got us." MinHo grabs ahold of my arm and begins dragging me back toward the practice room.

"Hey, Chan." JiSung mumbles as he falls in step beside Chan.

I glance back over my shoulder at them. JiSung's face is filled with confusion—he's lost. I don't know why, but my stomach begins to churn. I feel like the world is going to come crashing down around me.

"What's up?" Chan asks as he wraps his arm around his shoulders and pulls him close.

Their voices get quieter and quieter as MinHo forces me to pick up my pace. I try everything I can to try and listen, but I can barely hear them anymore.

"Save me!" HyunJin calls out as MinHo nudges me into the practice room.

I laugh as JeongIn and ChangBin hold him down. Felix picks up my bag of gifts and holds it high in the air while SeungMin watches them in disappointment. I hurry to HyunJin's aid and pull the others off of him.

"If you get your gifts now, they'll be incomplete. I haven't had a chance to write in your cards. If you want part now and the other part at the party, that's okay with me." I give in to their antics without hesitation.

"I feel like we should wait—but I really want to know what she got us." Innie sits on the ground and stares up at Felix.

"I mean—HyunJin already knows, so it's not very fair." ChangBin attempts to persuade the others to go through with the raid.

"Here, give me the bag." I reach out to take the bag from Felix.

Felix willingly hands it to me and climbs down off of the couch. I place the bag on the ground and sit down beside it. I motion for everyone to circle around me.

"There's a story behind your gifts, so you have to at least listen to it before I give them to you." I look at each one of them before glancing toward the door expectantly.

JiSung and Chan still haven't come in yet. What're they talking about? Why did JiSung look so lost? Did I do something?

"Tell us the story." Innie jumps in as he senses my restlessness.

"Oh—so you all know I have really bad anxiety and depression—well one of my ways of coping with hard times is my stuffed animals. You've all seen Taro, but I have so many it's kind of ridiculous. Another way of coping was you guys. If I had a really bad day, I'd sit in bed holding one of my stuffed animals and watch videos of you. I was thinking of the best way to show you how much I appreciate you and I decided that I'd give you something to help you when you're having a hard time." I reach into the bag and grab the first stuffed animal my fingers land on.

I pull out HyunJin's llama and he lunges toward me to grab it. He holds it tightly and buries his face in it. The others' faces light up expectantly.

"I got you all stuffed animals that reminded me of you." I smile brightly as I get to my feet. I grab the next stuffed animal and search for the rightful owner.

I stare down at the remaining three stuffed animals. The two stuffed squirrels and Chan's kangaroo. I watch the door, my heart racing more and more with each second that passes. They still haven't come in yet. What's taking so long?

"Can I talk to you?" SeungMin asks quietly as the others are completely immersed in their stuffed animals.

I hesitantly look from SeungMin toward the door. I want to search for JiSung, but I know better. He wanted to talk to Channie for a reason. If he had wanted me to know, he would've came to me.

SeungMin delicately grabs ahold of my wrist in attempt to regain my attention. I take a shaky breath, but nod. I allow him to lead me as far from the others as he can without leaving the room. He sits down in the corner of the room and motions for me to sit beside him.

"Our Sungie is someone who doesn't make friends easily. He's very introverted—even if it doesn't seem like it on the outside. He worries a lot, too. He never feels like he's good enough. He's always trying to be better than yesterday. When he gets close to someone, he gets so close it can be scary. They become his everything." SeungMin explains softly as he stares down at his stuffed dog in his lap. He can't seem to look up at me.

"Our Sungie really likes you—we do, too—but we're kind of scared." SeungMin sighs as he sets his stuffed animal aside and turns to face me. He takes my hands in his and squeezes.

"I know how hard everything is for you. I know how exhausting it is being around people you don't know—people you don't trust. I know you have a hard time understanding emotions—so I wanted to tell you outright. Our Sungie is fragile. He wants to put his all into you, but he's afraid you can't handle it. We don't want to lose you because you're scared." SeungMin swallows hard as he tries to get his message across, but he seems to be struggling.

"He won't admit it, but JiSung is digging himself into a hole. He's worrying about you and his relationship, while trying to keep up on songs and performances. He's wearing himself thin and he's on the edge of a dark place. What SeungMin is trying to say is we want you to stay with us. We want you be an important part of the group. You'll be our last puzzle piece." MinHo steps in.

I glance over to see the others all watching us closely. They must've heard everything.

"When MinHo and Sung stayed with you last night, we talked about everything. We all agreed that we need you. If JiSung needs you, we do, too." JeongIn makes his way toward me. He sits beside me and rests his head on my shoulder as he clings to my arm.

"Don't let the media or fans scare you away. We need you to stay." Felix smiles as he sits across from me. He reaches out to squeeze my knee.

"You're stuck with us." HyunJin teases as he leans down to wrap his arms around my neck from behind. He rests his chin on my shoulder.

"I petitioned to give you your own room at the dorm, but everyone else objected." ChangBin glares at the others.

"First, our manager doesn't even know she exists. He's heard about her once and it was only when we explained that JiSung bumped into her. Second, there are already eight of us living in that place. Third, I highly doubt her family would approve of her living in a house full of guys." SeungMin shakes his head in amusement.

I appreciate everything their saying, but with every word that comes out of the mouths, my chest gets tighter and tighter. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's crippling to think that I'm supposed to be the glue that holds things together. I swallow hard and manage to slip away from them. I know they're all watching me as I slip out of the room, but not one of them follows.